I was angry.
Hurt.
This raging storm billowing inside of me where I was lost, going down in the middle of the sea, getting swallowed by the waves. No goddamned chance of being saved.
“Yeah?” Kale challenged, angling to the side in his stool so he was fully facing me. “And why’s that?”
“Because she knows it’s not worth getting involved in my mess.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“I call bullshit.”
A huff of frustration bled out. “I went to her, Kale, I went to her and I begged her and she sent me away. I betrayed her, man, withholding that truth. She doesn’t trust me, which I can’t expect her to. I fucked it up, just like I always do.”
“Yeah, because she got railroaded by the truth that you’re still married. You think that whole thing wouldn’t have gone down differently if she would have been prepared? If you would have already been taking the steps to end that bullshit marriage that never should have existed in the first place?”
“Or maybe she should shut me down. I made a vow, and for once in my life, I need to stick to it.”
“Once in your life?” he bit out like he couldn’t believe his ears.
“Yeah. You think I didn’t make the same damned promises to Sydney—”
I slammed my mouth closed, a fence going down in front of the words that wanted to keep rolling out.
Ollie looked like I’d punched him. “What does Sydney have to do with any of this?”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I’d slipped.
Just like I’d been saying all along, ever since Rynna had come into my life, things had spun out of control. In the best of ways. In the worst of ways. I had just ripped open the locks to a past I didn’t want to unleash. A goddamned train wreck, no consideration to who was going to get in the mix of it.
Last thing I wanted was to hurt Ollie more than I already had. He didn’t need this. Fuck, he didn’t need any of this. Never had deserved it.
“What did you say?” Ollie’s voice was muted and strained.
I hopped up, hands gripping my hair, trying to reel it all in. Tossed out a few more lies. Not like they made any difference anyway. “Nothing . . . just should have stopped her that night.”
I drained my beer and slammed it down on the bar. “Gonna get out of here.”
Throwing a handful of twenties down, I spun on my heels and wound back through the crowds, shouldering through the bodies packed tight, their laughter and joy grating in my ear. A fucking grinding pad against my consciousness.
Swore I was close to a panic attack by the time I stumbled out into the night. I sucked down the cool breeze, lifting my head to the sky, wishing on any goddamned star that might appear.
I cringed when the door swung open behind me.
Didn’t need to turn around to know it was Kale.
“Just go back inside,” I told him.
“You really think I’m going to turn my back on you? Now? When you need me most? You might have done a bang-up job of convincing yourself all these years that you didn’t need anybody, but I think it’s plenty clear by now you’re wrong.”
He took a step toward me. “Tell me what you want, Rex. Tell me. Who?”
Frankie and Rynna. Frankie and Rynna. Their names spun on a circuit. Nonstop.
I shook my head. “This is all so fucked up, Kale.”
Slowly, I turned. “So fucked up, and I don’t have a fucking clue what to do.”
“Yes, you do. You know exactly what to do.”
Air puffed through my nose, and I looked away, raking a hand through my hair. “And what’s that?”
“You probably should start by forgiving yourself for Sydney. By finally letting go of what you’ve been carrying. Tell Ollie. He deserves to know.”
Fear clamored through my nerves. “Sydney doesn’t have anything to do with this.” Could barely force out the defense.
Kale took a step forward, angling his head. “Really? You’re really going to stand there and act like it doesn’t have everything to do with every damned decision you’ve made since it happened? Are you really going to act like it didn’t have everything to do with Janel in the first place?”
I blanched, attention swinging back to him, anger filling the words. “What? I’m not seeing how the two relate.”
“You settled, man. You settled because you thought you didn’t deserve to be happy. Because you thought you shouldn’t ever get to love again. And then Frankie, that sweet baby girl, came into your life, and you didn’t know how not to love anymore. So you gave in, opened your heart, loved. You loved, man, and then Janel destroyed it all over again. And now she’s back and you’re settling again.”
He edged forward, voice dropping low. “You really think Rynna’s not worth the fight?”
Anguish fisted my heart. “Of course, she’s worth the fight.”
“Then fight for her, Rex. Fight for her and fight for Frankie, and for goddamned once, fight for yourself.”
Every muscle in my body recoiled. “What if I don’t deserve it, man?” I swam against all the emotions that came rushing in. “I fuck everything up. Every single time. Lose the people I love. I thought this time . . . I thought this time with Rynna I’d finally outrun it. That I’d gotten a second chance. And the next thing I know, she’s gone, too. She doesn’t want me, man. She doesn’t want me, and I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t know how to stop it.”
The last left me on a wheeze, and I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes.
Fuck.
I didn’t know how to stop it.
I drove back home in a blaze of pain. I’d sat in my truck for two fucking hours, letting the booze run their course, before I forced myself to move. I pulled into my drive, trying not to look behind me to Rynna’s place. Maybe if I blocked it all, I wouldn’t feel it anymore.
Frankie and Rynna.
Maybe if I managed to go numb, it’d erase all the pain. Maybe then I could float right through the days.
I heaved out a couple of breaths before I forced myself from the cab. Footsteps dragging, I made my way up the porch and to the door.
I was in a daze when I walked through it, and I squinted when I stepped inside and let the door fall shut behind me. Like I was watching the scene through a dream. Everything distorted.
Janel was in the kitchen.
Cooking dinner.
Frankie and Rynna.
The smell of pork chops hung heavy in the air. But it felt all off. A knot formed in my throat, and I tried to swallow.
Her blonde hair swished around her shoulders when she turned to look at me, taken by surprise. She quickly tucked her phone in her back pocket, hands shaking. “Oh, you’re here early.”
She dipped into the fridge and grabbed a beer. “Here. You look like you could use this.”
She was all care and concern when she sauntered over to me, twisting the cap from the beer, leading me to the couch.
“Did you have a bad day?” she asked, sinking to her knees on the floor, staring up at me.
I choked out a laugh. A bad day. She had no clue what her returning had done to me. Had done to Rynna. The toll it was taking on Frankie.
And I still had no idea if this was right, letting her into our lives, giving her a chance to be a mother.
She’d gone to dance with Frankie twice, done everything I’d let her, taking her to the park, playing with her every chance she got, even though every time they were in the same room, I wanted to rip my hair out.
But she was trying.
Shouldn’t I?
“You might say that,” I told her.
She pressed both her hands on my knees and leaned up, her voice going quiet when she reached for the fly of my jeans. “Then let me take the bad away. Let me take care of you. Please, Rex, let me take care of you.”
I groaned, head rocking back on the top of the sofa, breath a hiss on my tongue.
Frankie and Rynna.<
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37
Rynna
I paced my kitchen.
I felt as if I were stuck in limbo.
A path set out ahead of me that I didn’t yet know how to take. Stuck in a purgatory of worry and jealousy and loss. A shimmery anger that lit up at the edges where it kept me enclosed.
Helpless.
And helpless was the last thing I wanted to be.
Milo was asleep on his bed in the corner, and I shuffled around in my kitchen, trying to distract myself from it. Maybe baking would give me a little clarity. Insight to the right decision. A calm in the midst of the worst kind of disturbance that still rattled my walls.
I tried to reject the shiver of unease that slipped down my spine, still unable to shake the idea that someone had been in my house when I was away.
Wondering if it was just me being foolish—jealous and petty and needy—or if the foolish part was me ignoring it.
Gramma had told me to always, always trust my gut.
But my guts were tied in one of those impossible knots. The kind where you couldn’t tell what was what, where one loop started and another ended.
“Gramma . . . I wish you were here. You would know what to do,” I murmured under my breath, pulling the ingredients for an apple pie from the pantry and refrigerator. Night pressed in at the window, the globe light on the ceiling a hazy hue of yellow that lit the dated kitchen.
I had just set everything on the counter when I stilled.
A prickle of awareness flashed up the nape of my neck. Though this was an entirely different kind of fear.
This was hope and excitement and the worst kind of confusion. Sucking in a breath, I took a step backward and craned my head out the arch and into the living room.
Listening.
Silence echoed back. But that silence was thick. Weighted. Heavy.
Like a tether was tied around my waist and anchored in my belly.
Drawing me closer.
I edged across the room, my footsteps subdued, my breaths shallow when I inched toward the door.
One solid knock rattled against it.
It rang out like a call.
A beckoning.
A plea.
My hand was trembling when I reached for the lock. Maybe it made me a fool, but I twisted it, anyway. The scrape of metal pierced the bottled quiet. For a flash, I squeezed my eyes closed before I turned the knob and pulled open the door.
He was there.
Standing on my deck.
A scatter of stars stretched across the heavens above, and gusts of wind whipped up the long pieces of his hair, his expression pained where his face was cast in a haze of milky moonlight.
A perfect picture of hope and despair.
It was instant, the way tears streaked free from my eyes.
“Rex.”
His hands were balled into fists, jaw clenched, eyes hard.
Dominant and dangerous and somehow chained by all his doubt.
Energy lashed. Whipping and inciting.
Compelling.
And God, I wanted to fight. Fight with him for lying to me. Fight for him because I wanted him so badly. Fight for what was right. The problem was, I wasn’t certain of exactly what that was.
Rex’s nostrils flared, and we stood there staring at each other. Captives to all those questions that bounded between us. Coming faster and faster and faster.
I saw the second he finally snapped. He pushed across the threshold, on me in a flash, the heat of his strong body lighting me up like a furnace.
My heart fluttered and drummed.
He wound a big hand in my hair, tugging, forcing me to look up at him.
“Little Thief.”
The accusation was gravel, and I sucked in a staggered breath. It only drew him deeper, his presence sinking in, penetrating every cell. Emotion swelled just as the pain of my past went rushing through my veins. A raging river that threatened to drown.
The fact of who Janel was. What she’d done.
I gasped over a cry. Unable to keep it in any longer.
“I married her, Rynna, I married her, and I knew all along, I shouldn’t. Maybe I was ashamed to admit it to you or maybe I was just afraid of your reaction when you found out I hadn’t severed it. But I promise, I promise you I was going to. When I told you I needed to get some things in my life in order, that’s what I was referring to. Ending that marriage like I should have years before.”
Another cry wrenched free.
He took my face in his big hands, fingers in my hair. “Rynna . . . baby . . . Rynna. Don’t cry.” He was kissing me through a tumble of frantic words he mumbled at my mouth. “I’m right here. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. I told her to go. I told her I was leaving and would be back in an hour and she and her things needed to be gone when I got back. I told her, Rynna. I told her my heart belongs to you, even if you won’t take it. But I want you to. I’m gonna fight for you, Rynna. I’m not giving us up. Not ever. You and me . . . we’re what’s right.”
I choked over a cry, and he kissed me deeper. The only thing I wanted to do was succumb.
Get lost in this man.
In his presence and his power and his overwhelming heart.
Another ripping sob tore from my throat. Unstoppable. Wounds fresh and raw. Too much. “It hurts so bad, Rex. I didn’t mean for it to. I thought I was over it. Bigger than it. And it’s right there. I don’t know how to handle what happened. It’s just . . . I think about it and it hurts all over again.”
Framing my face in his hands, he edged back, confusion a flash across those striking features. “What are you talking about, baby?”
A car engine churned to life from across the street. A reminder of who we were and what we were battling.
I could hear the car crunch on gravel as it backed up, accelerate when it took to the street.
Janel. I knew it was her. It only made me cry harder.
“Janel,” I hiccupped over her name.
He looked over his shoulder. “I’ve been outside pacing your lot for the last hour. I came home tonight, thinking that was the only thing I could do. Condemn myself. Walk away from you and pretend like this thing we’ve got doesn’t matter. I almost gave in because I thought it might be the right thing to do. But it’s not, Rynna. It’s not, because you and me? We’re what’s right. I’m not willing to settle or turn my back or act like I’m not dying for you. I walked out on her and right to you. And this whole time, I’ve been trying to get up the courage. Trying to find the words to convince you that we’re what’s right. Please, Rynna. Please put me out of this misery. I can’t lose you. I can’t lose you, too.”
“Janel.” Another whimper, and I knew I wasn’t making any sense, because none of this situation did.
“She doesn’t matter to me, Rynna. I promise you. Yes, I was waiting for her all those years. Stayed loyal because I had some messed-up notion that one day she was going to come back, and it was on me to keep our family intact. And then there you were, Rynna. My second chance. You changed everything. You became my loyalty. My heart. You and my Frankie. That’s all I need.”
“Janel hated me, Rex. She hated me so much. And what she did . . . I don’t know how to get past it. Forgive her and move on, because I know she’s going to be a part of Frankie’s life.”
He jerked back, holding my face tighter. “What?”
A ramble of incoherent words slid free. “Janel . . . she was the one who hated me so much. I think I pushed you away, clung to your omission, because of her. Not sure how I could handle the fact that the two of you had been together. So I tried . . . tried to hope that she’d changed. For your sake. For Frankie’s sake. But I don’t—”
“What did you just say?” Rex’s words were a growl, menacing and fierce. His demeanor shifted in a flash. From pleading to completely on edge.
“Janel. Janel’s the one who’s responsible for what happened to me. She set the whole thing up. She had Aaron pretend like he wanted to date
me. I didn’t know she was your wife, Frankie’s mom. I didn’t know until I opened that door.”
Rex blew back like he’d been struck by a bomb. “Aaron? Aaron who?”
I blinked at him. Aaron didn’t matter in the end. “Aaron Reed.”
Shock blanketed his face before it turned into panic. He began to pace, back and forth, ripping at handfuls of hair. “Fuck. I knew it. I fucking knew it. I knew it.”
I reached for him, his frenzy breaking into mine. “Calm down, Rex. What’s wrong?”
“Aaron Reed used to be my business partner.” His head shook through his stupor. “He and Janel . . . they acted like they didn’t know each other. But he was at the bar with me across town the night I met her. He was the one who’d suggested that bar to meet up at after work. He was the one who noticed her . . .” Rex whipped around, grabbing me by the arms. I wasn’t sure who he was steadying—me or himself. “He pushed me toward her. Told me to go for it. That she looked exactly like my type. And Janel . . . she was instantly all over me. Like . . . she’d been expecting me.”
He pulled away, back to gripping fistfuls of hair. “They were together the whole time, weren’t they?”
Rex punched an aimless fist into the air. “Fuck. They were together the whole goddamned time, and I didn’t have the first clue. Or maybe I did.”
His gaze dropped to the floor, his head shaking as if he were adding it all up. “When Aaron was arrested for embezzling from the company, there was something off. I got this feeling . . . this feeling that there was something more to the whole thing. That he couldn’t have been acting alone. All those documents that had been tampered with. The money that had gone missing.”
“Oh God.” I pressed my hand over my mouth.
Rex looked at me. Panic streaked through his expression. “She left the day before he went to jail, Rynna. He got his sentence, and I thought things were finally going to be okay, and then I got home to find Janel leaving me.”
“Oh God,” I said again. “Aaron . . . he was outside the diner this evening. About a week ago, too. He said something about me getting in Janel’s way.”
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