“Don’t call me that name again,” Sylvester warned.
“Damn. Sorry, Sly…erm, Sylvester.” I then spit out some blood and waited for my head to stop buzzing. “Where are we?”
“In my lair.”
“Well, that’s ominous.”
“You will either turn here or you will die, Officer Dex.” His voice was laced with a venom that was even nastier than the kind he passed to his victims. “You will be mine.”
“I already told you that I’m not into dudes, Sly.”
He slapped me again.
I spit again.
“You’re really going to have to quit hitting, dude.”
“Or what?”
Even though I felt pretty dizzy, I replied with, “Or I’ll have to kill you.”
He sniffed at that and I saw the blurred image of him walking away.
My eyes didn’t sting or anything, but it sure felt like there was some type of gel on them. I slammed my eyelids shut and moved my eyes back and forth rapidly, trying to loosen whatever it was that had been stopping me from seeing clearly.
It didn’t work.
“Could you at least tell me what’s in my eyes?”
He giggled like a deranged person.
“I shot my venom all over you.”
“That sounds dirty, Sly,” I pointed out, then I flinched. “Wait, you do literally mean venom, right? You didn’t tug your banana on me while I was out, did you?”
There was a delay in his response.
“Oh, shit,” I said, feeling disgusted. “I can’t believe you, man! You don’t go whipping off on a dude while—”
“Officer Dex,” he interrupted with a bark, “I did not do any such thing. Just because you are a juvenile-minded twit, does not mean everyone is.”
I sighed with relief.
“Thank goodness.” I laughed a bit. “I gotta tell ya, Sly, I was about to puke right then.”
“You’re a very sick man, Officer Dex.”
“Says the guy who squirted his venom all over me,” I remarked.
I tried pulling against the chains, but they were too tight. I could barely even move an inch. Not being able to see didn’t help matters either. It was a bit odd that the venom wasn’t stinging my eyes, though. I would have imagined it would be quite stingy indeed.
“So what’s the plan?” I asked.
“I’ve already told you, Officer Dex.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I droned in response. “You’ll either turn me gay or kill me.”
“What?” he hissed. “No. I did not say I was going to try and turn you gay…” I heard his foot tapping. “You’re trying to get a rise out of me again.”
I chuckled at his phrasing.
“Honestly, you are a child.”
“Better than being an adult,” I said with a grin, looking in the general direction of his voice. “In all seriousness, though, I’m going to have to kill you now.”
“And how do you propose to accomplish that?”
“Magic.”
“Ah, right. Magic. Why hadn’t I thought of that?”
That was the problem. He hadn’t. His sarcastic tone made that abundantly clear.
I turned my attention inward, unleashing a vent of energy that I channeled into my bloodstream. It was magic and I was controlling it. Gone were the days of only being able to cast little light spells. I was now directing and manipulating the fabric of power to suit my needs, and my current need was to clear my eyes.
Okay, so doing that did sting.
But I merely clenched my teeth until the pain subsided.
I slowly opened my eyes and found everything was clear again. That was pretty incredible since I didn’t even know I could…
Wait a second. If I could clear the venom from my eyes, shouldn’t I also be able to clear it from the rest of my body?
It was worth a shot.
“Officer Dex,” Sylvester spoke up, interrupting my desire to attempt ridding myself of his venom, “I believe that you are now under my control, yes?”
“Uh…” If I said I was, he might unchain me. “Let me check. Yep. I totally am.”
“Hmmm.” He placed his hands on his little metal desk. It looked kind of like a metal table that you put your dog on at the vet. “Ah well. I suppose I will just have to run this little show without you.”
“No, seriously, Sly…erm, Sylvester. I’m totally under your control.”
He lifted up a long knife from the metal desk and began walking toward me.
Now, just so you know, I wasn’t a fan of knives. I’d been punched, kicked, shot, given a wedgie, and even had my head dunked in a toilet (long story), and all of them sucked, but being stabbed was the worst.
“All right, boss,” I said, as the energy began to build up in my veins again. “What say we put the knife down, eh? No reason to go stabbing people. It’s not nice.”
“You may have noticed, Officer Dex, that I have little desire to be nice.” He ran the dull side of the blade across my neck. “It’s such a shame to have to spill your blood. You have incredible potential.” He shrugged and frowned. “Alas, it is what it is.”
He pulled the knife back and smiled sinisterly.
“Nope,” I stated as the power that had been welling up unleashed through my eyes like a couple of suns.
Smoldering had nothing on this shit.
Sylvester dropped the knife and flew backwards as if he’d been hit by a tsunami. He crashed against the table, bending at an odd angle in the process before collapsing to the floor.
I quickly channeled the energy pouring from my eyes into my wrists and ankles instead. It resulted in shattering the cuffs that held me in place. Then I stepped away from the X and walked over to the uber vampire. A gentle kick told me he was still unconscious.
Good.
It was about time I had my hands on one of these uber pricks.
“Well, that sounded wrong,” I said to the room.
Chapter 38
I’d attempted using my magic to clear the venom from my system, but it didn’t work. Worse, every time I tried, I blacked out.
Obviously that was some strong venom.
When Sylvester regained consciousness, he opened his eyes to see me sitting in front of him. I’d put his ass up on the X just like he’d done to me originally. Unfortunately, I’d blown apart the cuffs, but I’d found some rope and tied him up nicely.
Evil overlord-wannabes almost always had rope lying around.
“What happened?” he slurred.
“The tables have turned,” I explained. “I have shot my venom on you this time.”
His eyes snapped open at that. “What?”
“I’m joking, Sly,” I said with a laugh. “Only a dude with a one-inch dick would do something like that, you know?”
“Oh, good…. Wait, what?”
I got off the chair that I’d pulled over and started walking around the X. He struggled against the binds, but it was abundantly clear that he didn’t have the power I possessed. Still, I couldn’t blame the guy for trying.
“Now, here’s how it’s going to go, Sly,” I said, flashing the very knife he had planned to do me in with. “You’re going to tell me what I want to know. In exchange, I won’t kill you.”
“You won’t?” he asked hopefully.
I gave him a serious look. “You have my word, Sly.” I raised an eyebrow at him. “I will send you on a long vacation to a five-by-four room with bunkbeds and a guy name Al who will probably want to play a game of poke-the-bottom with you, but that’s better than dying.” I rubbed my chin. “I guess.” Then I shrugged as if it didn’t really matter to me. “Anyway, my first question is how you transferred us to your lair?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” he replied, acting like Mr. Helpful all of a sudden. “I had the goblin mage infuse me with the ability.” He grunted. “Took him forever, let me tell you. Apparently, things like that are better suited for wizards.”
“Yep.” I paced in front of h
im. “All right, so how is it that you have been able to give extra powers to everyone you’ve bitten?”
He winced, looking suddenly uncomfortable.
“It’s…part…of…my…venom.” Each word was said with effort. “It…enhances…things.”
So that meant it was similar to whatever happened to PPD officers when they got their upgrades, but better. Well, depending on your perspective, anyway. PPD officers weren’t enslaved by the department, even if it felt like it sometimes.
“Where’s the wizard chick who helped you talk with Spunx?”
“Spunx?”
“I meant Spanx,” I clarified. “I’m talking about the goblin you contacted from the Netherworld and sent off to New York-New York for a little fun.”
“Ah,” he said, nodding. “Kaitlin Fezzmul. She was a goody two-shoes, actually. Didn’t…want to help me out, but it’s…amazing what you can get people to do when…” He groaned, apparently feeling more anguish over having to spill his guts. Once his discomfort cleared, he smirked like an evil piece of cock bologna and looked up at me. “I had to kill her. Couldn’t leave a trail, you know? Her screams were so…pleasing.”
I stopped pacing.
“You’re a foreskin pimple, you know that, Sly?” I said rhetorically, wanting to slap him.
So I did.
He yelped.
“Now,”—I got in close and snarled at him—“you must have knowledge about the ubers, and I want to know what you know right the fuck now.”
His face turned red and he scrunched his eyes. The look of discomfort from before was nothing compared to how he appeared now. Sylvester had the look of a man who had been struck with a severe migraine.
“What’s the matter, Sly?”
“My head,” he moaned. “What…are you doing…to me?”
“I’m not doing anything to you,” I replied. “I just want to know what you know about the other ubernaturals. Tell me and things go easier on you with the Tribunal.”
“Okay,” he cried in anguish. His breathing was shallow and rapid. “We…were…all…part…of an…” His breath caught and his eyes snapped open. They were completely black, and they were bulging. “No! No! Ahhh!”
And that’s when I got covered in brain goop.
Chapter 39
The Directors arrived a few minutes after I did. They were usually already there when I walked in, so this was a little strange. But they’d been a bit odd ever since the ubers started invading the Strip.
After about five minutes, they finally arrived.
“We’re sorry to have kept you waiting, Mr. Dex,” said O.
“Why are you apologizing to him?” asked Silver. “He works for us.”
“Because it’s common courtesy, Silver.”
Silver seemed on edge, which made sense seeing that it was a vampire uber we had dealt with this time.
“Tell us what happened, Mr. Dex,” he demanded.
I detailed a carefully worded version of the story to him, including how the djinn helped to neutralize the vampires, and how Elaine Kouross and her crew should be honored. I also discussed how Serena, Warren, and Turbo had worked together to cure the vampires who were infected and enslaved. I left the parts out regarding the changes to my person, though, especially knowing that EQK was suspicious of me already.
“Did you get his name?” Silver asked.
“Sylvester Melbourne.”
Another round of silence.
It was almost humorous at this point. Whenever I named the last few ubers, these guys went quiet and then they started griping at each other before they abruptly left the meeting.
This time I was going to try a different tactic.
“Anyway,” I started, “I wanted to apologize to EQGay for not being more direct with him last time we met.”
“Huh?” replied EQK, not bothered by my using a derivative version of his name.
“At our last meeting,” I clarified. “I was not feeling well and so I didn’t treat you with the proper respect.”
“You feeling okay, Wrong-Sex Dex?” EQK asked, sounding baffled.
“Better now, you winged butt plug.”
“Good, good.”
I sensed that O wanted to chastise me for calling EQK a name, but he had no legs to stand on. I’d claimed that it was part of my one-person culture to call people names. What could he say?
“So,” Silver began, sounding like he knew I was up to something, “you’re not going to question us about Sylvester Melbourne?”
“No, sir,” I replied. “I understand that you can’t share information, so there’s really no point in my pressing the issue.”
“I see,” he replied dubiously. Then he added, “Actually, no I don’t. You’ve been complaining like a school child for the last number of meetings, and now you’ve suddenly just accepted your fate?”
“He said he has, you fanged knob thumper,” EQK blurted, coming to my defense, exactly as I was hoping he would.
“Excuse me?” Silver said at length.
“You’re excused,” EQK replied. “Don’t worry about him, Dexnose, he’s just angry because his wife found out he fucks goats.”
“I…what?”
I couldn’t see any of them, of course, but I could imagine the three older dudes on my left side of the podium staring incredulously at the pixie on the right. It was all I could do not to laugh.
“Wait a second, Fang Face,” said EQK, “are you telling me you didn’t tell your wife you fuck goats?”
“Of course I didn’t!”
“Ahhh, probably wise,” mused EQK. “She may not understand, after all. Yep, that’s a smart move all around, I’d say.”
There was a moment of silence.
“You are merely trying to get a rise out of me, EQK,” Silver grated.
“Like the goats do, you mean?”
“I do not have relations with goats!”
“Finally moved on to sheep, eh?” EQK replied. I had to cover my mouth because the smiling could not be stopped. “Goats do seem a little unrefined for you, to be honest, but I just thought you were into sexually slumming it.”
“You’re a fool,” Silver hissed.
“By the way,” EQK said like a friend giving advice, “you may want to wash thoroughly after you bone livestock, you fiendish fanged one. I hear that werewolves can smell sheep ass on your dick.” After a quick pause, he added, “Just ask Zack, he sniffs dicks all the time.”
“What?” yelped Zack.
That’s when the sound of a hand slammed on the top of a desk. It came from the center of the room, meaning it was O.
“Enough!” he bellowed. “This lack of professionalism is ridiculous. I don’t care what your personal cultural norms are, EQK, if you don’t respect those on this board I will request your removal.”
“All right, all right,” EQK boomed in response. “Sheesh! You act like it’s my fault that Silver fucks sheep and Zack sniffs dicks!”
I laughed.
Sometimes you just can’t help it. It took me about a minute to regain control. Finally, I climbed back into my chair and wiped my eyes.
“Are you through, Mr. Dex?” asked O in a dark tone.
“Yes, sir,” I replied, fighting the laughter. “Sorry.”
O sighed heavily. “Is there anything else you need from us today?”
Here was my shot. Griping, moaning, and complaining at them about general details hadn’t worked. I was hoping that a direct question regarding a facet of an uber’s powers might.
“I was wondering if any of you might know how Mr. Melbourne’s venom was able to increase powers for supernaturals?”
“He was genetically tweaked,” EQK answered.
“EQK!” Zack bellowed.
“Zack!” mocked EQK in response.
“You’re out of control.”
“Says the guy who pees on fire hydrants.”
They started bickering back and forth, but I’d tuned them out. My plan had worked. Getting EQK
on my side caused him to respond as he would to a peer. So these ubers were genetically altered also?
“Excuse me,” I yelled above the din, silencing them. “Are the ubers all past cops?”
“That’s enough for today,” O said before anyone could answer me.
Three of the lights went out.
O’s remained.
“I’m not happy with what you’ve just done, Mr. Dex,” he said evenly.
“And what is that, exactly?”
“You manipulated this panel to get information that you knew was classified,” he replied. “I will be placing a formal reprimand on your record.”
I nodded. “So does that mean they were past cops?”
“Good day, Mr. Dex.”
Chapter 40
The Three Angry Wives Pub wasn’t exactly teeming with action. Seeing that it was a Wednesday, I wasn’t surprised. Hump day was often slow for most places on the outskirts of town.
I snagged a booth and ordered a Rusty Nail.
It was usually about now that Gabe walked through the door, gave me some advice, slipped me one of his fancy Words, and then bolted before answering any of my questions.
But this time, he didn’t.
An hour passed and he was still nowhere to be seen.
I ordered some wings and tore through them. After the day I’d had, I needed some serious grub. I still wanted that Big Ass Burrito from Tommy Rocker’s, but Gabe didn’t frequent that place. Besides, it was tradition to show up here whenever I finished a case. I wasn’t one who subscribed to superstition, but I did believe in patterns.
Gabe, apparently, felt differently.
Three hours in, it was clear that Gabe wasn’t going to show. I don’t know why, but I kind of felt that I should have expected it. Apparently, when he said he was out of Words for me, that was code for "Bye-bye, Ian."
It kind of bummed me out, to be honest. There was something nice about having someone outside of the PPD to talk to about stuff, even if it was only for a few minutes at a shot. Yeah, there was always Dr. Vernon, but it just wasn’t the same.
I paid the check and walked to the door, giving one final scan around the room.
“Right,” I said as I pushed out into the night.
Curse of Fangs: An Ian Dex Supernatural Thriller Book 6 (Las Vegas Paranormal Police Department) Page 13