Beyond the Cabin

  “Sorry for the mess.”

  She laughed. “You’ve really let the place go.”

  “Been busy with those stupid lines.”

  Her expression grew serious. “Oh yeah. How ever did you get them done?”

  “Did them all myself. Painstaking hours of writing.” I grinned at her. “My hand may never be the same.”

  “All by yourself?” Mary’s eyes squinted a little in mock anger.

  “Yep.”

  “Really?”

  “Well,” I said, swallowing past some fresh tightness in my throat. Where had she come from? Why had I taken so long to realize how great she was? Why did she care about stupid me? “I had a bit of help.”

  “You mean magnificent, fantastic help, I think.”

  “It was pretty good.”

  She took a step closer, staring intensely at me. My stomach did a somersault. “Just pretty good?”

  I stuttered, but managed, “My mistake. It was awesome.” Could she hear my heart slamming against my chest bone?

  A lazy smile stretched her cheeks. “That’s what I thought.”

  “Of course, Miriam chucked them in the garbage.”

  “So dumb,” Mary nodded. She came close enough that I could have reached out and touched her cheek.

  “No kidding,” I said. Even in the dim light, I could see her eyes. They almost glowed. I felt like every muscle in my middle was trying to wriggle free.

  The silence felt charged, almost expectant. I stared at her glowing eyes.

  She looked away. “Did you find anything?”

  “No, but I only started looking a minute ago.” I felt like I took my first breath in days.

  Mary looked around. “Where should I start?”

  I spread my arms out, forcing myself to be cool. “I’ll start here.” I pointed at a few piles nearby. “You want to start over there?”

  “Sure. Tarps, right?” She picked her way across the floor.

  “Yeah.”

  “How big?”

  Bent toward my pile, I forced my thoughts to the task at hand. “I guess it doesn’t matter. Anything should work.”

  “What’s this for again?”

  “Just something I’m working on in the woods.” This was dumb. Why not tell her; she was helping me! “I’ll show you when it’s done.”

  Mary’s goofy smile was obvious even across the dim room. “A secret?”

  “No, it’s not a―”

  “Josh and Mary are married!”

  Both of us whirled to face the door. David and Ethan stood in the doorway, laughing and jumping up and down. “Kissing and hugging and―”

  “Shut up!” I shouted, fury instantly filling me. The little jerks were going to ruin everything!

  “We don’t have to!” Ethan shouted back.

  “You do if you don’t want me to―” I stopped. No. I couldn’t threaten them, couldn’t let my anger win every time. Besides, Mary was right there.

  “You’re not supposed to be in here!” Ethan shouted. “I’m telling!”

  Tingles of alarm shot up my neck. Mary and I would really get in trouble if the grown-ups found out we had been in here together. I felt like I could almost see myself from behind. I imagined I was a puppet-master, controlling myself. I kept my voice calm. “No, hey, Ethan. David. Why would you tell?”

  “You’re not supposed to be in here!” Ethan shouted again.

  “You’re right,” Mary said. She stepped closer to the little boys, throwing a glance my way. Her expression seemed to say, “Let me handle this.”

  Ethan looked surprised that Mary had agreed with him.

  “Usually we’re not supposed to be in here, and I’m glad you know that you should tell if you see one of us in here.”

  Where was she going with this? I watched the little boys. They seemed as confused as I felt. But they weren’t tearing off to tell the nearest adult yet, so that was something.

  “But we were told to come in here and look for something,” Mary said. She turned to me.

  I got her meaning. “Yeah. Miriam,” I said, invoking the name of the adult that scared all of us, “told us to find something in here.”

  “Find what?” David asked, his curiosity obviously aroused.

  “We’ll get in trouble if we tell you,” Mary said.

  “No you won’t! You’re lying!” David, clearly the leader of the two, said.

  “We will. It’s supposed to be a surprise,” Mary said.

  I could only stand in awe as Mary manipulated the two boys.

  “I shouldn’t tell you this, but we’ll all get in trouble if Miriam knows you know we were in here. We’re helping make a present for somebody and they’re not supposed to know,” Mary said.

  “Who’s it for?” Ethan asked.

  “I can’t tell you that!” Mary said. “But my birthday is next, then Josh’s. Don’t you know whose birthday comes after that?”

  Ethan and David were silent for a minute. Finally David said, “Mine?”

  Mary nodded.

  David’s eyes went wide. “Is it for me?”

  “I can’t tell you! If you tell anyone, you won’t get it and Miriam will be mad and we’ll all get in trouble.”

  Holy crap. I couldn’t believe it.

  David looked down. I was struck by how much older David seemed.

  “But maybe I should tell Miriam that you found us in here, just in case you decide to tell. That way she’ll know that you came in here when you weren’t supposed to. So we won’t get in trouble, but you will.” Mary said.

  “No no! Don’t!” David said.

  “Please don’t tell!” Ethan said.

  “I won’t tell if you won’t,” Mary said.

  “We won’t tell!” the two boys shouted together.

  “Then you’d better get out of here before anyone else sees you. And don’t come back, right?”

  Without a word, Ethan and David spun and ran back toward the house.

  Mary watched them until they were out of sight, then turned to me.

  I stood awestruck. “That… that was amazing.”

  “I know,” Mary said.

  “No, I mean, there’s no way they’re going to tell anyone. Not in a million years,” I said.

  “I know.”

  “How did you do that?”

  “You have to know what they want and give it to them. They want to stay out of trouble, so I showed them how to,” Mary said, with a smile.

  “Yeah, but you were lying the whole time.” I grinned back.

  “You do what you have to.”

  I shook my head in wonder. “You are a very skillful liar. Can you teach me how to do that?”

  “I don’t know. It’s more of a talent than anything else.”

  “Are you saying I couldn’t―” catching a glimpse of Mary’s face, I stopped. She was laughing quietly.

  “Just kidding,” Mary said.

  I feigned offense. “I can lie as well as you.”

  “It’s not lying, it’s acting.”

  “It’s manipulation.”

  “We’re not in trouble are we?” Mary said.

  “Hey, I never said lying and manipulation were bad things,” I said, turning back to the search.

  “Especially if you can do them well.”

  At that, I burst into laughter. Mary joined in.

  Her laughter dissolved into coughs as she inhaled dust. Mary made some funny faces trying to clear her throat of the dust and I laughed more. Mary glared at me.

  “It’s not funny,” she gasped.

  “Sure it is.”

  She flung a big, tattered bag at me. I dodged and swatted at the bag. A dust cloud exploded in my face, filling my lungs. I hacked and coughed for what felt like hours, working my tongue to the get the nasty sensation out of my mouth.

  “Is it funny now?” Mary asked, bursting into laughter again.

  “You suck!” I said in between gasps and coughs.

  “And you suck dust!”
<
br />   I coughed some more, trying to keep my face serious despite the laughter that threatened. When I finally got my breath back, I threw a mock glare at Mary. “Trying to kill me?”

  She feigned shock. “Of course not! You only called me a liar.”

  “A good liar.” My kind of liar. I wanted to tell her, wanted to see her reaction when I told her what was in my heart. Don’t ruin it. I picked up the tattered bag she had thrown. “Want it back?”

  She smiled sweetly at me. “No thank you.” She turned to a nearby pile.

  I took another look at the bag. I pulled at a corner. The ‘bag’ fell open. “Hey, good job.”

  “What?” Mary asked, looking up.

  “I see now that you wanted to show me you had found what we were looking for,” I said formally. I dramatically shook the folded tarp open, coughing again in the cloud of dust that followed.

  Mary laughed again. “Exactly.”

  Waving dust away, I crossed the room to Mary’s pile. “Maybe there are more.”

  After several minutes of searching and cough-interrupted conversation, we had no more tarps.

  “Well, we found one,” Mary said.

  “Yeah, but I need more.”

  “You want to keep looking?”

  “Yep,” I said. We silently divided up the room again, each of us working on our own piles of junk. While I tossed old shoes, suitcases, tools and containers behind me, I marveled at the week I was having. From alone to this.

  Some time later I straightened. “Found one.”

  “I found two,” said Mary.

  I approached her. “Let’s see.”

  She held them out to me. “Happy Birthday.”

  I chuckled. “So glad you remembered.”

  “How could I forget?”

  I was glad the light was fading as I felt my face grow red hot.

  She smiled at me. “Yours is exactly two weeks after mine. So I never forget yours.”

  I laughed my embarrassment away. “I guess that means I shouldn’t forget yours. But I do.” But I didn’t. I’d just thought of her birthday earlier. “So yours is next week. What do you want?”

  She smiled. “All I want is a lovely, dusty tarpaulin, please.”

  “Well,” I said, grinning and indicating the door with my head, “I’m gonna use all of these. Maybe more, so I can’t promise anything.”

  “Oh.” She looked down, sniffling. “But I really want one.”

  “Well, I’ll try to have some left over.” Even though I knew she was kidding around, my heart gave a twinge at her sad face.

  “Thanks!”

  We stopped at the door.

  I knew I should say something. “So thanks for helping, even though it’s all a mystery.”

  “I like mysteries,” Mary said.

  “Good.” I couldn’t take my eyes away from her face. I was going to make her feel weird with my staring, but I couldn’t stop. It was so easy to talk to her now! In the dim light, it seemed like her round face was even softer, her eyes nearly glowing again. An urge hit me with almost physical force. If I stepped a little toward her, she would be so close. Then it would take like a second to―

  “What?”

  “Huh?”

  “You’re just standing there.”

  Too slow. Too much thinking. “Oh, sorry. I was thinking…”

  “About what?”

  My heart hammered on the inside of my chest. Maybe I could still—“I’m really glad…” I didn’t know how to finish the sentence.

  Mary’s smile made her seem older than she was, but not in some physical way. She seemed to know what I meant. “Me too.”

  My heart was beating so hard it hurt. I felt jittery, scared. In the movies that we were sometimes allowed to watch, this was where the hero would kiss the girl. This wasn’t as easy as in the movies. An image of the scene from Goonies flashed through my mind. That’d be easier. I opened my mouth to say something… anything.

  Nothing came out.

  What if she doesn’t want me to? But that’s stupid, she feels the same thing! But how can I be sure?

  I couldn’t do it. “So thanks again.” The terrified shakes bled out of me as I accepted I was too much of a chicken to try anything.

  “Sure,” Mary said.

  “I’d better get these out of here,” I hefted the pile of tarps.

  “Okay.” She moved toward the house.

  “Hey Mary,” I said. No. I couldn’t let fear stop me. I stepped after her.

  She turned back a little.

  Right out of a movie. Now’s the time for a soundtrack. No music came.

  I hugged the tarps to my chest with my left hand. “I don’t…” I had no clue what to say. I reached out with my right hand, finding her hand in the fading light. She jerked as if from an electrical shock when my hand touched hers. But she didn’t take her hand away. “I don’t want this to change,” I said.

  Her hand was cool in mine, but under her skin I felt warmth and life. She squeezed my hand.

  “Me neither,” she said. She smiled up at me.

  I smiled back. My heart thundered. I held her hand.

  “I better go,” Mary said.

  This was better. Better than a movie. Better than a soundtrack. “Okay.”

  When she took her hand away, my hand felt emptier than before. I watched her disappear around the corner of the house.

  My face hurt. Then I noticed I was grinning. I didn’t remember the walk to the cabin, dropping off the tarps, or the walk back. The sensation of her hand in mine filled me for the rest of the evening.

  When Mary appeared on the porch to read next to me after dinner and dishes were done, I was tempted to hold her hand again. She sat close enough for me to, but I knew there was no way. I wanted to tell her how I felt. But I knew I shouldn’t.

  “What are you reading?” I asked.

  She showed me the cover of her book. A mouse holding a sewing needle was pictured. “It’s really good.”

  “About a mouse?”

  “Yeah,” Mary said.

  “Not as cool as horses,” I said, smiling slightly.

  “Maybe not, but still cool.” She smiled back.

  I lifted my book, showing her the cover. “And dwarves and barbarians are the coolest.”

  “You wish.”

  Chapter 30

  Sunday always sucked. Prayer Circle and Celebration meant endless boredom. But even washing dishes for what had to be an hour didn’t get rid of the feeling of Mary’s hand in mine.

  I had really held Mary’s hand. And she had held mine back. It had really happened. I’d wanted to find a way to do it again, but the rest of the week hadn’t worked out. What with swimming lessons after classes on Thursday, being totally absorbed by my books on Friday, and extra chores on Saturday, there’d been no way.

  Maybe today. My hand remembered the feeling of her soft, warm skin, the tightness of her grip. But the memory seemed to be fading.

  “What’s up with you?”

  I turned at the question. Across the room, Luke stood half-clothed.

  “What do you mean?” I sat up and swung my legs off the bed.

  “You’re lying there like an idiot. What’re you smiling about?” Luke leered. “Oh I know… you had a really, really good dream, didn’t you?”

  “What?” I made the connection. “Gross! Shut up! Why’re you so nasty?” Was I any better though, with all those thoughts that came into my head? Yes, I don’t wallow in it.

  “Because it works,” Luke muttered, turning to find a shirt.

  Trust Luke to ruin a perfectly good morning. I rolled out of bed and stood. “Wake up! Wake up! Can’t be late to Prayer Circle!” I grabbed some clothes and had the bathroom door shut before any complaints reached my ears.

  In the mirror I saw that I still had pretty colorful but fading bruises on my chest and shoulders. One purple and yellow one on my upper right leg looked a little like the profile of George Washington on the quarter.

&n
bsp; “Josh!” Saul’s voice came through the door. “Hurry up! You’re gonna make me late for Prayer Circle.”

  “Chill.” I flushed the toilet to keep up appearances, then got changed quickly. On my way out of the bathroom, I said, “It’s all yours.”

  Glaring, Saul said, “You took long enough.”

  “You are very welcome,” I said. I headed down to Prayer Circle.

  Mary was the last of the kids to show up. I caught her eye. A tiny smile crept across her lips. I nodded slightly at her, knowing we had to be careful. I had to fight to not look at her constantly.

  After another minute or two, the last of the adults showed up. Then Miriam appeared with a short, dark-haired woman at her side. “Brothers and Sisters,” Miriam began, “God bless you.”

  I muttered the required response, my voice lost in the rumble of all the other peoples’ voices.

  “As you have probably guessed, this is Luciana. We are Accepting her today during our Celebration, but I thought it would be appropriate for you all to meet her this morning.” Miriam put her hand on Luciana’s lower back, guiding the short woman forward.

  Luciana’s face was all flat surfaces and shadows. I had never seen a face like it before. She looked both nervous and angry. Why would she be angry?

  “Hello,” Luciana said, her voice soft but strong enough to carry throughout the room. “Thank you for having me.”

  “We will make sure everybody has the chance to meet you individually, Luciana. For now, I invite you to find a seat,” Miriam indicated a spot between next to Tabitha.

  After that, Prayer Circle continued like normal. I threw a few glances Luciana’s way during the meeting. How could anyone want to join the Faith? Maybe I should tell her what it’s really like. I saw her smile at Tabitha. Wow. I’ve never seen anyone who had a permanently angry face.

  * * *

  “What’s wrong with that lady?” Luke asked quietly at the breakfast table.

  I glanced over at Luke. “What? Oh, you mean Luciana?”

  “Yeah. Why would she want to join this group of morons?”

  “We’re not morons,” Saul said.

  “You know,” Luke said, “I wasn’t talking about you. But now that you mention it, yeah, you are a moron.”

  “Shut up!” Saul said, too loudly.

  “Saul,” Gwen said, her voice pitched to carry from the adults’ table.

  Sauly’s face fell into a sulk.