by Ciara Shayee
“If you’re willing,” I begin softly, “I thought you could all stay here, with me. That way I can work from home and still be here to help out until you’re back to full strength.” Launching into what I hope will be the clincher, although I was hoping the boys would be awake to help seal the deal, I twist a little and reach out to take her hands. “The boys can use the pool whenever they want, and my yard is a bit bigger than yours, so Max will have plenty of room to run around.”
Piper is a strong, independent woman. She prides herself on taking care of her own issues and being everything to the boys, so I’m expecting an argument. I’m expecting her to insist I take her home so she can stand on her own two feet and take care of everything herself.
I’m definitely not expecting her pursed lips to curl into a small, bashful smile as her fingers squeeze mine.
“We haven’t got any clothes, toothbrushes…”
My ears burn. “Actually, I, uh…I went to the store yesterday. I got pajamas for you and the boys. Toothbrushes and hairbrushes and stuff, too, just for tonight or to keep here for sleepovers.”
Hope begins to bloom as she laughs and cocks her head. “You really want us to stay with you?”
“I really do. I want to take care of you.” I smirk. “I promised the boys, after all.”
She snorts, gazing out of the windshield at the dark house in front of us. I can see her mulling it over, but she doesn’t make me sweat long. “Okay. But just until I’m better. I don’t want to be a burden, okay? You’ve already done so much for us, now you’re giving up all your peace and quiet.”
I don’t tell her I’m very much looking forward to a lack of quiet in my house. Instead, I lean over the console to kiss her until we’re both breathless and it’s all I can do not to haul her into my lap. Relief doesn’t come easy, though. This is just one hurdle.
I already know, when Piper’s feeling better, I’m not going to want them to leave.
“All right, let’s get you all inside.”
My stomach twists as I lift Piper out of the Jeep, barely managing to stifle my frown when she tells me she wants to walk. “I just want to stretch my legs a bit before I get back into bed.”
Thankfully, the boys’ surprise at being here instead of their house wakes them up enough to walk into the house on their own steam, leaving me free to hover right by Piper in case she needs any support. She doesn’t, so I settle for placing a hand at the small of her back, my chest expanding with a happy sigh as I flick on the lights inside.
Instead of silence, I listen to Jaxson, Finley, and Arlo as their feet pound the hardwood on their way into the living room. I listen to their happy voices as the door to my study swings open, Sullivan sauntering out scratching his bare stomach with an exaggerated yawn.
“Hey, big brother.” Shooting a wink and a roguish smirk, he adds, “Hot stuff.”
She rolls her eyes and lightly socks him in the abs as we head for the kitchen where she slips onto a stool, glances around, then aims a cheeky grin his way. “What…no cup of tea to welcome me home?”
Home.
I grin, hiding it behind my fist with a fake cough. I don’t think she even realizes she just called this ‘home,’ and I don’t want to read too much into it, but the feeling…it’s like nothing else. It’s hope and please and I want this to be home for you all rolled into one.
“Oh, I’m terribly sorry, my lady,” Sullivan teases in a truly terrible British accent. “What beverage would one like?”
Laughing, Piper shakes her head. “Just some water would be great, thanks.”
The boys careen into the kitchen a few minutes later, Arlo’s crutches clicking on the tile. “Easy, are we still stayin’ here tonight now Momma is out of the hospital?”
Crouching, I hike up the fabric of my cargo pants so they don’t split over my thighs as I ruffle Arlo’s messy ‘do. “You sure are. You’re all gonna stay here until Momma feels better.”
And hopefully after that, too.
Arlo eyes his mom for a moment. “Is that long?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know, kiddo. Why, don’t you want to stay here?”
My eyes jump between Arlo and Piper.
I know she’s still worried about him after his meltdown last night, we both are. It was heartbreaking when I got to Carson and Bethany’s and found him so inconsolable. I could hear him wailing even from outside as I jogged up the porch steps. Thankfully, a simple bribe of ice cream and snuggles with his momma got him to open up and admit that he had a nightmare about the car accident. He was scared when he woke up and neither me nor Piper were with him.
Piper is going to wait to see how he adjusts, but Kendra gave me a list of her colleagues who specialize in children’s trauma just in case he needs to see someone to help him deal with the after effects of the accident.
“I do want to stay here,” he insists.
“All right. I have a surprise for you boys, do you want to come see?”
Jaxson, Finley, and Arlo like anything that starts with the word ‘surprise.’ Sullivan cracks a grin and tells us he’ll wait down here, and the boys take off toward the stairs before I can blink. Even Arlo is halfway up, scooting on his butt with his crutches in one hand, by the time I’ve walked with Piper to the foot of the stairs.
Not even her laughter at their eagerness is enough to make me smile as I trail after them after scooping her into my arms, directing them left when my feet reach the top.
I asked Sullivan to leave the door open. I know he did when the boys get a glimpse into the guest bedroom and the first words out of Jaxson’s mouth are “oh, cool!”
They’ve slept here a few times, so they know as well as I do that the triple bunk bed now taking up one of the walls is new. The double bed that was in here is now in pieces down in the garage. I feel Piper’s deep inhale as I follow the boys into the room.
“Kellan…”
My refusal to put Piper down means I can’t rub my neck. My frustration manifests as burning ears instead as the boys claim beds. Arlo, by default because of his bum ankle, gets the lowest bed while Jaxson claims the top bunk and Finley climbs into the middle bed to swing his legs over the edge.
“This is so cool, Easy! Did you do this for us?” he asks.
“I did. Sully helped. We wanted you to have a room that’s yours when you guys stay over here. Do you…it’s good, right?”
Jaxson nods hard, throwing himself back onto the pillow with a giggle. “I love it.”
“Finn? Arlo? What about you guys?”
“It’s awesome,” Finley agrees before a yawn leaves his eyes watering.
Arlo shares their opinion. He slides off his bunk and hobbles over to lean against my legs, his dark eyes sleepy but bright as he peers up at me. “Thanks, Easy. It’s super cool.”
With all the boys happy, but Piper still scarily quiet, I gently follow her command to put her down.
“I’ll get the boys’ teeth brushed and put them to bed,” she murmurs.
Deciding to give her a few minutes to organize her thoughts and retain some independence—the last thing I want to do is smother her—I tell Piper the toothbrushes and pajamas are on the dresser before heading downstairs, leaving them to it after kissing each of the boys’ heads.
“Night, Easy,” Finley whispers as I brush his hair away from his forehead and kiss him right between his brows, lifting him down as he stretches his arms out to me. “Love you.”
Grinning, I hug him tight. “Love you, too, bud.”
In the kitchen, Sullivan is waiting to tell me that he’ll continue taking Piper’s shifts at Burger Co. for as long as she and I need. Clapping his shoulder gently, I ruffle his mop of dark hair and make sure he sees the gratitude in my face when I thank him. I’ve really appreciated all his help these last few weeks. He’s been a great hand at Burger Co., picking everything up quickly and getting on really well with the rest of the crew. Even Brayden has commented on what a h
ard worker he is, and he’s a hard guy to impress. It’s a shame that I don’t have a permanent position open for Sullivan once Piper goes back to work.
“I’m bushed, I’ll see you in the mornin’, big brother.” Wagging a teasing finger at me as he scoops his cell from the counter, his blue eyes crinkle with mischief. “Just remember, my room is right below yours. I don’t wanna be hearing any funny business, aight?”
Rolling my eyes even as my ears burn, I give him a light shove. “Night, little brother.”
Once I’ve locked up, I follow the soft voices upstairs to the doorway of the boys’ room where I silently watch as Piper tenderly tucks them all in.
Before she can spot me, I head to my room to wait for her there. She announces her presence a few minutes later by humming with what I hope is appreciation as I pull my shirt over my head, offering her a wink as I toss it into the laundry hamper.
“The boys all set?”
“Yeah, they were all out within seconds.”
We undress silently, unhurriedly, falling into bed together with twin sighs of relief and exhaustion.
“You really want us here.”
My eyebrows lift as I tuck a folded arm between my pillow and my head, turning onto my side to mirror her position. “I do.”
She looks…troubled. “And when I’m better, there’s no excuse not to stay over now they have their own beds. Which, by the way, was way too extravagant. You spoil them.”
That’s something I thought of when I went out and purchased the bunk beds. It was the first thing I did before going to see Piper the day after I told Carson about us; I wasn’t lying to him when I said I’m serious about Piper and the boys.
Until now, Piper has occasionally been able to talk the boys out of staying over by pointing out that they’ll have to share a bed. Now, they don’t.
I won’t deny that I’m glad to have one less reason for the boys and Piper to leave.
Even now, I can see the dim glow of the nightlight in their room reflecting in the mirror that hangs outside my bedroom door. I purposefully left it open, knowing sex is off the table and not wanting the boys to be unable to find us in the morning. With Jaxson, Finley, and Arlo here, there’s life and noise and laughter. Sullivan is a welcome addition, but I know he’ll return to his mom at some point. He doesn’t usually stick around for long.
I want Piper and the boys here, with me, forever.
Reaching out to trail my fingertips over Piper’s bare silhouette, from the delectable curve of her hip and waist to the outside of her breast, then over her collarbone and neck all the way to her full, smiling lips.
“I want you to stay for as long as you can put up with me, short stuff.”
There are questions in her deep charcoal gaze. Hesitance and confusion, too.
It’s the hope swirling between them that fuels my own.
*
Waking up in the morning with Piper wrapped around me and a light breeze blowing through the ajar window, it’s heaven. The sun is already sneaking into the room and a quick glance at the clock reveals that we’ve slept in.
A silly, sleepy grin stretches across my face as I shuffle a little, holding Piper tighter to my chest. I haven’t slept this well since before I left for Utah. Piper has become my nightlight, my human comforter, and I’m not at all sad about it. She’s a deliciously warm, sexy accompaniment to a great night’s sleep. Comfortable and content, I doze lightly without falling back into a deep sleep, Piper’s soft breaths against my chest and the soothing weight of her leg draped over mine lulling me into a dreamlike state.
An indeterminable amount of time later, I find myself in a strange sort of parallel universe.
Muscle memory drags me from the fog of sleep when I hear the soft, familiar squeak of a door down the hall. Tightening my arms around the warm body now tucked into my chest, both of us on our sides, I listen for Willow’s footsteps, smiling into the hair in front of my face as she pads into the bathroom. After the flush, little feet dash back down the hall and I pick up the faint sound of a little voice singing…
Wait.
Sleep-addled, my brain takes a bit to catch up. My spine stiffens, a rush of memories slugging me in the gut.
It’s not Willow. It can’t be Willow.
The voice down the hall…it can’t belong to my beautiful daughter because she’s gone. Now I’m more with it, I can tell that it’s Jaxson.
My heart takes off at a sprint, the mix of nostalgia, confusion, and realization pushing bile up my throat.
For a minute or two, I really thought…
I really thought Willow was still here.
Opening my eyes, it’s not Shannon’s almost white-blonde locks in front of my face. It’s Piper’s sleep-mussed chocolate tresses. As I carefully shift up into a sitting position, I blink away the remnants of sleep and dig both hands into my hair. The pain of my fingers tugging at the strands helps distract me from the chasm opening up in my chest.
“Get it together,” I whisper, desperately trying to calm my breathing and racing heart before it can escalate into a full-blown panic attack.
The boys have stayed over before, but they’ve never ventured into Willow’s room.
“Hey,” Piper’s voice breaks through the heavy cloud descending on me. Her sunny, still-sleepy smile melts away in the face of my obvious distress and it kills me.
I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.
“What’s wrong? Kellan, what’s…”
She doesn’t finish, trailing off as another voice joins Jaxson’s down the hall.
“That’s Willow’s room, stupid! Get out, Jax!” It’s Finley.
“Oh, crap.”
Mercifully, Piper doesn’t question or push me. Sliding from the bed, she tugs on the t-shirt I abandoned last night and then yanks a pair of denim shorts out of the drawer she claimed for sleepovers, sliding them on before slipping from the room. As I suck in deep breath after deep breath, I hear her ushering the boys downstairs.
“Can I go see Easy?” Arlo asks innocently, breaking my already cracked heart.
“Not right now, kiddo. He’s still sleeping.”
It kills me that she has to lie for me, but even without a mirror, I know the boys can’t see me now.
Knowing my heavenly morning is over, I toss my legs over the side of the bed and marvel at the way my hands shake when I rest them on my thighs before I head into the bathroom. There’s no escaping my reflection in the large mirror. I’m white as a sheet despite a summer in the Florida sun, and my eyes are wide, panicked like a deer in headlights. The shadows under my eyes from worrying about Piper and sleeping like shit have finally faded to almost nothing, but even the faint marks are enough to make me look gaunt.
“Get a grip, Patterson.”
By the time I’ve pulled myself together enough to shower, get dried and dressed in a loose sweater and some worn jersey shorts, and head downstairs, the house is eerily quiet. My pulse, which had finally calmed under the hot spray in the walk-in shower, starts to speed up again.
“Piper?” I call hesitantly, peeking into the empty living room before moving down the hall to the kitchen.
Sullivan turns from his spot at the sink, offering me a sympathetic smile.
“How you doin’?”
Blowing out a breath, I pull at my damp hair. “She told you.”
“That you had a freak-out? Yeah. But I could have guessed from the look on her face. She looked like she’d seen a ghost.”
Fuck.
Rounding the island to grip my shoulders, Sullivan looks me right in the eyes and squints a little. “What happened?”
“I…fuck. It’s stupid. I was half-asleep and I heard Jaxson in the hall. He must have gotten curious about the other room and let himself in, but when I woke up and heard her door…”
His eyes widen and soften with understanding. “Oh, shit. You thought it was Willow.”
“Uh-huh.”
&n
bsp; “Fuck, brother.” Sullivan sighs, pulling me into a tight hug. He’s always been a hugger, ever since he was a little kid. I can’t deny that it’s comforting to have one of his bear hugs now. “Piper will understand, you know?”
“I know.” She’s always so understanding. Too understanding, at times. I really don’t deserve her. “Where is she? I need to go talk to her.”
Casting a look over his shoulder, he nods toward the window overlooking the beach. “They’re all out there. She thought you might want some space. I’ve gotta get showered and ready for work, but I’ll have my cell handy if you need me.”
Managing a faint grin, I pat his scruffy cheek and ruffle his hair, murmuring my thanks. Forgoing shoes, I slip onto the patio where I can just about make out the silhouettes of my favorite people along the shore. The sand is cool on the soles of my feet, the sun bright and uninhibited by the few wispy clouds drifting across the sky. The salty sea air clears the cobwebs away, leaving behind the knowledge that I can’t live without this woman and these boys. It’s at the forefront of my mind as I pick up the pace a little, jogging to catch up with them.
It doesn’t take long before my calves are burning and I’m regretting letting my fitness regime slip these last few months.
“Piper!” I call once I’m close enough I think she’ll be able to hear me. My voice carries on the breeze, the boys turning before Piper does.
“Easy!” Three bright smiles grace the faces of three little boys who have quickly become vital to my wellbeing. I love their mom, but I also love the bones of Jaxson, Finley, and Arlo. I once tried to tell myself that I didn’t feel like their dad and knew that wouldn’t happen, because I’m not their dad, but I want to be—I wish I could be.
Dropping to my knees in the sand, I grunt as they hit my chest in a three-way hug that almost tackles me off-balance. One of Arlo’s crutches digs into my side, but I grin when I see the sandals taped to the bottom so he can use them like skis on the sand.
“Mornin’, boys. Did you sleep well in your new beds?”
“Uh-huh,” Jaxson nods, his brothers in agreement. “Momma brought us down here to find shells for our collection. Do you wanna help us find cool ones?”