Like lightning, the pain and shame of what he had done lanced his heart. As it continued to assault him, all the memories of his first life blasted his insides to pieces. He writhed in the chair, straining the chains to their fullest length, wishing he would die rather than have to endure a moment more.
Leaning over, he retched several times, the small meal he had shared with the women presenting itself and splashing over the pristine floor. He coughed and wheezed as the wind was stolen from his lungs. Still, the memories came.
Twelve. There were a dozen pieces of the abhorrent metal given to him for the information he provided. They burned as they lay in his hand; just as the words he spoke in exchange peeled back the flesh as they passed his lips.
His friend and companion, made to walk on the hard roads in nothing but a shabby pair of sandals as he was humiliated. Items thrown at his head. Taunts screamed at him by women and children lining the streets.
I did that.
Greed had owned Judas’s heart when he gave over the one man who had always been gentle, kind, and compassionate. All with a kiss. Such a simple gesture revealed his savior and damned the man to his accusers’ wrath. The ultimate betrayal resulted in more guilt than one man could bear.
“I am not worthy of your justness!” Judas cried as tears streamed down his face.
Nichole smiled. “If you were not worthy, you would not have been given this opportunity.”
Tears clogged his throat, gagging him on the truth he was trying to swallow. “But I betrayed him… and you. I was not good enough in my first life. I certainly did not improve in the others afforded to me.”
“I wish I could have known you before, to see what was truly in your heart at the time of your betrayal,” Kelly whispered. “Though I am happy to see you as you looked in your first life.”
Judas stared at his calloused, olive-toned hands and long arms. From his eyes, he brushed away strands of the wavy, dark hair that hung to his shoulders. While he appeared different in each of the trial lives, he had returned to his original form.
All at once, it came together; the dreams haunting him nightly, reminding him of the betrayal, trying to break through and be known.
He looked at each face, weighed down with sadness and heaviness, and he knew. He knew he wanted it to end for them. It was too much. Panting, he managed to ask, “May I say something before you begin?”
“You may,” answered Jo.
“I don’t deserve this. After my first life... the things I did, the betrayal of someone so pure and perfect. I did not deserve a second chance at all, let alone five of them. And I do not deserve redemption or mercy from you. I put each of you through hell. Each of you suffered because of me.” He looked at Jo. “Some worse than others, but all equally heartbreaking. Just send me where I deserve to go. Know I truly loved each of you.”
A second question caused his brows to knit, but he had to ask. “Have you all always looked so beautiful? Do you change with each person you guide, with each life you lead?”
Casey giggled, the dimple flashing at him. “Our appearance never changes, only our circumstances.”
“But I remember you so differently.”
She brushed his long hair back. “You see what you wish to see. It is that way with all humans.”
“And sometimes, we add a little persuasion to see us in a certain light, as was the case with Rebecca,” Kelly said with a laugh.
“What of my name? Why was I Thomas when I arrived?”
Tia tilted her head to one side. “Judas is the original form of Thomas, of course, but we could not have you using such an obvious moniker. As Judas, you were infamously known as the betrayer, and someone would have told you that. If you think the reinstatement of your memories was a painful experience now… Just be happy we changed it.”
His mouth went dry.
Jo beckoned Casey back. “It is time.”
Judas gulped as he watched them gather once again. When they leaned toward one another, the table and chairs disappeared, and their voices were amplified as they discussed his fate.
With an upward sweep of her hand, Jo took the lead. “I was prepared to damn him to fail. In light of the evidence he presented, I am not sure I can do that. I suffered greatly, yes, but it was not by his hand. He tried to rectify the wrongdoings and atone for his mistakes. I blamed him. I thought he betrayed me. Here, I have discovered I was mistaken on all counts.”
Tia interjected. “All humans sin. It is part of their humanity. I think we must judge how he chose to react to each sin. What he did to overcome it. Or, when time ran out or was limited, what paths he took to rectify his wrongs. He has freely admitted to committing most of these sins. But I want to discuss how he tried to amend them.”
“I agree,” Jo said. “What he did was not as important as what he learned from his mistakes, and how he tried to correct them after the fact should hold heavy weight on our considerations.” She sighed. “Which makes this all the more difficult. I cannot damn him to repeat life when he risked life and limb to save us both. What say you?”
Nichole nodded, agreeing with her sisters. “He may have committed many sins, but he made up for them in many of his lives. Risking his own life, and sometimes even sacrificing it, to protect the ones he loved.”
“We must also keep in mind, that although he was judged for a particular sin in a given lifetime, how he handled the other aspects of his life and faced the other sins not being judged. It is those acts that show his true self,” Kelly added, her brows drawn.
The women are as fair as they are beautiful, Judas thought.
Jo moved her head up and down slowly. “You are all wise in your suggestions. We must also not be blinded by our love, or the sin we were to judge. All facets must be brought to attention.” She panned her eyes around the circle, stopping on Kelly. “How did Sir Thomas fare in the six other sins?”
Smiling first at Judas, Kelly said, “Sir Thomas was a pious man. He loved his family and his Lord. He was faithful to me, although in his prominent position, he surely had offers from ladies of the court. When my own reputation was questioned, he trusted me and remained by my side. He held no hatred, even for those who sought to destroy his career.” She paused and considered, nodding as she added, “Yes, in all aspects but pride, my Thomas was a very good man.”
Judas’s heart ached. Her words were full of truth. He was devoted to her and their daughter throughout his life, but his wife grew ill and died because he gambled his position on pride and lost. No matter how devout he became, no matter how well he lived his life, it would never make up for destroying hers.
“It was the same in Rome. He was kind, faithful, loving, and a hard worker until he fell in with Nero.” Jo spun around suddenly. “Judas, was there a time when you lent yourself to the lust the other men had for concubines?”
“That was a temptation ever-present in the palace, anywhere Nero was, really. And there were times when I did look at the women presented to the inner circle. But, Josephine, I swear to you, I remained faithful. It was only you for me. I lost myself inside that place, but I never lost you. You were always with me, in here,” he said, placing a hand over his chest. “That said, I was not a good man. I became what I swore I would never be. I let Rome down. I let you down, and I will forever be sorry for that.”
“There is no shame in repentance. Thank you.” She turned back to her sisters and addressed the next in the circle.
Judas noticed her hand, daintily covering her heart, shook slightly as though his admission had affected her more than she realized.
“Casey, how did your Thomas fare?”
With her shoulders back, Casey stepped away from her sisters toward Judas once more. “My Thomas was a good man. He was wholesome, loving, and hardworking. I wish you all could have seen him. Where Nicholas was concerned, he was envious, but if I am being honest, I understood it. It ate away at him, and I hated that it hurt him so much. Those types of sins, the ones that crawl beneath
the skin and eat away at a person slowly, are the worst, I think.” She watched him nod, barely perceptible. “Are there any other sins you’d like to speak about during your life with me, Judas?”
“Although greed and envy ruled many of my days during that time, my greatest sin was placing those feelings above my love for you. For not being able to see past what I did not have to what I had. On the battlefield, I realized I wanted nothing more than to come home to you. But it was too late. I only had one choice at that point: whether to save my brother or not. I chose to do what I could to save him, hoping it would lead me back to you, but I waited too long.” He hung his head, shaking it back and forth, his eyes never leaving the ground. “If only I had made the decision sooner. If only I had put our love first.”
“Every human takes the ones they love for granted,” Casey whispered so only he could hear.
Judas looked up and shook his head. “You did not.”
“I was not human,” she argued.
“Were you not? In your lives, you lived as a human. You made mistakes, fought to live and survive like everyone else. You were not infallible. Yet you did not fail. Not like me.”
Casey gasped and put her hand over her heart. It was as if the memories and emotions were invisible threads linking her heart and life with his own.
Her reaction brought a smile forth on his lips. She certainly seemed human in that moment. Perhaps there is hope for me after all.
Giving an upward movement with her head, Casey gazed at Nichole. “It is your turn, sister. What say you?”
“Tommy saved me. The first time I ever met him, he rescued me from a fate that was sure to be painful and deadly.” Nichole whispered, her eyes staring off in the distance at the memory. “I had a son, one that I worked hard to take care of on my own. Had Thomas not been there that night…” she shook her head and focused on her sisters once again.
“A man that steps in and saves a stranger is a good man. I knew that the moment I laid eyes on him. After that night, I trusted him not only with myself, but with the one thing I held closest to my heart, my son. He treated us as if we were the most precious things in the world to him. He loved my son as if he were his own. That takes a special kind of person. And then, when my son was threatened, Tommy took care of us again. He protected us and did what he had to do to keep us safe. To make sure we stayed a family. He not only put himself in danger, but he lost his parents in doing so.” Nichole looked each one of her sisters in the eye. “I do not condone the sins he has committed, but I do feel he has more than made up for them.”
“Thank you for your kind words,” Judas said. “Do you have any questions for me?” Hot tears carved paths down his face, flowing rivers of relief, love, and sadness.
“In our life together, you were often my savior. Mine and Frankie’s. You gave up your family to save us. Do you regret it?”
Judas lowered his head for a moment. When he looked up, his eyes were fierce. “Losing my parents was hard. They were the source of my only good memories from childhood, and they loved me very much. I wished I had more time with them, but I never blamed you or Frankie. I blamed Capone, but at that point, I only wanted to get away and start a new life with you.”
Nichole reached up and wiped the tear from her cheek. “How could you not have blamed me? From the moment we met, your life was turned upside down. Because of me, your parents died.”
“I could never blame you. I was a broken man when I met you, scarred from abuse, scarred from fights, lost in my own anger. You gave me something real to fight for. A family of my own. Love. My career was nothing compared to the light that you and Frankie brought into my life. I lost my parents, but I found myself in my time with you. We truly lived.”
Nichole smiled softly at him, tears still streaming down her face, and then she turned to her sisters. “This is why I loved this man and why I cannot condemn him to relive yet another trial. He may not have been perfect, but he did the best he could given the circumstances.”
Judas scanned each face before him, and his eyes landed on Tia’s. He knew she had yet to speak her mind on his fate. Of the five, the time with her was filled with the most sin.
Wringing her hands, she paced in a small circle before turning her attention to him. “Our life together was marked by violence, yet I knew you loved me. I understood your lack of choice in our surroundings, in the constant peril we found ourselves in. You sacrificed a life of your own to keep me safe, to provide a possible future where there was none. Yet, I often wondered if you ever considered leaving it all behind, running away with me so that we could make a new life together. I knew you had your sister to protect, but did it ever cross your mind to get your loved ones to safety? Including me?”
“No,” Judas shook his head, eyes determined like Tia remembered from her life with him. “I had no way to take care of you all, protect you, or provide for you if we left. I was a kid born to run the streets. Had we left, no one would have given me the time of day, much less a chance to actually make something of myself. I knew my parents would not leave, so my only option was to protect you and Chantel, make sure you had everything I could give you, and get the two of you out of there.”
Tia’s gaze never left Judas, and she began nodding about halfway through his response. “Life on the streets was tough. I know. Without you, I would have had no opportunity to leave. For that, I was always grateful. But, I did struggle during our life together. Every time I saw you with another woman, I questioned what I thought we had. I wondered why I put my faith in you. What can you say to me now about your lustful ways? About all the women? How could you love me and do that?”
Judas looked up and took a deep breath. When his gaze dropped back to Tia’s, some of the determination had dimmed. “Like I said before, I am guilty of that sin. My only excuse is that I was selfish. I loved you so much, and although I wanted nothing but the best for you, I also did not want to lose you. Those girls, they were merely a distraction, a way to keep me from thinking about the day you would leave me, and I would never see you again.”
With glistening eyes, Tia whispered her next question. “Did you ever consider coming to me? Letting me love you? You took so many women to your bed, but never me. Never me.” A sob tore through her last word.
“I could never do that to you. You were more than that. You deserved more than that. I may have committed many sins, but allowing you to commit them as well was not something I was willing to do. You were all that was good in the hell that I lived in.”
“I appreciate you looking out for me. In that capacity, you never failed. Deep down, I knew sex never equated love for you. In a way, I always knew by not asking me for sex, something I would have freely given, you were showing me how much you did love me.” Tia knelt down on one knee, a hand outstretched to Judas. “Although you are guilty of lust, you never let it ruin what we had. And in the end, you died protecting me.”
“I only wish I had saved you,” Judas bowed his head in defeat.
“During our life in Rome, you were my everything: my soldier, savior, lover, and friend. I want you to know how much I loved you, and I know how much you loved me in return.” With a kind smile, Jo looked into Judas’s eyes, certainly bloodshot from the tears he had shed. His lip quivered as he knelt in submission, in surrender. “The most important thing, as we have finally learned, sisters, is that the man Judas was when he betrayed the one he pledged his life to protect, is not the man he is now. It is because of the journey, because of the five lives and seven sin trials, that he has become the man kneeling before us. He is repentant. He is redeemable. Every soul is. Some just take longer to realize it.”
Tia stepped forward. “You do realize it, do you not?”
Judas nodded. “I have learned so much from each of you. The gifts of wisdom you have bestowed enriched my soul.”
Casey smiled, looking up toward a bright light filling the space from above. “I vote for redemption. You are deserving, Judas, not because of the mi
stakes you have made, but because you realize them and are repentant, because of the love that fills every part of you and makes you more than you were before you had it.” Light radiated from her skin, from her hair and eyes. Every part of her shone as though the heavens were trapped beneath her skin, trying to escape their confines.
As one, the women joined hands and formed a circle, lifting their voices. “Mothers, we have judged. Come forth and hear our pleas!”
Judas’s chair disappeared, and he rose to his full height, not daring to move.
In a flash of light, three haggard old women appeared in the center of the ring the sisters made with their clasped hands. They bowed deeply.
Jo’s voice rang out. “Welcome, mothers.”
They broke the circle, and one of the old ones stepped forward. She had a silvery white streak in her hair, and her voice sounded like a thousand viper hisses when she spoke. “Tell us.”
“Atropos, I believe I should go first, as I spent the first lifetime with Judas. Allow me to show you.”
Nodding, Atropos wheezed and held out her hand. Jo took it and gazed into the eyes of the eldest mother. Lights flashed between their palms, and Jo seemed to fall into a trance. Rainbows scattered the room and fell in pools of swirling color. In them was the entire story of Thomitus’s life in Rome. One ghosted image after another played out across the colors, Nero, war, sweaty men raping innocent women.
Judas gasped when he saw a flash of Jo in the vineyard with lips stained from the grapes she had teased him with by eating one after another. Then, a brief moment of his lips on her neck as she sat at her mirror. It was too much, but it was over far too soon for his liking. He yearned to see more, be reminded of more, go back and taste the wine once again. As the colors faded to silver and dissipated, he groaned.
In a voice that sounded hollow, devoid of emotion, and deeper than her usual tone, she said, “I find the betrayer, Judas, to be forgiven for his crimes against the one known as Jesus.”
Sparks flew between the two women, and Jo collapsed on the ground.
7: The Seven Deadly Sins Page 22