by JM Stewart
Something soft landed on top of him, and he opened his eyes. Her bra—also black—lay across his chest. The little minx.
He lifted his head to find her grinning at him, hands massaging her breasts, fingers pinching her nipples. Clearly, she enjoyed his torment.
He pulled himself upright, leaned his elbows on his knees, and narrowed his gaze at her. “In about two seconds, princess, I’m going to pounce on you. I’m going to peel those jeans off you myself, and I’m going to fuck you so hard your headboard’s going to leave marks on your lovely blue walls. Jeans. Off. Now.”
She released her breasts, held her hands out from her sides, and arched a brow, an invitation and challenge all rolled into one hot little smirk. “Take your best shot, soldier boy.”
“Tease.” This time, he couldn’t stand it and surged off the bed, lunging at her.
She squealed and giggled, backing away, but he followed and scooped her off her feet.
He turned and tossed her giggling ass onto the bed, then crawled up after her, kneeling between her thighs.
“Remember. You asked for it.” He made quick work of her jeans and panties, tugging them over her hips and down her legs before tossing them off the side of the bed. He didn’t give a flying rat’s ass where they’d landed, but something thunked as it hit the floor. Gaze set on hers, he crawled up her body, holding himself over her. “If you move, I’ll turn you over and redden that ass.”
He brushed a kiss across her mouth and pushed off the bed, pulled a condom out of his back pocket, and set it on the nightstand before shucking his own clothing. It didn’t help the process move any faster with his hands shaking and his blood roaring between his ears. Neither did it help that Cassie spread her thighs like a sweet invitation and slid a hand over her mound. She strummed her clit with the tip of a finger, watching him through hooded eyes.
When he finally rejoined her, covering her body with his, she let out a dreamy sigh and wrapped herself around him. Her warm hands slid up his back, gathering him closer, and her heels hooked over his calves. “God, I missed this. The feel of you on top of me, your warm skin.”
Her words came out on a breathy whisper, but the emotion behind them, the absolute bliss on her face, got him. Yeah. He’d missed this, too. The simple things, like making love to her.
He reached up, tracing the shell of her ear, amazed and grateful he’d gotten his wish. Sitting in that cell in Iraq, thinking his life would end, his last wish was to see her one more time. Now he had her for the foreseeable future, and he intended to make the most of his time with her. “Me too.”
She opened her eyes, peering up at him. The familiar connection pulsed between them. It amazed the hell out of him to see the reflection of it in her gorgeous gaze. It was still there, that certain something pulling them together like the moon to the earth. She could put on a brave face all she wanted, but here, with nothing but skin and moonlight between them, she couldn’t hide. Everything she felt was naked on her face.
“I missed you, Ty.”
Her whispered words were a silken caress, wrapping around his heart. God, she had no idea how much he needed to hear them.
“Me, too, baby.” He bent his head, brushing a kiss across her mouth. “So much.”
He left her long enough to grab the condom and roll it on, then tucked her beneath him again. Her lashes fluttered, eyes closing in bliss as he slid into her in one slow thrust.
For a moment, he could only stay there, enjoying her tight slick heat wrapped around him. He really had missed this, and as ramped up as he was, he wanted to make it last as long as he could. He wanted to make her moan and sigh, to take her world and spin it beyond her imagination. In large part because she was the light that illuminated his.
Her hands slid down to his back to cup his ass, and she arched against him, working her hips in slow circles, making him slide inside her in miniscule increments. The short strokes drove him out of his mind, because it was what he needed right then. Tender and achingly slow. The soft purring emanating from her throat didn’t help him keep a tight rein on his control. Hearing her pleasure only ramped up his.
Shaking all over now, he bent his head, following the line of her jaw. What he wanted was to plunge into her, hot and hard, to drive her past her boundaries and beyond, but he needed to take this slow. He wanted her to come so hard she forgot to breathe.
Because staring into her eyes, the ugliness rose over him, staring him down with beady, red little eyes. Too many nights in that dank cell in Iraq, listening to Williams’s screams, had left their mark on his soul. If Cassie screamed when she came, he’d ruin the moment.
He bent his head, immersing himself in the taste of her skin and the glorious scent of her perfume. “I need you to do something for me, okay?”
When he arched against her, pushing in deeper, her nails curled against his skin. She moaned, long and low, her voice breathless and distracted. “Oooh. Anything.”
He swallowed hard, some part of him clenching tight. God, he hated this. “Don’t scream.”
She froze, becoming so still he could feel her question even before it left her mouth. “Why?”
A simple, single word, spoken on a soft voice filled with sudden alarm. Exactly what he hadn’t wanted. He’d tried not to spook her, but how the hell could he not?
He couldn’t look at her when he answered. He had no desire to know what would play in her eyes, the judgment his mind expected to be there. So he concentrated on the spot where her neck met her shoulder. She always dabbed a bit of perfume there, and he let it fill his senses. “Because if you do, I’ll probably come out of my skin.”
She shoved against his shoulders, turning her head in an attempt to catch his gaze. When he wouldn’t budge, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and buried her face in his throat. “Tell me why, Ty.”
The worry and aching concern in her soft voice made his gut ache.
“Not now. After. I promise. Just…” Damn. She deserved the truth, not his constant sidestepping, but he couldn’t tell her now or he’d ruin the moment. When he lifted his head, though, her gaze held exactly what he’d hoped not to see—worry. “Just please don’t scream. Bite me if you have to, but don’t scream.”
Aching seconds passed in silence. He could only watch her eyes and wait. He was pretty sure he was shaking for all the wrong reasons.
Cassie cupped his cheeks in the palms of her hand, stroking his skin, her eyes searching for something in his. “What did they do to you?”
Her soft words hit that sore spot inside, and the hurt and guilt he’d barely held in check rose over him. He dropped his head to her shoulder and gave in to the pull of her. The concern in her eyes leveled him. He’d always been afraid that seeing pity in her eyes would leave him feeling…like less of a man. Despite knowing how irrational it was, he’d fear she thought of him that way.
To see genuine concern there instead filled him with a relief so profound he wanted to drop to his knees and weep in her lap. To know she accepted him, broken parts and all…God, he needed her. He needed that care. From her. He wasn’t sure he had the words to tell her what that meant.
“Not now, baby, please? I just need you. I need to hear the huff of your breathing in my ear, to feel you tight around me. I need you to use my body, the way you used to, grind yourself against me and fuck me like you own me. Because you do, you know. You own me, baby. I’m yours. I just want to get lost in you for a while.”
She lay so still beneath him he worried he’d ruined the moment, and seconds ticked out in uncomfortable silence. When he was sure the tension would snap, she drew a breath and sat up, rolling him onto his back. Sitting astride him now, she caught his hands, threaded their fingers, and pinned his arms above his head. She began a torturous rhythm, sinking and grinding against him. Her hot, harsh breaths blew against his mouth so that he took every one with her and everything but her eyes fell away.
He gave himself over to her, to the incredible pleasure she sent
rippling through him. She sank onto him with aching slowness, only to rise up, leaving just the tip of him inside, and doing it again. Quiet little moans rolled out of her. Her breasts swayed against his chest, tight nipples grazing his skin to drive him out of his mind.
When her thighs began to shake against his sides and she closed her eyes, he knew her orgasm was close.
He tightened his grip on her fingers. “Let it go, baby. Come for me. I need to watch you come apart. I’m yours, Cassie. All yours. Let it go.”
She let out a tortured moan, clamped her teeth down on her bottom lip, and increased her tempo. With every flick of her hips, she sank onto him hard, taking him in one slick thrust. Until she was panting, her headboard repeatedly thumping the wall.
Half a dozen hard thrusts, she went still, sucked in a gasping breath, and ground herself against him, her body jerking over him. Her inner muscles clamped down around him, massaging his cock, and he couldn’t hold back anymore. His orgasm rushed over him. He gripped her fingers tight, gasping and shaking along with her.
When the spasms dwindled to tiny tremors, Cassie sucked in a sharp breath and dropped onto his chest like a puppet whose strings had been cut. Still breathing hard, she released his hands and tucked her damp forehead into the curve of his neck.
Overwhelmed by the moment, by her, he wrapped his arms around her, crushing her to him. “I love you.”
Christ. He laid all his cards on the table by telling her that. He didn’t expect her to say the words back, but they demanded to be heard. Given their heart-to-heart in the car, he had no idea where their relationship was going at this point. He only knew one thing: he needed her to know nothing had changed for him. She had all of him.
Seconds ticked out, an aching silence filled with a palpable tension. His muscles tightened in expectation of the denial. For her to get up and put some distance between them.
Cassie slid her hands beneath him, wrapping her arms around him. Her voice came muffled from his throat. “I love you, too.”
Chapter Eleven
Cassie’s heart hammered as she waited for Tyler to say something. Some part of her said she shouldn’t have told him that, that it was too soon. That she was learning to swim by diving into the deep end. But the truth was, she did love him. Always had.
She couldn’t deny the moment staring her in the face, either. She was with him tonight, in part, to tell him all those things she regretted not telling him three years ago. That he was important to her, too, that he wasn’t just a fling she could toss aside when she was done. And how much she regretted pushing him away in the first place.
Tyler went so silent she feared he’d fallen asleep. That would be her luck, wouldn’t it? She’d finally worked up the courage to say those words to him, and he wasn’t awake to hear them.
Except the longer she lay there, the more his body tensed beneath her, so she drew a deep breath and kept going. If she was walking that road, she might as well go for broke. There wasn’t much to lose at this point. She couldn’t lie to him anymore, and besides, she owed him the truth.
“I’m sorry.”
The warmth of his palm stroked down her back, his voice an intimate hum in her ear. “What for?”
“All those awful things I said to you three years ago. I didn’t mean them.”
His stomach muscles bunched as he lifted his head to kiss her shoulder. “Me too. Sorry for the things I said back then. I was hurt and lashing out.”
She snuggled farther into his neck. “You’re tense, Ty, and it scares me. What are you thinking?”
“A million different things. Questions you probably don’t want to answer right now.”
He didn’t have to ask. Instinct told her what his question was. He wanted to know where their relationship went now. She blew out a heavy breath and slid into the space beside him, tucking one arm over his bare belly and laying her head on his shoulder.
“I don’t know. That’s the answer to the question you’re not asking. I’m afraid to think about it, because it means risking losing you. And I know that doesn’t make sense. I mean, I lose you anyway if you decide to walk away from this, that you’re tired of waiting. It’s irrational, but the fear is still there. Somewhere inside I thought if I refused to face it, you’d be safe.” She lowered her voice, her cheeks heating with the guilt and shame rising over her. God, it sounded so stupid, but in the end, it amounted to one thing. “I would never survive if I lost you for real.”
And there it was. The secret she held closest to her heart and the last skeleton in her closet. That she loved him so much her world would crumble—and had—if he ever really died. He had all of her now. She’d finally allowed herself to be vulnerable with him in a way she never had before he deployed.
She sighed and shook her head. “God, you must think I’m so stupid.”
Tyler rolled toward her, wrapped his arms around her, and drew her into his chest, kissing the top of her head. “There were points where I thought I’d only imagined you. I’d wake up sometimes with the disappointment of not finding you beside me. There at the end, I’d given up hope of ever seeing you again. So seeing you at the auction was a surreal moment for me. It wasn’t until I kissed you that it became real, that I knew I was really home.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “I can’t lose you again, either.”
She kissed the center of his chest and closed her eyes, inhaling the scent clinging to his skin. Clean and masculine and all Tyler. “I need to take this one day at a time. The question is, are you okay with that?”
He kissed her forehead this time, murmuring into her hair. “I’m okay with that.”
They lay that way for a while, silent, holding each other in the aftermath of truth. It was jarring and simplistic, that truth. For the first time in years, they weren’t hiding anything from each other or dancing around what their relationship was or wasn’t, but accepting it as is. She loved him, plain and simple, and it was terrifying and exhilarating and precarious. Like she was tumbling through the sky, no longer certain which way was up.
“I dream.”
Tyler’s voice broke the silence, a bare murmur into her hair. His heart beneath her ear hammered. When he began to tremble as well, instinct told her his mind had traveled into the past. She lifted her head, peering at the dark shape of his face. He was little more than a shadow against the darkness pervading the room, but somberness had risen over him.
She reached up, stroking his cheek. “About what happened?”
“Mmm. Lately, I dream about you.” He paused and a shiver ran through him. When he spoke again, his voice came low and filled with pain. “You’re screaming, and I can’t get to you.”
The image filled her mind, what he must have seen, what he relived every night, and her heart clenched, tears flooding her eyes. She hated the thought of the things they’d done to him. It became a physical pain, aching in her chest to the point she feared it would crack open. She’d give anything to take his agony from him.
She kissed his chest again, over his heart, and wrapped her arm around his waist, hugging him as tightly as she could, given their position. “I’m safe, Ty, and so are you.”
“It doesn’t feel like it. That’s the ugly part I hate telling you about. I’m thirty years old, and I’m terrified of the damn dark. I have to sleep with a light on and the bedroom door open. If Mom closes it, I usually wake in a panic. Just riding the elevator up to your castle in the sky makes me break out in a cold sweat.” He let out a heavy sigh, his voice becoming a murmur between them. “It’s also the real reason we didn’t go to a movie tonight. I’m not sure I could handle sitting in a cramped, dark room.”
Catching the significance of his words, she lifted her head. “Would you prefer I turn the light on?”
He let out a harsh laugh. “No. Makes me feel like a damn child. The dream is an ugly twist on something that happened. One of the soldiers captured was a woman. They…” He stopped, audibly swallowing. “I think they raped her. They kept us
separate from each other, but close enough that I could hear them.”
The image bombarded her mind, what it must have been like for him, sitting in a dark cell, hearing those awful sounds. She couldn’t stop the shudder from moving through her, something he must have caught because he buried his face in her hair, his voice a shaky whisper against her cheek.
“What I remember most, what sticks with me, is her screaming. She was one of the last to die. I tried to get to her. Pretty sure I threw my shoulder out hurling myself against that goddamn door, but it wouldn’t budge, and I ended up sitting on the dirt floor crying along with her.”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat but couldn’t stop the tears from escaping. It was too much to imagine, the horror he went through, the terror and desperation. “Is that why you dream of me?”
“In the dream, I’m locked in the same room, but you’re the one screaming. God, the pain in your voice, your sobbing…” He drew a breath that vibrated through him, and several seconds passed in strained silence before he spoke again. “But I can’t get to you. I can’t get out the fucking door. I can’t save you. In the end, I heard them all die.”
The pain in his voice cracked the wall in her chest. The tears overflowed, unstoppable. For the horror he’d endured, for the people he’d lost and the burden their losses had left on him. She buried her face in his chest, hugging him hard, and prayed he couldn’t feel her tears, because she couldn’t stop them. When his arms banded around her in turn, crushing her to him, a sob escaped her, and she lifted her face, finding his mouth in the darkness. He kissed her hard, his body shaking against her, salt on his tongue as it pushed into her mouth, restless and searching. Reaching up to stroke his cheek, her fingers found wetness.
Knowing he trusted her enough to not only stay the night but also to share the horrors he’d experienced, to share his nightmares and allow himself to cry in front of her awed and amazed her. She yearned to tell him everything trapped in her chest. That she was damn lucky to get him back. That she wasn’t ever letting him go. All she could do was cling to his shoulders and kiss him back, pouring the words she couldn’t find into the intense connection.