I'm Not in the Band

by Amber Garza

  “Ross said the same thing, too.” His jaw clenches, but his gaze never leaves the road. “You two seem to have a lot in common.”

  “Like I said, he was cool,” I joke, and it does make him smile slightly, but not as much as I’d hoped. Swiftly, I change the subject to something more neutral. “What’s the deal with you and Mac?”

  “The deal?”

  “Yeah.” I shrug, wondering if I’m being too nosy. “I mean, you seem closer to him than to Ross. Have you guys been friends all your lives?”

  “Nah. We met in middle school. We were always being paired up in PE. I have no idea why.”

  “That’s so funny because Kate and I became friends in almost the exact same way.” It’s not until the words are out that it hits me what I said. Why did I bring Kate up?

  “You got paired up in PE?” Cars speed past us on the freeway, but Archer stays in the slow lane, keeping a safe distance from the vehicle in front of us. My dad would be so pleased.

  “No.” Shaking my head, I twist my hands in my lap. That familiar knot in my throat returns, choking me. I swallow it down forcefully and blow out a breath. “At Hamilton they always put us in alphabetical order according to first names. Since we’re Kassidy and Kate, we always got paired up. We stood next to each other in line for every activity, we sat next to each other in every class. It made sense that one day we’d become friends.” Once the words start pouring from my mouth, it’s like I can’t stop them. “Pretty soon we were known as Kass and Kate—the two Ks of Hamilton. We were attached at the hip. The weird thing is that we were so different. Sometimes I was even surprised we were friends. She was everything I wasn’t. But for some reason it worked. For a while, anyway…” The words trail off, my mind traveling to how it all ended. Biting my lip, I squash down the memories. “Hey.” I sit straight in my seat. “Do you have the new Rocketlaunchers’ album? We should totally listen to it. Get in the mood.”

  “Yeah, but if you’re in the mood for music, I could rap for you.”

  Laughing, I twirl a strand of hair around my index finger. “As tempting as that is, I’d rather listen to the Rocketlaunchers.”

  “What? I thought you said I could spit fire?” he teases.

  “You totally can,” I joke back. “But we should probably listen to the Rocketlaunchers, since we’re going to their concert. You know?”

  Archer shrugs. “Fair enough.” He glances at the dashboard. “I can’t hook up my phone in here. But I have the CD. Ross sent it to me. It should be in the glove compartment.”

  “Cool.” My hands are shaking as I search for it. Mentally, I chastise myself for rambling on about the past. Our first date is not the time to spill all my deep, dark secrets. “Here it is.” Relief washes over me as my fingers close on the glossy case.

  “Slide it in,” Archer instructs lightly.

  The manic sounds of the Rocketlaunchers envelopes me. Leaning back in my seat, I quietly sing along. Archer drums with his fingers against the steering wheel as he drives. Excitement builds with each mile, knowing we’re closer to the concert.

  “Ross saw them the last time they were in the area, right?” I roll my head to the side, studying Archer’s profile. Since he’s focused on the road, it gives me the perfect opportunity to stare at him. It still seems insane that he would want to date me. He’s definitely the best-looking guy I’ve ever gone out with. Catching my reflection in the rearview mirror, I wonder what it is Archer sees when he looks at me. It must be different than what I see.

  “Yeah. He said it was great.”

  Giddiness spreads through my veins. “I was so bummed when I had to miss them last time. Thank you for taking me to this one.”

  His head swivels in my direction, momentarily, a smile leaping to his face. “Of course.”

  I find myself wanting to reach out and touch his hand. What would it feel like to slip my fingers between his? If only I was brave enough to try.

  As I work on gathering the courage, Archer speaks, startling me. “How was your first week of cross-country?”

  “Good. Coach seems happy with me.”

  “From what I’ve heard, Coach is more than happy with you.”

  “Really?” My head bounces up.

  “Really,” he says. I’m glad it’s dark and he’s looking at the road. My cheeks are flushed and I can’t stop my lips from rising at the corners. Running is the first thing I’ve ever been good at, and it’s nice to have it validated. “You made it sound like you hadn’t run at your last school.”

  “I didn’t,” I say. “I actually just started running over the summer.”

  “I had planned to come over one morning and run with you, but now I think I’ll pass. I’d probably never keep up with you.”

  I melt at his words. “I’m sure you could keep up.” Glancing ahead, I see the city come into view. “Ooh, we’re almost there.”

  “Pretty close,” he says. I’m excited and disappointed at the same time. Being alone in the car with Archer has been fun.

  …

  It takes longer to get to the theater than we had anticipated. By the time we arrive, the line to get into the concert snakes all the way down the sidewalk. Since it’s general seating, I’m certain we’ll be way in the back. I’d be frustrated if I had come with anyone else. But it’s impossible to feel anything but elation in Archer’s presence. The city is colder than Oakhollow. I’m grateful that I brought my black leather jacket.

  So did Archer.

  “People are going to think we planned this.” He throws me a wink as we make our way to the end of the line in our matching clothes.

  “It’s not like anyone knows us out here anyway.” A sweep of the crowd shows that we are one of the youngest couples. Maybe the only sober ones, too. It appears that the rest of the concert-goers brought alcohol to help them with the wait. A shiver runs up my spine, and I’m once again grateful I came here with a guy.

  “Maybe not, but our friends on social media do.”

  “What?” I turn to him the minute he holds his phone out in front of us.

  “Smile.”

  “You’re not posting this, right?”

  “Well, I’m not posting that one. You were talking and your eyes were closed.” When he shows it to me, I burst into laughter. That’s when he decides to snap another. “I love that one.” His gaze crashes into mine. “You should laugh more often.” My cheeks warm. “There we are. Hashtag twinning,” he says while typing.

  “You sound like my mom,” I mutter under my breath.

  He laughs. “The difference is that I was actually using a hashtag.”

  “Truth.”

  “Your mom’s funny.”

  A group of guys pass us, slurring their words. When one of them peers over at me with a pervy expression, my skin crawls. Involuntarily, I move closer to Archer. As if he senses my hesitation, his arm comes around my shoulders. With one touch, all of my uneasiness falls away. Everything else falls away. The only thing I register is Archer’s arm draped over me, his fingertips lightly sweeping against my upper arm. Jolts of electricity shoot all the way down to my wrist. Boldly, I nestle into him, pressing my cheek to his chest. His heart beats swiftly. When I peer upward, he’s glaring hard at the group of guys. Heat courses through me at the fierceness in his expression. His arm tightens around my shoulders.

  Fortunately, the guys move past us without causing a scene. However, Archer doesn’t drop his arm. He keeps it locked securely around me. It makes me feel warm and safe, and I’m not ready for him to take it away yet.

  We wait in line for a while, but it doesn’t seem long. Mainly because I’m snuggled up with the guy of my dreams the entire time

  Once inside, we find a pair of seats at the back of the theatre. But it’s okay. The place is pretty small.

  “Can I get you anything?” Archer asks once we’ve sat down. “A drink? A snack?”

  I shake my head. “A water might be good. I think I packed some grapes in my purse.”


  A deep laugh rumbles in Archer’s chest. “Mac’s right. You are funny about your health food.”

  At dinner, he had teased me a little, too, since I got the salad instead of a burger like him. My face flushes, and I stare at my hands. “It’s not that weird.”

  “I didn’t say it was weird.” He’s so sweet and understanding that I can’t stay irritated with him. “Water it is.” His lips lift at the edges. “I’ll be right back.”

  It’s not until he’s gone that I get a good look at the room. It’s dimly lit, the stage all set up with instruments. A large Rocketlaunchers’ sign is displayed behind them. Anticipation buzzes through me. Leaning forward, I set my purse down on the floor next to my feet. That’s when I notice how sticky the floor is, a dark puddle staining the ground to my right. Is that puke?

  My chest tightens. Snatching up my purse, I press it against me. A rank smell drifts into my nostrils. Did it get on my purse? I hold it away from me, heat snaking its way up my body.

  “Excuse me,” a man speaks gruffly over my shoulder.

  Attempting to quell the irrational panic that threatens to take over, I nod and move my legs out of his way so he can walk past. The minute he gets in front of me, he lets out a loud cough. Pressing my lips together, I suppress a sob. Oh, no. Please tell me I’m not going to start crying.

  It wouldn’t be the first time, but it would be the first time it happened on a date.

  Oh, God. I’m on a date.

  And not with just any guy. With Archer.

  I’ve got to pull it together.

  A group of people stand behind me talking loudly. They feel close. Too close. Where is Archer? When I turn my head to look, my cheek brushes some strange man’s arm. It smells like cigarette smoke. The panic swells like waves in the ocean. It crashes over me, pulling me under, and I feel powerless to stop it. My pulse quickens, my heart beating swiftly against my rib cage. The familiar heat rushes to the surface of my skin as if I have a fever.

  This can’t be happening here.

  Closing my eyes, I attempt to block out all the noise and tune into my breathing. In and out. In and out. Come on, Kassidy. You can do this. Fisting my hands into balls, I fight against the tremble that works its way into my muscles. Then I pull in another breath. But it’s no use. My breathing is erratic, and my hands shake violently.

  “One bottled water for the beautiful lady,” Archer’s voice sounds far away.

  He’s back. C’mon, act normal.

  But I can’t. The panic attack has already won.

  “Kassidy?” Strong hands grip my shoulders.

  My eyes fly open. A concerned Archer stands in front of me, holding me tightly.

  “Are you okay? Do you need water?” He reaches down to where he must have set down the water bottle.

  My head barely moves from side to side.

  “Let’s get you some fresh air.” He folds his hand over mine, and the act alone settles my nerves a tiny bit. Not enough to soothe me completely, but it’s a start. I think of how badly I wanted to hold his hand in the car. I’m finally getting my wish. If only I could enjoy it.

  Once outside, cold air smacks me in the face. I gulp it in as if I had been drowning and my head just broke through the surface of the water. Still, my heart rate is too fast, fear continuing to hold me in its grasp.

  “Kassidy.” Warm hands frame my face. “Look at me.” I stare deeply into Archer’s brown eyes. “You’re all right. Listen to me. Follow my voice. Breathe along with my words.” I exhale, a steady stream of air pushing through my lips. “There you go. See? We just had to get out of there. It can get crazy at concerts with all those people crowding you.”

  As he talks, my pulse slows and my hands still. “How did you know what to do?” I finally ask. No one’s ever been able to calm me down so quickly before.

  “My mom used to have panic attacks sometimes. And Ross had a few before performances,” he says as if it’s not a big deal.

  “Thank you,” I whisper, glancing around. Thank God there aren’t many people out here, and those that are don’t notice us at all. “I’m sorry we had to leave the concert. It was just about to start.”

  “It’s fine.”

  His hands are still around my face, and they feel good. Like warmth and strength. I never want to move. I want to stay out here all night with him touching my skin. But we came here for the concert, so I say, “Well, we can go back in. I’m all right now.”

  “Give me one more minute?” he asks. “I…um…have been kind of wanting to do something all night, and I’ve finally worked up the courage. And…um…I’m kinda worried if I don’t do it now, I won’t.” I swallow hard as he angles his face, moving it closer to mine. “Kassidy, is it okay if I kiss you?” Hot air fans over my lips, smelling like mint and soda. I’ve only been kissed two times before, and neither went well. But this will be different. This is Archer, and the closer his face comes to mine, the more my body hums with anticipation. Holding my breath, I nod.

  His hands slide farther along my cheeks, his fingers slipping under my hair. Then his lips lightly brush mine. Once. Twice. Quickly, like a soft drumbeat. Reaching out, I grip him around the waist, afraid I might fall. Drawing back, he meets my gaze. My mouth feels dry, as if I’m eating a mouthful of cotton. My chest rises and falls with each breath, and I nervously lick my lips, anticipating his next move. When he brings his face toward mine again, I close my eyes and part my lips. This time his mouth presses down more firmly, his lips soft and warm.

  At first I’m paying attention to every movement, trying to match it. But it doesn’t take long to lose myself. I’m weightless, no longer tethered to the ground. My toes skim the clouds, my fingertips brush the stars. The frigid air whisks over my skin, causing me to shiver. It’s a satisfying shiver, deep in my bones. When our lips detach, I blink repeatedly bringing myself back to earth.

  I’ve never experienced a kiss like this before. It was amazing.

  And I can’t wait to do it again.

  “Now that’s an intermission.” Archer winks. “Ready to go back in?”

  I nod as he grabs onto my hand. A pulsing beat reaches my ears, spilling out of the doors of the venue. It’s a song I recognize, and my hips sway a little. Archer’s eyebrows raise and he tugs me forward.

  “Let’s get you inside, so I can see more of that.”

  My giggle is drowned out by the loud cheering of the crowd and music pounding up on stage. We weave our way through the crowd until we find the seats we had been at. They’ve been taken over by other people, but we shove in the best we can. At this point everyone is standing anyway.

  The Rocketlaunchers are playing one of my favorite songs, and a smile leaps to my face. Releasing Archer’s hand, I clap to the beat and sing loudly with the rest of the audience. Archer doesn’t know the song, but he claps in time. When it gets to my favorite part, I thrust my arms in the air and let the music guide my body. As the song winds down, I open my eyes and glance over at Archer.

  His gaze is pinned to me, an amused smile on his face.

  My skin warms. “What?”

  “Don’t stop. I could watch you dance all night.”

  It’s a surprising thing to say. I love dancing, but it’s not something I’m good at. And now with Archer staring at me it’s impossible to continue.

  “C’mon.” Archer stands behind me, sliding one arm around my middle until my back is flush with his chest. “I’ll even dance with you.” When his breath skates along my neck, a chill shoots down my spine.

  The next song starts, and with our bodies locked together as if we are one, Archer and I dance to the music.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Archer

  @therealrossdevlin Heard the Rocketlaunchers tore it up in SF. #Rocketlaunchersrule #almostasgoodastheplaylisters #butnotquite

  Mom: How is it going?

  Me: Good. We’re just about to leave.

  Mom: Okay. Drive safe. See you soon.

  …

&nb
sp; Ross: You still in the city?

  Me: No. I’m home.

  Ross: How was it?

  Me: It was crazy. Best concert ever.

  Ross: That’s cold.

  Me: Sorry. Other than the Playlisters.

  Ross: Nice save. Tell me about the date.

  Me: It was cool.

  Ross: That’s it?

  Me: What more do you want?

  Ross: Details.

  Me: I don’t like to kiss and tell.

  Ross: You kissed?

  Me: Okay, so maybe I do.

  Ross: Nice.

  …

  Kassidy: Thanks again for last night.

  Me: It was epic.

  Kassidy: Agreed.

  Me: You never told me you were such a good dancer.

  Kassidy: That’s ’cause I’m not.

  Me: From where I stood you were.

  Kassidy: Whatever.

  Me: Seriously. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.

  Kassidy: That’s just ’cause you didn’t like the band.

  Me: I liked the band. I just like you more.

  Kassidy: Aww.

  Me: How can I get you to dance like that again?

  Kassidy: You can always take me to another concert.

  Me: Deal.

  Kassidy: Careful. I might hold you to that.

  Me: I’m good with it.

  Kassidy: Hey, I’m sorry about my little freak out moment.

  Me: No worries. It all turned out fine.

  Kassidy: More than fine. What happened when we were outside was my favorite part.

  Me: Really?

  Kassidy: Yes. Really.

  Me: Even more than the concert?

  Kassidy: Yep.

  Me: I thought you were their biggest fan.

  Kassidy: Maybe now I’m yours.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Kassidy

  #13—Friend a celebrity

  “You’re holding out on me.” It’s Monday morning, and Sophie stands in the doorway of my bedroom, her eyes narrowed.

  “What are you talking about?” I’m at my dresser, trying to find my other Rocketlaunchers’ shirt. A smile plays on my lips, remembering how Archer and I were matching on Saturday night.