by Ciara Shayee
“Did it seem like I was complaining?”
“Not even a little,” he concedes, trying not to smirk. “Piper, this is…”
“Complicated.”
“That’s an understatement.”
As much as I want to disagree, he’s right. Nothing about this situation is simple or easy. To be honest, I don’t even know what this situation is, but I’ve never been one to hold my tongue.
“What are we doing? Where is this going?”
The flash of surprise in Kellan’s eyes makes me smile a little ruefully, but it drops as he shakes his head, putting some space between us. I can see the moment he catches himself. His single step backward might as well be the Grand Canyon right now, he feels so far away.
“I don’t know.”
I don’t know why it hurts so much to hear that; it’s exactly what I expected him to say.
Clearing my throat and righting my crooked bikini top, I quickly blink back a sudden onslaught of tears.
Stupid girl. Pull up your big girl panties and stop this from becoming awkward as hell.
“I think…I think we need some space.”
For a moment, I’m confused. Kellan frowns, almost looking disappointed, but he’s wiped his face clean of any expression before I can get a proper read. Raking a hand through his messy hair, he manages a shaky smile. Again, I can see the effort it takes to muster, and I wish he’d just open up and let someone in—preferably me. I wish he’d let me help, but if not me, somebody. He has support, I just don’t think he realizes it or is willing to accept it. Until he can beat some of his demons and let me in, I can’t give myself over to the feelings hovering on the horizon whenever he’s near.
I want him, and I think he knows that, I just refuse to throw myself head-first into whatever this is if he’s not going to make the same effort. That said, it frightens me to admit, even just to myself, that I’m willing to wait.
This isn’t a sprint; we’re in no rush. Some time and space might be exactly what we both need to cool off and figure out what’s going on.
He’s not perfect, neither of us are, but he’s all I want.
“Space. I think…yeah, okay.” Clearing his throat, Kellan refuses to meet my eyes as he turns to leave, holding the door open for me to go ahead.
“I’ll be down soon. I just…I need a minute.”
He nods silently and leaves me alone to catch my breath.
True to our word, we give each other space.
As I play with the boys on the grass by the pool, Kellan chats with Dad, Sebastian, and Grandpa on the patio.
When Jaxson asks Kellan to referee Noodle Races, we wordlessly switch places; I let Mom and Gianna suck me into conversation about her fast-approaching wedding to my brother.
And a couple of hours later, when I run to the bathroom after drinking one-too-many glasses of fresh OJ, Kellan takes the opportunity to slip away. Mom says he was in a hurry and told her he’d catch me on his way out.
I know different. I know he was just giving me the space I asked for.
The space I’m not totally sure I want, even though I’m pretty sure we both need it.
*
Thoughts of Kellan are pushed to the wayside the following day when I leave my shift at Vaughn’s a few minutes early to meet Betty Tucker beside the newest ‘For Sale’ sign in Jackson Bay. I briefly think of him when my eyes roam to the yellow home six houses down on the same side of the street.
If we move here, he’ll be our sort-of neighbor.
But…
“It’s perfect,” I tell her before we even step through the slate gray front door.
Her bright smile mirrors mine, but she still tells me to hold off on making any decisions until I’ve seen inside. It’s all moot, though, because just as I suspected the second I climbed out of Mom’s car and set eyes on the gray shuttered windows and cozy little porch, I love everything about the house.
It’s all on one floor with three bedrooms, the perfect size kitchen complete with a breakfast bar with room for three, a living room that will easily fit the couch I’ve been eyeing online, and two bathrooms—one of which is an en-suite attached to the master.
My ridiculous grin only widens when Betty leads me out into the back yard. It doesn’t have a direct view of the beach thanks to palm trees and bushes, but Betty seals the deal by pointing out the little gate at the end of the yard. It leads right onto the sand dunes I used to play on as a child.
Turning to her with a relieved sigh, I feel the prickle of threatening tears. “This is it, Betty. This is our house.”
Four days and two offers later, it’s official.
The current owners, who had been using the house as a vacation home, want a quick sale and turn out to be friends of Dad’s, so they agree to let us move in while we’re still working through all the paperwork.
“I’m so proud of you, love!” Jude crows through the phone when I call her to share the good news.
I’m a homeowner. How weird is that?
“Thanks, Jude.” Courtesy of Facetime, I can see when she dabs at her eyes with the sleeve of her cardigan—it’s the purple and orange one the boys got her for Christmas last year. “You’ll have to come out and stay with us once we’ve got furniture. There’s plenty of room.”
Scoffing, Jude shakes her head. “I don’t fly, Piper. Those tin cans aren’t meant to be launched in the air like they are.”
“The boys miss you…” It’s a low blow, I know, but it’s true. They do miss her, which she knows. They tell her every time they Facetime, which is usually once or twice a week.
“Don’t you start that with me, missy. It wasn’t me who decided you should up and abandon me.”
Familiar guilt stabs me right in the chest. “Jude, I—”
“I’m just pulling your leg, love. Don’t mind me. Forgive an old woman the occasional guilt trip, hmm? Now, you said something about a big yard, didn’t you? Does that mean our boys will be getting the four-legged friend they’ve been asking for?”
“Oh, Lord…” Running a hand through my hair, I tap on the window to put a stop to the boys wrestling on the grass. They’re about four seconds away from hurting each other; a mother’s intuition is rarely wrong about these things. “I haven’t thought that far ahead yet. I still need to see about furniture, set up all the utilities, get the boys settled in and enrolled in school…who ever thought moving now was a good idea?”
Jude laughs, assuring me that we can handle it and the boys will just be happy to be where I am, dog or no dog—although she also adds that Arlo in particular would be especially happy if a dog were involved.
It’s something I’m considering, so I tell her just that, quickly hushing when the whirling dervish himself skids into the kitchen.
“Momma, can we have some juice, please?”
“Of course, baby. Here, say ‘hi’ to Nanny Jude while I pour some.” To Jude, I say ‘bye’ and promise to keep her updated on the house before passing the phone to Arlo. He takes off into the garden, presumably to let his brothers join the call.
Watching them sit a circle on the grass as I pour juice into plastic cups, I feel my time with them running short. Now into the second week of July already, I only have a month of free days left with them before they’re off to preschool and first grade, and we’ve barely done any of the things I wanted to.
Making up my mind to arrange a couple of the playdates I’ve been putting off, I put the cups of juice on a tray and carry it outside, vowing to make the most of the summer we have left.
It’s about to get a whole lot harder with a move on the horizon, but I think we’re up to the challenge.
*
Moving day arrives two weeks later, and of-freaking-course it would be the hottest day of the year so far.
While the boys are still sleeping soundly on their blow-up beds on Mom and Dad’s bedroom floor—they demanded a campout with them on their last night living
here—I head out to stock up on beer, soda, and water. On a whim, I also grab a selection of snacks and candy, studiously ignoring Paulette’s barbs about me taking last-minute time off to move into our house.
The boys are just waking up when I get back with my haul, so I put them to work.
“Just the bottom shelf, Momma?” Arlo asks, taking his spot in the little assembly line he and his brothers have going.
“Just the bottom shelf,” I confirm, flashing Mom a grin as she joins us, tying the belt of her lilac kimono gown. “Good morning. Are you ready to get your house back?”
Mom sighs, but she’s smiling. It’s small, but there. “I’m going to miss you all far more than I’ll enjoy having less laundry.”
“We’ll miss you, too, Nana.”
Beaming at Jaxson, Mom blows him a kiss. “Thank you, sweetheart.”
Abandoning their task for a moment, the boys dump everything in their hands to tackle Mom in a three-way bear-hug.
“Can we still come stay here sometimes?” Finley asks softly, looking up at her before aiming his hopeful puppy dog eyes my way.
“Of course you can,” she tells him before I can say a word, slipping down onto her knees so she can hug them all. “I’ll be stealing you away so often, it’ll be like you never even left.”
The boys giggle and love on her for a bit before resuming their task, filling the refrigerator. In the meantime, I take the opportunity to give Mom a hug of my own.
“I love you, Momma. Thank you for everything you’ve done for us. I can’t…I don’t have words for how grateful I am.”
Wiping tears from my cheeks as her own tumble over her face, Mom smiles. “You don’t need to thank me, sweetheart. Your dad and I have loved having you here—you and the boys. We’re so grateful that you came home, but it’s been an absolute joy having you under our roof, even just for a little while.”
“I’m going to miss being here,” I admit easily.
As excited as I am to finally have a house of my own with my boys, buying a house, my first house, is nerve-wracking.
Thanks to my inheritance, savings, and Jude insisting I pay peanuts for rent for the last nine years, I was able to buy our cozy new home outright. Mom and Dad have loaned me money for a few things, but anything that isn’t urgent can wait.
Over breakfast, we make a plan. Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about the boys being underfoot, because they’ll be off with their new friends. Last Monday, I finally got around to arranging a playdate for my boys, Danny, Carlie’s daughter Bailee, and Lakely Samuels. They’re all between the ages of four and six and got on like a house on fire while us moms put the world to rights at a picnic bench on the edge of the playground. My boys have been asking when they can see their new friends again ever since—Lakely and Bailee have been asking to see them, too—so it worked out perfectly that Carlie and Jane volunteered to watch my crew at the beach today while we move.
Honestly, I’m just as relieved that I’m making new friends as I am proud of my boys for the same thing. Being a single mom is tough. Being a single mom returning to a town that hasn’t changed in the years I’ve been away is even more so. It’s a massive relief to be building friendships again—with old and new friends.
In fact, Jane and her husband, Charlie, will be our next-door neighbors after today. They live to the left of the new house with Lakely and their two pugs, Eddie and Peggy.
*
“I’m sweating my fuckin’ balls off,” Sebastian groans, wiping his sweaty forehead on his shirt before sighing and pulling it over his head. “Why did you have to move today, of all days?”
Blowing out a breath before murmuring my thanks to Dad, who hands me a bottle of water on his way back out to the truck, I grumble, “If I’d known it was going to be this hot, I’d have postponed, trust me.”
Four hours after setting off from Mom and Dad’s, we’re finally making some real, tangible progress. The new couch is in its new spot, the dining table is set up and awaiting the chairs which have yet to have their legs attached, and all the beds are up and ready for linens.
The boxes of stuff I shipped from England are stacked in the dining room for now, along with the cases we brought with us when we flew out. Until the new dressers arrive next week, we’ll be living out of our bags. Not ideal, but not the end of the world, either.
“Where do you want this, Piper?” Dad grunts, awkwardly hefting an armchair by himself.
Sebastian laughs, rushing to help him. “Jeez, old man. Don’t put your back out. Mom will kill us if we send you home broken.”
“Old man,” Dad scoffs, but his red face and bashful smile say it all.
“Hey, Dad, could you do me a favor? I think I might have messed up Jax’s bed. The headboard seems kind of wonky but I can’t figure out why.”
I’m sure he doesn’t believe me, but to his credit, Dad doesn’t argue. “Sure, I’ll take a look. Are the tools still in his and Finn’s room?”
“Yep, by the window.”
My brother shoots me a grin and steals my water, guzzling half the bottle before handing it back. “Nice. I can’t believe he bought that.”
“He probably didn’t,” I shrug, spinning slowly so I can figure out what else I need to do in the kitchen. “But if it gets him to chill for a bit, it’s still a win.”
“True,” Sebastian mumbles. “All right, I’m goin’ to grab the other chair. Where do you want them?”
Mom and Dad kindly gifted us their old armchairs—the spinning cuddle chairs Dad has had in his office for years until he upgraded a couple months back. One will fit perfectly in the living room, but the other needs to go somewhere else.
Thinking, I decide the other one can go in my room for now.
Saluting me, Sebastian heads out to the truck, leaving me at a loss. Everything I can do, I’ve done.
Checking things off my mental to-do list, I figure it can’t hurt to have a walk through the house.
Starting in the kitchen, I run my hands over the quartz countertops and grin at the view I’ll have as I cook for my boys, their smiling faces peering back at me from the breakfast bar or the round dining table on the other side. The big bay window behind it overlooks the back yard, so I’ll be able to see the boys playing from the stove.
This area is kind of sparse right now, but décor can come later.
Moving through to the living room, I see that Sebastian has already moved the chair Dad brought in. Just as I thought it would, it fits nicely in the nook between the white brick fireplace and the window facing the street. Opposite, we have an overstuffed L-shaped couch complete with a matching footrest. It might be my favorite purchase for the house so far.
I already can’t wait to snuggle up on there with the boys in the evenings.
The walls everywhere in the house are white, for now. I plan to fill them with pictures and artwork, but again, all in due course.
Moving down the hall, I come to four doors. The room Jaxson and Finley will share is on the left, next to mine, and Arlo’s is opposite from the bathroom. He killed with his bedroom, actually. It’s slightly smaller than the one Jaxson and Finley will share, but he has the matching bay window to the one in the dining room. Stepping through the door, I smile at his stuffed animals already sitting on the seat looking out over the back yard.
Deciding that I probably have time to at least make the beds before the boys get here, I get to work. I’ve just finished smoothing the blankets out on Jaxson’s bed when I hear the distinctive thumping footsteps of my sons.
“Momma? Where are youuuu?” Jaxson sings from…somewhere.
Moving out into the hall, I grin at my boys loitering near the front door. “Here, kiddos. Do you want to come see your rooms?”
I give them the tour with Mom following close behind, giving me the odd suggestion on what I could put in certain places to make this house feel more homey.
“We’ve actually got some bits in the garage f
rom when we decorated last year,” she says as we stand in the doorway to Jaxson and Finley’s room, the boys deserting us to go see Arlo’s room again. “I think it’s mostly just knick-knacks, but you’re welcome to look through them and see if there’s anything you want.”
“Thanks, Mom. That would be great.”
A knock from the front of the house catches our attention. Stepping out into the hall, I pause to bask in the warmth of seeing the boys bundled together on the window seat in Arlo’s room, Mom abandoning me to join Sebastian as he calls out to her from my room, before heading for the front door.
I freeze, my breath catching in my throat.
Kellan stands awkwardly in the open door, one hand rubbing the back of his neck, the other in his pocket. Offering me a sheepish, hesitant smile, he blows out a breath. “I, uh, I brought you something. A little housewarming gift. I hope that’s okay?”
“Of course, but you didn’t have to get us anything.”
Just seeing you is gift enough.
We’ve managed to avoid each other since that disastrous brunch at Mom and Dad’s two weeks ago. Rosie got her car back from the mechanic, so I’ve been using Mom’s again, which means I haven’t needed to get rides home from Kellan, but I’ve missed them, I’ve missed him.
It looks like our little game of avoidance has finally come to an end now, though.
I can only assume his appearance today means he’s made his mind up about what he wants from me. Now isn’t the right time to talk, with Mom, Sebastian, and the boys down the hall, but I’m nervous to get that particular conversation started.
“It’s more for the boys than you, really. I just thought they’d like it.”
Looking around, I fight a wry smile. “So, what is it?”
“Oh, right.” Kellan’s ears tint pink, and if that isn’t the most adorable thing ever, I don’t know what is. “Are the boys here? I think they should probably get to see it first.”