by Aidan Wayne
She also got to see more of Leeta’s interactions with Rosa. Who seemed like a perfect match. Rosa was smart and beautiful, an adventurous spirit like Holly, but still happy with her roots and current connections. She seemed to work well with Leeta’s down-to-earth personality, and Carla watched the two flirt with each other with interest.
And just a touch of stomach flip-flops. But that was because Leeta was so close to a match, and Carla was excited for her. Right? Right. There was nothing else it could possibly be.
Still, she couldn’t help but feel a little . . . nervous when the two agreed to a second date, and then a third. Uneasy, like something was going to go wrong. Which really, that was the opposite of what she should be feeling, especially with things going so well. She was a cupid. She was supposed to be delighted over the possibility of love. And she was!
But Rosa, even for all the matched-on-paper perfection . . . just didn’t seem right.
“And I don’t know what it is,” she told Leeta miserably, the two settling down at Carla’s apartment for a discussion of Leeta and Rosa’s fourth date. “If you get along and you think you could make each other happy—”
“But you don’t think it will work?” Leeta said.
Carla shook her head, near tears. “I don’t even know why. Maybe you shouldn’t listen to me.”
But Leeta didn’t look upset or even disappointed, just thoughtful. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re the cupid. This is what you do. If you don’t think I have a future with Rosa, I would rather end it now before things progressed too far.”
Carla’s stomach clenched. That didn’t seem right either. “Don’t do that,” she said quickly. “I’m probably wrong. I’ve been wrong a lot! You and Rosa might really have something.”
“But you don’t feel we do,” Leeta pointed out. “And you are, of the two of us, the one with the romantic experience.”
“But I’ve been wrong all the other times! Every match I’ve made for you hasn’t worked out. So now that this is working out . . .” Carla’s wings drooped miserably. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything at all.”
“Nonsense. I asked because I wanted to know.” Leeta nodded at her, voice surprisingly gentle. “Your opinion matters to me, Carla. I wouldn’t be where I am right now, without you.”
“About to break it off with someone who might really be a match,” Carla muttered, wishing for something sweet.
“Being given the chance to get matched up at all. And you know it. I’ve said I’m grateful. I will continue to repeat the sentiment until you listen to me. You are the only one who has given me a chance, even before you had a good reason to. Your opinion matters above everyone else’s.”
“Okay,” Carla said, voice quiet. “But I still think you should at least see her again. I might just have messed up my radar. Maybe if I pay better attention, I’ll notice something new. Or different! And you do like each other.”
“We do,” Leeta allowed. “We always have something to talk about.”
Carla perked up. “Good! That’s good! That’s the number one thing you wanted, after all.”
“I suppose.” Leeta pursed her lips again, and she always managed to make that look so elegant.
Carla bounced up from her sofa. “I’m going to get a snack,” she said in a burst, craving the gingersnaps she’d bought yesterday. “Do you want tea? Or something else to drink?”
Leeta frowned, but all she said was, “Tea, please.”
“Yes, okay! I’ll be right back.”
Carla left Leeta in the living room and flew to the kitchen, continuing to hover while there in an effort to release some energy. She didn’t know what she was feeling anymore on this Leeta and Rosa business and it was really bothering her. First she’d been happy to hear Leeta had found something, but then she’d felt strange and uncomfortable. Leeta seemed to like her match, but Carla wasn’t sure, and now—now everything just seemed messed up.
She put some gingersnaps on a plate while she anxiously waited for the kettle to boil, and ended up making herself some chocolate milk while she waited. It would be nice with the ginger; gingersnaps weren’t Carla’s favorite, but she had seen them at the store and had thought Leeta would like them.
The whistling of the kettle startled her out of her thoughts, and she choked on a mouthful of cookie.
“Carla?” Leeta’s voice floated in over the sound of coughing. “Are you all right?”
“Fine!” Carla gasped, pouring Leeta’s tea (ginger chai again, Carla bought it regularly now), and setting it, the cookies, and the chocolate milk on a tray. She flew back into the living room trying not to look as ruffled as she felt. “Sorry, sorry, here we are.”
“Thank you.” Leeta took the mug off the tray, holding it in her hands.
“Try one?” Carla said, offering a cookie. “They’re gingersnaps. So they’re not as sweet.”
“Oh,” Leeta said. “Thank you.” She reached out, selected one, and took a delicate bite. “It’s very nice.”
Carla beamed. “I’m so glad! I thought you might like them, because of your tea.” She grabbed one of her own to eat, feeling herself settle a little more. “Since they both have ginger.”
“That was very thoughtful of you.”
“Of course! I want to serve things you like, after all. You do the same for me, when I visit your house.” Leeta looked startled, as though she hadn’t actually realized this. Carla had to fight down a giggle. “Anyway, why don’t we take a break from talking shop? I found another movie that I think you might like.”
“I didn’t like the last one you picked, I just thought it was amusing. Ridiculously so.”
“Either way!” Carla grinned. “You laughed at least a few times!” At Leeta’s expression, she did let out a giggle or two. “You can pick the next one.”
“I will,” Leeta replied, eyes flashing with mirth.
Leeta agreed to see Rosa for a fifth date, but she was distracted and distant the whole time. Carla winced her way through the date and was completely unsurprised when the two had a quiet discussion at the end about where they thought things were headed. They parted on amicable terms, agreeing to perhaps see each other in a while.
Rosa looked upset as she left, and Carla ached for her too. She wanted to apologize, tell her how sorry she was that it hadn’t worked out. Maybe blame herself for this mess. Because it was her fault. If she just had kept her mouth shut, ignored her gut reaction, maybe . . . maybe things would have ended differently.
Although her gut reaction had been more right over wrong lately, now that she was improving in chemistry. She hadn’t been wrong that Rosa and Leeta would hit it off, so maybe . . . maybe she wasn’t wrong about the fact that there wasn’t a Long-Term in it either.
But Leeta didn’t look too happy, and that was Carla’s fault too, even if she was right.
“I think . . . I think I’d like to take a break from matches,” Leeta murmured to Carla, still little and invisible. “That was harder than I expected it would be. I hurt her, and I had no intention of doing so. It wasn’t at all like what happened with Holly.”
“That’s because you really liked her,” Carla replied sadly. “No matter what you decided, you still liked her. Probably a lot. I’m . . . I’m sorry, Leeta. It’s all my fault.”
“No. I’ll be fine. I know what I like, and I know what I want, and I think I know what I see in my future. I will miss Rosa, but it wouldn’t have lasted anyway.”
“But why not? It did seem to be going so well.”
Leeta shrugged. “It didn’t feel right.”
“I wish I knew how you could be so sure,” Carla whispered. “You’re so much better at this than I am.”
Leeta shook her head. “Without you, I wouldn’t have known any of this at all.”
It had been a week since Leeta and Rosa had parted ways, and the succubus had given no indication that she was ready for another attempted matchup. Carla understood, really she did, but it made
her feel kind of useless, especially since she still had all her free time from being off work.
Instead of using her break to matchmake or watch or study, Carla was spending more time with Leeta, just not as an invisible observer. Leeta invited her to the art gallery and carefully explained everything to her, even though Carla had heard the explanations a bunch of times over the shoulder of a potential match. She asked Carla to come with her when she went thrifting, to go shopping, and they continued to spend nights on each other’s couch, eating dinner or watching movies or just talking.
It was really, really nice, and it didn’t seem to bother Leeta that they were together so often, which was good. But still . . . Carla couldn’t help but think that Leeta could better spend the time with a potential match. Someone she could love.
It wasn’t as if it was just Carla and Leeta though. Holly did remain friends with Leeta, and the two continued to meet off and on for walks when they had breaks that coincided. Carla was glad about it, even while wishing things had gone differently. Because the two were going out platonically, Carla had no need to shadow the interactions, but there was no harm, she figured. She didn’t do it every time, obviously wanting to allow Leeta her space, but she figured that the more she learned of Leeta, the better she could do next time. She didn’t want another Rosa. This next time was going to be the last time. Carla was going to be sure.
Holly and Leeta were meeting for coffee at the Jitterbug one day, and Carla couldn’t help abandoning her post for a little bit to get herself her own treat. It wasn’t real duty, so it was allowed.
When she returned, small and unseen and carrying a bite-sized brownie, the two were already deep in conversation at their secluded table in the back.
“—and it’s going well. How about you? How’s the plan working so far?” Holly asked. “Anything?”
Leeta shook her head. “It isn’t. I don’t think she yet realizes what I’m doing.”
Holly raised an eyebrow. “Still? Even after you’ve rejected every match? She hasn’t noticed that you don’t even spend the night with them anymore? And now that you’ve decided to wait . . . Leeta . . . She doesn’t sound like a very good cupid.”
“Oh no.” Leeta’s voice was tinged with something sharp. “She’s fine. Better she doesn’t know yet, I think, that I don’t intend to end up with any of them.”
Holly grinned. “Ah, I get it. Because the longer it takes for her to figure out, the more time you have, right? Just in case she doesn’t take it well.”
Leeta inclined her head. “Exactly. I . . . don’t know if she would like the idea at all.”
Carla couldn’t believe her ears. Leeta . . . Leeta was rejecting all those matches on purpose? She didn’t plan to end up with anybody? She didn’t plan to have a True Love match?
Carla was big and visible again before she could think, Holly and Leeta staring at her in shock.
“I can’t believe it,” she wailed, unable to control herself. “You—you didn’t really want my help! You never wanted a True Love match at all!”
Leeta look horrified, and Holly no less so. Well—well, good!
“Carla, no,” Leeta began hurriedly, voice clearly trying for calm. “Carla, that’s not—”
But Carla couldn’t listen. “Tristan was right,” she said, tears rolling down her cheeks. “You were just—you were just using me to get some easy meals! Consider our agreement over!”
She flew away without looking back, kept flying until she got home and ransacked her kitchen, pulling out the almond cookies she’d made last night. That she’d planned to share with Leeta, because they were her favorites.
Carla ate all of them and didn’t even feel bad.
“Carla? It’s Leeta again. I . . . I know you’re avoiding my calls. I understand. But please let me explain. I promise it’s not what you think.”
“Carla, it’s Leeta. I just . . . After Holly, I stopped spending the night with any of the matches you made for me. I didn’t get a meal out of a single one of them. I just . . . I wanted you to know that.”
“Carla, please call me back. Please let me explain. I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”
The last message made Carla sit up. She did care about Leeta, and had considered Leeta a friend, and-and-and . . . she wanted to know what had been going on. She didn’t even care about an apology, just an explanation. Why had Leeta been lying to her? That was all she wanted to know. And that, at least, she could get.
So after eating three brownies to steel herself, it was with a very trepidatious and heavy heart that Carla made her way over to Leeta’s apartment and rang the bell.
After several minutes, Leeta answered the door. Her hair was loose, just this side of mussed, and she was wearing a long silk robe that look as though it had been hastily thrown on. Her eyes were wide and perhaps a little scared.
“Oh!” Carla said, blushing and tapping her toes together. “I— Did I interrupt something?”
Leeta shook her head quickly, hair swishing against the silk gown. “Nothing of importance. I was . . . I wasn’t eating. Please, come in, come in.”
Carla followed her inside and sat down on the couch. Then she blushed even brighter at how naturally that came.
“Would you like something to drink? Or eat? I—I have . . . I have sweets.”
Leeta only had started getting sweets after they’d become friends. And now she kept a variety to keep Carla from getting bored.
“You said you had something you wanted to explain to me,” Carla mumbled, trying to forget how nice it had felt the first time Leeta had offered her fruit gummies, knowing full well that Leeta didn’t care for them.
“I— Yes. Yes, I did.” It was interesting, watching Leeta out of her element. Carla had never seen her so flustered before.
“And?”
“It’s true that I stopped looking for a True Love match several months ago,” Leeta said. The words hit Carla like a slap. “I didn’t think you’d notice.”
“I didn’t,” Carla said, more hurt than anything. “Obviously. If I hadn’t—if I hadn’t been there to overhear you and Holly, I would still be trying to match you! Or—or waiting patiently for you to get over Rosa! And what was Rosa? Was she a lie? Did you really break it off? Or . . . even see anything in her at all?”
“I stopped seeing Rosa because she was tempting,” Leeta said. “And I had made myself a promise not to make meals out of anyone you found for me.” She sounded like she was trying to remain calm. It made Carla even more upset that Leeta could sound so unaffected when Carla’s own heart was tearing in two.
“What for! So you could—could keep me around longer?”
“Darling, that’s exactly it.”
Carla bristled, feeling her hair puff out. “You—you—you’re always making fun of me! Even now! And you just wanted a pet cupid? I thought you wanted to apologize. That maybe we could even be friends.”
“I don’t want to be friends,” Leeta snapped. “I’m tired of being friends!”
Carla wilted, all the anger going out of her, leaving only sadness and ache. “Then why am I even here?” she asked, voice quiet and tired. It sounded foreign even to her own ears.
“I—I didn’t mean that,” Leeta said, taking a physical step back from the couch. “I just meant—” She paused like she was struggling for words, and Carla listened despite herself. Leeta was never tongue-tied. “I meant that I don’t want to be just friends,” Leeta said hesitantly. “I—I want more. From you. I started rejecting all those matches out of hand because I started to want you. But you didn’t notice and didn’t notice, and I thought I was wrong. Because if—if we were a True Love match, surely you would be able to see that. I thought—I thought that was the whole point. Once you were matched, that was it. And everyone was happy.”
Carla’s heart beat double-time. “You love me?” she asked, voice cracking on the last word. “You mean it?”
“It’s not something I would lie about! You think that of me? T
hat I would lie about this? Something I’ve wanted since—since . . .” She stopped and looked away.
Carla waited, giving her time. Giving herself time.
“At first I didn’t even realize,” Leeta said after a long moment. “I’ve never felt this way about someone. And with True Love—I wanted it, but I wasn’t even sure that I could. I just wanted. So I kept it a secret, because I didn’t know how much I was really wanting and how much I was simply wanting to want. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” Carla whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks.
Leeta frowned and leaned forward, carefully brushing them aside. “I never wanted to upset you,” she continued, voice sad. “That was the other reason I stayed quiet. You were trying so hard for me, I didn’t want to ruin your work. I wanted you to make the match, so you could get all that you dreamed from it. But then, with Rosa . . . I was tempted. I liked her a lot. I didn’t love her, but I was tempted to go for more because I could. And I didn’t want to.” Leeta’s eyes slid away. “You were right,” she added, “About something not being right. And it’s my own fault for not admitting it—and why—to you sooner.”
“I . . . I need to think about this,” Carla said, surprising herself. “I need to think.”
“Of course,” Leeta allowed. “Take . . . take all the time you need. And . . . I’d understand if you . . . if you don’t want . . .”
“No! No, I, of course I want, but . . .” Carla stared at her hands. “I don’t know if it’s fair to you. I know I love you. But I love a lot of people. I love all my friends, and my parents, and some of my coworkers. And I’ve never—I’ve never . . . I’ve never loved more than that, before.”
“Yes,” Leeta said, voice wry. “That platonic love you mentioned before. That was what first made me think about what was happening. But then the more I thought about it, the more I realized—I’d been shot by your arrows an awful lot. And I think you ignited something. We had plenty of Right Moments.”
“Leeta,” Carla said, voice shrill, “this is important. One of the most important things on your list was a match you could—you could feed from. So you could be monogamous. And I don’t even know if I— I’ve never—I’ve never.”