by Jeff Kinney
wanted to talk about was the RUBY.
The One-Eyed Wizard said that even if
they reached the Ice Fortress they still
didn’t have a way IN because of the giant
WALL surrounding it.
146
So Shae’Vana asked Roland if she could
see the MAP. Then she breathed on the
section that showed the Ice Fortress and
Roland thought her breath smelled like
mint leaves dipped in honey.
A few seconds later some magic elf writing
appeared on the map and Shae’Vana said it
showed a SECRET ENTRANCE into the Ice
Fortress.
147
Everyone was pretty excited but they all
agreed it would be a good idea to get some
rest before they made the final push to
the Ice Fortress.
Roland was ESPECIALLY excited so he
had trouble SLEEPING. At one point he
reached for the map because he wanted to
look at that cool elvish writing and maybe
see if it still smelled like mint and honey.
But if you thought the werewolf thing
was the big plot twist then guess what
you were WRONG. Because when Roland
reached for the map it was GONE.
148
Roland woke up Sherlock Holmes to see if
he could figure out who TOOK the map. So
Sherlock Holmes started looking for CLUES.
He said that first of all, there were elf
footprints that led to Roland’s sleeping bag.
And second, Shae’Vana was MISSING. So
Sherlock Holmes said Shae’Vana was the
one who took the map and she probably
did it to go steal that RUBY.
Everyone was pretty amazed that
Sherlock Holmes figured out the mystery
so quickly. And he said he didn’t want to
brag but this was kind of an easy one.
ef
Greg loved the plot twist but said he
should get CREDIT for it because he
was the one who said the elf should be
a THIEF. But he didn't WANT credit
because he didn't wanna have to deal
with the BACKLASH.
Greg said that girls are gonna be really
mad that the cool elf girl is BAD. He said
when this book gets published I'm gonna
have a bunch of people marching in my
front yard and I'll never be able to go
outside AGAIN.
150
And that made me really nervous because
I just started tap-dancing lessons again
and I need to leave the house on Tuesday
and Thursday afternoons.
Greg said it's a risky move to create a
character everyone likes and then switch
things up so they're BAD.
He said a pregnant woman might read
half the book and decide to name her baby
Shae'Vana, and then find out her kid's
named after a CRIMINAL.
151
I said maybe Shae'Vana can learn her
lesson at the end of the story and tell
kids stealing is WRONG. But he said
that's kind of corny and people will still
be MAD.
I decided being an author is too much
trouble and said I was just going to
focus on tap
dancing instead. But Greg
said I can't quit NOW because the story
isn't OVER.
Greg said I'm doing everything RIGHT but
now I need to add a lot more DRAMA.
He said the characters should get into
arguments and really go at it with each
other because everyone loves watching
people FIGHT.
152
I said the reason the team gets along
so well is because they're all FRIENDS
and they LIKE each other. But Greg
said if everyone's always getting along
then nobody's gonna CARE about the
characters.
Plus he said this is supposed to be an
ADVENTURE story that's full of danger
but nobody's even gotten HURT. I reminded
Greg that Roland got a blister in Chapter
Three but Greg said that wasn't an
injury it was just a first aid thing.
So I said maybe the blister can get
INFECTED but Greg said nobody wants to
read a book about Roland's medical issues.
153
He said if I REALLY wanted to make the
story exciting I'd KILL OFF one of my
characters. But I didn't like THAT idea
because it would make people SAD.
He said a good story's supposed to make
you feel a whole BUNCH of different
emotions and if readers feel sad I'm just
doing my JOB. Then Greg said someone
ALWAYS dies in a story like this and all
I needed to do was pick a character I
didn't really care about.
I said I liked ALL of my characters and
I didn't want ANY of them to die. But
Greg told me if I want to be a REAL
writer I'm gonna have to start making
some tough choices.
CHAPTER 12
155
It turns out the map wasn’t the ONLY
thing the elf stole. The One-Eyed Wizard
put his eyeball next to his pillow when he
went to sleep and now it was MISSING.
The One-Eyed Wizard said his eye was
MAGICAL and he could usually see out of
it even if the eye was far away. But he
said the elf must’ve put it in her POCKET
or something because he couldn’t see
ANYTHING.
Roland asked the wizard how he was going
to get around since he didn’t have any eyes
left and the wizard said he’d be fine because
he could get by on his sense of smell.
There was one OTHER thing that was
missing, and that was Roland’s BAG.
156
And that was really bad news because he
had a bunch of food and supplies in it.
So the team went through Garg’s bag to
see if he had any food in there. But all he
packed for the trip was a bunch of weights
for working out.
Now everybody started PANICKING
because they were in the middle of
nowhere and didn’t have anything to EAT.
So everyone started arguing about whose
FAULT it was that their stuff got stolen.
The vampire said it was ROLAND’S fault
for leaving the map out in the open. And
the wizard blamed Sherlock Holmes for
not figuring out that the elf was a thief
SOONER. But Sherlock Holmes said he’s
a DETECTIVE and he only solves crimes
AFTER they happen.
Then the vampire started blubbering
because he missed his GIRLFRIEND. And
Roland actually felt kind of BAD for him.*
But not that bad
*
158
All of a sudden a FIGHT broke out
between Stephen and Garg, so Roland had
to put them BOTH in time-out.
Roland was sad because all of his friends
were fighting but he was ALSO sad
because he felt like he wasn’t doing a
very good job of being a LEADER. So he
made a suggestion box and
told everyone
they could put their notes in the slot.
159
And even though Roland told them to be
honest with their feedback some of the
comments kind of hurt his feelings.
But Roland knew they couldn’t just stay
HERE or he’d NEVER rescue his mom. So
he told everyone to gather up their stuff
because it was time to head out.
Well nobody was crazy about THAT idea
because without the MAP they didn’t
know where they were GOING.
160
Then Sherlock Holmes found the elf’s
FOOTPRINTS leading out of camp. He
said they could just follow her trail which
should take them all the way to the Ice
Fortress. And since nobody had a BETTER
plan that’s what they did.
The elf’s footprints led the team across
a grassy plain and to a cornfield where
there was a pathway cut into it. But the
path was twisty and there were lots of
places where it split in different directions.
Sherlock Holmes tried to follow the elf’s
trail but it was HARD because the tracks
crossed over each other in some places.
161
Sherlock Holmes stopped and told everyone
they’d been TRICKED. He said this was a
MAZE and the elf must’ve gone in here
because she knew she’d be FOLLOWED.
Now they were LOST. Roland didn’t know
what to do so he closed his eyes and
asked Bampy the Brave for HELP. And a
few seconds later Roland heard a rustling
noise in the corn.
162
And it was the GHOST OF BAMPY!
Bampy ran down a path and Roland and
his team tried to keep up with him. They
followed Bampy all the way out of the
maze and then thanked him before he
vanished back into the corn.
163
Sherlock Holmes picked up the elf’s trail
on the other side of the cornfield and the
footprints led down into a steep canyon
where there was a river of LAVA.
It was much too wide to jump across and
Roland knew he shouldn’t ask Bampy for
help twice in one day.
But then Lefty picked everyone up one by
one and carried them to the other side of
the lava.
164
Just when the last team member got
across the lava river safely a GEYSER
shot up and blasted the magical hand.
And all anyone could do was watch Lefty
wave good-bye as he sank into the molten
lava and out of sight.
ef
165
Greg said he was PROUD of me for
writing that last scene because everyone's
gonna be a MESS when they see it in
theaters.
He said the part about Bampy the Brave
was kind of weird because people don't
ask their dead grandpas for help. But I
told Greg sometimes when I lose things I
ask MY Bampy for help finding them and
he always DOES.
166
Greg said he wanted to talk about which
character should die NEXT. He said maybe
it should be Stephen because he wasn't
really adding anything to the story.
I said NOBODY else was gonna die
because the story was ALREADY
too
sad. Greg told me I can't turn back NOW
because the book is getting near the end
and things need to get more and more
SERIOUS from here.
But I think I need a BREAK from all this
serious stuff so from now on I'm gonna
tell the story the way I WANT to tell it.
CHAPTER 13
168
Everyone was really sad about Lefty so
they spent a lot of time crying on the lava
riverbank. But Roland was taking it the
hardest because Lefty was probably his
second best friend after Garg.
The One-Eyed Wizard cast a spell for
ANOTHER magical hand but everyone
agreed it wasn’t the same, especially
because this one was a RIGHTY.
169
Sherlock Holmes picked up the elf’s trail
again and the team followed it out of the
canyon. But the tracks led to some dunes
and then vanished in the sand.
So now they were all lost for REAL. And
when the full moon came out the vampire
turned into a werewolf and this time
everyone just thought it was ANNOYING.
On the third night the moon started to
CHANGE so at least they didn’t have to
deal with the whole vampire turning into
a werewolf thing anymore.
170
The team wandered across the sandy
dunes for two nights hoping to pick up the
elf’s trail but they never DID. And they
survived on cactus fruit and some gross
insects Righty found under a rock.
Roland didn’t know how much longer
they could go on like this. One night they
reached a winding river and set up camp.
And while Roland was sitting by the fire
the One-Eyed Wizard came over and sat
next to him.
171
The wizard told Roland there would be
a crescent moon the next night and that
meant the White Warlock was going to
turn Roland’s mom into his QUEEN.
That made Roland feel sad because
even though he had tried his hardest