Beyond the Cabin

Chapter 21

  The aches and stiffness that greeted me in the morning served as a reminder of how badly Abraham had it coming. I’d find a way.

  Luke and Saul were bickering as I eased myself up from my bed. Ethan and David were still asleep, like usual. Aaron, comfortable in the office downstairs no doubt, was probably long awake, tapping away on his beloved keyboards. My brother would make an appearance at Prayer Circle, eat breakfast, come to Focus class, then disappear again until lunch. No classes beyond Focus for him, for some reason.

  I began to lift off the t-shirt I had slept in, but then remembered the bruises on my chest. I grabbed my pants off the floor, snagging a shirt from my open drawer as I went by.

  “Josh, what’re you doing?” Luke called out.

  “Taking a shower.” I stopped, turning an exasperated glare on Luke. “It’s none of your business anyway. What the crap?”

  “I was just wondering if you were pulling a Sauly.” Luke reached out and slapped Saul across his irritatingly broad shoulders. “Little girl won’t get undressed in front of the boys.”

  “Shut up,” Saul muttered. “I like my privacy.”

  “Privacy? In this house? You’re kidding, right?” Luke said. He pulled his shirt up, exposing his narrow waist and completely shapeless chest. “Doesn’t exist! We see everything!” He cackled.

  “You’re an idiot,” Saul muttered.

  Shaking my head at them, I went into the bathroom. Before I could close the door, I heard the leer in Luke’s loud voice. “Man, I heard Laura and Ezekiel the other night. Talk about no privacy!”

  I rolled my eyes and locked the door. That guy’s mind was constantly in the gutter! I drew the curtain around the old tub and turned on the shower to make it seem like I was already standing under the water.

  I pulled off my shirt, breathing through my teeth. Man, I could barely move my arms! When I pulled the shirt over my head, I finally got a full view of my chest and stomach in the mirror above the sink. I dropped the shirt to the bathroom floor, totally mesmerized. Bruises covered my chest and ribs. My upper arms were a mass of purple and yellow. Muttering colorful names for Abraham, I turned my back to the mirror and craned my head around. Bruises there too.

  He was going to pay. Abraham was going to pay for this. I wouldn’t try to get back at Saul—it wasn’t his fault. I should have kept myself under control yesterday.

  But these bruises were all Abraham’s doing.

  And suddenly a hot shower sounded great. I should have enough time before morning Prayer Circle if I was fast. I caught my breath as I stepped into the tub and the water sliced like a hot knife into my skin. As the water cascaded over my body, slowly beginning to ease the pain in my body, I seethed. That guy was going to get it. I didn’t know how I would do it, but this was ridiculous. I could hardly move!

  But this anger felt different, not ember red like what had made me want to destroy Saul yesterday. It felt like ice. It felt like control. It was better than the fire. I imagined that I cupped the icy fury inside of me, protecting it, glorying in the discordant sensations of ice in my heart and hot water on my skin.

  Prayer Circle. Coming out of the trance the hot shower had put me into, I realized I was taking too long. I couldn’t afford any more punishments. I had lost almost an entire day of lines yesterday.

  The struggle and pain of getting dressed built the cold anger that nestled deep inside me. I imagined it was a frozen ball of power right in my core. I would draw on that power when the time came. I just had to find—no—make the right time.

  I thumped down the stairs, peering around the rail to see if Prayer Circle had begun. Miriam was walking in. Perfect timing! I hoped my bruises faded quickly so I wouldn’t have to take so much time every morning to get ready. My luck would run out and I’d get chewed out for being late.

  I looked around the room while moving my mouth as if I were singing the first chant.

  Freedom from the human game

  Freedom from the mind

  In service of the purpose

  Lies freedom for the soul

  I sometimes wondered exactly what the human game was supposed to be, anyway.

  As I panned the room, I realized that even Tabitha and Enos sat on the couches. They must have gotten back from Dallas the night before. They sat in their soft chairs, looking around as if they were returning heroes. They must have done something down there. Last time they came back they were all depressed.

  The reason for Tabitha and Enos’s pride was made quickly clear. “As you have all seen, Tabitha and Enos have returned. Before we read from Scripture, we would like to announce their success.” Miriam, standing in the middle of the circle, stepped over to her chair and sat. “Tabitha?”

  Tabitha stood. She looked like she could be Miriam’s washed-out twin. Tabitha’s hair was slightly lighter than Miriam’s and her face was not as pointy. She’s my aunt, I thought. Whatever that’s supposed to mean!

  “I’ll keep this short. We’ve found somebody who lives in Dallas who will be able to work with us to get the new branch going. She will arrive tomorrow and we will Accept her during Sunday’s Celebration. Her name is Luciana.” Tabitha nodded and sat down.

  Abraham began clapping first. I knew this because I’d been watching the jerk from the corner of my eye. He was such a faker! Acting all sweet and supportive, but inside he was a bullying dirtbag! Everybody else, clearly oblivious to Abraham’s hypocrisy, began clapping too.

  Miriam let the applause go on for a minute, then stood. “It is, of course, exciting to be welcoming a new member to our Fundamental Faith in God. However, the occasion also merits great reverence. So let us include in our prayers the plea that we will have the blessing from the Most High when we Accept Luciana on Sunday.”

  After that it was business as usual. The Bible. Another song. Ezekiel read a poem; it was dumb as usual. The third and last song.

  I joined the throng hurrying to the dining area. During breakfast, I was glad that none of the kids tried talking, as usual. I wouldn’t have minded talking to Mary, but that would have raised eyebrows like crazy.

  I wasn’t so lucky in the kitchen, after breakfast. Luke kept trying to goad me into picking on Sauly, but I really wasn’t interested. Luke finally gave up, saying, “Geez, you’re a jerk today. Like always.”

  I didn’t take the bait. Finishing before the other boys, like always, I headed out.

  “Joshua,” Joan said, coming from the hallway.

  I looked at her, trying to keep my face flat and discouraging.

  “Are you alright? You’ve been so quiet.”

  “Fine,” I said.

  “Are you sure?”

  I glared at her. “Of course I’m sure.” I turned away and walked quickly out the front door. Why couldn’t people see when a person didn’t want to talk? What was wrong with these people?

  I nearly stopped, realizing I might be able to tell Joan about what Abraham had done. She would see the bruises—would she believe me? If she did, what could she do?

  I had no idea.

  No, forget it. Getting him back was up to me.

  Out on the porch, I noticed that the day was overcast and chilly. It didn’t matter; I couldn’t really spend any time on the boring porch anyway. Stupid lines. I turned and trudged up the stairs, figuring I’d get some done before school started.

  * * *

  The classroom filled with the noise of people stowing books and heading for the door. Penelope had been mad at me and Luke for not doing the algebra homework, but I figured I had a pretty good excuse. So I let the rebuke slide right off. I had to do it before Tuesday, so I had plenty of time. As long I got these lines done.

  I slapped my textbook closed and shoved it under my chair. When I straightened, pen in hand, the room was almost empty.

  Mary was slowly putting things away. She was so obvious! Not that I minded. As Penelope finally left the room, Mary raised her head and looked at me.

  “Lines?” she asked.


  “Yup.”

  “Lame.”

  “Yup.”

  We smiled at each other. I looked down, opening my notebook. By the time I got these done, I’d never be able to forget the dumb sentence. I said each word aloud as I wrote my first line of afternoon. “I will control my temper at all times and in all places so that I will represent God in a more perfect fashion.”

  “Oh my gosh!” Mary said. “That’s huge! That’s… that’s sick huge!”

  “I know!” I laughed, loving her choice of words. “Totally ridiculous.”

  “When do you have to finish them by?”

  “Sunday.”

  I started in on a page, hoping she would stay but knowing that was a bad idea. I wouldn’t get anything done.

  “Are you gonna be able to?” Mary asked.

  I chewed on that for a minute. “Yeah. I think so.”

  “Still don’t want any help?”

  “No, I do, but Miriam’d probably catch us. I don’t need any more trouble,” I said as dramatically as he could.

  Mary laughed. “No, you really don’t”

  “You’ll be able to catch up to me,” I said, glancing up at her.

  “What do you mean?”

  “With the books. You know…”

  She nodded, getting it. “Oh. No, I don’t think so. I don’t read that fast. I actually prefer to read slowly. I enjoy it more.”

  I looked down at my scrawled-on page. It was strange. Two weeks ago I would never have imagined I could talk to Mary like this. “That’s pretty cool,” I said.

  “You’re the one who reads fast,” Mary said.

  “Yep. I like to find out what happens.” I began to write again.

  “Oh, I better let you work,” Mary said.

  I grimaced, but she was right. “Yeah. Sorry.” I wished I could program my hand to keep writing while I talked to her.

  “See ya.” Mary headed out.

  “Yeah.” I kept my head down but watched her as she walked out of the classroom. Sighing, I focused on the page in front of me. “Gotta finish a fat chunk of this now,” I said to the classroom. I cued up a mental soundtrack, wishing I had a radio or something and one of Mal’s CDs. Heck, I would even take one of the classical music CDs that Miriam kept in her office, as long as it wasn’t slow piano stuff.

  I wrote as fast as I could.

  I came out of my writing trance something like two hours later when my pen ran dry. My right hand ached, especially the fingers where I held the pen. When I stood to stretch, I realized that my whole body still ached, but at least it didn’t hurt quite as bad as it had in the morning.

  I glanced down at my notebook. Pages, filled with my scrawl, curled from the pressure of my pen. One thousand and eighty. A bit over a third done.

  “That’ll do,” I said to the empty room. I needed to see the sky, feel the wind. This room was so dank. It felt like air couldn’t move in here with all the wood and no windows. I got out.

  The cool air of the early evening felt amazing, its fresh, pine scent filling my nostrils. It was as if the wind were electricity, turning my senses on. I sat on the rocking chair I usually sat on to read and looked out over the driveway and the area of flat ground between the house and the Douglas firs. I imagined my gaze following the line of the trees in a wandering circle around the house and goose pond. I wondered if the land the house was on was naturally clear or if somebody had once torn out a bunch of trees.

  “Josh!”

  I jumped and turned, surprised at the interruption.

  “Sauly’s got some money,” Luke said, emerging from the house with Saul right behind him.

  “So?” I didn’t bother to ask how Saul had gotten money when no other kid in the group had any. Abraham and Penelope somehow had money to give him every couple of weeks. I figured they were taking money from the beggars’ money, but I didn’t really care. What was one more injustice with everything else?

  “We’re gonna hitch a ride into Cooperton and buy something,” Luke said.

  “No you’re not,” I said, shaking my head.

  “Yeah we are,” Saul said. “We’ll be back in plenty of time for dinner. Nobody’ll know.”

  “Yeah, that may be true. But you’re not gonna do it,” I said.

  “I just said we were,” Luke said. “And I was going to let you come, but not now. You lost out.”

  I stood, not interested in the conversation. They would threaten to hitchhike to town, but they wouldn’t have the guts. Not a chance. “Okay, have fun,” I said, going inside. I closed the door firmly behind me. Twits on a string.

  I let my vision wander around the living room, my gaze settling on the clock. It was Thursday, so the beggars would come back about six o’clock. That meant a little under an hour until dinner.

  Talk to Mary? Maybe she was in her room? My imagination took off but I reined it in before it could go too far. The image of Mary’s small, curving lips took its time fading.

  No, I really needed to get those lines done. I didn’t want to get in bigger trouble. Speaking of trouble, why hadn’t I gotten in bigger trouble for the fight with Saul? But as I entered the school room, I figured it out. Abraham must have said he would give me a punishment and Miriam must have let him. Did she know that Abraham had decided my punishment should be him punching and kicking me?

  I stopped at that, standing in the middle of the schoolroom floor. Did Miriam know? Did she let Abraham do it, or worse, did she tell Abraham to do it? I doubted that; Abraham had been completely out of control.

  I wished Mal were around. I could have told Mal what had happened, then Mal would have destroyed Abraham. Mal may have been tall and kind of skinny, but he was strong. But then, Mal had often said that, for a kid, I was pretty strong. I had never really listened to Mal, but I had nearly beaten Mal in that arm wrestle a few weeks before Mal had left. Of course, Mal might have been fooling with me.

  No, I wanted to be the one to destroy Abraham. It would be painful and long and Abraham would never forget it.

  I sat at my desk, pulling a pen and my notebook out from the cubby under my chair. As I sat, tapping my pen on the paper, I imagined plot after plot to get revenge, but couldn’t settle on anything.

  By the time dinner was announced, I hadn’t written any more lines and I was no closer to having a plan to pay Abraham back. I knew I couldn’t attack Abraham in the middle of the house. I had to lure him out, maybe into the woods. But I had no idea how to do so.

  Dinner was boring. From the way Luke and Sauly were talking, I could tell they hadn’t had the guts to try to go to town. They never would. The thought of the trouble they would get in scared them too much.

  A couple times, I caught Mary’s eyes and she smiled slightly at me. I hoped tonight would go the same as last night.

  It didn’t. Soon after I got up to get started on pots, Mary walked into the kitchen, followed closely by Joan. Mary made a face at me, so that Joan couldn’t see. I understood and tried not to smile too much. She had wanted to work together again too.

  “You two did such a good job last night,” Joan said, bustling around the kitchen, “and I realized it was only the two of you.” I threw a glance over my shoulder, wondering if Joan had figured it out.

  “That’s a lot of work for the two of you and I felt so bad. So I’m going to help you.”

  Nope, she hadn’t. But she was still getting in the way.

  “We never quite made the connection, but Mary’s been doing the girls’ part all by herself since Esther left,” Joan said, rolling up her sleeves.

  I hadn’t made that connection either. I looked over at Mary, careful to make sure that Joan was looking elsewhere. I raised my eyebrows when I caught Mary’s gaze, hoping she would get my question. Is that true?

  Mary nodded, shrugging.

  Wow. That was kind of impressive.

  “And that’s not fair,” Joan said. She had the wash sink filled. “So here I am.”

  “Thanks Joan,”
Mary said.

  “You’re welcome, Mary,” Joan said. “Joshua doesn’t talk much either, does he? The handsome, strong, silent type who likes to keep to himself. I imagine you could use the company.”

  I smiled into my dish water. She had no idea.

  The dishes went faster with Joan’s help. I even had the weird experience of being the last one in the kitchen. Joan had left with Mary, saying, “I would like to help, Joshua, but I understand this is a consequence you have to complete. So we’ll leave you to it.”

  I grumbled, but was happy to have the kitchen free of adults. Joan was easily the nicest of the grown-ups, but she still had the annoying habit of assuming she knew everything about the world and that the kids had no clue. She still talked down to everyone my age and younger, even if she did it in a nicer tone of voice.

  Wasting no time, I finished the dishes, ran to get my book and headed out to the porch. Mary was there already, but so was Luke, sitting in my usual chair. You’ve gotta be kidding me.

  They both turned when they heard me come out of the door.

  “Hey man,” Luke said.

  “Hey,” I said, fighting to keep the disappointment off my face.

  “Hi,” Mary said.

  I kept my head down and tried to act nonchalant as I went to one of the chairs on the other side of the porch. I didn’t want to sit next to Mary and interrupt, plus the light wasn’t very good there. So I moved to the chairs arranged to the right of the front door. From there I would still be able to see in the wash of light from the porch lamp. I scooted the chair closer to the rail. I sat, opening my book and trying to focus on the words.

  Whatever Mary and Luke were talking about, I couldn’t tell. They were talking quietly. I wondered if they were trying to keep a secret or just not be too loud while I read. I wondered if Mary was being friends with me, and doing the same with Luke. That was probably it. I was reading too much into her smiles and stuff.

  I was such a moron. She didn’t want me to kiss her. If I did something like that, she would probably scream. Besides, she was only thirteen. Okay, almost fourteen. But she probably wasn’t even old enough to have feelings like that!