by Jeff Kinney
one of his best toymakers and when she
was on vacation she got turned to stone
by Medusa. Then he thanked Roland for
SAVING her.
Shae’Vana said she figured out that the
One-Eyed Wizard was Santa’s long-lost
BROTHER and knew she had to warn her
boss he was in DANGER. And she took
the MAP so the wizard couldn’t find the
secret entrance HIMSELF.
201
Then she said she knew stealing was
WRONG and wanted to apologize to any
kids who might hear about this somehow.
But everyone was too busy TALKING to
notice the One-Eyed Wizard had slipped
out of his robe and snuck up behind them.
And now he had Santa’s STAFF.
The One-Eyed Wizard tried to blast Santa
with the staff but he MISSED and blew
holes through the throne room’s icy walls
INSTEAD.
202
And that’s how Roland’s FRIENDS got in.
They started attacking the One-Eyed
Wizard and for a second it looked like the
good guys were going to WIN.
But just then Righty punched a hole
through the roof and the ceiling came
crashing down.
203
Then the evil magical hand snatched up
everyone and held them in his sweaty
fist. Roland thought for SURE they were
all DOOMED. The hand squeezed tighter
and tighter and Roland thought this was
the END.
204
But just before he ran out of oxygen a
MIRACLE happened.
It was Roland’s MOM!
The One-Eyed Wizard was so surprised
he lost his CONCENTRATION. And that
made the magical hand lose his GRIP
on Roland and his friends.
205
Now the One-Eyed Wizard was SUPER
mad and he focused his attention on
Roland’s mom. He raised his wand and
took a few steps toward her.
206
But Roland loved his mother very
much so there was no way he was
going to let anything HAPPEN to her.
Everyone was totally SHOCKED,
especially Roland’s MOM. But Roland
knew his magical sword Jeremy had
the power to turn bad guys NICE. And
that’s exactly what it DID.
207
The One-Eyed Wizard apologized to
everybody for being such a jerk and
they all FORGAVE him.
Roland asked his mom how she FOUND
him and she said it was because of the
NOTE he’d left for his dad back home.
And then she thanked him for being
such a thoughtful son.
Santa said even though it wasn’t
Christmas yet he had a special PRESENT
for each of them.
Roland’s mom got a charm bracelet and
Garg got a gift certificate to a tanning
salon. Sherlock Holmes got a brand-new
magnifying glass and the One-Eyed Wizard
got a new flag with a rubber ball on the
tip of the pole for safety. And Stephen got
a holiday sweater with a hole cut out for
his udders.
209
Then Santa said he had an EXTRA
special present for Roland and gave
him the biggest box of ALL.
But the box was EMPTY except for a
rolled-up piece of paper at the bottom.
So Roland opened it and read what was
written on the scroll.
210
Roland thought the note was nice and all
but to be honest he would’ve rather gotten
a new TOY. But Roland was a polite boy
and he didn’t say anything because he
wouldn’t want to hurt Santa’s feelings.
It turned out the note was just a
PRANK and everyone else was IN on it.
And Roland didn’t know how to feel about
that because it felt a little like BULLYING.
Then Santa picked up Roland’s sword and
asked him to bend down on one knee.
Santa said that Roland had proven himself
on his quest so he earned a new NAME.
211
Then Santa tapped Roland on each
shoulder with the sword and knighted
him Roland the Kind.
Roland STILL probably would’ve liked a
toy instead, but his mom and his friends
seemed proud of him so that made
Roland feel better about the prank with
the note.
212
Santa asked the vampire if he wanted
his double curse reversed but Christoph
said he LIKED being a vampire-
werewolf because girls think it’s COOL.
Then Shae’Vana told Santa she was
going to take some time off and travel
with Christoph because her vacation
kind of got cut short by the whole
Medusa thing.
Everyone said good-bye to Christoph and
Shae’Vana and wished them luck. And
Roland was happy for them.*
Sherlock Holmes and Stephen told
everyone they were teaming up to solve
crimes together. So everyone wished
them luck too.
For real this time
*
213
And everybody who was LEFT got a ride
home with Santa on his magic sleigh.
When they got to Roland’s house the
One-Eyed Wizard said good-bye and that
he was sorry again for all the trouble.
But Roland could tell the wizard was sad
to be leaving so he asked if he wanted
to live with him and his parents. And
Roland’s mom said the One-Eyed Wizard
could sleep in Bampy’s old room.
So everything worked out for everyone,
and Christmas that year was the best
one EVER.
THE END
215
I REALLY didn't wanna show the last
chapter to Greg because I knew he'd
have negative comments about all the
Santa stuff. But Greg LOVED it.
He said the last chapter was GENIUS
because now we could sell this book as a
CHRISTMAS story. And he said those kinds
of books do GREAT around the holidays.
216
I was a little worried because not
everyone celebrates Christmas and I
didn't want anyone to feel left out.
So Greg said we could make lots of
different versions so the story would
work for EVERYONE.
The other thing Greg said we should do
right away was trademark the word
"kind." And then if anyone uses it in
THEIR stories they'll have to pay us a
ton of money.
217
But I think I'll let GREG deal with all that
stuff. The truth is I don't really
CARE if this book gets published because
like I said I wrote it for myself ANYWAY.
Well not JUST myself. I hope my mom
and dad like it too. In fact I think I'm
gonna have my dad read it to me as
my bedtime story tonight. Because I
really like how he does different voices
for all the characters when he reads me
stories.
parents' bed halfway through the book,
then I'm OK with that.