“Mnnnn?” said Lavender innocently.
“Lavender, have you not had enough of princes yet?”
“Oh, was I sleep-talking?”
“No, you were not sleep-talking,” Eliza replied through gritted teeth. She sat up in bed. “You were talking-talking. Did all that kidnapping, imprisonment, and escaping from dragons not teach you anything?”
“Of course it did!” said Lavender. “It taught me lots of things. It taught me how spiders are not always your friends. And how sometimes my singing is so beautiful it can make people—or dragons—quite overwhelmed with emotion. Which can be bad for their health—”
“Yes, that’s exactly what happened,” said Eliza.
“And it taught me that if you’re going to get rescued by a prince, you should really make sure that he’s a true prince.”
There was a pause. A pause in which Eliza’s face expressed some deeply felt emotions. But, since the room was dark, Lavender couldn’t see them.
And so, very quietly, Lavender whispered goodnight to the rest of the princes.
“Goodnight, Prince Rudolph the Unusual. Goodnight, Prince Chlknklkgkfj the Unpronounceable. Goodnight, Prince Olaf the Simply Fat … Goodnight, Fair Bonnet, who might be a prince…” Lavender whispered.
“Goodnight, who?” said Eliza, sleepily.
“Hmmmn? Nothing. What? I’m asleep. I’m babbling. Tomato,” said Lavender unconvincingly. “Goodnight.”
Lavender gazed up at the portrait of Bonnet that had mysteriously appeared on her bedroom wall. Beside her, Eliza was already fast asleep, dreaming of their next adventure.
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Contents
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Three Again
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Copyright
A FEIWEL AND FRIENDS BOOK
An Imprint of Macmillan
BUCKLE AND SQUASH: THE PERILOUS PRINCESS PLOT. Copyright © 2014 by Sarah Courtauld. All rights reserved. For information, address Feiwel and Friends, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.
eBooks may be purchased for business or promotional use. For information on bulk purchases, please contact Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department by writing to [email protected].
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN: 978-1-250-05277-3 (hardcover) / 978-1-250-08015-8 (ebook)
Feiwel and Friends logo designed by Filomena Tuosto
Originally published in the UK as Buckle and Squash and the Monstrous Moat-Dragon by Macmillan Children’s Books, a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited.
First published in the United States by Feiwel and Friends, an imprint of Macmillan.
First U.S. Edition: 2015
eISBN 9781250080158
mackids.com
*What was Gertrude thinking really? Was she thinking: “I couldn’t agree more. Lavender is the worst singer since Sister Margaret released her album Songs for Phlegmy Voices?” Or was she thinking: “I am a magical time-traveling goat from outer space and, WOW, do I regret landing here rather than my intended destination in the year 215346B, where goats are worshipped and float around on silver cushions in the sky?”
Or was she just thinking “Yum” because she had just gobbled one of Eliza’s socks off the washing line?
We’ll never know.
*Unfortunately, he didn’t read that bit.
*If by “a lot” you mean “zero.”
*This has been tested. It doesn’t.
*Eliza was quite wrong about that. Boris had bathed in some pigeon poo only yesterday.
*Mordmont didn’t actually say that last bit.
*No it isn’t.
**Yes she is.
*Mordmont had forgotten to feed her.
*Those last two weren’t really jobs. They were just things he’d done quite a lot of.
*Actually, it was Sidney’s cousin, Dave.
The Perilous Princess Plot Page 8