“Lots of mud in the forest.”
“Ah, I see.” She glanced up at me. “Mind if I take this off?” When I nodded, she tugged at my shoe.
I hissed as the movement sent a twinge of pain up my leg.
“Sorry,” Officer Ambler said. She poked at my ankle. “Well, there’s no swelling, so it’s probably only a minor sprain.”
“I figured, since I walked all the way here,” I said.
She raised her eyebrows, obviously not appreciating my sarcasm. “Glad I could help.” She handed me my shoe and closed the door. As she rounded the car to get in the driver’s side, I had a brief vision of me jumping to her seat and taking off.
Yeah. Smart thinking. They would catch me before I made it to the next county. I slid my sock back up my ankle and gingerly inserted my foot partway into my sneaker.
Ambler slid into the car and pulled out of the parking law. “Okay, Joshua. Wait, do you go by Joshua or Josh?”
“Actually I go by Steve.”
“Ah, a funny guy.” As she hung a left, a strange looking pendant hanging from her rearview mirror swung my way. It looked like some gold man blowing a ridiculously long trumpet.
“No, people call me Josh.” I leaned back and looked around the car. Was she going to turn on the siren?
“Okay, Josh.” She turned right. “Anyway, I don’t really know what’s going on here. Care to fill me in?” She glanced my way. “Why did you run away?”
“I ran away because it sucks there. I’m surrounded by hypocrites and I don’t get to have any say in anything in my life. And I wouldn’t mind knowing who my father is.”
Her eyebrows formed a V. “Who your father is? I don’t understand.”
“Neither do I.” My vision blurred, my throat tightening. No. I fought it back, sucking in a long breath and staring at the seat cushion beneath me.
“So you don’t know who your father is, your mother isn’t your mother, and nobody cares about you?”
My eyes darted to her face, fury building, but she wasn’t mocking me. Her expression was wide open. “Pretty much,” I said.
“Well that doesn’t sound too good,” Officer Ambler said. “But can you help me understand better? I don’t know what you mean when you say your mom isn’t your mom.”
“I mean I don’t have a mother. Or a father,” I said. “Sure, I guess technically I do. But aren’t you supposed to be like, a family or something? Like that parents thing?”
She nodded. “That’s true, but you have to understand that every family is different.”
“But is it a family when there are ten kids and something like twelve adults?”
Confusion flashed across her face. “What do you mean? Like one father and a bunch of mothers?”
“No,” I laughed. “It’s not like that. It’s like they get tired of being with one, so they choose somebody else to get it on with.”
She looked at me hard. “Josh, you need to tell me if one man has more than one wife up there. Or if it’s the other way around. Polygamy and polyandry are illegal in Pennsylvania.”
“I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
“Polygamy is when one man has multiple wives and polyandry is when one woman has multiple husbands. At the same time.” She pulled the car to a stop.
I glanced out the front window. We were at a diner called Annie’s. “No, I told you. There’s a bunch of men and a bunch of women. I don’t know if they’re married to each other. Why would it matter, anyway?” I followed her lead and got out of the car. “They—“ I thought fast, “get busy, sometimes babies show up, and then they forget all about us.”
“Well,” Officer Ambler closed the car door. “That doesn’t sound great, of course.” The conversation lapsed as she led the way into the diner. I got a few stares as I sat at a table with her. I wondered if they thought I was her kid.
We sat down. “Okay,” Ambler said. “I get all of that. But who takes care of you? And what about school?”
“Takes care of us? Nobody does. That’s the best part. As long as we don’t piss anybody off, they ignore us.” I watched as a brown pickup pulled into the diner’s parking lot. The driver came into the diner. “And school? We have it. Whoever sucks at funding teaches it.”
“Sucks at funding?”
“Funding is what they call it. It’s like—they go to busy places, like Philly, and ask people to give them money. For like helping animals or something.”
Ambler’s face screwed to the side a little. “Funding. What on earth?” She seemed like she shook the question away and fixed me with an intent stare again. “So whoever can’t fund teaches you?”
“Yup.”
“And they solicit these funds in public places, to help them take care of animals?”
I shrugged. “I don’t really know. We pick up strays all the time and take care of them so we can find them homes. Although we don’t have any right now. And they’re trying to do the same thing in Dallas.”
“So there’s no fraud.”
“I don’t know.” I glanced at the floppy food list I’d been given, seeing the prices. Wait. I didn’t have any money. My face grew hot and I put it down as a lady wearing a stained apron showed up.
“What are we having today?” The lady held a pad of paper in one hand and a pen in the other.
“I’ll have OJ and a short stack. Sausage on the side,” Ambler said.
I swallowed. “Um. May I have some water?”
The lady in the apron frowned at me. “That’s it?”
I looked down, sweat dotting my forehead. What else was I supposed to say? Would Ambler get rid of her?
“He’ll have a country breakfast. Sausage and bacon. Bring him an OJ, too?” I watched Ambler as she said finished.
“Coming right up.” The apron lady took off.
“Uh, I don’t have money for—“ I needed to get out of here. If I hadn’t left my backpack in the police car, I could have tried to make a run for it.
“Josh, it’s okay. My treat.” Ambler smiled at me. “You’re too skinny, anyway.” She didn’t look away as I nodded my thanks. “Have you ever been to a restaurant?”
I let my eyes wander the place. Most of the tables were full and the sound of conversations, so different from breakfast at the Faith, filled the entire space. “No.”
“I’ll be darned,” she said.
I glanced back at her. She was staring at me. “What?”
“They really keep you sheltered up there, don’t they? Why do your parents do that?”
“My parents? It’s not my parents. I already told you I don’t have parents. Miriam’s my mother because she gave birth to me, that’s all. I don’t call her ‘Mom.’”
“Seriously?” Now she was looking at me like I was some kind of alien.
What was her problem? I’d already told her all of this. “Yeah, seriously. Big deal. And I don’t know why those people are in the Faith. Maybe because they’re stupid.”
“The Faith? That’s what you call it?”
“Yeah. Short for—“
She cut me off. “Fundamental Faith in God. We know.” She laughed at my expression. “We know there’s a cult thing going on up there, but have never had any reason to worry about you all. It’s still a free country, after all.”
I laughed. “Really? For who?”
Something changed in her face as she got what I meant. “Josh, will you tell me what you mean by being ignored? I mean, you’re skinny, but obviously healthy. And smart.”
I shrugged again. “I don’t know. I guess they don’t ignore us, since they’re always yelling at us and punishing us for stupid little things. But—“ I stared out the window, watching cars drive by. This was not where I thought I would be. Sitting in a diner, talking to a cop who actually seemed to care about what was going on in my life.
I wished this would last longer.
“But what?”She leaned forward, her hands clasped.
“It’s like we’re their enem
ies. Like they’re watching us, waiting for us to screw up so they can yell at us.” The apron lady came again, bringing water and juice. I gulped the water down.
“And is yelling all they do?” Ambler sipped her juice. “Do they ever hit you?”
“Well sure.” I drank some orange juice, shocked at how sweet they made it. “We get spanked sometimes.”
“Spanked?”
How could she possibly not know what that meant? “Yeah. You know. When you get smacked on the butt?”
Her eyebrows drew down tight against her eyes. “Does this happen a lot? Does it injure anybody?”
Where was she going with this? “Uh, not really. Mostly they make us clean the house as a punishment. But spanking happens every few weeks I guess. And it hurts to sit for a day, but I’ve never been injured, I don’t think.”
Ambler pulled a small notepad out of a pocket in her shirt. She wrote fast and looked back up at me. “Well, I don’t know if that’s illegal. Child abuse is unfortunately kind of a hazy thing. If it can be shown to be reasonable discipline—“ She took a swig of juice. “I’m just saying that I don’t know if there’s anything I can do. But I’ll check into it.”
A sliver of hope poked into me. Could she actually help me? Help the other kids? And what did reasonable discipline mean?
The apron lady brought our food and the smell nearly made me crazy. I grabbed my fork and chowed down. Occasionally, between bites, I would answer more questions as Officer Ambler asked them. Questions about school and food and any dangerous situations.
As I answered her, I could see her kind of deflate, as if she were disappointed.
I cleaned off my plate of potatoes, peppers, eggs, sausage, and bacon in maybe ten seconds. The three pancakes didn’t last much longer.
She was still working on her pancakes when I put my fork down. “Pretty hungry?”
“Yeah.” I drank some of the too-sweet orange juice. “I left before dinner last night.”
She set her fork on her plate, nodding, seeming kind of distracted. “Well, Josh. I guess I’ve kept you long enough. Your parents—“
I raised my eyebrows at her.
“I mean, your mother—or something—they must be worried about you.”
“I doubt it.”
She stared at me again, something going on behind her eyes. Why did I feel more concern from her in one morning than I’d felt in my entire life in the Faith? She took another sip of juice and stood, leaving money on the table. “Well, I really need to call in and you need to get home.”
I nodded and followed her back to her car.
As we reached her car, the radio clipped to one of her shoulders squawked. She reached into the car and grabbed a handset. “This is 5719. I have the Kerr boy.”
The Kerr boy. Great.
Ambler slid into her seat as I dropped into mine. She spoke into the radio again. “The Kerr boy has a slight ankle injury. Medical attention unnecessary. Currently en route to his home.”
“Copy that, Lois. Do you want us to notify the parents?”
“No need, Sherry. We’ll be there in a jiffy.” She replaced the handset and we pulled out of the parking lot.
The dread from before felt like it doubled in size, gumming up my insides. What kind of punishment would Miriam give me? Extra chores? Lines? Standing in the corner?
I thought back to the last time I’d been spanked. They’d been threatening to do it last night. Was there any way to get out of it? Luke had once put a book down the back of his pants, but they’d figured him out pretty fast.
Whatever they did, it was going to suck in a big way.
I studied the police car, wondering if there were some weapons hidden in the forest of electronics and stuff. I felt Ambler glancing over at me a lot. What did she want? I had to say something. “So why aren’t I in the back seat?”
“That’s for suspects,” Ambler said. “Are you a suspect?”
“I guess not.”
“Plus, I didn’t want to make your family think you did something wrong. It sounds like you have it difficult enough.” She slowed the police car and hung a left onto the road that led to the Faith’s house.
I glanced at Ambler, seeking her expression. She wasn’t making a joke. I also had no idea what to say next, so I just sat there as a steady stream of trees flashed by. Before long, we broke from the trees and the house came into view. I dropped my gaze, wishing I could appear in my room or something and not have to face Miriam and whoever else was waiting to ream me.
The car stopped. We sat in silence. This was going to be bad.
“Look, Josh,” Officer Ambler said. “You’re obviously unhappy about something with your life. But you need to remember that you’re never as alone as you might think.”
What was that supposed to mean?
My expression must have told her I didn’t understand. She pointed up, to the sky beyond the roof of the car. “Somebody up there is always looking out for you.”
What? God? Who was that supposed to be, anyway? I nodded. “Okay.”
I let my gaze wander to the wide expanse of slowly greening grass, the edge of the woods, the goose pond, and then to the house. The house that had something like twenty people living in it. I was surrounded by people I’d known my whole life.
But I was completely and totally alone.
I opened the car door and stepped onto the driveway. Bracing myself on the car, I hung my backpack on a shoulder. Ambler came around and took my arm. I shook her hand away. “I’m fine. You can go now.”
“Actually I can’t,” she said. “I need to see you safely back into the custody of your… family.” She dug into a different pocket in her uniform.
A hot laugh stumbled out of me. “My family.” I snorted. “Whatever that means.”
Ambler caught my eye with kind of a sad expression. “Josh. I want you to keep this.” She handed me a piece of stiff paper.
It had her name and her phone number, along with the number to the police station. I met her eyes. “Why?”
“In case—“ She looked at the house. “Okay. Call me if anything bad happens. I want to help.”
“Okay.” I pushed the card into my back pocket and shifted my backpack a little.
“Good.”
I followed her to the door. She rang the doorbell. “It doesn’t work,” I said.
She gave me a flat smile and knocked.
The door opened. Miriam stood there, the light of the morning seeming unable to break into the dimness of the Faith’s house. “Oh thank God,” Miriam said. She reached for me. My skin crawled and I flinched as she touched my right shoulder.
“Miriam Kerr?” Ambler asked.
“Yes, officer, I’m Ms. Kerr.”
“I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through,” Ambler said. She pushed me forward gently, squeezing my left shoulder. “I guess you and Josh here have some talking to do.”
“We certainly do,” Miriam said. Something in her voice made me want to sneer and shout. What a faker! She sounded so sincere—except she had never sounded like this ever in my life. It felt like she was practicing the Redirect step from Focus. She pulled me into the house and I put a hand on the door frame to keep myself from stumbling. They didn’t need to know about my ankle. They would probably use the injury as a teaching moment or something idiotic like that.
“All right,” Ambler said. She caught my gaze again. “You take care, Joshua.” She turned toward her car. “And please don’t run away again.”
“I won’t,” I said.
And I wouldn’t. At least not so that I could be caught. The next time I did this, I would have a foolproof plan and I would be gone forever.
I wanted to watch Officer Ambler drive off. She would probably smile and wave or something. But the second Ambler got in her car, Miriam slammed the door closed and let go of me, taking a step back. The mask of concern had completely disappeared from her angular face. “Joshua Raphael Kerr, do you have any idea what you have done?”<
br />
I stared at her and opted to keep quiet.
“The consequences of your actions,” Miriam said, her tone soft and dripping with fury, “will be severe.” She bent close to me. “And you have a long road to travel in order to rebuild our trust in you.”
I bit back a retort. Trust me? She didn’t even trust the grown-ups, the way she lectured them about each moment of their day and how they had to make a few pennies more.
In a flash, her hand darted around me. I felt her grab my pocket. I tried to pull away, but she was too fast. She must have been watching out the window! Two seconds later, she held Officer Ambler’s contact card. “That woman seemed far too interested in you. There will be no more contact with her.” Miriam crumpled the card. “The last thing we need is the attention of the world, sullying our efforts and throwing obstacles in our path. For bringing that attention, you have betrayed all of us.” She stood still, bent forward and glaring at me.
“For now, get upstairs this instant and clean up. You stink.” She straightened and stalked toward her office.
I glared at her as she walked away. Why couldn’t she fall right now and break her neck? Then I noticed all the people in the dining room, staring at me. They sat around the tables eating breakfast.
Luke leered at me, waggling his eyebrows. Saul shook his head, obviously judging me and deciding I was some kind of criminal.
Screw them.
Joan appeared from the kitchen, her eyes widening at the sight of me. She took a few steps my way. “God bless you, Joshua. I’m so glad you’re back.”
I bolted up the stairs and into my room, flinging my backpack as hard as I could toward my bed. It slammed against a post of the bunk bed and dropped to the floor.
Screw them all. I’d skip breakfast with them; I didn’t want to talk to anyone anyway. And as soon as I could get everything ready, I’d be gone again and they could take their stupid cult and idiotic Focus class and choke on them.
Yeah, I was back, but not for long.
Chapter 15
I formed my plan while I showered. The hot water felt like it was washing away disappointment and exhaustion. The tightness in my ankle eased. I should have known I couldn’t get away last night. I had been too angry, too quick to make the decision. Now I would have to be on my absolutely best behavior for a while, and when the grown-ups got tired of watching me all the time, I could really start preparing to get away.
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