by Abby Brooks
As excited as I was to move my brother in, the whole thing felt hollow.
Like something was missing.
I dropped a hand on my kitchen table. “Something is missing, damn it.”
Or rather, someone.
My conversation with the guys circled around my head. Were they right? Was I letting Izzy go too easily? Did I need to fight a little harder? Try a little more?
The answer was clear. Yes. I didn’t like who I was without her anymore. Bearded Jude had his sex appeal, but he just wasn’t me and I didn’t care what Austin said, living life alone wasn’t the key to happiness. Surrounding yourself with people who mattered, that was the point to this craziness called life. So damn it, it was time to fight. I texted Izzy to let her know we had a court date, then sat down to work on a plan.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Jude
The day of the custody hearing, Izzy agreed to meet me at my house so we’d arrive together, one last attempt at faking our relationship for other people. Step one in my glorious plan to win her back was to tell her I missed her and apologize for not reaching out sooner, then sit her down and explain how I felt. But she showed up at the last minute and didn’t even come to the door. Instead, she texted from the driveway to inform me she’d arrived. The truck ride to the courthouse was so frosty, I couldn’t bring myself to say one word, so I stared out the windshield at a clear blue sky, sneaking peeks of her beautiful face when she didn’t think I was looking.
“Thank you for coming today,” I said as I found a parking spot and killed the engine.
“Just one last show and it’s all over,” she replied to the window, unbuckling her seatbelt and reaching for the handle.
“Izzy,” I began, but she hopped out of the truck and slammed the door before I got any further, hurrying into the courthouse before I could say more.
The day zoomed ahead and we were never alone again. I wanted to tell her I loved her, that I was sorry, that I couldn’t imagine living without her. But I couldn’t. Not with the lawyers and the judge listening. Not with Brennen and his mom watching. Not with our friends and my parents waiting for news.
Izzy held my hand and smiled throughout the hearing, hugging Brennen and looking so damn sad even as her love for him shone in her eyes. Brennen’s mom didn’t contest. She just signed away her rights to her only son and just like that, the Malones were legally a family. A broken family that started with a lie and failed before it even began.
Brennen’s mom had all his stuff with her, and he went outside to move it from her car into the back of my truck. Izzy offered to help, but I caught her hand and pulled her into the hallway where we exchanged gifts before our wedding. “Talk to me? Please?”
“There isn’t much to say, Jude.” Her eyes dropped to her hands, where her pointer finger rubbed her thumbnail.
“There’s so much to say. This isn’t what I want. I don’t want us to be broken.”
“But we are. We started out broken and then never built a foundation.” Her gaze hit mine. “There’s no way a healthy marriage is supposed to make me feel the way I felt with you.”
“I want to fix that. We can build that foundation. We don’t have to accept what’s broken. We have the tools to make it as strong as we want. Fucking unbreakable.”
“I’m not sure we do. The first time you talked to me all week was to tell me about the court date. There wasn’t an apology or…or anything. You just went right back to using me to get what you want.”
Fuck. Of course that was how it came across.
I sighed, closing my eyes and shaking my head. “That’s not true. Not even a little.”
She raised an eyebrow. “So we have talked in the last few days?”
“No. We haven’t. You told me you needed space, so I gave you space. It’s the whole ‘me using you thing’ that isn’t true. I planned to talk to you before we left today. To say all the things I wanted to say the night you moved out. But then you were late and trying to have the conversation in the truck just seemed wrong. I needed you to see my face when I told you I love you, Izzy.”
My eyes searched hers, desperate for that spark that said she heard me, that we could work this out and everything would go back to the way it was.
Izzy stared at her feet. “I don’t think love’s enough,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “Not for us. You have what you wanted—” she waved a hand toward the exit, where Brennen had left to get his things “—and you’ll be very present in Lily’s life, I promise you that. But you and me? We just aren’t made for this.” She smiled sadly, then took my hand and pressed something into my palm. When she let go, I opened my fingers to find my mother’s sapphire earrings nestled beside Izzy’s engagement ring and wedding band.
My jaw dropped. My stomach churned. “No…”
“I’m gonna go, Jude. Your brother’s waiting for you. We’ll talk soon and figure out what to do next.” She took a step back and I caught her wrist.
“Don’t say that. Please. I came here today ready to fight. For Brennen, and for you.” I pressed the items back into her hand. “These are yours.”
She stared at the jewelry, shaking her head. “But they’re not. I don’t think they ever were.”
“That’s not true.” My voice echoed down the hallway, startling a couple passing by. “These are yours,” I said firmly, holding her fist in my hand. “They have been forever. Just like me. I love you. I’ve always loved you and every day I missed out on making you feel like you’re the most important thing in my life is a day I let both of us down. I don’t want you to be my wife for Brennen. Not for Lily. I want you to be my wife because you make me whole. You make me wake up each day, excited just because you’re in it. You’re all there is for me. All there ever was. All there ever will be.”
Izzy’s lips parted and I could see she was coming up with ways to shoot me down. To tell me I was wrong and then walk out of my life forever and I couldn’t let that happen. I pulled her into my arms, cupped the back of her head, and kissed her. I let my lips say everything I knew I’d get wrong. The brush of my hand through her hair explained how precious she was to me. The pounding of my heart said I’d love her forever and the sigh of pleasure said she tasted like home.
“Marry me, Izzy,” I whispered, pulling back just far enough to meet her gaze.
Tears swelled in her eyes. “I already did.”
“Then stay married to me. Let me prove to you how much I mean it when I say you’re the most important thing in my life. Let me spend forever showing you how it feels to come first.”
“These are just words, Jude.” Izzy sagged in my arms. “Anybody can say the right thing at the right time, and honestly, it’s something you’re really, really good at. I need more than words. I need action. I need truth. I need—”
“To feel like I’d do anything for you.”
Izzy nodded. “I am weak when it comes to you. I can’t just come running back because you crooked your finger and said I love you. I don’t want to live my whole life feeling like I did these last few weeks. Like I’m on the outside. Like I’m doing it wrong. I grew up feeling that way and I just…I can’t…”
Over her shoulder, I watched Brennen come back into the courthouse. He paused just inside, surrounded by my friends and family, folding his arms over his chest and looking nervous as hell.
I gripped Izzy’s shoulders. “Please, at least come to the house tonight, to celebrate. Everyone’s gonna be there and it won’t be the same without you.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea…”
“Please, Izzy. Please.” I met her eyes, pleading with her to just give me this last chance because damn it, I was going to show her exactly what she meant to me. I wasn’t going to let her walk out of my life.
Because I didn’t have a life without her.
As soon as we left the courthouse, I started making calls. It was time to win her back, but not without a little help from my friends.
CHAPTER
THIRTY-NINE
Izzy
Judging by the number of cars on the street in front of Jude’s house, I was the last to arrive to Brennen’s party. Just like the old days. Doing my best to avoid Jude so my heart wouldn’t break in two.
I’d cried the whole way home from the courthouse and given myself permission to skip the party. No one would judge me for that. Everyone would understand. But then, I’d thought of Brennen. Of his mom just signing him away like he was a house or a car she couldn’t afford anymore.
I couldn’t do that to him.
He deserved to feel like he mattered, even if Jude and I were falling to pieces. Besides, I’d promised the kid a job and wasn’t going to back down from that either. So I’d wiped away my tears, pulled on my favorite outfit, then stopped by the store to grab a Sweet Stuff tee, filling a box with some of my favorite candy and exotic sodas while I was there. What was a party for a fifteen-year-old without a sugar overload, anyway?
The trees in Jude’s yard sparkled with lights and as I climbed out of my car, I realized they were mason jars, twinkling like fireflies—just like our walk at the reserve all those weeks ago. Tears pricked my eyes and I almost turned around and walked away. Except I’d promised myself I’d support Brennen, so I climbed the steps to his porch with my head held high. When I pushed inside, candles sparkled on every surface in the living room, with bouquets of lilies and framed pictures sitting beside them.
I closed the door, more confused than ever. This did not look like a party for a teenage boy. Where was the music? The energy? For that matter, where were the people?
“Hello?” I called, putting the box down and heading into the living room. I stopped at the first candle, studying the image beside it.
The picture took my breath away.
It was one from our wedding, right before we said, “I do.” The look in my eyes was pure bliss, happiness radiating from me like it had a light of its own, but that wasn’t what caught my attention. It was the way Jude looked at me, as if I was the only person left in the world. His eyes caressed mine, his hands held mine so delicately, and his smile. Oh, man. That smile. I swallowed past a thickening throat, following the candles and flowers, studying the pictures as I went.
There was one from the night he proposed at Cheers ‘n Beers, dipping me back for a kiss so passionate, we could’ve set the room on fire.
“That was the day I admitted I’d been in love with you almost my whole life.” Jude’s voice came from behind me, and I whirled, gasping. His hair did that swooping thing I found so irresistible, and he dragged his fingers through it as his eyes met mine. He took the picture from me, smiling as he studied the image. “I thought I planned that proposal to get back at you for teasing me so mercilessly on our dates, but it turned out, I planned the perfect proposal for the perfect woman. I didn’t buy a pawnshop ring because you deserved something real. And the things I said that night? I’m sure you don’t remember, but they came from my heart.”
“You said I was kind and smart and funny. You called me the most beautiful person you’d ever seen, inside and out. You said every day the world exists with me in it means it’s better. That the more you got to know me, the more you knew I’m the only one who could make you happy for the rest of your life. Then you said you didn’t want to wait another lifetime to make me yours.”
A smile softened his eyes. “You do remember.”
“How could I forget? I’d waited forever to hear you say something like that.”
“It was all true, Izzy. It’s always been you.” Jude took my hand and led me deeper into the living room where the picture of me and Alex with Jude in the background sat on the mantle. “Do you see how I’m looking at you? Do you see it? I idolized you then, just like I do now. I can’t face another lifetime of you avoiding me. Of us ignoring how we feel for each other.” He slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out his mother’s sapphires along with my engagement ring and wedding band. “Stay married to me, Izzy. Not for Brennen. Not for Lily. But for me. Because you are the most important person in my life and I want to spend decades making sure you feel it.”
Jude touched a finger to my chin and lifted my gaze to his. “Say yes, Izzy. Look at me and see how much I love you. We’ll work through the hard parts. We’ll build a foundation, and we’ll make it up as we go if we have to. I’ll tell you everything you could ever want to know and I swear to you, I’ll make you feel like a queen for the rest of our life.”
Tears filled my eyes as I stared into the face of the man I had loved forever, the man I would continue to love forever more.
“Just give me another chance,” he pleaded.
My voice felt trapped behind a thickening throat, so I did the only thing that made sense. I swallowed hard and punched him in the arm.
Jude’s face lit up and he barked a laugh. “Is that a yes? A real yes that leads to a real marriage?”
“That’s a real yes.” I nodded, swiping at tears.
Behind him, our friends filtered in from the kitchen. Alex with his arm around Evie. Jack and Amelia with his three kids clustered in front of them. Austin, smiling bigger than I’d ever seen him smile. Ginny wiping tears from her eyes and Tim drawing her close. My parents, smiling sheepishly, standing a little apart from the group. And Brennen, right there in the middle of them all, his hands shoved in his pockets as he took it all in.
Applause broke out and someone snapped a picture, but I couldn’t say who because all I saw was Jude. His smile. His eyes. His arms reaching out to pull me close, and then he dipped me back, cradling me as if I was precious.
Our kiss was a promise.
One we’d spend a lifetime fulfilling.
After congratulations were passed around, the focus of the party shifted. We blew out the candles, turned on the lights, and let Brennen play DJ, much to my parents’ dismay. In the kitchen were enough Mike’s Burgers and fries to feed an army. Amelia had baked a cake that said Welcome Home in buttercream frosting.
“I made it for Brennen,” she said from her place beside me, “but it works for you, too.”
I leaned my head on her shoulder, smiling as I tried not to cry.
Alex brought the booze, Austin supplied chips, and considering the amount of candy I’d stuffed into the box with Brennen’s shirt, thank goodness for Ginny and Tim with their fruit and veggie tray. Mom sheepishly uncorked a bottle of wine, looking so perfectly out of place, I decided to take mercy on her.
“It was nice of you to come,” I said, plucking a carrot stick from the table and taking a bite.
“How could I say no?” Mom poured some wine into a red Solo cup and gave it a sniff, as if the plastic had somehow contaminated her merlot.
Dad appeared beside us and she poured him a healthy amount and handed him a cup.
“You know Isa…Izzy.” She cleared her throat as if my name tasted funny. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said at Alex’s house the other day. I know we’re not perfect parents.” The admission looked like it pained her so much, I almost laughed. “At first, I rejected everything you said, but that doesn’t exactly seem fair does it, Edwin?”
Dad nodded, then took a long drink of wine. “It does not.”
“So, we’re sorry we made you feel like you don’t matter as much as Alex. Of course you do, that’s why we’re always pushing you to be more like him.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Gee, Mom. That makes me feel so much better.”
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that we love you very much, Isa…Izzy. And I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like we didn’t.”
While the apology wouldn’t go down as the most heartfelt thing I’d heard that day, it had to count for something. But when Dad stumble-stepped forward, opening his arms like he’d come from planet Never Hug and then awkwardly thumped me on the back before lurching away with a weirdly proud smile on his face, I decided not to keep count. Sometimes, trying was what mattered. Especially when it came to Camille and Edwin Prescott
.
Excusing myself from my parents, I grabbed the Sweet Stuff t-shirt and went in search of Brennen. I found him talking with the Cooper children in the living room, who stared up at him with the adoration little kids saved for superheroes and teenagers. When he saw me, his face lit up with a grin.
“So you aren’t leaving me alone with my brother after all.”
“Nope.” I shrugged. “Looks like we’ll still get to be the weird little family we always knew we could be.”
Brennen tossed his hair out of his face. “I’m glad you’re givin’ him another chance. He loves you like crazy, you know. And he looks terrible in a beard.”
“A beard?” I laughed, confusion crinkling my nose.
“He didn’t shave the entire time you guys were apart and it’s just not a good look on him.”
I turned to catch Jude’s gaze across the room. “I can’t imagine that’s true. He looks good in everything.”
“All I know is that a beard is not his thing. Just ask him.” Brennen jerked his chin toward his brother as he made his way over.
“What’s this?” Jude wrapped an arm around my shoulders and drew me close. “A Malone meeting and I wasn’t invited?”
“I needed to give my newest employee his uniform.” I brought the t-shirt out from behind my back and handed it to Brennen. “I promised you a job and a job you shall have. Sweet Stuff is now a family-run store.”
Brennen’s eyes lit up. “For real? Like a real job?”
“A very real job. I have all the paperwork at the store, so if you can just pop in at your earliest convenience, we’ll make it official.”
Brennen pulled on the shirt, grinning down at the logo. “Man, I didn’t think today could get any better. This is the best day of my life.”
Jude slipped his hand in mine. “Yeah. Mine too.”
“Funny how that works,” I said, grinning up at him. “This one is up there for me too.”