by Sage Sask
“Hear me out,” Derrick says gently. “He worried about you.” He runs a hand over his close-shaven hair. He seems to consider before saying, “I was in some of the earlier meetings with him and Harrison. He refused Harrison’s orders.”
I stay silent.
“He cares about you, Alexia,” Derrick insists. “When it came time to choose groups, he gave up venue one so he could have first participant choice.” On my shocked glance, he says, “I thought you should know.” He grips my shoulder and squeezes. “Tomorrow night? How about we hang out as friends?”
“I would like that.” I think about him, and all the times he has been there. “You’re a really good guy.” Derrick pulls me in for a hug, and I allow myself to relax in his arms.
“Not always, but I’m working on it.” When he pulls back, he’s smiling. “If we don’t get moving, then Jackie and the others won’t be pleasant.”
We start to head toward our rooms when I call for him. When he turns, I say, “Thank you.” I pause, and then admit, “I seem to keep saying that to you.”
He smiles in response.
***
I run into Serafina on the way to the meeting place. “I’ve been looking for you,” she says.
“You have?” I fight to keep the anxiety out of my voice. I remind myself there is no way she knows my plan. “Why?”
“We haven’t had a chance to speak privately since the groups’ return.” Serafina runs her gaze over me. “You are a hero among your class for how you handled the box. You took a calculated risk. I admire your decision making.” Before I can respond, she says, “And giving your call to Victoria.”
“I made an agreement with her,” I say.
“The call for the key?” I expect criticism but find none. “Her life for yours? And yet you didn’t use the key to save yours. You took the chance to save everyone else’s.”
I look away. “It seemed the right thing to do.”
“A common theme with you.” Serafina waits until I reluctantly face her. “Where did you learn that behavior?”
“What?” I don’t understand her question.
“Well, we either follow the people we know, or our character comes from within. I’m just curious, which one is it?”
“I’ve never given it much thought,” I say, on guard.
“Well, then I assume it came from within if you can’t remember patterning someone’s behavior,” Serafina says. “At the Circle, we put a lot of emphasis on specific talents — powerful readers, strong agents. Sometimes we forget that the most important part of ourselves is our ability to make decisions, to do what’s right, even if at great cost. The Circle is lucky to have you.”
She leaves, and I stare after her. Even though it seemed like Serafina was complimenting me, I can’t help but feel like it was a test. One that I failed.
***
I tighten my helmet then lean on Derrick’s shoulder as I swing my leg over the seat. Around us, the roar of motorcycle engines fills the air. I lace my fingers around his waist. Everyone guns their bikes then push their tires against the asphalt. They spin until we are all facing forward.
Gavin and Jackie take the lead. They ride side by side as the rest of us follow. We fly down the road until we hit the open air. The ocean runs alongside us. The breeze slaps my face. I drop my head against Derrick’s back as we pick up speed on a steep road toward the bluffs. Gravity pushes Derrick into me. I tighten my arms around him and push my feet into the foot pegs to keep my balance.
In the distance, I see the buildings that make up the town. I wonder about the lives they live. Are they happy? Would I have lived in one of the houses after I was born? Did my parents take the same road?
Derrick slows down as we reach the top of the bluffs. He parks his bike alongside the others. He waits for me to dismount first then follows. Jackie stands at the top of the cliffs. She cradles the box filled with some of Cassia and Henry’s belongings. Others take out letters they’ve written.
“To our friends,” Jackie says solemnly. Tears pour down her cheeks. “They were our comrades. We will miss you every day of our lives. We will love you longer.”
Jackie throws her mementos into the ocean. The others follow with words of their own then do the same. I watch them say goodbye to their friends. With every tear they shed, with every word of farewell, my guilt weighs heavier.
SIXTY-THREE
I sit on my bed and stare at the horizon as the sun slowly lowers itself behind a cloud cluster before disappearing. It leaves an orange haze in its wake. Darkness begins to fall. I sling my backpack over my shoulder and wait. With the safety of nighttime, I open my door to leave.
I pause in front of Ryan’s door. Derrick’s words run through my head. Hesitant, I lay a hand on his doorknob. For just a second, I consider saying something to him - a version of goodbye. I step back when I realize how dangerous that would be. There is no goodbye, no words that will explain my actions. With the knife he gave me settled against my back, I rush down the hall and toward the Sanctuary.
SIXTY-FOUR
SERAFINA
Serafina watches via the camera as Alexia leaves her room with a backpack thrown over her shoulder. On the screen, she sees Alexia stop at Ryan’s door, then drop her head. A glance at the clock tells Serafina it’s late. Too late for Alexia to be out. The look on Alexia’s face tells Serafina that Alexia was struggling with her goodbye.
A buzzing excitement reverberates through Serafina. After all these years, she will finally find her son. Prepared for weeks and knowing what she has to do, Serafina reaches into her locked drawer for the tracker and the felt case. After slamming the drawer shut, Serafina exits her office and heads toward Harrison’s.
“What could you possibly want?” Harrison asks, full of disdain.
“I’m here to apologize.” Serafina smiles at Harrison’s understandable disbelief. “A first for everything.” She holds up a bottle of liquor and two glasses.
“Your father’s famed Scotch? He kept it for years.” Harrison rises from his chair to admire the bottle. “Now you’ve piqued my interest. Please don’t keep me waiting.”
“You were right about Alexia.” Serafina fills both glasses, then hands him his. They toast, and she waits for him to take a drink.
“Excellent,” he says after the first sip. His eyes search hers over the rim of the glass. “Right, how?” He takes another sip when she does the same.
His watch beeps with an incoming message. He reads it, then immediately turns on the surveillance cameras monitoring the docks. His face fills with evil satisfaction. “Looks like they came back. I wonder why?”
He reaches for his gun when he stumbles. He grips the desk as his legs buckle beneath him. He falls into his seat as he loses all control over his body.
“What did you do?” He barely whispers the words.
“My job,” Serafina says. “You have about thirty seconds before the drug knocks you out. You’ll come to in about an hour. Enough time for…” Serafina tapers off, unwilling to give him more information than necessary. “I couldn’t let you kill them.”
“You’re finished,” Harrison mutters as his eyes start to close. “I’ll make sure of it.”
“Maybe,” Serafina replies. “But hard for you to prove since the drug will go out of your system. Regardless, I’m past the point of caring.”
She glances at the monitor where the boat docks secretly. Serafina punches in a code before any alarm can alert the other agents. She needs the Resistance to have safe passage home.
She checks Harrison once more to make sure he’s completely out. She knew it would take the element of surprise to disarm him. He would never have expected her actions, but she had no choice. She could no longer care about her place in the Circle. All that mattered was her son and rescuing him.
She takes his glass she laced with the dru
g. “You never fully understood, did you?” she asks his still form. “I’m my father’s daughter first and foremost.” With that, she walks out to the docks.
SIXTY-FIVE
Careful to take routes without cameras, I slip through the Circle’s halls without being spotted. Once outside, I rely on the moon for guidance. With every step closer to the Sanctuary, I say goodbye to the Circle. At the fountain, I reconfirm the knife is still against my back. I check my watch — five minutes before nine.
Through the trees, I spot one guard at the door. I school my face, so it’s devoid of all emotion. With all the nonchalance I can muster, I walk into the foyer.
“Visiting,” I answer when the guard asks me for a reason. He jerks his head toward the scanner. I lay my palm down and watch the green light read my hand. It beeps then announces my name. Bored, the guard motions me in.
Inside the Sanctuary, I head directly for the antidote. A sliver of light sneaks out from beneath the closed door. I survey the hallway to confirm it’s empty. The majority of the patients’ have retired for the night.
Careful to be quiet, I slowly open the door. The room encloses an oversized tree and a small stream. An unbidden peace flows through me. Surprised at my reaction, I allow it for only a moment before focusing. At the oversized safe door, a small hand vestibule sits along the side. Remembering Blake’s words, I slide my hand inside. A small needle pricks my finger for a drop of blood. A scanner on the machine lights up as it reads it. Seconds later, it unlocks.
Shocked it worked; I quickly open the door to reveal ten vials of antidote. Unsure, I start for all ten bottles before hesitating. I think of all the people in the Sanctuary. The amount of time it takes to make the antidote. Changing my mind, I grab only five and stuff them into my backpack. After relocking the safe, I exit the room and run right into Jackie’s father and a nurse.
“What were you doing inside there?” Jackie’s father demands.
I glance back at the door. “I was looking around. Got lost.” Both Jackie’s father and the nurse look at me questioningly.
“I’ll call security,” the nurse says. “Make sure nothing is amiss.”
“You don’t need to do that.” I move in front of her.
Her shoulders rise and fall as her eyes widen. “Get out of my way.” She moves to push past me. Frantic, I push my thumb down on the spot by her neck that Derrick showed me. She topples to the ground, unconscious. Jackie’s father’s eyes widen.
“I need the code to the door in your room,” I say, fighting to keep calm.
His gaze darts from the antidote sanctum and back to me. “You stole the antidote? How?”
“The code,” I nearly yell. I can’t exit the front door. “Now.” When he hesitates, I say, “I brought your daughter home. Now I want the same for me.”
His head drops, but then he nods. He tells her the code to his door.
“Thank you.” I nearly buckle with relief. As I move toward his room, he wheels to a button on the wall. My eyes widen in shock. “Please don’t.”
“I’m grateful for Jackie, but I can’t let you destroy the Circle. You have thirty seconds,” he warns.
He pushes it as I run toward his room and quickly punch in the code. The red light turns green. I fly through the open door and into the night. I am barely past the Sanctuary’s perimeter when an arm jerks me around.
“You’re the distress call?” David says right before he punches me in the mouth. I drop to the ground as he looms over me. “I knew you were bad news. You’re finished.”
SIXTY-SIX
I jump up and away from him. He moves to hit me again, but I throw up an arm to block it. I kick my leg out and catch him in the groin. He doubles back and strikes me in the abdomen. Before I can react, he body slams me against a tree. My head hits the bark. Everything turns in circles. Grief grips my heart. I can’t win this fight.
Sawyer’s words echo in my ears. Find the reason you want to read. I think about Julia. I will finally get the full picture of who she is and, by connection, who I am. I will learn about my place in the world and decide whether I belong. Though not the home I would have chosen, Julia is the only family I have. I cannot lose this chance to be reunited.
With a deep breath, I grip David’s arm. I barely shut my eyes. Faster than I can ever remember, I white-light the pain. In quick succession, I see his next few steps. Memorizing them, I form a battle plan in my head.
“You won’t win this,” David says, unaware of my play. “You’re weaker and always will be.”
He runs through each step as I saw them. I block every move and counter with my own. With every punch, I get stronger. His eyes widen, and his face falls, as my adrenaline pumps. With every reaction to his action, I beat him at the game he designed.
Desperate, he takes his knife out. I sneak my blade from the back of my pants. When he steps forward to strike, I ready with my kill move into his abdomen. Suddenly, I see him during the Evaluation and his concern and love for Victoria. No matter his hatred for me, I know he loves his sister. David is the only sibling she has.
I know what it’s like to be alone, to lose the people you need. I call an audible and stab the knife into his side, wounding him instead. His eyes widen as he realizes what I did. His hand reaches for the blade as he roars in pain. Broken, he drops to the ground bleeding.
I reel back. Hand over mouth, I stare stunned. I falter, unsure of the person inside me who could do this. In the distance, footsteps run toward us. Jolted out of my numbness, I grab my pack just as Ryan breaks through the trees and stares at the scene.
“What happened?” He drops to his knees and cradles David. “What did you do?” he yells at me.
“She’s one of them,” David groans. “Victoria warned you.”
Ryan’s face flies up, pain filling his features. “Alexia?”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. I close my eyes against the devastation in his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
I turn and run through the trees toward the dock. Reaching it, I frantically search but only see the water lapping against the shore. I sag in disbelief. They lied. They didn’t come for me.
“Here.” A man I vaguely recognize calls for me. My relief is palpable. “You got it?” On my nod, he motions for the bag. He grabs it with one hand. “Follow me.”
“My mother?” I ask.
“Is waiting. Let’s go,” he orders. I hesitate, glancing back toward where I left Ryan. “Now!”
“Coming.” I start to follow when I hear running. Scared, I rush forward, when Ryan yanks me back.
“No.” Rage lines his words. “You’re not going anywhere.”
I struggle against him, but he’s stronger. “Please,” I beg.
David’s blood covers Ryan’s clothes. Adrenaline drives me to hit him with all the force I have left. His head snaps back. His mouth tightens before he punches me back. I barely keep from falling.
“It’s my mother.” With my words, I beg him for understanding. “She’s alive and waiting for me. This is my only chance.” His hold loosens, and sympathy floods his face. He closes his eyes for a second. When he opens them, I see his regret and resolution. Every one of our interactions plays out in his eyes. But in the end, he shakes his head no.
“Let Mia go,” the man demands. He holds up a gun and points it right at Ryan. “Now.”
Mia? The girl in the forest, I realize. I had imagined myself lost and scared. That’s my real name.
I turn to Ryan, pleading. “Ryan, please.”
“Ryan?” The man starts to laugh. “Harrison’s son?” He glances at me then back at Ryan. “Your father killed so many of our people the night we escaped,” he says, disgusted and angry.
The world around us stops. I feel Ryan’s confusion, then question. “What are you talking about?”
“He’s a murderer. Your mother knew that and
wanted nothing more to do with him or you.”
“Shut up!” Ryan rushes toward the man.
The man releases the safety latch on the gun. Behind us, in the shroud of the trees, I swear I see Serafina move toward us. But none of it matters. All that counts are the milliseconds that my mind takes to make my decision. I am not a hero and know I will never be. I am not strong enough. However, given a choice between my life and his, I refuse to sacrifice him. My path is not his responsibility. His life is not meant to pay the price for mine.
As the man pulls the trigger, I jump in front of Ryan. The bullet flies through the air and tears through my skin. I fall back as my whole body lights up in a blaze. Unbidden tears pour out of my eyes as the pain cuts through every cell. The roar of the boat speeding off fills the air. He left without me, I realize.
“No!” Ryan cradles me as I collapse to the ground. “What did you do?” he demands.
I try to answer, but my mouth refuses to move. In the moment before darkness descends, my feelings finally become clear. I search for the words, but they move further away. I see the image of us kissing and accept it will never happen. I yearn to tell him how desperately I wanted it to be a vision. How I repeatedly pushed away what I felt.
The pain becomes too much to bear. Blackness swirls around me as my body starts to shut down. My last thought is I have no choice but to accept my fate. Everything I have ever wanted, gone.
SIXTY-SEVEN
A repetitive beeping sound wakes me up. I struggle to open my eyes. Heaviness weighs them down. My throat feels like I’ve swallowed buckets of sand. I cough, but there’s no sound. I try to raise my hand when another one covers it.
“Gentle,” a voice says. “You’re going to be weak for a few days.”
I open my eyes to see the Circle’s doctor standing over me. “Where am I?”