by April Lust
And Ryder couldn’t order that away.
I let out a bitter laugh. “Oh? That’s funny, I’m pretty sure that I was just fired and kicked out of your club. Last I checked that means you’re not my boss anymore. So why the hell should I do that?”
If Ryder was hurt by my words, he didn’t show it. In fact, it looked as though he’d anticipated my rebuttal, because he finally sat down behind his desk. He looked the picture of calm. “Because if you weren’t lying and she isn’t just some piece of tail—”
“I’m not,” I ground out fiercely.
“—then you’ll do what’s best for her. And even if you don’t agree with anything else I’ve said here today, you will agree with me when I say that she deserves better than the likes of you.”
I froze. I wanted to yell at him that I was just as deserving as any other asshole out there. I wanted to argue that I earned my right to be beside her. I wanted to tell him that the right thing to do for her was to stay by her side.
But I couldn’t. Not quite.
“She’s not just some girl, Saber. She pulled herself up out of the dirty streets to stardom. She didn’t take any handouts or shortcuts and I know she’s been offered them. I know there were guys who would have given her a starring role if she’d only spread her legs—but she wouldn’t. She worked her ass off instead and proved that she deserved those roles. She worked until no one could deny that she belongs where she is today—and you want to drag her back to those dirty streets.”
I listened to him silently and with each word, I felt as though he were hitting me in the stomach, forcing the air form my lungs.
If it was a matter of love and affection, of how hard I would work to protect her, how hard I’d try to make her happy, then I would win. I would fight. But this? No, I couldn’t argue with this, because in the end I thought he was right. Renee deserved better than me.
All I could do was nod and leave the room. Behind me, I heard Ryder call out to me, “You’re doing the right thing.”
The right thing had never felt so horrible.
***
I went back to Renee’s mansion reluctantly. The last thing I wanted to do was this, but it had to be done. And it had to be done now because I didn’t think I’d have the strength to do it later. I’d rationalized the whole thing, convince myself that being with Renee was the right thing.
But it wasn’t. I had to do this.
I left my bike parked in the front instead of down in the garage below the house. I wouldn’t be staying long after all and I wanted to be able to make a quick escape when the time came. Going to the door, I knocked solidly twice then waited.
It was Darren who opened the door.
His eyebrows rose in surprise, clearly not expecting to see me there. “What are you…?” But I pushed past him into the room just as Renee rounded the corner, probably to ask Darren who it was. As soon as she saw me, her face lit up. Her full lips spread into a huge smile and she rushed over to me.
My heart ached at how beautiful she was, and how happy she was to see me.
She threw her arms around my neck and dragged her face up to mine, planting a heated kiss to my mouth that begged me to dive in, to reciprocate. Her mouth pleaded with me for more, her tongue sliding across my lower lip to ask for entrance. But I couldn’t give it to her. No matter how much I wanted to lose myself in the feel and taste of her, I had to pull back.
I did so as gently as I could, though I could tell she still didn’t appreciate it. She blinked at me in surprise.
“Saber?”
I looked over at Darren. “Give us a minute, would you?”
Darren hesitated for half a second, clearly not sure what the appropriate response was supposed to be. Ultimately, he just muttered something under his breath and left the room. When he was gone, I turned back to Renee.
She grinned at me and tried to kiss me again, but I turned my head away. I unwrapped her arms from my neck and put a deliberate step between us, even though it made my insides feel as though they were trying to tear themselves apart.
“Saber? What’s going on?” Her sweet voice was laced with worry.
Willing my voice to remain steady, to make my voice angry and hard, I answered Renee evenly. “I just came back to tell you that it’s over.”
She blinked at me. “Over? What are you…?”
“Shit, you really are a dumb blonde, aren’t you?”
She flinched like I’d just slapped her across the face, but I kept going before she could respond or catch her breath.
“It’s over. You and me. You were a decent lay, but for all your looks, I’ve had better. I figured you were a porn star with tits like those, but instead you’re just some prissy little girl who—”
The slap kept me from saying more, thank God. She had put all the force she could behind that hand, striking me on the jaw where I’d only just been punched by Ryder less than an hour ago. It made the sting all the worse, but really, I didn’t mind.
I deserved that slap for saying those things, even if I only said them to get her to hate me. Judging by the anger in her eyes mixed with the tears that had yet to fall, I would say that I’d managed that at least.
It didn’t make me feel better.
“Bastard,” she said in a soft voice. I could hear the tears lingering in her voice. “Get the hell out of here—and never come back. I never want to see you again.”
I looked her over one last time, then silently, I left.
Chapter Nineteen
Renee
When Darren came back, I told him that I’d be in my room taking a nap. I didn’t let him see my face because I was working hard to keep the tears at bay, and didn’t think I could manage it if he saw my expression. Darren was a good kid, but he wasn’t good at lying or hiding what he was thinking. As soon as he saw it, it would show on his face and then I’d deteriorate into a blubbering mess on the floor.
And I just couldn’t have that.
So I went upstairs without giving him the chance to ask me what had happened and just where Saber was. I’d explain to him and Ryder that Saber was out of the picture and this time, there wouldn’t be room for arguing. My words would hold, damnit.
I went up the stairs and held back my tears until I got to my room. But as soon as the door closed behind me, they came in a torrent. I leaned back against the door and slid to the ground in front of it, sobs wracking my frame. There was a part of me that angrily admonished me for being so broken up about this.
We hadn’t been together all that long. In fact, what time we’d had together was mostly in the sack, wasn’t it? That hardly constituted a relationship. We hadn’t even really been on a date yet, well, one that wasn’t sequestered here in the house, tucked away in my movie center. If you hadn’t been on a date yet, then how could you be truly upset and broken up about someone?
But that angry part was having a hard time convincing the rest of me. Yes, we’d been together for such a short time that it was silly to be so attached. And yes, most of that time together had been sexual in nature and surely could have been a result of physical attraction, hormones, and nothing more. But that didn’t explain the other things for me. It didn’t explain how I felt safe with Saber and no one else. It didn’t explain why I wanted to be near him, why I felt like he would protect me against anything. It didn’t explain why I felt so attached to him that I felt like he was the type of person to put my faith in.
Good job on that one, Renee, I thought as the tears continued to slip down my cheeks.
I wiped at them furiously, trying to quell the sadness that settled in my chest, the hurt there achingly painful. But it was no use. My body was telling me to cry, and I was crying. Simple as that.
As I sobbed on the floor of my bedroom, I admonished myself.
How could Saber do that to me? Use me and just toss me aside? And then to say those things to me? But even as I wondered about his horrid behavior, I scolded myself for trusting him in the first place.
> I should have known that a biker would play me like that. I should have known that I wouldn’t mean a damn thing to him beyond a nice piece of ass. After all, I wasn’t one of those rich bitches who had grown up in nothing but luxury since she was a child. I’d had a hard life before I’d made it big and I remembered it just fine even all these years later.
Ryder lived in a nice mansion now and didn’t have to worry about money anymore. If I suddenly went bankrupt tomorrow, there would be someone to turn to so I could keep myself afloat. But that hadn’t been the case years ago. It used to be that Ryder did dirty deals with bad people to make ends meet. He’d been part of a motorcycle club for as long as I could remember, but he hadn’t always run it. It used to be that he was the lackey, forced to do the dangerous work that most people wouldn’t. The things that would get him thrown into prison if he wasn’t careful.
These were the types of things that I’d struggled to get away from when I was younger. It didn’t mean that I didn’t love my uncle—of course I did. He raised me as his own when my parents died, and despite the dangerous things he was involved with, he did his absolute best to keep me out of it. He made sure that I was safe when I went to school and that I was safe at home, too. He did his best to keep me separated from the life he never wanted for me.
“And what do I do?” I asked the empty room. “I go and fall for some rough and tumble biker and try to throw myself back into that life.”
Now that I’d said it out loud, it sounded even more ridiculous. How could I have been so foolish?
But knowing that I’d made a bad decision didn’t seem to end the hurt of it. Saber leaving me was probably dodging a bullet. I was certainly better off without him, but even as I realized that, I couldn’t stop the aching in my chest at losing him. At hearing the terrible things he’d said to me.
I shuddered and swallowed my next sob, determined to keep myself together. Forcing myself up, I went to the adjoined bathroom to clean up. Looking good was half the part of feeling good I reminded myself, though I really didn’t feel that way right then.
When I looked in the mirror I saw a tear streaked face with slightly running mascara and messy hair. I was still wearing the sweatshirt and the cut off shorts from earlier when Saber and I had… I shook my head. Stop thinking of him! I commanded myself.
Deciding that the first order of business was a shower, I stripped out of my clothes and turned on the water, vowing to burn that sweatshirt of Saber’s. When the water was right, I stepped in. I scrubbed my face until it felt raw, doing my best to get all of the makeup off before I got to anything else, and to try to scrub away the remainders of my tears. Then I washed my hair.
When I stepped out, I felt a little better, cleaner anyway, though I couldn’t completely wash away the memory of Saber. His hands on mine, his lips crushing themselves against my mouth. No, it would take a while to completely eliminate him from my thoughts, but the sooner I got to work on it, the sooner I’d be over him.
Nothing to get over, I thought to myself as I began to comb my hair in my reflection.
I’d finished with my hair and reapplied my makeup until I looked decent when the phone rang. I thought about just letting it ring since it was the house phone and not my cell, but at the last minute I decided I could always use the distraction and answered it.
“Hello? Teana residence.”
There was a pause, then I heard the sound of the voice that I had hoped to never hear again. Thomas York. “I’ll finish her. Poor Cynthia, it’s not her I want, but I’ll do what I must to get to you, my love.”
My blood ran cold. This man who had been tormenting me, a terrible, wicked man who had put my best friend in the hospital, a man who had tried to kidnap me, was now going to kill Cynthia!
I shuddered, my heart clenching. Here I was being so wrapped up in some man dumping me, a man who I barely even knew, when my dearest friend was in the hospital, roughed up like she’d been in some sort of cage fight. How could I be so selfish?
With a trembling voice, I asked, “What do you want?”
There was another pause, then, “The same thing I’ve always wanted. You.”
I clenched my eyes shut, sliding down against the wall as I clutched the phone tightly. Of course he wanted me. This had always been about me. How horrid.
“If you come right now, I’ll spare her,” he continued, his voice raspy and low. But not sexy low. It was more like he was breathless or wheezing. “I’ll let her go and all you have to do is come here to save your friend, Renee. I know that you wouldn’t just leave your friend to die. I know you won’t disappoint me.”
I trembled in fear, barely holding back a sob. All I wanted to do was crawl into Saber’s strong arms.
But Saber wasn’t here anymore. He wouldn’t protect me or save me, and I’d been foolish to have believed that he would. Sucking in a steadying breath, I resolved to fix this on my own. I couldn’t wait around for men to save me—I had to save me. And I had to protect Cynthia.
“Where is she?”
He rattled off and address and I hurried to find something to write it on. In the end, I used my eyeliner and the back of one of the envelopes for the letters he’d sent me to scrawl it on. I wrote it out quickly. Just before the line went dead he said, “Come alone.”
I held the phone for a while longer, listening to the dial tone and staring down at the address he’d given me. The smart thing to do would be to go to the hospital and check to see if Cynthia was there safely in her room, but I didn’t have the time.
But I do have the time to call.
I dialed the number to the hospital and asked about Cynthia. As I listened to the response, fear swamped me.
“She checked herself out nearly an hour ago. Though she’s in rough shape, they’re mostly just bruises and the like. Nothing we can do for her here that she can’t do at home. So the doctor gave her a painkiller prescription and signed off on it. I would imagine she’s home by now, probably resting if she heard a word the doctor said to her as she left.”
The helpful lady on the phone kept rambling on, but I wasn’t listening anymore. The lady said she checked herself out, I thought hopefully. Not that a man came and got her. So maybe she’s okay. Maybe he doesn’t have her. Maybe he’s only bluffing.
But the problem was I couldn’t take that risk. I ended up cutting of the woman in midsentence, thanking her for her help, then hanging up the phone. I made one more call, this one to Cynthia’s house, but got no answer. My fear worsened as I realized that the address smeared across that envelope in my eyeliner was the only way I was going to save Cynthia.
And worse still, I’d have to go alone.
Clenching my eyes shut one last time, I took in a steadying breath, then made up my mind. I would go. I would save Cynthia. No matter what it cost me.
I got dressed in a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt because I wanted to look as plain as possible. Then I grabbed a jacket. Going to the bathroom, I checked myself in the mirror one last time. I looked grim but determined. I hoped it would be enough.
Before I left the bathroom, I grabbed the small bottle in the drawer and shoved it into my pocket. Then I hurriedly left before I could think too hard about what I was doing.
I went downstairs to find Darren lounging on the couch, flipping through one of my fashion magazines. He was staring at it like it was either the Holy Grail or a monster waiting to eat him at the first opportunity, I wasn’t sure.
I cleared my throat to get his attention. He nearly jumped out of his clothes he moved so fast, tossing the magazine to the side like it was on fire. Wide-eyed, he stood there stock still, facing me. “I, uh, didn’t hear you come downstairs.”
Putting on a sweet smile, I teased him despite my hammering heart and the pool of dread in my stomach. “I can see that. Doing a little academic reading?”
He winced, then reached for the magazine he’d thrown hastily to the floor. “Sorry. I was just…um, keeping busy.”
I nodded. “It’s fine. I was going to get myself some juice—would you like a glass?”
He scratched at his head and for a second I thought for sure that he wasn’t going to take up my offer, and then what was I going to do? But finally he nodded and said, “Yeah, please.”
I went to the kitchen and poured two glasses of juice. Then I glanced over my shoulder to make sure he wasn’t looking. He wasn’t. Taking out the bottle from my pocket, I dumped its contents on the counter. Grabbing the handle of the nearest knife, I crushed the little white pills until they were a powdery substance. Then I scooped it up and dropped it into the first glass of orange juice. I stirred it up quickly before carrying it out to the living room.