I tried so hard to move on from him completely, but it seemed that he still owned a chunk of my heart. Regardless, I could never have what I truly wanted, so I tried to force things with Garrett to prove that I could be physical with someone other than Macio, but it backfired. It started off okay with a sweet kiss on my couch, but I knew it wasn’t right the minute his tongue touched mine. I pulled back from our kiss and just stared at him in defeat.
“It’s okay that you’re not ready,” Garrett said sympathetically. “There’s no expiration date on pain and no guaranteed timeframe for a heart to heal.” He brushed his thumb over my cheekbone comfortingly before he dropped his hands to his lap.
“Why are you so good to me?” I ran my hands through my hair in frustration.
“Because I’ve been there, Aiden. I want to be someone special to you someday and I’m willing to wait for you if you think there’s a chance for us.” His captivating green eyes held so much promise and I wanted so badly to tell him that I was sure we had a chance, but… “Tell you what,” he said, interrupting my thoughts, “let’s talk when you get back from your road trip. Take some time and think it over, okay?”
“I will,” I promised.
I had every intention of doing just that during my ten-day road trip that ended in New York. I vowed I would excise Macio’s ghosts from my heart and move on with a man who could give me the life I always wanted. Instead, I ended up crying my broken heart out to Garrett on the phone a few days later.
“It’s so stupid to still be in love with him after everything that he put me through. I mean, I haven’t known him that long, so why is he so hard to get over?” I asked Garrett.
“I don’t think it matters how long you knew him,” he said softly. “My grandparents only knew each for three days before they got married in 1941. They were married for sixty-five years and died seven months apart, ten years ago.” I heard the longing for that kind of love in his voice.
“You’re not really helping me, Garrett,” I said wryly. “You’re supposed to tell me that someone I knew for such a short time couldn’t possibly be the reason I would never be happy again. You’re supposed to tell me that there’s someone else out there for me.”
“What if there’s not someone else, Aiden?” Garrett asked.
My heart fell to my feet. “Do you mean that you don’t think I’ll ever find someone else to love who will love me in return?”
“No, that’s not what I meant.” Garrett let out a soft sigh before he said, “What if this guy is the one? Maybe you can’t get over him because you’re not meant to. Perhaps he misses you just as much and needs more time. Maybe he regrets the decision he made but is too afraid to call you.” I never told Garrett Macio’s name or his profession, only that I had fallen for a closeted guy. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know the entire situation or that his words gave me false hope.
Garrett and I realized that a romantic relationship wasn’t going to develop between us. Instead, I gained a wonderful friend who I could talk to about things that I couldn’t with anyone else. In a way, it made me feel worse that I couldn’t fall in love with Garrett.
At night, I’d often replay Garrett’s words and wonder if he could possibly be right. Did Macio miss me? And would anything change after more time passed? If not, I was well and truly fucked because I had finally accepted that I would never get over Animacio De Niro.
Sweat dripped off my body as I pounded the fuck out of the punching bag, trying to burn the rage out of my system. I’d successfully defended my championship and was making hand over fist in financial endorsements, but I was as unhappy as any man could be. My life felt unfulfilled because I’d given up on the one thing that brought me joy. The one man who was willing to give up his own freedom for me. I came to the conclusion after the last four months of pain and suffering that I might be a badass inside of the octagon, but I was a fucking pussy-ass coward out of it.
My muscles ached as I released my fury on the sand-filled leather bag in a flurry of jabs and kicks. I was pissed at everything and everyone. I’d been this way since the day I let Aiden walk out of my life without engaging in the only real fight that mattered. I was mad at society for not accepting two men wanting to share their lives together. I was mad at the sport I had dedicated my life to that said a man wasn’t a real man if he could be in love with one. But in the end, I was mad at myself for punking out. I gave the bag one more hard blow before I gave up, finally exhausting myself. Unfortunately, I was still angry and unhappy.
“I don’t know what that bag did to you to deserve such an ass whooping, but I’m sure it had it coming,” I heard a soft, feminine voice say.
I didn’t even need to turn around to know that it was Kathy. Since our little mishap four months ago, we’d made up and put all of that behind us. She’d been pressing me for the past month to talk to Aiden and I’d been doing my best to ignore her… and avoid her. Thinking of Aiden was far too painful, even though he was all I could think about.
She walked over to me. “You need to talk to him, Macio. Before it’s too late.”
I knew what she was talking about. I’d already seen the pictures of Aiden and some other guy named Garrett smiling and flirting all over Aiden’s Twitter and Instagram accounts. I’d managed to destroy two cell phones after looking at how happy they were. Perhaps I was already too late, as it looked like Aiden had moved on.
“It’s already too late,” I growled and threw one more punch at the bag. It was weak, just like my excuses.
“So, I guess you’re giving up on the one person in this world who made you complete,” she pressed. “I guess all is going well for you then. Must be why you’re all alone in my father’s dimly lit gym beating the shit out of a punching bag.”
I looked at her. “What do you want me to do? He’s already got another boyfriend and I can’t necessarily give him what he deserves. We just weren’t meant to be,” I said.
“Do you really believe that?”
I didn’t respond. I’d been telling myself that lie for four fucking months and I still didn’t believe it myself. How could I expect her to? “You should be at home. It’s late.”
“I see,” she said. “I only care for your happiness, Macio. You’re a great guy and you deserve to be with him. Don’t give up on what you two had. Especially not out of fear.”
I stared at her, at a loss for words because it seemed as though Kathy could see right through the walls I had put up. This really was amazing, coming from her. “I’m surprised that you’re pushing me to talk to him so much. It wasn’t too long ago when you wanted Aiden out of the picture. When did you become his white knight?”
“Now you’re just being an asshole,” she remarked.
“I’m still curious.”
Kathy laughed. “I was arrogant to think I could change you, Macio. You made it quite clear that you are strictly dickly.” She giggled at her own joke, then sighed as she grew more serious. “I didn’t respect you or Aiden or either relationships involved. I can admit when I’m wrong… can you?”
I snorted. “That’s just it. I have and I share that pain with no one else but myself, because everyone else has stock in what I can bring them. Through me, everyone else makes their living.”
Kathy held her hands up, cutting me off. “Oh, so you’re the martyr here.”
“I’m the breadwinner.”
“Do you really even know what will happen if you two get back together?”
“If he’s even willing to do that. I broke his heart, K. Not only that, he doesn’t deserve to have to live in my shadow.”
Kathy stepped up to me, grabbing my face in her delicate hands and forcing me to look at her. “Then don’t make him. Get your man back, Macio, and both of you walk out into the light. Let society be damned. Take the blows, stand up to the challenge, and make the change.”
Fear struck my heart at the thought of what she was telling me to do. I could imagine my brother and father’s disapproval, the
ridicule from the public. Not to mention the backlash from the promotion. Could an openly gay MMA fighter even be marketable? I pulled away from her and turned, storming off to the locker room.
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, Kathy. Go home,” I growled. I took my time in the locker room, showering and getting dressed. The whole time I was in there, I was praying that Kathy had left. When I finally walked out, I was all alone in the gym again. I locked up and went home to my empty house, save for Caesar, who came running up to me, jumping on my chest.
“Hey big boy!” I greeted as he licked my face and I rubbed his ears. We did our ritual and after I gave him a doggy treat, he ran off to his special place under the stairs to eat it. I tossed my gym bag into the corner of the room that also held my two bags of luggage. I had a championship fight to go to in New York in a week, which meant I needed to get there for all the pomp and circumstance beforehand. That consisted of conferences, a weigh-in, and promos. All the shit I hated. I went to my fridge for a cold beer. After a few swigs, I looked over my mail and stopped at a magazine featuring one of Aiden’s articles.
“Why are you torturing yourself?” I mumbled as I turned to the page where he was featured, only to see his photo inset on the page. God, he was beautiful and everything I’d ever wanted. My chest felt tight and that constriction traveled up my throat as I fought back the tears. I’d shed plenty since we parted ways. The doorbell ringing gave me a much needed distraction. “Coming,” I called out, heading towards the door. I checked the peephole, only to see Rupert on the other side. “Shit… what the fuck does he want?”
I opened the door, giving him a slight smile. “What can I do for you this time of night?”
“I just came to give you some company, kid. I’m here under a friend’s capacity,” Rupert said. He was holding two bottles of the good shit, and that was just what I needed to drown my sorrows, at least for a night.
I waved him in. “Make yourself at home.”
“Thanks.” He entered and I closed the door.
He was dressed pretty casual in a pullover and jeans, which was rare for Rupert. God knows he loved his suits. He walked into my living room and I followed. “I’ll get us some glasses,” I offered after Rupert took a seat and turned on my seventy-five-inch screen TV.
“Cool,” Rupert said, grinning.
I walked into my kitchen, grabbing two wine glasses and a corkscrew, then returned to the living room, taking a seat beside Rupert. “Here.” I handed him the corkscrew, and he popped open the wine and started pouring. “So, how’s the wife?”
He shrugged. “Having a good time spending my money, as all women do.”
I smirked. “Shit, I know a few twinks who can put most women to shame when it comes to shopping,” I said.
Rupert laughed. “Oh, I bet.” He held his glass up. “What should we toast to?”
I had to think about that, because I didn’t have shit to celebrate at the moment. “How about we toast to finding our way,” I suggested.
Rupert smiled. “I’ll drink to that.”
We clicked our glasses and started drinking.
Two hours later, and two bottles empty, we were both good and drunk and talking about all kinds of shit. I hadn’t laughed that hard in so long, it felt good to just let it all go and live again, even if it was temporary.
I chuckled at something Rupert said and shook my head. “Hey, buddy, no one told you to dress up like a hotdog that year.”
“Your dog thought I was one of his stuffed toys!”
We both burst into drunken laughter as the memory came back to us of Caesar, in his early puppy days, gnawing on Rupert’s hotdog costume at my Halloween party a few years ago. Rotty’s had death grip bites and my pup made that hotdog, and the man inside, his for the night. When I’d finally gotten Caesar to let go, there was a big hole in Rupert’s costume that left his ass exposed. We all had a good time laughing at the whole incident that night.
“That was great,” I said, smiling as I thought back fondly.
“It really was,” Rupert agreed. “It’s nice to see you smiling and laughing again, Macio.”
I looked at him. “Yeah, it feels nice.”
He put his hand on my knee. “I just want you to be happy. I care about you a great deal.”
“I know.”
His hand moved up my leg, getting closer to my crotch. “I mean, I really do care about you. I’d go out of my way for you.”
“Rupert, what’s going on?” I asked, even in my drunken state, I was confused by what was happening. He leaned over, kissing me. I pulled back. “What are you doing?”
“Let me give you what you need. When was the last time you got off?”
“Fuck… you—you’re straight,” was all I could say.
“I have a wife, but I’m not straight,” Rupert said, then he grabbed my crotch and I jumped. “It’s time you moved on, Macio.” He kissed me again, this time more forcefully.
My mind was swirling with the boatload of information I was struggling to process. Meanwhile, my cock was growing harder as Rupert massaged my groin. He pulled away from me, kissing my neck and sucking on my ear.
“Just let me give you pleasure, Macio,” he whispered into my ear. I felt his fingers unzipping my pants and he reached inside, pulling my erection free.
Jesus Christ! What the fuck was happening? I felt like my mind was cloudy and I was having a hard time focusing. Just when Rupert lowered himself towards my cock, Aiden’s face flashed before my eyes and it cleared away all of my haze. I grabbed Rupert’s shoulders, forcing him to sit up.
“Stop,” I said.
“I want you, Macio. Don’t you see? We can be discreet about this. No one has to find out,” Rupert said.
“Holy shit,” I grumbled as I climbed off the sofa, fumbling with my wilting erection as I shoved it back into my underwear. I zipped up my pants and turned back towards him. “Are you fucking serious right now?”
“I… I thought you would be open to this,” Rupert said.
“To fucking you?” I roared.
“I only wanted to make you happy. You seemed so lonely.”
“I feel sick,” I mumbled as I staggered away from him. “Get out. Go home to your fucking wife.”
Rupert stood up with a bit of a wobble. “I—I’m sorry, Macio. I… I didn’t mean—”
“Just go,” I said, then directed him toward the front door.
“I’m too drunk to drive,” he pointed out.
Shit, he was right. “Then call yourself a fucking cab and go.” No way was I going to let him stay here after the stunt he just tried to pull. “As a matter of fact, I’ll call.” I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and fired up the app.
“I’m sorry, Macio,” Rupert was saying as I typed in my information and his.
“Yeah, I bet you are. I can’t believe you tried to fuck me,” I said, still in shock by that fact. “How long have you been lusting after me?”
“We don’t have to talk about this. I made a mistake in my drunken state. I didn’t think it through. Please forgive me, Macio.”
I plopped down in one of my plush chairs. “Look, let’s pretend like this shit didn’t just happen. A cab is on its way. Go home, get some sleep. Tomorrow is a new day,” I said. He made a mistake and I was too drunk to try to think about how bad things could have gotten had I not stopped him. But really, I stopped him because he wasn’t who I wanted. He wasn’t who my heart desired. Aiden was as much a part of me as my flesh and bone… he was that deeply rooted. If anything, this debacle made that very clear to me. We sat in silence for ten minutes before there was a honking of a horn outside my home. Rupert apologized one last time before leaving and I took my drunk ass to bed.
When I woke up the next afternoon, I knew what I wanted. I had to hurry up and get dressed because my flight to New York was departing in two hours. Luckily for me, I’d packed my bags already, so that was one thing I didn’t have to worry about. I called my cab
and when it arrived, I made my way toward the airport. Caesar was sad to see me go, but the dog caregiver would make sure he wasn’t lonely while I was gone. I met up with Barry at the airport and when I approached him, he checked his watch.
“Cutting it pretty close, ain’t cha, buddy?” he asked, giving me a curious eyebrow.
“With good reason. Look, we need to talk.”
“Here?”
“Now.”
He sighed. “Are you feeling okay, Macio? Please tell me you’re not nervous about the fight?”
“Hell no, I’m going to wipe the floor with Tony Romero’s ass. This is much more important,” I said.
Barry nodded and we walked over to a seating section that wasn’t too crowded and took a seat. “Okay, what’s going on, kid?”
“I want Aiden back.”
“Jesus Christ. I thought you were getting over him.”
“I can’t and I don’t want to, Barry. I haven’t been happy since we broke up and that was the biggest mistake of my life. I let him go because I was afraid. I’ll never forgive myself if I lose him forever.”
“Macio—”
“I don’t need your permission, but I do want your support. I’m going to pursue Aiden. I’m going to get him back.”
Barry was quite for a few seconds as he studied me. “You’re serious.”
I nodded. “I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.”
“I can tell. I see that look in your eyes and I know what it means. Macio… you know I’m with you every step of the way. But you have to know, if you two somehow get back together and it gets out, it’s going to be some tough storms coming your way. So, I need you to really… I mean really think about this.”
“I did.”
“Think about it some more and if by tomorrow your mind is unchanged… then we take whatever comes our way head on, fair?” Barry asked.
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