by Lori Foster
She nodded, hating herself for relying on him again, but also immeasurably grateful that he’d save her from humiliating herself.
He said to Jack, “We’ll be right back.”
Jack was so busy teaching Chaos to sit he didn’t even reply.
Royce snagged their coats, and she was aware of him passing a significant look with Maris. By now she knew what that meant. Her friend would keep an eye on Jack, probably with help from Daron, who didn’t seem in any hurry to leave.
Damn it. The tears welled over and slid down her face.
As they stepped outside, she slapped them away, her breath catching, her throat squeezing tight.
Gruff, as if he did a little struggling of his own, Royce said, “It’s cold. Let me help you with your coat.” As she buttoned it up, he pulled on his own, and then steered her well away from the camp store.
Frosty air, prickly with sleet, pelted her face, making the tears sting.
Near a tree, Royce turned her and pulled up her collar, then wrapped her muffler around her throat. While she pulled on her gloves, he glanced out at the stars twinkling on the rough surface of the lake.
“I’m sorry,” Joy said, knowing it was a weak refrain. “It’s been such a long day.”
Shielding her body from the wind with his own, he cupped her face with hands somehow still warm. His thumbs brushed away the tears she couldn’t seem to stop, and then he kissed them away, his mouth gentle as it touched each cheek, her forehead and her lips.
She thought she might be able to get it together...until he folded her close, those big, strong arms secure around her, holding her tight, rocking slightly.
Emotion pounded against her restraint and the dam burst. The first sob was horrible, a wounded animal sound that should have embarrassed her more than it did, but God, she hurt too much to care.
“Joy,” he whispered.
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed again, unable to hold back as six years of grief overflowed, prompting his arms to tighten even more.
He tucked his face close to her, saying softly, “It’s okay, sweetheart.” His hand petted her hair, then his fingers tunneled in and he held her close.
Giving her permission to cry.
How had she gotten so lucky to meet this amazing man? To have him in her life, as either a lover or a friend, was a true blessing.
Yards away, she heard the camp store door open as conversation spilled out. The soft glow of light barely reached them before it all faded away again.
“Just Coop and Phoenix,” Royce told her. “Maris and Daron are still with Jack.”
Horrified by the idea of what her face must look like, she hiccupped a breath. “I don’t have a tissue.”
She felt his mouth warm against her temple. “Want to use the hem of my shirt?”
“God, no.” She probably had mascara everywhere, and she didn’t even want to think about her nose.
“How about this?” He offered her a knit glove, then retracted it. “Oh wait. Napkins. I grabbed them for Chaos’s paws the other day, but then didn’t need them.”
Joy took one, mopped her eyes, blew her nose and stuffed it into her pocket. “I forgot about Chaos.”
“The dog is fine.”
“But I’m keeping you out here in the cold...”
“Joy.” He brought her back against his chest. “As long as you’re warm enough, I’m happy to be with you. Take all the time you need.”
This man. He was the finest, nicest, most caring person she’d ever met.
Today she’d been offered a huge sum of money, but she didn’t want it. Her parents offered her reconciliation, but she wasn’t sure she could accept it.
What she wanted was Royce. On a more permanent basis. Was that fair, to project her neediness on him?
No, most definitely not.
“I shouldn’t be unloading on you.”
His thumb brushed her face just under her eye, maybe removing a tear. “I want to be that person for you, remember? You can trust me, Joy. With whatever you’re feeling or thinking.”
Damn it, she almost welled up again. To hold it at bay, she related everything that had happened at the attorney’s office, including her father’s revelations.
“He thinks it was a big misunderstanding?”
Royce asked it with honest curiosity and no accusation. “No, but he says we were all to blame—and he’s right. I never should have been with Vaughn in the first place.”
“If you hadn’t gone against their wishes, you wouldn’t have Jack now. That means it wasn’t a mistake, right? Not in any way.”
So very true. Why couldn’t her parents see it that way? “I can’t imagine my life without Jack, so obviously I wouldn’t change a thing, but Vaughn was a terrible person.”
“In the scheme of things, it’s a blip on the radar.”
Joy almost laughed. See, this was why she’d wanted to talk with him and Maris. She’d known they could add perspective that would lighten her load, make her feel less like a spoiled screwup and more like a regularly flawed human. “A blip, huh?”
He nodded. “I’d like to see anyone who gets through life without tripping a few times.”
“Including my parents?”
“There’s a blip, and then there’s a deliberate explosion.”
Joy managed a small wobbly smile. “They are incredibly outrageous, especially my mother.”
He smoothed her hair. “And no matter what, she’s still your mom.”
Joy nodded. “I see their side of it now. They thought having Vaughn’s child would keep Vaughn hanging around and they... Dad said they were afraid for me.”
“And yet they let you go?”
“Thinking I’d relent.” She shook her head hard. “It doesn’t excuse them. Disowning me financially would have been one thing, but they cut me out entirely. Mom said I wasn’t her daughter anymore and my father didn’t correct her. Nothing excuses that.”
“Or makes up for all the hurt?”
So, so much hurt. “Is it fair to keep Jack from them?” Before Royce could reply, she said, “My father thinks I can take charge and allow the relationship on my terms.”
“He’s right there,” Royce agreed. “You’re an incredibly strong woman, and the love you have for Jack would always protect him.”
His faith buoyed her. “I don’t feel strong.”
“You are. I see it, and so does everyone else who cares about you.” He tipped up her chin. “We’re always our own worst enemies. Try not to be so hard on yourself.”
Because she wanted it to be true, Joy nodded. “I think... I hope you’re right. I’d always do my best for Jack.” The problem was how to protect him—or would she actually hurt him by forbidding contact with his grandparents? “If I only reconciled with my parents, I would inherit from my grandmother and I wouldn’t be obliged to them.”
Royce loosened his hold on her. “It’s a lot of money to pass up.”
“Yes, but I have zero interest in being manipulated.” More than most people, Joy knew the insignificance of money when compared to things of real value. “I don’t know what to do. The inheritance would be nice obviously.” Even if she only put in the bank, it would be security for the future. For Jack’s future. “It’s been so long since I heard from them, I easily convinced myself that it was the right thing, that they didn’t care about him, anyway. Now my dad says I was wrong and that they care very much. Have I been selfish by not seeking them out?”
“It’s not selfish to do the best you can for your child, especially since your best was pretty damn good. No one could ever doubt your devotion to Jack.”
She appreciated the sentiment, but devotion didn’t always equal wise decisions. A gust of wind blew her hair into her face and she shivered. She’d kept Royce outside in the cold long enough. “Thank you for listening, for understanding, a
nd for the pep talk.”
He took another step back and his smile seemed strained. “So you’ll get in touch with your folks and call a truce?”
What an assumption he’d made! It was such a big decision she didn’t plan to rush it. “I didn’t say that.” The sleet increased, stinging in intensity. “It’s getting late. I should get Jack home. It’s past time for his bath.”
Nodding, Royce asked, “You feel better now?”
Her smile went crooked and she swiped her gloves under her eyes. “People talk about a ‘good cry’ and how you should let it out. For me, though, crying always stuffs up my nose and makes my eyes swell so bad I look like a miserable troll.”
“You’re beautiful.”
That made her laugh it was so absurd. “Maybe the darkness helps hide me.”
“I see you just fine.”
Oh, what that husky voice did to her. She hugged his arm, loving his strength, needing his sense of humor. “I do feel better, not as pent-up, but I regret sobbing all over you.”
“Hey, no regrets.” He closed his hand over hers when she held his arm. “Not with me.”
Joy wondered about their relationship. Everything had changed recently—too many things, really—and she needed to sort it out one emotion at a time.
Royce walked with her the few yards to the camp store. “I meant what I said. If you need me for anything, I’ll be there.”
Something in the way he said that made her think she’d have to reach out to him...because he wouldn’t be in touch? No, she was just emotional and too tired to think straight.
Leaning into his shoulder, so big and solid, she nodded. “One more favor?” Scrunching her nose, she said, “I’m such a mess... I don’t want to step in there for Daron and Maris to see. Will you get Jack for me?”
“You want to stand out here in the cold?”
Actually, the cold was preferable to the embarrassment she’d feel. “Do you mind?”
Royce kissed her ever so gently, and said, “We’ll be back out in one minute.”
Chapter Sixteen
After Jack had a lingering, playful bubble bath, a bedtime snack and had brushed his teeth, Joy lounged in his bed to read him a story. She wanted, needed, her usual routine with her son to ground her after all the surreal happenings of the day.
Few things could calm her turbulent thoughts and fill her with peace like cuddling with Jack.
With her shoulders propped against the headboard, only the bedside lamp on, he rested beside her, smelling little-boy-sweet.
Beneath her fingers, his hair was soft and cool. He listened intently while she finished reading aloud Hecate the Bandicoot, by Janet Little. It was one of Jack’s favorites, in part because the illustrations fascinated him, but he always felt sorry for the bandicoot.
Honestly, so did Joy.
“If I had a bandicoot,” Jack said, “I wouldn’t make it take a bath.”
Joy grinned. “Most people wouldn’t bathe a bandicoot, and from what I understand, most bandicoots are too small to want to eat a human. They’re more like a big mouse.”
He tipped up his face, his eyes filled with curiosity. “Can you show me?”
“All right.” Joy picked up her phone and did a search.
For a long time, Jack studied the images she found, then peeked up at her again and asked, “Could I get a bandicoot?”
“They’re wild animals, honey. Not pets.”
“Could I get a mouse, then?”
How in the world had they gone from reading to requests for a mouse? “Do you think Chaos would like that?” She stroked his hair again, comforted by the warmth of him. “He might get jealous.”
Giving that some thought, Jack shrugged. “Yeah, probably.” Abruptly he sat up and crossed his legs on the bed. “Maybe Chaos would like a friend, though.”
Joy gave a silent groan. She knew this particular look on Jack’s face. He wouldn’t give up easily. “You’re his friend,” Joy pointed out.
One eye narrowed in calculation. “Bet he’d like a dog friend, though.”
“Jack...” They’d been through this before, and she’d repeatedly pointed out how difficult it would be to have a pet in the apartment. Every time she had to refuse him, she felt guilty.
“I know,” he mumbled, his tone melancholy. “We don’t have enough room.”
No, they didn’t—but now she might have the opportunity to change that. Maybe this was the perfect time to see what Jack thought about moving.
Joy reached for his small hand, tangling her fingers with his. “You know, I was thinking...” She needed to word this just right so that she didn’t worry him.
His earnest little face scrunched up. “Something wrong, Mom?”
“No, sweetie. No.” She tugged him close, snuggling him against her side, wishing every moment of motherhood could be as easy as a hug.
“You sure?” he asked, pushing back to study her face. “You look funny.”
She could imagine how funny she looked with her puffy eyes and blotchy cheeks. The devastation from tears stuck with her for hours. Luckily, Jack had believed her excuse of having a cold. But add to that her confusion over the day’s dilemmas, and “funny” was probably a nice way to describe her ravaged appearance.
Joy pasted on a reassuring smile. “I was just wondering how you’d feel about living somewhere else.”
Dark eyes going wide, he froze. “I don’t want to live anywhere else.” Looking around, he said, “We live here. My stuff is here.”
She hadn’t expected that immediate rejection of the idea. “We could take your stuff to a house. A bigger place.” A place where she could get him a dog of his own.
“A house like Royce’s?”
Pleased with his interest, she nodded. “Yes—”
He started bouncing up and down. “We could live with Royce!”
What? Good grief, she’d botched this horribly. “No, sweetie, that’s not what I meant! I meant a house like his. Not...not his house.”
The bouncing stopped. “But I like his house,” Jack mulishly insisted, his brows down in confusion. “I like his yard and I love Chaos. If we lived with Royce, Chaos could be my dog.”
“I love Chaos, too,” Joy said. And I especially love Royce.
Oops, had she just admitted that to herself?
Yes, she loved him. If she’d had any doubts, his gentle understanding today would have settled it. Poor Royce. Loving him meant she’d opened up to him completely, to the point of sobbing against his shoulder. Even with Maris, she’d be horrified by that emotional display. With Royce, she couldn’t control herself—and no longer wanted to.
She loved him more than she knew was possible. That meant she wanted to share everything with him, her difficult past and his. Together, it felt like they could deal with it all.
Jack gave one insistent bounce that jostled her. “Let’s live in Royce’s house and Chaos can be our dog.”
“Jack—”
“If we had Royce’s yard,” he continued, “we could get Chaos a dog friend.”
“I doubt Royce wants another dog.” He wouldn’t have a dog now if Chaos hadn’t shown up when he did. Trying to be upbeat, Joy said, “Let’s think about a different house, okay?”
Jack’s chin went stubborn and his mouth pinched. “I like Maris, too. And Coop and Baxter and Ridley and Daron and Phoenix. My playground is here. Sugar is here.”
Funny that he considered the playground his own, even when other campers brought their kids to play. Joy understood, because she felt the same. The park was home in a way few places could ever be.
She smiled at him. “Everyone here is our family and nothing would change that. We would still work here.”
“You work here, Mom. Not me.”
“You help a lot,” she pointed out.
He crossed his arms with decisive attitude. “I don’t want to move.”
“What if—”
“I don’t want to move,” he repeated stubbornly, and his bottom lip quivered.
Well...that decided that, didn’t it? She’d done enough crying today for both of them. She wouldn’t have Jack going to sleep upset.
“Then we won’t move,” Joy promised, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I just wanted to see how you felt about it.”
“I want to live with Royce, or I want to live here.” Worried now, he asked, “Okay?”
Only one of those choices was currently possible, so... “Got it,” Joy said, keeping her tone light. “We’ll stay here.” She tickled his ribs until he lost his frown and squealed, then she hugged him tight, kissed his forehead and tucked him under the covers. “I love you bunches and bunches, Jack.”
He yawned widely, pulled up the covers and said, “Love you, too, Mom.”
Joy stayed near the door, watching him to make sure he’d be able to sleep. When his breathing deepened and his face relaxed, she eased away. New tears stung her eyes, but they were tears of gratitude, recognition of her blessings.
No matter what happened tomorrow, she’d deal with it.
And as Royce had said, she would always protect her son.
* * *
“So how’d it go?” Maris asked the second Joy walked into the camp store the next morning.
“Oh no you don’t. I want to hear more about you and Daron first.” As Joy peeled off her coat, she said, “I have a feeling I’ve missed a lot in the past week. Time for some catch-up!”
Though Joy wore her usual makeup, her eyes were still a little puffy, evidence of her tears the night before. It broke Maris’s heart.
Maybe, she thought, it’d be easier for Joy to ease into the subject of her parents and the meeting if they chatted about other things first. That worked for Maris, since she was nearly bursting to share the wonder that was Daron.
“First order of business,” Maris said. “We never let another week go by without a Summer’s End club meeting.”
Agreeing, Joy made a checkmark in the air. “Even if we only talk by phone.”