Kathy looked at her sister in disbelief. “What did you do?”
Sunny pressed her hands to her temples. “There wasn’t much I was fit to do. I was so hysterical they hospitalized me and kept me sedated for forty-eight hours. I woke up in a violent state of mind when they finally took me off their drugs. I wanted someone to tell me it had all been nothing more than a bad dream. I pleaded with them to get Randy, but they told me he was dead.”
“Oh, Sunny, I can’t even imagine.”
“Nor would I ever want you to,” she said sadly. “The nightmares were more than I could bear. I kept feeling Randy’s lifeless arms around me. I kept seeing his open-eyed stare. I went into rehab. The doctor told me that getting clean would help me overcome those hideous memories.”
“And did it?”
“To a point. It was almost more than I could stand. It was bad enough trying to quit cocaine, but there were other things. The police, the media, our friends. I can still hear them all asking their questions, demanding their answers. Answers that I couldn’t give because I had been too high to know what had happened. All I knew then was that somehow a bag of coke that should have lasted us several days was gone. I suppose we’d used it up that night. I really can’t be sure.”
“Do you ever miss it? I mean, do the urges to use it come back?”
Sunny shook her head. “No. I was lucky . . . blessed, as my friend Lana would say. Rehab was the hardest thing I ever went through, but every time I thought of giving up and quitting, I saw Randy’s dead body and knew I couldn’t let him down.” She straightened her legs and leaned back against the porch wall. “He was such a sweet man. He had the kindest nature and such a gentle spirit. He would listen to me for hours and share ideas and thoughts. I really saw us growing old together. I guess because of the drugs, we did just that.”
ELEVEN
THE NEXT DAY KATHY SAT BESIDE her Dad’s bed. “Why didn’t you tell me that you let her have the money? That you knew where Sunny was and that she was alive?” They had been discussing Sunny’s confession for several minutes.
Dad shook his head. “I didn’t see how it would matter. She wasn’t coming home. She hadn’t tried to contact us, and I figured it best to let the past remain in the past and not stir up false hopes. I signed the papers because I wanted her to know that I knew what she was doing—that I knew where she was. I wanted her to know, because I’d hoped it would tell her I still loved her and wanted her to come home.”
“Why didn’t you at least tell me she was alive? It would have helped to know just that much.”
Dad eyed her with an intensity she hadn’t seen in months. “Be truthful, Kathy. Would it have helped? You told me around the time Mom died that you figured Mom and Amy were together, because surely Amy wouldn’t have been so cruel as to not contact the family after all that time. You said other things as well, but when I learned about Amy being alive and taking the money, I knew it would serve no useful purpose to tell you.”
Kathy was hurt by her father’s long-ago decision but said nothing. “But all the times I’ve said something about her stealing that money right from under your nose, you always said—”
“I always said that she didn’t steal it, didn’t I?” he interjected. “I told you that she had it with my blessing.”
Kathy thought back and nodded. “I suppose you did.”
“I know I did. I could have prevented her getting the money by taking it out of the account before she turned twenty-one. I knew there was a possibility she would one day try to take that money out. I told my friends at the bank and asked them to let me know if she did. When that happened, I signed the paper work to send a message to Amy . . . Sunshine, that she wasn’t fooling anybody.”
His weak voice reminded Kathy that she should let him rest. She got to her feet and picked up his breakfast tray. He’d eaten very little. “Do you want the television on? It’s Sunday morning and there might be some good preaching to listen to.”
“No. Say, have you heard anything from the real-estate agent?”
Kathy didn’t want to lie to her father, but neither did she want him fretting about waiting so long to put the farm on the market. “Things are moving along well. We’re sure to have a buyer any day.”
He smiled and closed his eyes. “That’s good. Glad to hear it. I don’t want you having to spend much more of your own money to keep up with the expenses. Be sure you keep a good record. I want you paid back first.”
“I’ll take care of it,” Kathy said, knowing at least that much wasn’t a lie. She was nearly out of money and wasn’t sure what else could be done once her money was gone. It wasn’t like she could go and borrow more. There was no telling how much more she’d have to come down on the price of the farm before it finally attracted a buyer. She had to make sure she had enough to pay all the debts once the sale was complete. If she borrowed any more, there definitely wouldn’t be much profit.
“I think I’ll rest now. Why don’t you go to church and let me sleep? I know it’s been a long time since you felt you could go. Why not leave Sunny with me and head out?”
The offer was tempting. “I suppose I could.” The idea became more appealing to Kathy with every passing moment. “Yes, I think that would be great.”
“Good. Just tell her I’m going to sleep for a bit. She can come check on me later.” He pulled his covers up despite the growing heat of the day.
Kathy went in search of Sunny and explained. She found Sunny quite content to stay at home. In fact, she told Kathy she’d like to do this for her. Kathy thought about that even as she listened to a visiting missionary give a sermon on extending your love to people who did not love you in return.
I haven’t wanted to be in debt to Sunny, so I haven’t let her do much with Dad or the house. Sunny had offered several times to help Kathy with packing or gardening, but Kathy had been too prideful to accept that help.
She does seem different, but what if it’s all some kind of a game? What if she’s just playing us so she can get more money? She might have learned that Dad was dying and figured to come here and get in on the inheritance.
The church service soon concluded and Kathy found several people approaching her.
“We haven’t seen you in ages. How’s your dad?” Gayle Murphy, an old friend of Kathy’s mom, questioned.
“He’s very weak. The doctor is amazed he’s still here,” Kathy admitted.
“Is it true your sister came home? I heard from my cousin that Amy is back in town.”
“That’s what I was going to ask you about,” Donna Meyers said. “My Jim came home saying that Amy was back.”
“She changed her name to Sunshine,” Renea Stover said as she joined the group. “And it’s all true. I ran into her in the store. She was uppity as ever. She always thought herself better than the rest of us.”
Kathy frowned. She couldn’t imagine Sunny acting uppity with anyone. She had changed—just as she’d pointed out to Kathy. Whether it was a permanent change or whether it was put on for the purpose of impressing remained to be seen.
“What has your dad had to say about it?” Donna asked, ignoring her teenage son, who waited impatiently to go.
“Dad said it was answered prayer,” Kathy finally replied. “He feels he can die in peace now.”
“Too bad your mother couldn’t have done the same thing,” Mrs. Stover snapped.
“We did our best for Mom,” Kathy said defensively.
Renea’s hard expression softened just a bit. “Of course you did. Poor thing. You did everything a good daughter should. You sacrificed your life to care for your folks—that’s a mighty selfless act. Don’t think we don’t know what your choice cost. Your sister’s choices were completely based on her own needs—she didn’t think of anyone else.”
The word choice struck Kathy, but she couldn’t comment because Mrs. Stover was already continuing with her tirade. “Marg was my dearest friend and we talked long hours about you girls. She knew her youngest was trouble.
She told me that nearly every time we got together.” Renea patted Kathy’s arm, no doubt intending to show support, but Kathy only wanted to jerk her arm away and be left alone.
“Your sister was cruel to leave. She was even more heartless to let no one know she was safe and alive. People with a conscience just don’t do things like that. How hard would it have been to drop a postcard to the family? She killed Marg as sure as her heart did.”
No one, including Kathy, seemed to want to contradict the statement. How can I? Kathy asked herself. I’ve said the same thing many times. The only thing was, hearing it from Renea Stover made it sound so hardhearted and unforgiving. The situation made Kathy feel rather awkward.
“Where was she all these years?” Gayle questioned. Gayle had fared better in Mom’s absence. Kathy knew the loss had hit her mother’s friends hard, but where Renea had become bitter and hostile, Gayle had seemed to accept it as a part of life.
“Various places,” Kathy admitted. “I don’t know a whole lot, but she had a pretty hard time of it.”
“Serves her right. God’s punishment for her wickedness,” Renea quickly put in.
“I suppose some might see it that way,” Kathy said.
“If they’re smart they do,” Renea said. “God won’t be mocked. He doesn’t put up with nonsense like that. He let your sister suffer so that she could understand the wrong she’d done.”
“Suffer the consequences of her actions,” Donna agreed.
Kathy couldn’t agree more, but on the other hand, was God really into letting people suffer the death of children and husbands as a means of putting them in their place? Was that God’s idea of justice? She didn’t find it very comforting to see God as someone who would take a child from his mother to punish her. Besides, Mitch had killed baby Gary. God wouldn’t have condoned Mitch’s actions. Yet He had allowed it. Kathy rubbed her temple.
“. . . and that’s why I wouldn’t let her stay,” Renea Stover concluded, drawing a deep breath.
Kathy realized she’d heard little of what the woman had said. “I’m sorry. I have a headache. I should probably head home.”
“It’s no wonder you have a headache,” Gayle said sympathetically. “I’m not sure how you do all that you do. You have such a sweet nature and pure heart. Your motives are evident. Your father and mother would be very proud of you. You’ve suffered in silence and now have to deal with your sister’s unfeeling actions. I agree with Renea. I’d tell her to leave.”
“It’s really not up to me,” Kathy said, feeling less and less like discussing the matter. She knew her heart wasn’t as sweet and pure as the others were suggesting. “It’s Dad’s place and he’s delighted to have her back.”
“Poor thing.” Renea again patted her arm. “To think after all you’ve given up, you would have to endure this as well. Sometimes it seems there is no justice.”
“Really I’m fine, but thanks for your concern.” Kathy shifted her purse from one arm to the other. “I need to go now.”
They bid her good-bye, following her outside.
“If you need to talk, Kathy, you have my number,” Renea called. “You don’t owe your sister anything. She took what didn’t belong to her and did irreparable damage to your family. She doesn’t deserve your kindness.”
Kathy got into her car with those words echoing in her head. “Irreparable damage?” she murmured as she put the air-conditioning on high. Was the situation irreparable? Was this matter too big, even for God to make right?
“But do I want it made right?” Kathy wondered as she drove home. She knew the Bible called for her to forgive her sister, but so far Kathy couldn’t find the way to do that.
She still had so much anger and hurt—twelve years’ worth built up inside and firmed in place with an equal amount of bitterness and regret.
“She’s had a bad life,” Kathy reasoned aloud. “I’ve had sorrow with Mom’s death and Dad’s condition, but I haven’t had to live the life Sunny’s had to endure. I should forgive, but it’s so hard. I loved Amy so much and it was like she threw that love back in my face.”
Something the missionary said came to mind: “Oftentimes we reach out to people who would rather not be reached. We love people who reject our love and would just as soon spit in our face, but Jesus asks us to go on loving—go on reaching. It’s easy to love someone when they love us, but so much harder to love when we are treated poorly by that person.”
Sylvia had said it was as if Kathy’s love for Sunny was conditional upon doing things Kathy’s way. Was that true? Kathy wrestled with her thoughts all the way home.
She was surprised to spy Dad and Sunny sitting on the front porch together. Dad would no doubt be exhausted. Sunny should have known better than to encourage such a thing. Of course, maybe the full extent of Dad’s illness wasn’t yet real to Sunny.
Kathy hated to leave the crisp coolness of her car for the heat of the day. The wind whipped at her long broomstick skirt as she made her way to the porch, but it was a hot, heavy air that offered little comfort.
“What are you doing out here? Dad, you’ll wear yourself out.”
“Not for long,” he replied, sounding surprisingly clearheaded.
“Sunny, it really wasn’t wise to do this.”
“Sunny only helped me do what I asked her to,” Dad countered. “She had no say in this. I told her I intended to sit on my porch, and if she wanted to come along she could.”
Kathy could see that Sunny was uncomfortably caught in the middle. “I understand how that goes. You can be a real pill sometimes.” She smiled and made her way to the door. “I’m going to change my clothes and then I’ll start lunch.”
“Why don’t you wait? Sit here with us for a little while,” Dad encouraged.
Kathy drew a deep breath and held it for a moment. She wanted to be considerate of Dad and even of Sunny, but she feared where this threesome conversation might lead. If Dad tried to force the issue of forgiveness, Kathy wasn’t sure what she’d do or say. She knew he wanted her and Sunny to set things right, but Kathy didn’t feel like she could do that just yet. Still, she saw the hopefulness in his eyes.
“All right,” she said against her better judgment. She pulled up one of the metal chairs and took a seat.
“I’ve been explaining some things to Sunny,” Dad began. “I thought some of it you should hear as well.”
“Like what?” Kathy asked. Suspicion mounted as she thought of all sorts of changes he might be contemplating. Changes to plans long made and put into motion.
“Well, for instance, I told her how you and I had taken care of arranging for the farm and the funeral. I wanted Sunny to understand some of the decisions I’ve made over the last few years.”
“Such as?” Kathy was afraid to make any comment, and it seemed less risky to ask questions instead.
“Such as the fact that I put you in charge of my will and that I left everything to you.”
Kathy looked at Sunny as if to determine her thoughts on the matter. She didn’t have to wonder long.
“Which I think is only fair,” Sunny threw in. “With all things considered.”
“Did you tell her that a good portion of the farm sale will go to cover the loan you took out to cover medical bills—Mom’s and yours?”
“I did. I also told her that I felt you deserved whatever was left and then some, especially because you’ve exhausted your trust fund keeping this place running.”
“I would have rather neither one of you knew about that,” Kathy said.
“You can’t hide things like that, Kathy,” Dad said, shaking his head. “I’m sorry it’s come to that, but I mean to see it made up to you, and Sunny agrees.”
Sunny nodded. Kathy could feel her sister’s tension. She seemed very concerned that Kathy understand her position. “Well, so long as we’re all in agreement,” Kathy finally said.
“Look, I’m still happy to help you in any way I can,” Sunny stated. “I didn’t come back here for
money. I came back to try to make a new start with my family. I want to help if I can.”
“I think you ought to be a great help to your sister,” Dad said in a tired voice. “There’s still a lot to be done—even though we worked out all the details.” He turned to Kathy. “I’ve been talking to Sunny about the auction we planned. But I do have a small request. I want you two to go through things and keep what you want. Even keep it all. Kathy, I’d like you to share the things in the house with Sunny.”
Kathy hadn’t really thought about it until now. A part of her rejected the idea as unfair, but another part thought it more than appropriate. Many of the things here were mementoes from their childhood. They would mean just as much to Sunny, no doubt, as they did to Kathy. “Sure. No problem,” she replied.
“And there’s one other thing,” her father said.
Kathy stiffened as she waited for him to continue. Please don’t ask me to forgive her. I’m already battling myself over this. God knows I’m trying to understand the past and let it go, but it hurts so much. She sat looking at the table in order to avoid her father’s and sister’s eyes. Had they been plotting all morning how to approach her? Had Sunny conspired to press for this premature reconciliation?
“I’d like Sunny to stay here until the sale of the farm is complete.”
Kathy looked up at this. She turned to her sister, ready to question her on the matter, but Sunny was looking at Dad with an expression that betrayed her lack of knowledge on this latest development.
Dad quickly continued. “This is my idea, Kathy. Sunny knew nothing about this. I don’t know if Sunny has to be someplace. I don’t know if she has a job or family that needs her to return, but I think it would be good for all of us— especially you two—if she stayed here until you move. You said things were going well and that the farm sale won’t be long in concluding. You two can use that time to get to know each other again and help each other deal with my passing.”
“I suppose so,” Kathy said, but her heart wasn’t really in it. She hadn’t considered how long Sunny might stay but figured it wouldn’t be much past Dad’s death. Her real fear was that the farm wouldn’t sell. If that happened, she’d be in Colorado having to earn money enough to meet the mortgage and utilities or face losing the place. There was always the possibility she could rent the house out and have Tony keep farming the land, but she doubted that would be too successful. No one in this area could afford the kind of rent she’d need to make to cover her payments.
Where My Heart Belongs Page 11