I came to a stop on the carpeted floor, wary in spite of myself.
I watched Wreg briefly where he leaned against the far end of the bar. His eyes followed Jon and a faint smile tugged at his lips, although his face and light looked as exhausted as I'd ever seen him look. Jon leaned against him instead of the bar, not sitting in his lap, but clearly leaning his weight on the larger man's legs. He also looked tired, but not as exhausted as Wreg. Both wore clothes I didn't recognize, including a dark gold t-shirt on Wreg that was probably the lightest-colored anything I'd seen on his body, whether in the flesh or in any of the Barrier records from Revik's past.
Once I let myself look at him, though, I found myself staring at Jon more than Wreg, realizing I’d been avoiding looking at him before, maybe because I could sense that something in him had changed yet again.
Staring at him now, I tried to pinpoint what that was, precisely.
For a moment, his hazel eyes, which seemed to get lighter and more strangely calico-looking with each passing day, caught the light glimmering from the tanks, showing an intensity that I don’t think I’d ever seen in them before. His dark blond hair stood in spikes on his head before it tumbled over part of his forehead. His shoulders looked broader than I remembered them, and I realized he somehow looked taller than I remembered, too.
It crossed my mind that Jon now looked and felt about ten times tougher than he had back when we lived in San Francisco together, even being multiple black-belt guy.
That hesitation I remembered in him had gone.
Even that propensity he had to recede into the background had disappeared, so that he drew eyes without seeming to mean to, but also without seeming to mind. I watched him rub Wreg’s leg, that sharpness in his light and eyes as he listened to something Jorag said, and I wondered if anyone from home would recognize him at all anymore, and not only because of his clothes and hair.
I didn't see Revik, though.
I felt another twinge of nerves as I did another round of scanning faces. Someone saw me then, though, interrupting my scan.
Then several more someones.
Oli, Torek, Baresk and another handful of the ex-rebels who’d remained at the hotel while we went to South America formed a good chunk of the ring around Jon and Wreg. But I saw seers from our trip there, too, even Chandre, who was awake for some reason, and her friend Talei from SCARB. Chan and some of the others called me over when I continued to stand there, even as they threw jokes back and forth while Jon and Wreg listened and smiled.
After another hesitation, I joined their smaller circle. I exchanged cautious smiles with Jon, then waved off the worried apology I saw in his eyes once I got a better look at his face. It made me relax, though, at least on that end of things.
All the while, I felt my light creeping out in a wider circle, looking for Revik.
I couldn't help watching Jon and Wreg with at least part of my attention, however. Jon didn't move from Wreg's side, I noticed. Wreg's hand remained on Jon in some form, too, every time I glanced at them. Still, unusually for the two of them, Jon seemed to be in charge of dealing with the questions and teasing while Wreg took more of a backseat, sipping at what looked like a beer while he rubbed Jon's back with a free hand. I saw Jon reacting to his touch, and found myself focusing on his light, trying to understand the change I saw there.
Both of them were wound up, that much was for sure.
That might have been a pretty dramatic understatement actually.
When I got close enough to Jon with my aleimi, I felt a feeling there I knew. Seconds later, I realized I felt it on both of them.
Jeez. Revik was right. They were already halfway bonded. Maybe more than halfway, since they were sleeping together, as Revik pointed out.
The idea that my brother could die, depending on Wreg, gave me a brief flutter of fear. Wreg wasn't exactly a low-risk kind of guy. He wasn't full-blown reckless, either, but he was definitely a 'jump in feet-first and think about it later' kind of infiltrator.
As I thought it, I saw Jon give me a reassuring smile, right before he rolled his eyes a little. I saw the nerves there, as he did it, but I also saw him relax. Like it had just occurred to him that maybe my worries about the two of them might actually have something to do with the fact that I loved him.
The fact that the realization may have finally sunk into Jon’s thick skull both relieved me and made me want to throw something at his head.
He must have felt some of that, too, because he snorted an involuntary laugh, right about when he'd been bringing a beer mug to his lips for a sip.
Great. Wreg would probably turn him into an alcoholic, too.
Jon laughed again, louder that time.
Glancing away from Jon when I saw Wreg getting a little tense, I fought with my aleimi in some frustration, more conscious than ever of whatever the hell was wrong with it. I could still feel that block, almost like a physical force, but my aleimi felt strangely out of control, too, almost more emotional or volatile than usual. Connecting that to whatever had been going on with Revik, I wondered again if maybe Shadow had done more to us in that stronghold than either of us realized.
I was still struggling with it, when Garensche's loud voice broke through my reverie.
"So are you going to do a ceremony, like your sister?" he said, knocking Jon in the shoulder with one large hand, and earning a reaction out of Wreg for touching him. I couldn't tell if Gar even noticed, and decided he hadn't when he touched Jon's face. A few of the other seers pulled him back that time, laughing, but I could tell the stiffening of Wreg's shoulders hadn't been a joke when Jon laid a hand on Wreg's thigh, obviously to calm him down.
Gar went on with a grin, still oblivious, but now out of contact range at least. He looked tired too, I noticed, even as I glanced around at the others, a little bewildered at how many of them appeared to be from the team that accompanied us on our jaunt down south.
I wondered why a lot more of them weren't passed out in their rooms.
"...I missed out on the crazed dancing and the lovemaking with strangers last time," Gar went on, his voice booming over that end of the bar. He nudged Jax with a hand, since he couldn't get to Jon. The way he looked at Wreg, however, made me think he'd caught some element of the flare on the older seer's light. "...I would also like to be high and crazy and try to seduce all of the Bridge's sexy human cousins..."
Rather than returning Gar's laugh, that time I found myself staring at him as his words sank in. Despite what I'd been thinking myself, only a few seconds earlier, something about having it publicly acknowledged managed to shock me again.
My eyes swiveled to Wreg and Jon again, especially Jon.
Jon seemed to notice the look on my face, right as it reached my distracted brain what this little party was really about. Then I was looking at Wreg and Jon's light for real, trying harder to understand the difference I felt there. Mostly, I wondered how far gone they were, and whether we could expect to see anything of them for the next month. Fear rose in me at that realization, too, when it hit me that we really needed Jon right now. Wreg too, of course, but I couldn't imagine anyone who would be able to handle the human contingent in Jon’s absence.
Worse, I was pretty sure that Revik and Balidor would want to stick me with it.
With some effort and focusing, I managed to make out the structure half-formed between them, what Revik must have noticed on the plane that day. The difficulty I was having focusing on it, or even seeing it clearly, even knowing what I was looking for, bothered me more than what its reality signified. Even so, I managed to keep that part off my face and out of my light, meeting Jon's apprehensive look with a raised eyebrow.
"Something you feel like telling me, Jon?" I said, raising my voice over the music.
Seeing the humor I pulsed at him faintly, his expression collapsed in an almost comically-obvious relief. Something about the openness of that look exposed the vulnerability underneath and I found my heart opening to him, to
both of them really, when I realized he'd been looking for me, too, and worrying how I would react.
"Hey," I said, raising my beer in a mock toast, and smiling. "You want to marry that scary son of a bitch, you go right ahead," I said, letting him hear the teasing in my voice. "...It's your funeral, little brother."
Thinking about that then, and the real implications of my words, I grimaced.
"Shit, does this mean you're going to start craving dead bunnies for every meal and dressing like a Mongolian horse warrior on steroids?"
Chandre burst out in a laugh at my words, causing me to stare at her.
I recognized that look on her face, though, even if I hadn't seen it in a long time. In fact, the only other time I'd seen Chandre drunk had been in Seertown, on the day of that festival for Syrimne's birthday.
But that brought up the image of Cass' face almost at once, and I found myself shoving the memory away, even as it caused a sharp pain to rise in my chest.
"Jesus," I said, fighting to cover over the pain in my light, and the too-long pause as I'd looked at Chandre. "...Who got Chandre hammered? And why aren't the rest of you in bed? Are all of you really that horny that Jon and Wreg's impulse-control issues are worth staying up for?"
Getting a whiff of Holo's shirt when he slung an arm around me, I jokingly waved my hand in front of my nose.
"...And not showering for? Jeez louise, guys. Have mercy, why don't you?"
A couple of the seers we'd left behind in the hotel laughed, and I remembered again that it was the middle of the day, probably only a few hours after lunch-time. I laughed myself when I saw a few of the ex-rebels sniff their own shirts, half of them kidding but some less so, I noticed.
"You missed the real sex show, Bridge," Garensche told me, even as Oli laughed at his words. "Your brother is one kinky pervert, ilya...he had poor Wreg begging him, just like we used to hear from the boss with you..."
"Please," I scowled, really not kidding that time. "I seriously don't want to hear about that, okay?" Smacking Garensche's arm when the seer continued to think about it, I scowled deeper. "...Or see it. Gaos di'lanlente a guete, Gar...are you trying to torture me? Or are you only accidentally scarring me for life?"
Chandre laughed again at that, louder than before. I noticed that new seer sitting next to her again, Talei, and wondered that Wreg or Balidor let her wander around without having gone through security protocols. Her hand rested on Chandre's thigh where they sat next to one another at the bar, but I knew that couldn't be the whole explanation, either. I definitely needed to compare notes with Balidor when he got done with his reunion with Yarli.
"Yeah," Holo said from next to me. "Watch it, Gar...her husband may have mellowed out in the past few months, but he's still a scary fucker..."
Wreg chuckled, still holding Jon lightly around the waist.
"Speaking of the old man," I said, smiling a bit more stiffly that time. "Does anyone want to point me in his general direction...?"
I saw Jon glance around once my words penetrated, as if it had only occurred to him then that Revik wasn’t there...or perhaps not there anymore. I followed his glance around, then opened my light around the connection I shared with Revik.
Hey...are you here? I sent. I'm at the bar. I can't find you.
There was a silence that felt thick.
In that bare span of seconds, I knew. He was downstairs. While I couldn't feel his specific reaction to that information, I felt enough off him that my nerves rose abruptly.
I was going to tell you, I sent, fighting my own defensiveness. As soon as I saw you in person...
Then let's not talk about it now, he sent back, his thoughts cold.
Where are you? Can I see you right now? I'd like to––
No, he sent, before I could finish. And you already know where I am. I'm downstairs. Where you just were, wife...
I felt my jaw harden, feeling the pulse of anger that accompanied his words.
Don't go in there, Revik, I warned.
Excuse me? His anger rose abruptly to the surface. Is that an order...wife?
I'll make it one, if I have to, I sent, feeling a pulse of my own anger. Revik, you know damned well what he'll do if you go in there yourself. Send someone else. Feed them questions, if you want...but don't go in there. It's what he wants...
No, wife, Revik sent back, his thoughts openly harsh. What he wants is for you to go in there. Preferably behind my back...
Revik, damn it. I'm sorry...
But he shut me out of his light before I could get that out, too.
Biting my lip, I felt my cheeks warm as my eyes clicked back into focus. The first person whose gaze I met was Jon's. He must have read something on either my face or my light, because I saw him frown, even as a shimmer of...something...left his own aleimi. I realized that his light had grown too complex for me to read in the old way, but I couldn't seem to focus on him very well, either...not right then anyway. Seeing his questioning look, I sent him a pulse of reassurance anyway.
It's fine, I added with my mind. He's mad at me.
Why? Jon sent back, so clearly it startled me. Or is it personal?
Half and half, I confessed. I went downstairs to talk to Ditrini.
I felt a reaction in Jon’s light, strong enough that Wreg flinched next to him, then glanced at me, his dark eyes puzzled. I found myself reacting a little to feeling Jon in that way, the clarity in his light...then I sighed, irritated with myself for being so slow to adapt to the change.
Hell, if anything, it was a relief. The wall between us that had been frustrating me off and on for the past four years had finally fallen away.
I know, I sent, sighing on the outside I said it. I had a good reason, though. I'll explain later, I promise... Hesitating, I made my thoughts lighter when I added, You'd better take your man upstairs, Commander Jon. He looks like he's about to drop from fatigue where he sits...
Yeah, Jon said. About that. We thought we'd wait until arrangements could be made...for both of us being being out for awhile, I mean. We wanted to talk to you and Revik and Balidor about that...and probably Yumi and Chan, too. Can we set aside some time this evening? Maybe have a planning dinner, the seven of us? Eight, if you think Tarsi should be there...
I just stood there for a second, thinking about his words.
It took those few seconds for them to penetrate my brain, in terms of what they meant exactly, and then I was the one who emitted a pulse of shock. So Jon wanted to plan for this. Shit, well that made sense...I should have been the one asking him that, not the reverse.
He laughed. Really, big sis? You think so, huh?
Well, yeah. I didn't plan that for myself. Revik had Cass and Balidor do a lot of that...
Once I mentioned her name, I wished I hadn't.
Not before I saw Jon wince, though.
Oh. Well. You don't have to do this one, he sent, his thoughts stripped of emotion that time. I know you've got your hands full...
Are you guys going to do a wedding? I know Gar was partly joking, but...
I don't know, Al. We have some other things we need to take care of, before we talk about that whole end of things. Maybe we can talk about it tonight, okay?
I nodded, still feeling a bit off-balance, and not only from the fact that Revik was probably more pissed off at me than he had been since the tank. The idea that Jon would soon be going through something similar to what Revik and I did, that first time in the mountains, was hard for me to process entirely. It scared me a little, truthfully.
I remembered how completely irrational we'd both been...and we'd been in a pretty safe location, for all intents and purposes. Jon and Wreg would be doing that here, in our base camp in the middle of what was essentially a war zone, or soon would be.
And we might have company soon. Ditrini sure seemed to think so.
Breathe, sis... Jon sent, his mental voice holding an attempt at humor.
This isn't disapproval, I sent back, unable to keep th
e tension out of my thoughts. It's worry, Jon. It's not a great time right now for either of you to be that vulnerable...
Yeah, he said, and I felt a kind of sigh from him. I know. But we may not have much choice. We're having to make an effort to be this restrained...
Are you really that far along?
Jon shrugged, coloring slightly, even in the dim light. Far enough that we both agreed we should stay out of each other's beds until we've had a chance to make arrangements...
Does Balidor know? I sent.
He might, Jon admitted. He arranged a penthouse for the two of us. With a private construct...and without Wreg or me asking him. So either he saw this coming, or he's so tied into the construct that me and Wreg were annoying him...
I snorted, in spite of myself. Yeah. It could have been either, really.
Allie, Jon sent, sounding more worried that time. Shouldn't you go talk to Revik?
I want to. I folded my arms, gesturing with my hand almost without knowing I did it. He doesn't want to see me right now. He's pissed. I should honor that...
Should you?
I rubbed my face with a hand. I honestly don't know. He's down there now. I don't want him talking to that bastard. Ditrini would love it if he went in there. He's dying for any chance to talk to Revik. He told Balidor already that he planned to give him as many details as he could. Everything he did to me there...
There was a silence after I thought this at Jon. It didn't occur to me until he stopped that the silence was partly because Jon had shielded from me.
Are you sure he doesn't already know all that, Al? he said finally. He told me he saw most of your time in China...he said he saw it in detail. Well enough to recognize Surli when he saw him in that cell for the first time...
I didn't answer at first.
Revik had apparently told Jon more about that than he'd admitted to me.
I knew he'd seen impressions of my time there, during that healing coma, or ungrat, as the seers called it. Ungrat, which meant 'the stasis' in Prexci, normally implied a complete shut-down of all mental and emotional functioning, including anything associated with the Barrier, but Revik told me he'd seen something of my time in China during that one. He'd been vague about the specifics. He'd asked me about the thing with Surli without ever admitting to me that he recognized him. I found myself wondering which parts of the Ditrini thing he'd seen before he asked me about that, too, and winced. He'd known enough to talk to Balidor and Wreg about having Ditrini killed, even before he'd seen the tattoo Ditrini put on my back.
Allie's War Season Three Page 110