“Yeah,” my hand rests on his chest. “You do.”
We check into the HarbourView Inn. It’s magnificent with its old, historical, brick exterior and plush interior. Everything is upscale and pristine. Liam opens the door to our room, and I can’t find my lungs. A four-post, wooden bed takes up the middle with white linens. The opulence is in every detail. The suite features a balcony that opens to a view of the water. It’s stunning.
Liam stands behind me as I take it all in. His hands brush my shoulders and he sweeps my hair to the side. I close my eyes as his lips touch the edge of my neck.
“Are you happy, sweetheart?”
“More than you can imagine.” I turn into his arms and kiss him.
Our mouths connect and Liam deepens the kiss. His tongue swirls with mine and my hands wrap around his torso. In all of this mess, he’s the only person I want, and right now, he’s all mine.
Without breaking, he walks us backward, and I feel the bed hit my knees. He lowers me slowly and tenderly. I devour every moan and sound he makes as our lips stay fused. His hands graze my body, and I squirm beneath him. I’m desperate to make love to him. I want to show him how much he owns me. Give him every part of me and let him take whatever I have to give.
His teeth tug my bottom lip and he pulls back. My eyes roll back as his hand finds its way under my dress. “We’re going to go very slowly,” he rasps. “Do you understand?”
I nod, unable to find my voice. He lifts my back up and glides the zipper down. My hands move of their own accord and trace his body. I lift his shirt and tear it off. He watches me, and my fingers touch his face. The scruff is longer than usual and almost a beard. I inhale the sea air mixed with the sandalwood scent of Liam and commit it to memory. I allow my fingertips to trail to his neck then to the hard lines of his chest. I trace the muscles and feel each dip and mountain. Lower I go until I reach his abs. I stare into his eyes as the pads feel his satin skin tense as I slide down the middle of his stomach.
“We can go slow, but I want this to be equally torturous for you,” I whisper. I want to drive him as crazy as I’m sure he plans to drive me.
I reach his belt and slowly undo it.
“Seems you’re a little overdressed,” he grins while he pulls the straps of my dress off, exposing my fully lace, white bra. It’s one that I can only wear with certain fabrics. Everything is visible and Liam appears to be fine with that. “God, you’re magnificent.”
His mouth descends on my breasts, and he licks me through the fabric. The heat from his tongue against the friction from the lace is too much. I moan and quiver as he moves to the other. The cool air breezing through is blissful agony as it hits the wetness on my skin.
“Liam, please.” I beg for what, I don’t know . . . more of him, more of us, more of this.
He doesn’t let up as he drags the strap of my bra down and alternates between each breast. Bringing me higher and higher. His teeth scrape across my nipples, and I claw at his back. I’m going out of my mind. Finally, he removes my bra and sucks hard, pulling my taut nipple into his mouth.
I’m so lost to his touch that when his finger presses against my clit, I cry out. He pushes and swirls, applying pressure at the right times.
“I’m gonna come,” I say, breathless.
“Not yet,” he replies and lifts up.
I nearly weep with need. He sits on his knees and removes my dress, leaving me in my underwear. My eyes travel his body until I meet his eyes. Liam looks down and tears my underwear off then removes his pants. He stands there at the edge of the bed with his erection begging to be touched. I shift onto my knees and press his lips to mine. My hand travels down and grips him. I pump him slowly while we devour each other’s mouths.
Liam’s hands travel my body as he fondles my breasts, paying extra attention to my already sensitive nipples. I moan and his mouth moves to my neck as he nips at the skin by my ear. My hand releases him, and I press against his chest as I climb off the bed. He looks at me before I drop to my knees.
He groans before I even touch him. I smile and keep watching him watching me. My mouth opens, and I take him between my lips. Liam’s head falls back with a deep sigh. His fingers thread in my hair as my hands grip his ass.
“Fucking hell. Your mouth . . .” he mumbles as I glide his cock to the back of my throat. Every muscle in his body tenses, and I repeat the motion. “Natalie, I can’t. You’re going to make me. I-I . . .”
I take joy in the fact that he can’t form a coherent sentence. My fingers snake around and grasp him while using my mouth to perform the same motion. His hand grips my hair harder, and he pulls my mouth off him.
“The only place I’m going to finish is inside of you. Get off your knees.”
I stand, and he lifts me into his arms. Even though we’re only a foot away from the bed, he carries me there. Liam places me down and crawls on top of me. My love for him swells and overwhelms me. “I love you, Liam Dempsey.”
Liam stares at me and closes his eyes. When they open he looks at peace as if the world just righted itself. “I love you, Natalie. More than my own life.”
“Make love to me,” I request.
As if abandoning his plan, Liam settles between my legs and then enters me. The emotions engulf me. I never want this to end. He’s going to leave soon, and I’ll have to hold on to this in the days where it’s hard. I try to take myself back years when this was the life I lived. When the last kiss could be my last kiss. The times where loneliness could annihilate me if I let it—and I can’t let it. I have to hold on to this feeling when he’s gone.
“I’ll never be able to leave you again,” he tells me. “Now that I’ve had you again, I can’t walk away.”
Liam thrusts harder as I cling to his shoulders. “Good.”
“You fucking own me and you’re mine.”
He pushes deeper inside of me and my orgasm builds. “Liam,” I whimper.
It astounds me how attuned we are in every way. He knows my heart, soul, and body. He can elicit pleasure from every fiber in my body. He flips us so I’m on top.
“Ride me, sweetheart.”
I rock back and forth, my hands resting on his chest. I climb higher with each bit of friction. My eyes close as I lose myself in the moment. My orgasm takes me over the cliff and I fall. Liam holds my hips as he follows me over, and we ride out the moment together.
My chest falls to his and I smile against him. Being in his arms is everything I want.
But he leaves soon.
I stop myself from going there. If I start preparing for goodbye, I won’t enjoy the time we have.
Liam’s hands glide up and down my back as we remain connected. I lift my chin and rest it on my hand. “Hi,” I beam.
“Hi yourself,” his smile mirrors mine.
“This was quite a way to welcome me to South Carolina.”
He chuckles and pushes my hair from my face. “I’m happy to welcome you any time.”
I start to get up, but he pulls me back against him. “I need to clean myself.”
“No point. I’m going to enjoy making you dirty again,” he says as his hands drift to my ass. He lifts a tiny amount and rolls me onto my back. “I told you this was going to be a long day.”
His lips press against mine and we get lost in each other once more.
“What time is our flight tomorrow?” I ask Liam as we walk along the harbor with his arm slung around my shoulder.
He sighs and kisses my temple. “Too early. I’d like you to stay with me and see me off. I know that’s asking a lot, but if it’s possible, I want your face to be the last thing I see before I get on that plane.”
We stop and I turn into his arms. “I don’t know if I can.”
Aaron used to ask me the same thing, but I never could. There was something about having to say goodbye in front of everyone that was too much. I tried once and driving home was a nightmare. I ended up sitting in my car for almost an hour sobbing as the plane took
off. You feel so helpless watching the one thing you want more than anything possibly leaving you forever. It’s heartbreak and fear on overload.
“I don’t understand.”
“I can’t watch you leave and then have to keep it together. I don’t know if I can handle it,” I admit. I hold back the rest of my concerns because I know he can’t worry about it. He needs to be focused, and my fears will only weigh him down.
Liam rubs my arms and stays quiet. “Then we’ll say goodbye at my apartment. I don’t want you to drive if you’re going to be upset.”
“Of course I’m going to be upset. You’re leaving for six months. We’re barely at a secure place in our relationship,” letting more out than I planned.
Liam grabs my hand as we sit on the bench with the water behind us. “There’s a lot I worry about with leaving. Aaron is living in the house and I won’t be around. I worry it’ll be easy for you both to fall back into your old life. I wonder if when I’m gone you’ll think it’s too much.” He looks at our hands, and I follow his gaze.
His fears are valid. We have a lot of obstacles in our way, but small holes of doubt will only leave gaping issues. There are no guarantees. Neither of us can assure the other that the fears we are struggling with aren’t real.
“I worry you won’t make it home. That I’ll be dealing with this all over again,” I huff. “We’re quite a pair.”
“I’ll do everything I can to be sure I come home to you.”
“I promise to handle things with Aaron so we can move forward.”
We both stay silent as we make the only promises we can to each other. They aren’t concrete and I can only assume mine doesn’t give him great comfort. I refuse to make things worse for him, but I can’t lie.
“How do we do this, Lee? I may sound like a fucking idiot, but I don’t know how to do a deployment with someone at home.”
I sometimes forget that in a way we’re both learning all over again. Liam hasn’t ever had to think about the consequences of his actions at home. I’ve heard from Aaron and Quinn how he’s the risk taker. While he never gambles with anyone else’s life, he’s more than willing to put himself in danger for the success of the mission.
My head rests on his chest while I try to form the right words. “Well, you focus on coming home, I guess. We email, Skype, write letters, and you call when you can.”
“Do we get to naughty Skype?” he asks and raises his brow.
I start to giggle and slap his leg. “You’re so stupid.”
“Imagine how fun it would be . . .” he trails off with a glimmer in his eye.
“We’ll have to see how well you behave,” I toy with him.
I nestle back into his chest and try not to let my worries get too far ahead of me. He’ll be safe and he’ll come home. That’s going to be my new mantra, because otherwise I’ll lose my mind.
“I’ll do my best to keep in touch with you. You know once we go to wherever we’re needed, I won’t be able to, but I’ll do everything I can to let you know it’s coming. It just depends on how long we’ll be in Germany before heading to whatever hellhole we’re needed in,” he says before kissing the top of my head.
“Yeah, last time Aaron went to Germany he was only on a mission for two weeks. It’s so hard for most wives to understand these new deployments. I mean, just send you guys from here. I hated when he’d be gone for what felt like no reason.” Liam stays quiet and I wonder if I’ve upset him. I lean up and see him looking off. “Liam?”
He looks back and gives a small smile. “I know you were married to him. I get it, but right now, it feels different when you talk about your life with him. Maybe I’m a prick, but before when we thought he was dead, it didn’t feel like I was competing as much as I am now.”
“You weren’t then, and you aren’t now.” My voice rings strong with honesty.
“I’m having to adjust to the fact that when you think of him, he’s sleeping in your house.”
“I can’t just kick him out. Regardless of what he did and who I choose, he’s Aarabelle’s father. He’s been through hell and back, and he was my husband,” I speak the words measuredly. I know he’s not asking me to kick him out, and I can’t imagine how hard this is for Liam.
“This is why I thought we should take a break during the deployment,” Liam says and lets out a heavy sigh.
I sit up and wait for him to turn his gaze back to me. “Is that what you need?”
He waits and closes his eyes. “I don’t know. I don’t want that. I honestly don’t know how the fuck I’m going to be thousands of miles away and not wonder.”
“Do you trust me?” I ask.
Liam grips my hand and tangles his fingers with mine. “I trust you, Lee. But I’m a guy and you being in a house with another guy—one that wants you back—is a lot to carry. Imagine knowing I was going to be with someone I loved once.”
I glance at our intertwined fingers and decide that I have to make this easier for him. We both have a lot of fears we’re dealing with and the only thing worse than not being with him is having something happen to him. I would never be able to handle that again. If he were to not make it back home, it would be the end of my heart.
“Maybe we can have tomorrow’s goodbye be easier on both of us?”
“How?”
“Know that I love you and every moment you’re away you have half my heart with you. And when you come home, you’ll make me whole again. I don’t want you to worry about Aaron, and we’ll handle everything so when you come home we can move forward,” I say with conviction. I need him to believe me, because it’s the truth.
Liam links his fingers with mine. “I’m a lucky son of a bitch.”
“Yeah, you are,” I joke with him. “There’s a part of me I never knew was missing until you came along. I thought I had it all. I really believed my life was perfect because it was easier than seeing the cracks. If things hadn’t happened the way they did, I wouldn’t know a love like this exists. I wish we could be . . .” I pause as I remember how hard this is for him. “I just want you home already.”
“And when I come back, if you still want me, then I’ll do everything in the world to make you mine.”
I press my fingers against his cheek. “I look forward to that.”
“Me too.”
“Ready, asshole?” Quinn slaps my back as Natalie and I stand here looking at each other. “Wheels up in ten.”
I nod and grip her hands. Even though she didn’t want to come to the airport, she said she couldn’t leave me at the apartment. This is the first time I’ll leave someone behind. Even though we are in a good place, it feels like I’m leaving my life behind. She’s everything I need. I love her more than I can ever explain. All I can do is pray when I get home, she’ll be fully ready to move forward. And if she chooses him, then I’ll know what six months apart feels like. Maybe that’ll make it more bearable.
I’m fooling myself, but I know we’ll be called up and I need to be ready. It’s not just my ass on the line, it’s the men in my team.
“Hey,” she says drawing my attention back. “I’m going to miss you.” A tear forms, but she wipes it before it can fall.
“No tears. You’ll make me have to kiss you.” I try to joke and lighten the moment.
Her laugh is short and then she looks down. “Maybe I should cry then.”
“Lee,” I pull her chin toward me. Her blue eyes look gray and hollow. “You have no idea how much I’m going to wish I was here with you. Usually, I love deployments, but I can already tell I’m going to hate this one.”
Her perfect lips attempt to smile. “I need to say this,” she hesitates. “If you . . . I mean . . . if you get lonely . . .” She gnaws on her bottom lip and looks away, but I turn her face back.
“If I get lonely?” I know what she wants to say, but I’m going to make her say the words. First, it’s keeping my mind off the fact that I’m going to touch her lips for the last time in a few minutes. Second,
it’s kind of cute.
“Just tell me. Please don’t let me find out the other way. If you meet someone and you fall in love or whatever . . .”
“If I get lonely, how about I call or email you?”
Her eyes snap up. “That would work.”
“Good,” I say and lean down so she hears me clearly. “No one is going to fill the void of you. There’s no woman in the world that will be able to make me forget you.” I hope she hears the conviction in my words, because there’s no one else. Selfishly, I want to add on, “Unlike your husband.”
The announcement comes over, “Three minutes. Say your goodbyes.”
Natalie’s chin quivers, and her hands grip my shirt. “I hate this.”
“I do too, but remember our trip. Remember what I said. I love you.”
She pulls me close against her and my arms are locked around her. I want to hold on to how it feels right now. When the nights get long and I need to feel peace, I want to have this moment. And if God forbid she decides she can’t do this again . . .
“Be safe, be smart, and please come home to me,” Natalie says quickly. “I love you, Liam. You can’t even begin to know how much you own my heart. I wish this were different right now. I wish you had no doubt that you’re who I want, but I’ll prove it. I’ll show you that in six months when you come home, I’ll be standing here waiting for you.” Tears fall and once again my heart breaks.
“And then I’m going to marry you.”
“I’m going to hold you to it.”
“I’ll call you as soon as I can,” I promise.
She nods and presses her lips to me. “Okay.”
“And then we can naked Skype,” I smile.
She shakes her head and kisses me again. “You can keep your eggroll in your pants.”
“And I’ll be home as soon as I can,” I assure her.
Natalie eyes lock with me as I bend to kiss her. “Not soon enough.” Another tear falls and my throat dries.
Conviction (Consolation Duet #2) Page 10