by Ilana Waters
“No joke!” I was practically yelling. The only reason I kept my voice down was that I didn’t want to alert anyone in the asylum to our presence. “Though I’d say the danger is decidedly greater for me. All you need to do is swim out of here.”
Dym swallowed hard. His expression was the closest thing to fear that I’d seen on him since we met. “You know I can’t do that, Seluna.”
“I know you won’t. I still don’t see why you can’t.” Dym opened his mouth to speak, but I put up my hand. “Right, right; it’s ‘hard to explain.’ But Dym, you really need to do something. I have nowhere else to go. I’m out of options, out of time!”
“I’m so sorry, Seluna. I wish I had more assistance to offer. But if it’s any consolation, I won’t leave you.”
“What do you mean, you won’t leave? You can’t just hang around here in the middle of the pond.” It wouldn’t do any good, anyway.
“If that’s what I must do, then that’s what I must do. All I know is I can’t leave you to face this by yourself.”
“But that’s exactly what you are doing! Not helping me, not even telling me why you won’t. Do you have any idea how all this looks?”
Dym’s shoulders sagged, and his entire body seemed like a deflated hot-air balloon. “Yes, I do,” he said quietly. “All I can say again is that I’m sorry, I wish things were different.” He looked up at me. “And I will not leave you.”
I wanted to throw myself into his arms, to beg him to help me. Or maybe I just wanted to be in his arms, for him to hold me the way I’d imagined. Either way, that would never happen. I was far too proud. Although, Seluna, if your life is at stake . . .
No. I doubted even that would change anything. It didn’t seem like begging was what Dym wanted. He was disinclined to offer aid no matter what I said or did. I hated him for not helping, hated myself for having to ask for help, and hated myself even more for wanting to be with him regardless.
“Fine, then.” I pursed my lips to keep the rage inside. “I guess this is the last time we’ll be seeing each other.” The childlike look of pain on Dym’s face was almost too much to bear.
There has to be something I’m missing, something he’s not telling me. But since I had no idea what it was, and no way of finding out, it was pointless to keep pleading with him. There was only one thing left to do if he insisted on staying here, or on coming back. It probably wouldn’t work, but I needed to try. I couldn’t risk Dym being harmed by this Event. I had to keep him safe, even if he refused to do the same for me.
I had to use the sleep spell on him. Maybe the second time would be the charm.
“It pains my heart to think of never seeing you again, Seluna,” Dym said softly. “It truly does.” His eyes ran all over me, as if trying to memorize my form, my face.
I literally had to bite my tongue to keep from making a sarcastic remark. I still needed something personal of Dym’s in order to work the spell. But what could I get? He didn’t even wear clothing—at least, not while he was swimming. Then it dawned on me.
“At least give me something to remember you by,” I said haughtily. “A lock of your hair, perhaps.”
“You want a piece of my hair?” He looked skeptically at my own, which was waist-length. “You seem to have quite enough as it is.”
“You are wasting the remaining time we have with these asinine comments.”
Dym put up his hands. “All right, all right. You wouldn’t happen to have a pair of scissors on you? Or a small knife, perhaps?”
“Are you kidding? They won’t let us carry so much as a pin at Silver Hill.”
“Figures there would be no sharps allowed. Can’t have you girls do any subversive pinning, I suppose.” Just as I was wondering how to get a lock of Dym’s hair, he ran a few strands back and forth against the jagged edge of a rock. In no time at all, the strands came off cleanly in his palms. He held the hair up to me, and I took it in my hand without my eyes ever leaving his.
Even wet, I was surprised at how light and soft Dym’s hair was. Makes me want to run my fingers through the rest of it. Then I remembered I was still mad at him.
“Well, then . . .” My voice trailed off. I knew I had to leave now. I couldn’t risk Dym realizing how I truly felt. Who knew if I would see him again? If I would even survive Catron? A last, desperate urge swept through my heart, and I wanted to kiss him good-bye.
It was almost as if Dym felt the same. He pressed his lips together and looked at mine.
“Seluna—” he started.
I cut him off before I could change my mind. “Good-bye, Endymion. I wish you luck. The way you treat your friends, I fear you’ll sorely need it.”
Dym swallowed hard and moved back from the edge of the pond. “Good-bye, Seluna. For once, I hope you’re wrong. I hope we do meet again.”
“I think that is about as likely as this garden turning into an Eden overnight.” I turned on my heel before he could see the hot tears coursing down my cheeks.
Chapter 12
I cursed myself as I walked back to the secret staircase, then continued cursing as I wound my way angrily back up to the garret.
What am I doing? Why am I being so stupid? Trying to save a creature who wouldn’t lift a finger for me. It was as if I was compelled by some strange, otherworldly force.
I really hope it isn’t love, I thought, shutting the big stone door as I returned to my room. I pulled the sheet over it and wiped my sleeve across my eyes. My throat hurt from trying to keep the tears inside. Because if this is love, then by all the gods, they can keep it.
But I still needed to deal with Catron. Since the sleep spell didn’t work, maybe I can take another look at that Drawing Down the Moon thing. I didn’t know why, but I felt like it might help. It couldn’t hurt, anyway, and it was my last shot. I got out the Book and sat cross-legged on my cot, holding a dwindling candle over the ancient pages.
On second thought . . . I propped the Book up on the windowsill and let the moonlight shine on it. Not only did this make it easier to read, but for some reason, it made me feel better, too. I began searching for Drawing Down the Moon. But before I reached it, I came across a section I didn’t remember seeing before.
Across two full pages was a picture of a young man gazing at the moon, which encircled a feminine face. The face on the moon was smiling. There was a great deal of text below the picture, written in neat, tiny script. Fortunately, it was in a recent Hartlandian dialect. But some of the text was faded and scratched out, so I had to begin reading several paragraphs after it started. What I uncovered was a most interesting story:
“The king and I were on a tour of the Westernland coast when our ship was caught in a bad storm. It was late at night, and we and the crew nearly drowned but for the quick thinking of a young woman and her male companion. They arrived suddenly, just as our ship was going under. Cramming all of us on board their tiny rowboat, they brought everyone safely to shore.”
The king and I? Unbelievable. Maybe the Book really did belong to a Hartlandian queen of old. I read on.
“The girl was quite striking. She had pale, pearly skin with long, thick black hair. Her lover was equally distinctive: a dark, powerfully built boy with bright green eyes. They were constantly smiling, gazing at each other. So clear and deep was their affection, it touched one’s heart to look at them.
“They were more than gracious, letting us take shelter in their seaside home. Even though they knew we were royalty, they did not act nervous or affected in any way, like so many subjects do. As we sipped hot drinks with blankets around our shoulders, I asked how long the pair had known each other.
“They laughed and said, ‘Forever!’ and ‘Since the dawn of time.’ I smiled and replied, ‘I know what you mean. Sometimes, it seems the king and I have been married for an age as well.’
“But the girl shook her head and smiled. ‘No, it’s true. You see, I am the goddess of the moon, and this is my consort. Beca
use he is not a deity, we cannot stay in the same heaven when our bodies expire. The only way we can be together is to be reborn, over and over, and find each other on Earth. We only learned this recently—in these bodies, that is.’ She exchanged a knowing look with the boy. ‘I don’t know how soon we were able to find out in previous lives. But it appears we come down here with little prior knowledge of who we once were. We must reacquaint ourselves in every lifetime.’
“ ‘Hardly a disagreeable task.’ The boy brought his beloved’s hand to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss.
“I hesitated before responding. I wasn’t sure whether or not to believe them.”
How could the queen believe them? I thought. It sounds ridiculous. I bit my lip. Beautiful, but ridiculous.
“ ‘Well,’ I said slowly, ‘that certainly is a very lovely story.’
“ ‘But what happens,’ asked the king, ‘if you don’t find each other in your lifetime? Or something happens to one of you before you do?’
“The girl’s face fell. ‘According to what we’ve learned, that is indeed a possibility. Sometimes, we do not find one another, and must wander the earth alone.’
“ ‘And then there are forces that may conspire to keep us apart,’ said the boy. But he did not elaborate on what they were.
“ ‘There is also the chance we will fall in love with someone else,’ added the girl, ‘or not believe the legend from which our love is sprung.’
“ ‘But that is not the case this time.’ The boy wrapped the girl in his arms, and looked on her face with complete adoration. ‘Now that I’ve found you, I will let nothing come between us. You are my sea-treasure, and I will fight to the last to hold onto you.’ He kissed her passionately. My husband smiled at me and put his hand on mine.
“Although we had to return to the royal palace shortly afterward, I never forgot that night. And I never forgot the legend of the moon goddess and her infinite consort.”
There was a lump in my throat when I finished reading. It’s not fair, I thought. I mean, it’s not like I’m sitting around in a tower expecting to be rescued. Not exactly. But it would be nice to know that kind of love. Someone who would do anything for you. Why can’t Dym be more like that boy in the Book? Sometimes, I thought all girls had to be masochists to give their hearts to those so undeserving.
I looked out the window. The moon was high in the sky; the night was half-over. I should get some sleep if I didn’t want my daytime drowsiness to be worse than usual. But there was still the sleep enchantment to perform on Dym; I’d have to look at Drawing Down the Moon again tomorrow. I still half-remembered it . . . circle, wand, chakras, goddess . . .
Taking Dym’s hair out of my pocket, I moved the candle over it rhythmically back and forth while chanting. Dym. Dim. I recalled how I’d associated his name with stupidity when we first met. As I thought of how angry I was with him, it took all I had not to say “stupid” in place of his name. Still, I hoped the spell didn’t take effect while he was on one of his midnight swims. It would be tragic if Dym drowned because I was trying to save him. But I didn’t really have an alternative.
Why did Dym refuse to help me? My mind moved in circles around the question as I performed the spell. He seemed so earnest and sincere, so anguished when he said he couldn’t do anything. It made me want to believe him. Then there was the pesky fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about him and his welfare—even when I didn’t want to.
But I told myself I was saving Dym for purely altruistic reasons. I would do the same for anybody, I reasoned. Even if Dym turned out to be a selfish coward, that didn’t mean he deserved to die. I uttered the last words of the spell, holding in my heart the intention that Dym awaken when it was safe. Surely the spell’s caveat of “as long as necessary” would cover that.
“If the bloody thing works at all,” I muttered, and put the Book under my cot. Pulling the horse blanket over me, I tried to ignore its roughness and concentrate on the minimal warmth it provided. I prayed that tonight, at least my dreams would grant reprieve from the unending sense of doom.
For a long while, I tossed and turned on my cot, but at last, sleep washed over me, and I entered the Palace of Dreams. Unlike my previous dreams, this one was not shrouded in symbolism and metaphor: it was literally a palace. It looked like the home of an Olympian god, supported by columns like the ones at the main entrance of Silver Hill. The moon was just surrendering her reign on the right side of the sky, the sun peeking over a rose-red threshold on the left. There was a valley of mountains with a river running down the center. In the early-morning light, you could see the valley for miles. Never before had I beheld anything so breathtaking.
Things made sense here, the way they only did in dreams. Despite the insane events of the past few weeks, the palace radiated order and logic. I couldn’t really explain how. It just seemed that here, I was reminded of truths that in daytime were disguised as lies. Of my real self that in waking hours must hide behind a mask. I walked the flawless marble halls, drunk on the infinite space between sleeping and waking. I remember being soothed by the wild sweetness of my vision, as if no harm could breach the impenetrable wall it built.
But nothing could have prepared me for what happened when I woke up.
Chapter 13
I knew something was wrong the moment I opened my eyes.
I couldn’t really explain how, except that it was too quiet. Although it was always quieter in the garret than in the girls’ dorms, this was different somehow. It was an eerie stillness. I sat up in my cot and looked out the window. The slant of the light was completely off. It wasn’t early morning, the time I usually heard Cutter or one of her cronies banging on my door.
I must have overslept. But how was that possible? We were never allowed to sleep in, and I didn’t need that much sleep in the first place. The mental strain of the past few weeks must have taken more of a toll than I realized.
I got up, smoothed out my dress, and looked out the window again. The sun was setting! My jaw dropped. Something was definitely wrong.
“Miss?” I heard a tentative knock. “Miss?” Definitely not Cutter. The voice would have been deeper, meaner. Not to mention the full weight of her heavy fist would have been pounding against the door. I heard keys turning, and a small, mousy woman walked in with her nurse’s cap askew.
“Come with me.” She turned and began walking briskly down the steps and into the hall. I almost had to lift my skirts and jog to keep up with her.
“Shouldn’t we be going to breakfast?” I asked as we passed the cafeteria. But the nurse didn’t answer. I supposed it was a little late for breakfast, after all. We passed the schoolroom and solarium as well.
“Where is everyone?” I didn’t see Rose, Laura, or any of the other girls. In fact, I didn’t see any other staff members as we walked, either.
“I’m not at liberty to say, Miss,” the nurse finally answered. “All I can say is I’m glad fetchin’ you is my last assignment before I get out of ’ere.”
“Get out of here?”
“I’ve been let go—not that I’m complainin’, mind you,” she said hurriedly. “Frankly, I can’t wait to get into decent employ. I ’ad enough of them long nights in this gods-forsaken place.” Her eyes scanned the shadowy walls and ceilings as if she expected them to come to life and attack her.
“Why did they let you go?”
Now she turned and looked me up and down as if I had no right to exist. “Well, ain’t we the nosy one?” she said. “Not that it’s any of your business, but Dr. Catron said ’e couldn’t trust me no more. Don’t know why, seein’ as ’ow I’m one of the most upright souls on this ’ere earth. But ’e’s been actin’ more funny that way lately, ’ardly trustin’ nobody. Anyway, it ain’t none of my concern. Like I said, I’m just glad to be gettin’ out of this circle of ’ell. Though I ain’t lookin’ forward to leavin’ through that there big ’allway. The way they ’ave them layin’ on the floor li
ke that, it ain’t right.” She shuddered. “They should at least cover ’em with a sheet or somethin’.”
Alarm bells were ringing in my head. “Cover what?” I demanded. Still no answer.
“Gettin’ even worse, if you ask me, with ’im sayin’ that Event supposed to be tonight and all,” she muttered to herself, shivering.
Oh, no! The Event is tonight? I knew it was coming soon, but I hadn’t realized it was that soon. Is there a chance Catron’s wrong? I had no idea what was going on, but it was time to find out. I stopped in the middle of the hall.
“I’m not going another step until you tell me where everyone is and where you’re taking me.”
The nurse’s mouth made a little O, and she grabbed me by the wrist with more strength than I expected from someone her size. “Now, you listen ’ere.” She shook me hard. “You’re comin’ with me and that’s that. You’s the last job I ’ave before I can collect my check and leave this place, and I’ll not ’ave you interferin’ with my leavin’!” She twisted my arm and began dragging me.
“If you think I’m going anywhere with you, then you’re crazier than anyone who ever passed through the gates of Silver Hill!” I snapped. Then I kicked her hard in the shins, and she let go of my arm.
“Ow!” The nurse howled and grabbed her leg. “Devil take you, you ’ateful little—oy! Oy, you! Get back ’ere!” But I was already running as fast as I could down the hall.
“I said get back ’ere!” the mousy nurse shrieked. Then, to herself: “Which way did she go? Drat these dark ’alls! Doctor can’t be bothered to turn up the gas, and I can ’ardly see a bloody thing!” The sound of her cursing my name and Catron’s grew softer and softer as I ran faster and faster.
Passing a tall window on my left, I could see that the sun had set completely now. Outside was the rich blackness of the night sky, strewn with stars. Too late, I realized I was running towards the treatment rooms, where Catron conducted his experiments. I hadn’t meant to come here, but when I started running, my only thought was to get away from the nurse.