by JM Stewart
“Holy mother of God.” He closed his eyes, sucking in a desperate breath between clenched teeth, and abandoned her breasts to shackle her wrist. “Easy, baby. You keep doing that and I’m going to embarrass myself in about two seconds.”
For three years, nobody had touched him with anything resembling kindness. Cassie had a soft touch, the supple skin of her hands as close to heaven as he’d ever gotten, second only to the warm tightness of being buried deep inside her.
Cassie, however, was stubborn and willful and so fucking beautiful. She kept stroking, so slowly he couldn’t be sure if he wanted her to speed up or stop. She knew how drive him out of his mind, how he liked to be touched, the right pressure, the perfect speed…
His thighs tensed, his feet bracing on the floor, and he dropped his head back against the couch cushions. “Baby, I’m serious. It’s been a while for me.”
As if her hand wasn’t enough, she scooted forward, nestling the length of his cock between her thighs. So damned close the moist heat of her radiated to him. She leaned forward to rub her nipples against his chest. God, her breasts had always been his biggest fantasy.
“I don’t care. Let it go, Ty.” She brushed her mouth across his, the softest, sweetest of kisses. “We need this. I need this.”
The quiet vulnerability in her voice made him open his eyes. She stared at him again, eyes at half-mast but still searching. In that one tiny moment, something shifted between them. He’d long since recognized the silent exchange. An acknowledgment of need.
He relaxed back into the sofa cushions and let her have her way with him. Let her take his world, all the goddamn nightmares, the horror of the last three years, the images he couldn’t forget no matter how much he tried, and spin it out of control.
Both hands wrapped around his shaft, she stroked from base to tip, so slowly his toes curled. When he sucked in a hissing breath, she flicked her tongue over his lips. Damn her. She had him on his knees, and she knew it.
“Payback, baby. Payback.” Jesus. Shaking and breathless, his muscles tightened to the point of pain, his body poised on the desperate edge of release. Somehow, he’d imagined this moment differently. He’d wanted to take her with him, but he couldn’t move if he tried. He could barely breathe.
She leaned forward again, rubbing her nipples against his chest, and his balls drew tight against his body. “Look at me.”
Her demand was quiet but no less powerful, and he did as she bade. Heat filled her eyes, hunger illuminating her from within. “You are so damned beautiful, you know that?”
It was pathetic how short the bliss lasted. Her supple fingers moved up and down his cock like she had all the time in the world to torment him. Yet each stroke hauled him closer to the edge. Another soft, slow stroke and his orgasm rushed over him out of nowhere.
“Cassie…” His garbled warning came seconds before every muscle tensed in a sudden rush. Like a wildfire burning through a dry field, the bliss swallowed him whole, leaving him quivering and gasping and completely at her mercy. He didn’t know if he even remembered to breathe.
Cassie stroked him through every incredible pulse, her grip loosening, her fingers grazing his now super sensitive skin, which did nothing but extend the pleasure. Leaving him a gasping, trembling heap.
When the last erotic pulse faded, he collapsed back against the couch, panting and spent. He reached out blindly, found her thigh, and stroked his hand upward. “Have I mentioned I missed you?”
She flat-out fucking amazed him. He’d expected being this close to her would set off another flashback, that he wouldn’t be able to tolerate her touch. But his need for her had been so great, so overwhelming, he’d lost sight of everything but her. And he hadn’t a fucking clue how to tell her what that meant to him.
Cassie didn’t respond. Instead, she went silent. So still he pried his eyes open.
She sat staring at him, wide-eyed, chest heaving, soft, ragged breaths puffing against his mouth, looking as shell-shocked as he felt. “One night.”
He shook his head. The sleepy lull of postorgasm fatigue already pulled at him, his brain lost in a fog. “One night what?”
“You said I owe you a date. I’ll give you one night. This one. But that’s it. This isn’t real, Ty. We broke up, and I’ve moved on. This is just delayed grief or something. We’ve already proven we don’t work.”
Panic set his heart pounding his rib cage as what she meant settled over him. Jesus, he couldn’t let her go now…
He shook his head, searching her eyes for some trace of the girl he’d known. For some small measure of proof he hadn’t imagined she felt anything for him at all. “It was a fight, Cassie. Albeit a poorly timed one, but it was just a fight. We both said things we regretted that night.”
She shook her head, those big brown eyes still wide, still vulnerable. “I can’t do this with you again. I need to move on, and I need you to let me. I can’t deny seeing you again brings it all back up, but this is just breakup sex, Ty. Nothing more.”
She paused and looked down at his lap. Long, aching seconds ticked out. He could only watch her eyes. His chest and stomach were covered in the evidence that she had power over him, that only her touch could soothe the monster raging inside of him. He couldn’t let her go now.
Her throat bobbed before she finally looked up at him again. “I’ll give you one night, but no more. In the morning, you go home, and we don’t see each other again.”
He wanted to argue with her. She was telling him goodbye again, but he refused to listen. He had to believe somewhere inside she loved him the way he loved her. He had to. Or the horror of the last three years really would win.
Except he couldn’t give her what she wanted, either.
When he’d come over tonight, he hadn’t been sure what to expect from her. It depended on what side of her she intended to give him. The carefree party girl who insisted she didn’t need anybody…or the vulnerable girl who plastered herself against his side, laid her head on his chest, and told him her hopes and dreams.
He had no idea, either, how she’d take what he had to tell her next. There was too much water under their bridge, too many things they needed to discuss. She was right. Sex was a complication, but damn it. It had been three long fucking years, and he needed to be as close to her as possible. Maybe if he could hold her awhile, he’d stop feeling as if he were coming apart at the seams.
“I don’t agree on one night. That wasn’t lip service, babe. I’m not giving up on you.” He swallowed past the lump forming in his throat. Despite the tightness in his chest and the voice in his head telling him to shut the hell up, he dragged in a breath and forced himself to say the words. She deserved honesty. “But I can’t stay all night.”
Yeah. He’d essentially told her that when they finished feasting on each other, he’d be going home. He had to. No way could he spend the night with her. He had no intention of letting her see how he spent his nights. If he was lucky, he tossed and turned, unable to sleep. On those nights, he’d walk the floor of his bedroom or try watching TV to drown out the shit in his head.
It was the nights he could sleep that got him, when the exhaustion pulled him under. The dreams were more vivid on those nights. He usually woke drenched in sweat, heart hammering like a freight train. His mother had told him more than once that he cried out in his sleep. Sometimes sobbing like a goddamn child. Sometimes screaming for the team members he couldn’t save.
Often, he’d wake to find his mother standing in the bedroom doorway, worry creasing her forehead. Sometimes, the dreams would morph, and he’d wake to find her perched on the edge of his bed, singing to him. A soft, soothing song she’d sung to him as a child. On those nights, the dreams morphed. He’d watch her die, over and over, in god-awful ways, and he’d wake in a panic.
No way in hell could he let Cassie see that. To see he’d come back half a man. Or to risk having those kinds of nightmares about her.
No. Maybe sometime in the future, when
the dreams faded. They had to fade. At some point, the shit in his head had to go away. It couldn’t last forever, could it? But the last thing he wanted was for her to have to watch it happen.
He’d hoped she’d ask why or that somehow she’d understand, but the light left her eyes, telling him he wasn’t about to get any of that. Her smile fell, and in the next breath, a wall went up between them.
She slid off his lap and left the room. “Then maybe you should just leave now.”
Chapter Three
Cassie shoved the bedroom door closed and crossed to the bed, where she climbed up and flopped down on her back, staring at the ceiling. Its textured pattern blurred behind a veil of tears. Christ, she’d done too much damn crying in the last week, but seeing Tyler tonight had shaken her foundation.
She’d allowed her relief at seeing him alive pull her back in. Had allowed herself to get caught up in it, that certain something that pulled them together like the ocean tides to the moon. If he hadn’t stopped, she had no doubt she’d have spent the night with him. Happily. Deliriously.
Because she’d missed him.
Except he had stopped it, and the ache in her chest threatened to crush her. Of all things for him to tell her, that he wouldn’t stay had been the nail in her coffin. It would already hurt to watch him leave, watch him walk out of her life again. If she was going to do it, then she wanted the whole night. If he couldn’t—wouldn’t—stay, then he could just go now.
The bedroom door opened with a rush of air, and she turned her head. Tyler strode into the room. Having cleaned up and donned his shirt again, he moved toward the bed with calm determination. Her heart hammered. She should’ve known he’d follow her. He’d never been one to give up easily. Whenever she pushed, he wasn’t afraid to push back.
Except he hesitated at the foot of the bed, staring at her for long moments. Tyler was different. Something haunted and dark hovered in the recesses of his eyes. He’d always been a tender lover, but this time, he’d touched her with the same reverence he had when he kissed her after the auction. It brought up questions she didn’t know if she wanted the answers to. What did they do to him that the confident, sexy soldier she’d met four years ago now hesitated to touch her?
His presence in her room, however, unnerved her. It meant deep down somewhere, he was still the same man she’d known. The man who’d shown up at her penthouse at nine o’clock at night because he had to see her. She couldn’t hide from him. He always seemed to see right through her.
“What are you doing, Ty?” Palms already beginning to sweat, she sat upright in a vain attempt to put some distance between them.
“I have something to say to you before I leave.” He didn’t bother to wait for her response, but crawled up onto the bed. When he reached her, he pushed her knees apart and moved between them, forcing her to lie back before settling himself on his elbows.
Tyler wasn’t a small man by any means. Six foot four to her five foot six, he towered over her. Though he’d gotten a lot thinner over the last three years, his weight alone still prevented her from rising. How many times had she been in this exact position? Tyler’s favorite position had always been missionary, and she’d been happy to oblige because he always made sure when he went, he took her with him.
The intensity in his gaze now, however, captured her attention. He’d never been one to hide his emotions. When she pissed him off, he told her so. When he’d fallen in love with her, he’d told her that, too. While holding her so tight she might as well have been a part of him, he’d whispered the words in ear. I’m in love with you, Cassie.
Now something intense moved behind his eyes as he stroked her hair back from her face with the tip of his index finger, tracing her features. The shell of her ear. Across her jawline. Over her bottom lip. As if, perhaps, he were refamiliarizing himself. In seconds flat, he mesmerized her, left her too caught up in him to find the will to push him off.
“I know this is a lot for you to deal with right now. I suspect Mom is correct, that you’ve just had the wind knocked out of you, but you learn something when you face death day after day. I learned who was important to me, who the people were I’d have given my last breath to see one more time, and for the record, you’re on the top of that list.” He leaned his head beside her ear and nipped at the fleshy lobe. “I let you get away from me once. That’s a mistake I don’t intend to make twice.”
The husky rumble of his voice in her ear had her panties dampening. His warm, ragged breath sent shivers down her spine. Sex with Ty was like everything else with him—intense. When he made love to her, he stared at her like he could see right through her. Then held her afterward like he’d never let her go.
After losing Nick, she’d closed off her heart. His death had taken its toll on their family. They’d lost their mother to a cruel fate. Some dumbass texting on a cell phone had run a red light, the exact moment her mother’s car had been in the middle of the intersection. She’d suffered a slow death, lingering for days before passing.
Nick’s death had left a gaping hole in their family. Her father hadn’t been the same since. He’d gone within himself and hadn’t come back out yet. Cassie had walled off her heart, because it was easier not to care than to risk losing someone again.
And then came Ty. He’d broken down her defenses, made her want something more for the first time, and it had scared the hell out of her.
“That’s not your decision,” she said. Desperate not to let him know he’d gotten to her, desperate not to feel it, she shoved against his chest.
Tyler didn’t appear to be listening. Instead, he skimmed his mouth along her jawline, nipping with his teeth. He let out an agonized groan and nipped at her bare shoulder, sending a shower of sparks shooting from the point of contact straight down between her thighs. A soft gasp left her mouth, and Tyler lifted his head, brow arched, eyes daring her to deny him.
“Maybe not, but you of all people ought to know I don’t give up easily.”
She rolled her eyes, going for indifferent, but her clit throbbed. She ached to feel his mouth everywhere. Oh, she remembered all right. Over the last three years, she’d masturbated to the vivid memory of his talented tongue buried between her thighs a lot.
“For now, I’ll go.” He rose off her and sat back on his knees. The playful heat left his eyes, his expression sobering. “For the record, there is a reason I’m not staying. I half hoped you’d ask and half hoped you wouldn’t. Right now, I’m just not ready for that particular talk. It’s heavy, and I don’t want to go there. Eventually, I’m going to have to, but now? It’s too raw.”
He shook his head. A wisp of pain flitted through the recesses of his eyes, but he drew a breath and the look vanished. He climbed from the bed and bent over her, his right hand braced against the mattress.
“Mark my words, though. You won’t be getting away from me so easily again.”
He pressed a lingering kiss to her lips, so light and tender tears welled in her eyes; then he straightened and left the room. She followed the sounds of his progress down the hallway and through the living room. When the front door closed with a quiet snap, the tears finally broke loose, and she let them.
* * *
Bright and too damn early the next morning, the annoying buzz of her doorbell woke her from a dead sleep. She rolled over and covered her head with her pillow. Maybe if she pretended to be dead, they’d go away. She’d spent most of the night staring at the ceiling, trying not to call Tyler and invite him back. The clock had passed three before she’d finally fallen asleep.
Gray had called somewhere around nine, wanting to make sure she was okay. He’d called four times, actually, but she wasn’t in the mood to call him back. What on earth could she tell him? That Tyler being alive had rocked her back on her heels? That his sudden place in her life again left her struggling with what she wanted?
When the incessant buzzing came again in rapid succession, she gave in and, with an annoyed huff, flung back th
e covers and sat up. No sooner had she grabbed her robe off the ottoman at the end of her bed than the damn sound came again.
“All right, all right. Geez, I’m coming.” She grumbled in the general direction of the door as she made her way, eyes half closed, through the apartment. After undoing the locks, she yanked the door open, glaring at whoever the hell was on the other side.
Gray, as it turned out, leaned in her doorway, in a pair of jogging pants and a T-shirt. Cleary he’d stopped by while out for a morning jog, but he looked way too awake and put together for so early. It didn’t help that he held a box from her favorite bakery and a large cup of Starbucks.
“Morning, sunshine.”
She folded her arms. “Why are you on my doorstep this damn early in the morning?”
“You haven’t returned my calls. You could have at least called to tell me you were okay.” He wiggled the box his hands and grinned, ear to freaking ear. “Besides, I brought breakfast. From Le Panier. Thought perhaps if I came bearing gifts you’d let me keep my balls for waking you up. Maddie’s rather fond of them.”
The corners of her mouth twitched. Damn him. They’d been friends long enough that he knew exactly how to get to her. She wanted to be angry with him. She needed to be. He knew how hard it had been for her to get over thinking Tyler had died, how hard it had been to pick herself up and keep going.
Drawing up her last stubborn ounce of irritation, she poked his chest. “You’d deserve it if I did lop them off. How could you sabotage me that way and not even give me a hint? And don’t tell me you had nothing to do with last night, because that has you written all over it. You did something similar to Maddie last year.”