His breathing hitched. The world took a timeout and things started moving really slow. I focused on his low breaths and his steady eyes. “And I think it’s unfair of me to restrict myself to feeling that way because I’m scared for you. Especially since you don’t seem scared for yourself.”
“I’m not scared, Sage. But I do understand why you are.”
“I don’t want to be scared anymore, Wren. And I think that’s why I came here. Because I’m sick of being so damn scared all the time. And also maybe because counseling made me feel like I weigh ten tons.”
“And I make you feel lighter?”
“Yeah. It’s like… when my mind needs an escape, it always chooses to visit you. Not Specter. Wren.”
He blew out a long breath, looking absolutely shook by all I’d revealed. “I’ve never been anything so important before.” A lesser person would’ve run for the hills. But Wren? He took on that responsibility like he was born to be the person that made my life a bit easier to live.
“I think your day job and all your quirks are pretty fucking cool. I’m even really obsessed with this orange shirt you’re wearing even though it looks ridiculous with your hair color.”
A laugh wafted out of him. “Doesn’t it? I wore it because I like feeling bright. Brings me closer to you, I guess.” He frowned. “Oh, God. That sounded massively corny.”
“And everything I just revealed didn’t? I just admitted to you that you're my happy place.”
“You really know how to make a man humble, Sunshine.”
“There are a lot of different types of men, Wren. You were good before I came along.”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
“Sometimes I worry you’ll remember I’m a criminal and never school me in Super Smash again.”
There are only so many things a girl can take. I thought I’d hit my max long ago, but when he said sentences like that, my chest just couldn’t take the weight.
“I’ve never thought of you as a criminal. And like I told Julie, I spent a long time around criminals. You are not one, okay?”
“I am though, Sage.” He argued, frowning deeply. “You left one criminal only to get wrapped up in another. God. Sometimes it makes me feel sick. Like I’m prancing around, spending time with you, and acting like I won’t end up in a federal prison. And I know what I do makes a difference. Hell, the difference is standing right in front of me, but technicalities say I’m a criminal.”
“Fuck technicalities, Wren. You aren’t a criminal. And I know that because I’m standing less than a foot away from you, and I’m not scared at all.”
“But-"
Before I could even process the action, I surged forward. He jolted when I threw my arms around his neck and put my head on his shoulder. I struggled with the way my arms felt like they were breaking against his neck and held on tight.
He needs this.
My body started to crack, and I thought for sure I was going to disintegrate. My eyes started to burn, and I contemplated every life decision up until this moment. I suddenly couldn’t remember why I was there, why I admitted all that stuff to him, or why I’d just broken a very important rule.
But all thought fled my mind when two arms wrapped around my back and held me against an unfamiliar chest. A hand fell gently to the back of my head and held me in a way that seemed to shield me from any danger that was happening around us. The cracks in my bones healed over as I melted into a touch I’ve never known.
He was the first person I let touch me in eight months.
And it didn’t hurt at all.
18
Wren
I flew across the apartment, my socks sliding on the hardwood as I launched myself at the front door. My equilibrium started to shift as my balance went out of whack. My arms flailed like a wild bird, my heart going crazy beneath my ribs. I reached for the couch to steady myself and defeat the clumsiness that was attempting to ruin my night.
Not today, Satan. Not today.
I barely righted myself before I stumbled to the door and yanked it open.
“Hi, Sunshine!”
“Hi!” She bounced on her toes, her cheeks warming as she smiled up at me. “How are you?”
“He’s clumsy!” Ace shouted behind me, body checking me out of the doorway. My grip tightened on my doorknob as I struggled not to fall over. “Hey, phantom girl. This smooth mother fucker over here about broke his legs rushing to open the door for you.”
“My socks are slippery!” I defended, peering down at them. I wiggled my toes, making Sage giggle. They were fuzzy ones with the real Specter on them.
“You could’ve been wearing non-slip boots and still taken a tumble. That run to the door was wild. Lucky Sage didn’t see it or you would’ve embarrassed yourself.”
“Actually, Ace, you seem to be taking care of that for me.”
He flipped his hair behind his shoulder and flashed me a grin I knew very well. The grin that earned himself the name Mischief. “What are friends for, huh?”
“You guys are funny.” Sage announced, politely waiting for Ace to move so she could get inside. “And I think your socks are cool, Wren. I love fuzzy socks. There’s something about them that makes me feel all cozy.”
“That’s why he wears them.” Ace quipped. “That and he likes living dangerously. Ya know, the entire apartment is hardwood flooring. Who knows what would happen?”
She grinned when Ace winked at her. “If that’s all the danger Wren lives with, I fully approve. In fact, I feel like we should buy a pair and join in.”
“I’m liking the way you think, phantom girl. I’m gonna get online and purchase you a pink pair with Princess Peach on them. Then we can move the couch and have races.”
“Okay!” She bounced on her toes again, reminding me of a little firecracker. “I weigh the lightest. So, I’ll win. Ha! Losers!”
Ace howled in laughter and turned to let her inside while she practically floated behind him toward the living room.
I’d never had the privilege of witnessing her so at ease. I could never be sure, but I thought maybe it had to do with the hug she’d gifted me with a few days ago. That hug tilted my world on its axis. Everything I thought I knew was challenged by that one moment. I’d thought a hug was just a hug. And then Sage put her arms around me, and I knew then how intimate two humans wrapped around one another could be. Studies say if a hug lasts longer than twenty seconds, it can act as a stress reliever. A prolonged hug apparently releases oxytocin, making a human feel all light and dopey and safe. And I was struck with alllll sorts of feels I wasn’t familiar with. Our moment lasted so much longer than twenty seconds. We stood there for what felt like hours, holding onto each other until our breaths began to syncopate and I wondered if she’d fallen asleep.
That one hug.
A small act that people gave to someone they’d just met was a monumental step for Sage and I. The effect it left on me was profound. Sage didn’t just refuse to touch anyone. She physically couldn’t bear it. And the moment she chose to conquer that fear, she chose me. And it wasn’t a simple brush. Or a fingertip to a fingertip. It was chest to chest. Cheek to cheek. We were so close, I could count her slow heartbeats as she breathed lightly in my ear.
I no longer felt like the low-grade criminal or loser computer nerd.
I was the one she’d felt was worthy, and I was the one that helped her put some of her pain to rest.
“So, what are we watching?” I shut the door and made my way over to Sage, plopping next to her on the couch while Ace settled in my ugly recliner.
“Why ask me?” Sage shrugged. “I’m the guest.”
“Exactly why you pick.” I said. “If you don’t, Ace and I will pick The Fast and The Furious again.”
“It seems very fitting you two would be obsessed with those movies.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Well, because they fight crime by breaking laws. It’s not exactly
the same thing as Circuit, but the concept is similar. They destroy fancy cars and entire cities to stop bad guys.”
I blinked.
“Woah.” Ace blurted. “I think phantom girl just analyzed us. Girl, that therapy is working your brain.”
“Counseling.” I corrected, knowing there wasn’t much of a difference, but it mattered to Sage.
“Counseling, right.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, that explains why I’m in love with Vin Diesel.”
“Dude, get real." I snorted. "You’re in love with Vin Diesel because he’s got major muscles and can kick ass.”
“Truth.” He winked at me and settled in the chair. “Take your pick, phantom girl. If we don’t have it, Wren will hack something and get it for you.”
“How chivalrous of him.” She chuckled. “I don’t mind what we watch, but I’d prefer something light. No violence or horror.”
Ace flew from the chair and hit the floor, pulling open the drawer in the entertainment stand that housed all the DVDs. “I got the perfect one. Standby for greatness.”
“Do you guys always do movie nights on Sunday?” Sage asked. “How come you aren’t at Circuit?”
“Cruz said Sunday is for Jesus!” Ace cracked, pushing the button that opens the DVD player.
“Oh.” Sage blinked.
“He’s kidding, Sunshine. Nobody is at Circuit on Sundays. It’s Cruz’s day off, and he doesn’t like anyone there unless he is too.”
“And let it be known, Lilah isn’t here either.” Ace grabbed the remote to the DVD player and plopped back in his chair. “Sunday is sex day.”
I flipped him off. “My sister, man!! Gross!”
“Are Lilah and Cruz dating?” Sage wondered.
“I have no idea.” It was the honest truth. “They dated officially for almost two years before breaking up. Nobody really knows any details about the relationship. Neither of them talk about it.”
Sage frowned. “Oh. That’s sad. I know what it’s like not to be able to talk about things.”
“I think it’s more than that. Cruz is a bit of a mystery. Nobody really knows anything about him.”
“Hell!” Ace shouted. “I don’t even know his first name.”
Sage gaped. “It’s not Cruz? How can you work for a man when you don’t know his whole name?!”
“Cruz is his last name, and I don’t work for him. I work with him.”
I rolled my eyes. No matter what Ace wanted to believe, we worked for Cruz. We may not get a weekly paycheck, but it was his organization and he reserved the right to kick us out at any time.
“Cruz is just Cruz.” I shrugged. I made my peace with his lack of openness years ago. “What he does for others is enough to know the kind of person he is. Cruz’ll put his ass on the line for all of us. I think his anonymity has a lot to do with that. Circuit is his whole life. He doesn't have a day job like the rest of us.”
“Then where does he make his money?”
“Another mystery.” Ace answered, fast forwarding through the previews. “Maybe we should analyze his tattoos. We might find a map to a hidden treasure.”
Sage went still beside me. “He has tattoos?”
“Oh, yeah.” Ace nodded, eyes glued to the TV, not at all conscious of Sage’s mood change. “He’s covered in them. Neck to his toes is all ink. Looks pretty hot if you ask me.”
Sage swallowed so thickly, I heard her throat click. “Does he, uhm, have any under his eyes?”
Ace dropped the remote on his lap and flipped his gaze toward her. The enormity of the question she asked swallowed the whole room.
“No, Sage.” I answered softly. “He doesn’t. Despite being a mystery, Cruz is a really good guy. Lilah told me he’s a total softie.”
She nodded. “I guess it counts for something he’s the leader of the badasses that saved me.” She managed a smile. “And also if you trust him, I think I can too.”
“Yo.” Ace cleared his throat. “That was adorable as fuck.”
“Man! Why did I even invite you?” I laughed, chucking a throw pillow at him. “Your chill level is below zero.”
“I invited myself because you have zero hospitality skills.”
“It baffles me you don’t live together.” Sage chuckled.
“We used to.” I tell her. “When I was in college, we had a really shitty apartment in a complex full of partiers.”
“Truth.” Ace smacked his chest. “A brother could not hack into NASA with all that bass bumping. Zero respect in that place.”
Sage looked between us with amusement all over her pretty face. “Is that when you guys got into hacking? College?”
“Oh no, darlin’.” Ace chuckled. “Like a decade before that.”
“I can’t believe I’ve never thought to ask you about this before.” She shook her head, looking entirely dumbstruck. She said nothing for a while as she seemed to sift through all her thoughts. I had never given much thought as to why she’d never asked. I had always assumed it didn’t matter to her. What mattered is that we did it at all. “Wow. Okay. I need to hear this story! When did you start hacking and when did you meet mystery man Cruz?”
Ace smirked and pressed pause on the movie that hadn’t even started.
I relaxed backward and propped my feet on the coffee table in front of me. “I got my first computer when I was twelve. It was a pretty nice desktop my parents gave me for Christmas. I wanted it to play video games, and it ended up being the computer Specter and Mischief were born on. Ace didn’t get a computer until two years after me, but he basically lived at my house. So we shared mine.”
“When did you decide you were going to hack into something? I mean, that’s kind of an odd thought to have randomly. There had to have been a reason.”
“Oh, there was.” I looked to Ace, hoping he’d take over. It was his story to tell.
He sat up straighter and cleared his throat. “We wanted to find my dad.”
Sage looked at him with sweet confusion on her face. “Your dad?”
“He left when I was seven, and my mother made an awful judgment call by telling me he went to jail. She refused to let me go visit him, so when Wren got a computer, we got it in our heads that we could hack into some sort of police database and find where he was at.”
“Did you find him?”
“Negative, phantom girl. Turns out, my father is a real asshole and just left. He wasn’t actually in jail. Learned that the hard way.”
Wringing her hands together, Sage met Ace’s gaze. “I’m really sorry you never found him, Ace. He missed out.”
Ace looked away for a long moment, working hard to school his gaze. I don’t remember a lot of Ace’s father. My tiny child brain couldn’t summon up many memories from that time. Poor Ace remembers even the smallest of details. He spent almost a year going over details and moments of his life, trying to find some sort of clue as to why his dad left. He came up with nothing, and eventually, he was forced to stop looking out the window for his car and dropping letters with a name and no address in the post office drop off box.
And then I got a computer and the cycle began all over again.
“Thank you, Sage.” When he turned back to meet her eyes, his haunted look was gone. He was Mischief again. “Anyway, it turned Wren and I into the badasses we are today.”
“Well, I for one am thankful for that.” She smiled a smile that was nothing but genuine. “I have to say it was pretty ballsy of you to start off by hacking into a police database.”
“It was stupid.” I corrected with a chuckle. “Ace and I thought of our master plan over bowls of superman ice cream and then asked my mom to take us to a bookstore. We spent one night reading Hacking For Dummies and thought we were pros.”
“You didn’t get caught though, right?”
“Of course we got caught!” Ace shouted. “We did everything wrong. We did nothing to attempt to protect ourselves. The damn police showed up on Wren’s doorstep like two hours later.”
Sage’s eye went wide. “No.”
“Oh, yes.” I grinned at her stunned face. Of course, she could never picture us getting caught. “But we were young so we didn’t get in any kind of trouble. Especially when Ace told them he was looking for his dad. My mom did take away my computer though.”
Ace rubbed his hands together deviously. “But she didn’t take away the book.”
“So it was a book, huh?” She chuckled. “One book was the catalyst to Specter and Mischief?”
Specter: Circuit Series Book One Page 16