“Not me . . . God. I think back on these last few weeks, and I know I have nothing of myself to recommend in this situation. I wasn’t kind or loving. I wasn’t even civil. I’m ashamed of how I reacted—especially when it came to her asking for forgiveness.”
“We all make mistakes. Sunny’s were just so much more visible.”
“Isn’t that the truth?” Kathy murmured. “I take great comfort in knowing that many of my mistakes or faults have been hidden from the public eye.”
She fell silent and watched as yet another person she didn’t know bought her parents’ bed. Personally, Kathy had never cared for the piece, but at this moment she felt like some kind of traitor for letting it go.
Desperate to change her thoughts, Kathy turned back to Sylvia. “I received a postcard from Kyle. He’s still in England; as a matter of fact, he has to stay as long as another two weeks. However, he wanted me to know that everything about his life is so much happier since I called. He said that he had felt like he was on a perpetual hold all these years and now could finally move forward again. He said he was looking forward to our future together.” Kathy couldn’t help the girlish giggle that came out. “Our future together.”
“It’s amazing, Kathy. I always knew Kyle loved you, but he’s more than proven the depth of his love. You can never ever doubt it now.”
“I know. I was so wrong, Sylvia. The way I treated him was wrong, and it just caused me to be more miserable than I had to be. You were so right about that. I wish I could have seen it sooner.”
“Bitterness and anger so often blind us, Kathy. It’s a hard-learned lesson, but one I hope neither of us is quick to forget.”
“Me too.”
“Have you heard any more about the sale of the farm— like who bought it?”
“No. I only know that it was a woman and that she’s sending her agent tomorrow to handle the papers and paying cash so we don’t have to worry about waiting for going through a bank. Cuts the time considerably.”
“That’s amazing. I wonder if she’ll move here.”
“I don’t know. I plan to ask the agent she’s sending. I want to let him know that Tony could farm the land if they wanted him to.”
“Well, let us know. He’ll want to prepare the ground for the winter wheat.”
“I promise as soon as I know something, I’ll let you know.”
Sylvia glanced at her watch. “I’d better get. You two are still coming for supper, right?”
Kathy turned back to see what piece the auctioneer was offering. It was a set of some of the more modern tools. The auction people had put various things together for optimum sale, and this was one of those sets. “We’ll be there,” she said, her thoughts focused more on the tools than on the food. In her mind she saw her father working to make or mend something on the farm.
I’m going to miss you, Dad.
Sylvia checked her watch one more time. “I’m going to get home and get supper started. Come as soon as you like. And don’t forget—if you change your mind and want to sleep at our house until the sale of the house is finalized, you’re more than welcome.”
“It’s just the one night.”
“Well, something could go wrong; it’s been known to happen. My sister thought she was closing on her house at a certain time and ended up delayed by two weeks, remember?”
“We’ll be fine. Sunny and I are going to finish cleaning the place and get our stuff loaded into the cars. We’ll be able to leave in the morning and head to the title company in Hays and that will be that.” She shook her head. “It’s going to seem so strange.”
Sylvia hugged her. “No,” she said, pulling back to meet Kathy’s teary eyes. “It’s going to be so wonderful.”
Sunny wandered the property for the last time. She knew tomorrow she and Kathy would head to Colorado Springs. Aunt Glynnis had suggested Sunny stop there for the night on her way back to California.
While she was glad for the invitation and the decision to head back, Sunny had a gnawing fear that refused to let her go. What awaited her in California?
Sunny entered the barn and gazed around as she drew in the heady aroma of hay. How many girlhood adventures had she had in this place? She and Kathy used to get Dad to help them make tunnels with the hay bales. The girls would crawl around for hours and even made a little area in the hay where they could keep some of their things. They called it their hideout, although Dad and Mom knew exactly where it was.
She passed the stalls where they had milked their two cows, Numbers and Deuteronomy. The cows had been named by their grandfather, who had kept Genesis, Exodus, and Leviticus for himself. Many had been the cold morning she’d come out to milk those cows. She hated when it was her turn to do the milking. Her hands always ached from the strain, and inevitably she’d get kicked or stepped on. Numbers had even broken her finger once. She gently rubbed her right-hand ring finger, remembering the event.
“There are good memories here,” she whispered. “It wasn’t all bad.”
Glancing up at the loft door, she remembered times when they would break up bales of straw and jump into the stack from the loft. The straw would always tear them up, scratching their arms and legs, but the fun of flying through the air always negated the pain.
“I wondered where you’d gone,” Kathy said, entering the barn behind her.
The shadows of the darkened room played tricks on Sunny’s eyes. She saw her mother in Kathy, even though most people commented about Sunny’s appearance being more like Mom’s. Mom had a strong influence on them both, Sunny decided.
“I needed a little alone time. It was all starting to get to me.”
Kathy smiled sadly. “A little like watching them tear things apart, piece by piece.”
Sunny nodded. “We probably should have taken the auctioneer’s advice and spent the day in Hays.”
“Maybe. I think we would have regretted that though.”
Sunny sighed. “I suppose so. I was just thinking about some of the fun times we had here.”
“Oh, like mucking out stalls?” Kathy teased.
Sunny appreciated her light-hearted comment. There was no sense in getting too maudlin. “Yeah, that and staying up all night with sick animals.”
“Or how about dealing with the walnuts?”
Every year when the tree would bear nuts, there was the inevitable job of getting the green hulls off and putting the nuts to dry. The hulls stained everything, and if the girls didn’t wear gloves, their hands would bear that same discoloration for weeks.
Sunny hugged her arms to her chest. “I’m so glad I came home when I did. It would have killed me to not have this place to come back to.”
“Why? I thought you hated it here.”
“I did. I don’t think I do so much anymore.” Sunny felt her eyes grow damp. “I have some good memories, but I pushed them so far back that I convinced myself the times were all bad.”
“The bad comes with the good. It’s just a part of life.” Kathy cast a glance at the ceiling and then to the loft. “I had convinced myself the times were all good, but seeing you reminded me of times that were less than perfect.” She frowned and quickly followed it with an explanation. “Oh, Sunny, that sounded awful, and I certainly didn’t mean for it to.”
Sunny understood. She knew what it was to carefully consider each word before it came out of her mouth. She hated word games, but everyone seemed to want to play them at one time or another. Yet this wasn’t one of the times Sunny wanted to see the rules of the game engaged. “I understood exactly what you meant.”
“I’m glad. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I realize how wrong I’ve been. You asked me for forgiveness and I told you you’d have to wait. That was stupid—heartless. I was afraid, but no more. I have to trust that God has a plan in all of this and that His grace is enough for us both. Honestly, I need to ask you for forgiveness of my horrible attitude. Can you forgive me, Sunny?”
This confession completely stunn
ed Sunny. She had not expected her sister to make any such declaration. “You know you have my forgiveness, but I don’t think there’s much to forgive. I think even when you were angry with me, you still loved me. Look, there’s something you need to know. I hope it won’t make you mad.”
Kathy’s brows furrowed. “What is it?”
“My mother-in-law is the one buying the farm.”
“What?!”
Sunny nodded. “I knew you were worried, and I wanted to help. Everything I have is tied up, and until the divorce, I won’t know how much I’ll have access to. Nancy is rich and I knew it wouldn’t even put a dent in her funds. I told her what was going on and how you really needed the place to sell. Oh, Kathy, I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds. I just wanted to help so much. I’ve made you so miserable over the years, I wanted to give you something good. Please don’t hate me.”
Kathy began to cry. “Oh, Sunny, I don’t hate you. I can’t believe you’d do something so generous. Worrying about this farm was eating me up inside. I hadn’t wanted Dad to fret over it, because he knew we should have put it on the market last year. I didn’t want you to worry about it, because I wanted to be . . . the strong one. This was such an act of love. How could I ever hate you for that?”
They embraced and held each other for several minutes. Tears streamed down Sunny’s face. She didn’t know what would happen in the future, but she knew it would take a great deal to match the importance of this moment.
Sunny heard someone step into the barn and pulled away from her sister to wipe her eyes. She didn’t want to be seen crying.
“I’m sorry,” Kathy said in an authoritative manner, “the barn is off limits for the sale. You’ll need to return to the auction.”
“I came here to see Sunny,” the man explained.
Sunny knew the voice immediately. She looked up, knowing the shock must have been written on her face.
He stepped forward, and with him came a rush of thoughts and feelings too overwhelming for Sunny to know what to say. She could only breathe one word.
“Brian.”
TWENTY-FIVE
KATHY WATCHED THE COLOR PASS from Sunny’s face. Her sister looked as if she might faint. “Why don’t we go into the house?” Kathy suggested.
She took hold of Sunny’s arm in a possessive way. “Come on, Sunny.”
Sunny moved hesitantly, but Kathy pulled her along. “We don’t have much in the way of furniture, but there’s still a small table and chairs in the kitchen.” Kathy had long ago promised the set to Sylvia and was planning to take it to her at supper that evening. Everything else was packed in the trailer Kathy planned to pull.
It felt strange to have her brother-in-law show up. She stole a quick glance at him. He was quite handsome. Sunny always did have a way with picking her guys. No doubt Mitch and Randy had been good-looking as well, but Brian almost had movie-star good looks. From his wavy blond hair to his broad shoulders and athletic build, the tall man seemed nearly perfect. She looked at her sister and back to Brian. They made a very handsome couple.
Kathy pushed Sunny through the open back door. “Sunny, why don’t you go wash your face and freshen up a bit.” She leaned close to her sister’s ear. “It might help you feel better. I’ll take care of Brian.”
Sunny met her sister’s gaze and nodded. “I’ll be right back.”
With Sunny gone, Kathy turned to Brian. “I’m Kathy, Sunny’s sister. Why don’t you have a seat and tell me what brings you here.”
Brian took a chair, looking around the stark room. “I . . . well . . . I came because of Sunny. My mother told me where she was.”
Kathy frowned. “I see. Well, you should know this day has been really hard on both of us. I hope you aren’t here to make it that much harder.”
“I promise you, that’s not the case.”
“Then why are you here?” Kathy tried not to sound accusing, but she worried about what this visit might mean to her sister.
“I need to talk to my wife,” he said rather defensively.
Kathy crossed her arms. “You aren’t going to berate her with more of that nonsense about cheating on you, are you?” Kathy was surprised to suddenly realize she completely believed Sunny’s story. Her sister would never have cheated on this man—of that she felt confident.
“So I take it she’s told you everything?” he asked in a manner that suggested embarrassment.
“Yes. Or at least enough.”
“You must have a pretty bad opinion of me.” He met her gaze in an almost pleading manner.
It was easy to see he felt terrible, and Kathy didn’t know what to think. Sunny came back from the bathroom looking a little better—at least not quite so pale.
“I have things to do. You two feel free to talk here. No one should bother you.” Kathy turned to Sunny. “Unless you need me to stay?”
“No, I’ll . . . be . . . all right.” She drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Thanks.”
Kathy casually walked from the room in no hurry to leave. She actually hoped she might hear some of the conversation between the couple, but no one was talking. Reaching the front porch, Kathy paused to whisper a prayer.
Lord, Sunny needs you—maybe more than ever. Brian needs you too. I don’t know what you have planned for this family, but I know you hate divorce and lies. Please help us, Lord, to get beyond both.
Sunny tightly gripped the back of the kitchen chair. She had told herself over and over in the bathroom that she could handle this situation, but now that she was face-to-face with him, Sunny was certain she could not. Tears came to her eyes and rational thought fled. When she looked at Brian, she saw nothing but the loss. The loss of her marriage—her happiness—Lucy. It was more than she could bear. She lowered her head and began to cry in earnest, even knowing it would probably irritate him to no end.
Brian didn’t rebuke her for her tears. Instead, she heard him get out of his chair. For a moment Sunny feared he would leave, but she had no power to stop him. She could barely breathe for the tightness in her chest.
Without warning, Brian pulled her to him, turning her gently so that she could put her face on his chest. “Sunny, I was wrong.”
The words poured over her like a refreshing rain. It was all that she had hoped for, but she couldn’t bring herself to believe it might actually happen. She pulled away to look into his eyes.
He took her face in his hands. “I was wrong. I was so very wrong. I know you didn’t have an affair. I know I should have spent more time with you and Lucy. I failed you in so many ways. Sunny, please forgive me.”
“I can’t believe this is happening. What changed?”
He wiped her damp cheeks with his thumbs. “I did. I finally saw how stupid I’d acted. Just tell me I’m not too late.”
“Of course you aren’t.” Sunny felt her tears come anew. “I want to hear what happened.”
Brian let her go. “I guess the most important thing I did was learn the truth. I was working late one evening and happened to overhear a call. Remember Anita?”
Sunny nodded. “I do.”
“Well, she’d been telling me for months that you and Rick were an item.” He held up his hands. “I can’t believe I fell for her lurid tales. I knew better. I knew you loved me, and I knew that you wanted me at home. Anita suggested that you and Rick were in league to destroy me. She told me Rick wanted to take over my practice and with you and him both pressuring me to give up patients, I figured that was the truth of it.”
“I’m sorry. I never thought of it that way.” She motioned to the table. “Let’s sit.”
Brian nodded and held out her chair. Once they were both seated he continued. “Anita told me that you and Rick were having an affair, and that I should even question whether Lucy was mine. I had confided in her about wanting more children and how you didn’t want to have another baby yet. She told me that was because Lucy was Rick’s child and you only wanted his children.”
“That’s
awful. And why would she say that? I mean, I know she was jealous of me, but still, she would have to know that Lucy’s paternity could be tested.”
“Sunny, I’m so ashamed to say this, but I had her tested.”
“Oh, Brian.”
“I was so crazy over the whole thing. I finally just felt like I was losing my mind. I wanted to talk to you, but you were gone. Mom didn’t know where you’d gone, and Lana knew but wouldn’t say. Mom finally sat me down and started talking to me about the past. She told me things about my father that I’d never understood. She told me things about her as well. She started talking about her faith in God and how everything had changed the day she’d realized she couldn’t cope with life on her own—the day she turned to Jesus.”
Sunny sat motionless, hardly able to believe Brian would be receptive to such a message. At least not the old Brian. The old Brian would never have admitted he was wrong either.
“Mom told me she knew I was miserable because I really loved you and knew I’d falsely accused you. But more than that, she knew I was miserable because I needed to find God for myself.”
“I had to find Him too,” Sunny offered.
Brian reached out and took hold of her hand. “I didn’t want to hear any of it at first. I felt like it made no more sense than the rest of my life. I asked Mom to take care of Lucy for a while, because I honestly felt I couldn’t be anything she needed me to be. The weeks dragged on, and I felt my misery grow even more acute. I knew something had to give. I even thought about suicide.”
“No!” Sunny gasped and gripped his hand more tightly. “I couldn’t bear that.”
“I just couldn’t see any hope—any light. When I really felt most desperate, I called Mom and she called her pastor. He came over to see me.”
“Pastor James?”
He nodded and smiled. “The very one. He didn’t cut me any slack. I figured he’d give me all sorts of sympathy and compassion, and instead he asked me point blank if I wanted things to be right. Not better. Right.”
“I know. He asked me the same thing.”
Where My Heart Belongs Page 23