by Rae Matthews
Barb immediately grabs her walkie-talkie and starts shouting demands to the people on the other end. It's hard to make it out with my attention fixed on Rhonda, but it's something about cameras and locking doors.
The police officer quickly gains his composure grabs his radio, and requests an additional unit.
I just knew he was going to need back-up.
Liam and I watch as she runs past us. I suppose this would be a good opportunity for me to make my wish to tackle her to the ground come true. I hesitate because it’s one thing to want to do it, but it’s another to actually make the move when given the opportunity. Yes, I’m basically saying I’m a chickenshit who likes to talk a big game.
Rhonda quickly disappears down the clothing aisles leaving both Liam and I speechless. A few moments later Barb and the police officer approach us.
“Liam, I know your shift is getting ready to end soon but I have a feeling this is going to take a while. Do you mind staying?” Barb asks with a deep sigh.
“Not a problem Barb. Happy to help.”
Barb pays no attention to me while she talks with Liam and then leads the officer away. They walk casually down the main aisle in front of the cash registers, both of their heads turning toward the clothing section.
“So they’re really just going to leave the front door unprotected?” I ask.
“Nope that’s what the cameras are for. They already know exactly where she is and will watch her from the eyes in the sky.”
This is starting to feel very anticlimactic again.
“Okay, so now what?”
“Nothing. They’ll wait for the other police officers to get here and then they will eventually pull her out of whatever hole she’s hiding in.”
“Does this happen a lot?”
“Not typically, but it has happened before.”
“So there’s really no reason for me to stick around and watch the show.”
“Not really. It should be pretty straightforward.”
Disappointment must shown on my face because the smile Liam gives me is enough to make me forget why I am even here in the first place. If he would just kiss me now, that would definitely land in the number one spot for the best thing to happen tonight.
“Look at it this way, you got to see me one last time before you leave.”
I smile. “There is that.”
“Well, I better go deal with this. I’ll see you next week.”
Liam hesitates before walking away, contemplating kissing me again maybe? But with the eye in the sky’s attention on the front door, I suppose it wouldn’t be wise for him to kiss me with an audience that could cost him his job.
I watch as he walks away along in the food aisles before I turn toward the cashier who’s hopefully still holding my basket. When I reach the checkout lane, I find her concentrating on my basket. I didn’t mean for her to take this so seriously.
“Hello, I’m back for my basket.”
“Hi! I have it right here for you, but I had to put your pizza and ice cream back because they were getting soft and melty,” She rambles as she picks up the basket and hands it to me.
“Oh yeah, I completely forgot about them, thank you.”
“I would be happy to replace them for you. I don’t want you to have to go get them again.”
“No it’s fine. I can grab them, thank you.”
I get a different basket and make a beeline back to the freezer section for the third time. I immediately grab two frozen pepperoni pizzas then swing around to the next aisle to grab the mint chocolate chip and black cherry ice cream.
I’m almost home free, just need the Tampons! I head towards the feminine hygiene aisle at the back of the store, once again determined to get what I need and get home to Bella.
I’m only a few aisles away from hanging a right and getting my tampons when I hear shouting and yelling behind me.
“Freeze, stop right there!” a male voice calls.
“You mother fuckers stay the hell away from me! I haven’t done anything wrong!” I hear Rhonda shout back.
“Then let’s talk about this and get it cleared up.”
“To hell with all of you! You ain’t taking me down.”
When I turn around, I see Rhonda running to hide behind one of the center kiosks full of promotional shampoo bundles. On the opposite side, no more than twenty feet away, are three police officers. The one I saw from before and two more who must’ve just gotten here.
The police officers slowly approach Rhonda but don’t get far before she starts picking up bottles of shampoo and throwing them at the three cops.
Shocked, I watch each bottle leave her fingers at lightning speed, but the policeman easily shift their weight side to side to avoid each shampoo-projectile.
“Ma’am you need to stop throwing the shampoo or we will arrest you not only for shoplifting but also assaulting a police officer.”
“I have the right to protect myself,” she shrieks.
She grabs more bottles and throws them, one hitting the ground and bursting open at the three men’s feet.
“We haven’t done anything to you, ma’am.”
Rhonda starts shouting, “Police brutality! Police brutality!”
“Ma’am we only wanted to talk to you.”
She shouts again. “Police brutality! Police brutality!”
“Ma’am!”
“Police brutality, police brutality, police brutality!”
Okay, that’s it! This is getting fucking absurd. I just want to get my fucking tampons and go home. I have been through far too much tonight to let a freaking police standoff with the crazy shoplifting woman be why I still cannot get the fuck out of Dodge.
I’m so over this crazy ass night. I’m done being the nice girl, and I’m just plain tired, but the best reason of all is that I’m PMS-ing. If this goes bad and I end up in front of a judge, then I’m sure he or she will completely understand what I’m about to do next.
I place my basket on the floor, take my purse off my shoulder ,and drop it next to my basket. I kneel down to a sprinter’s stance, take one last deep breath, and, with all the strength in my body, I push off.
This bitch won’t stand a chance. She is no more than thirty feet from me and doesn’t have a clue what is about to hit her—a five-foot-three, hundred-and-thirty-pound ball of pissed off girl.
Rhonda is just about to throw another volley of shampoo bottles when my body meets hers and we go tumbling to the floor. I feel the breath leave her as her left side hits the concrete with me on top of her. It only takes her second to realize what happened and to start thrashing around.
I quickly grab her arms and pin her to the ground on her back, throwing my knees on top of her biceps for better control.
“Listen here, you crazy-ass munch of a person. I don’t have time for your bullshit and neither do these police officers who are just trying to do their job. You know you fucking stole that shit so I suggest you confess to it already so we can all move on with our lives. Some of us have other shit to do besides watch your dumbass make a fool of yourself because you know how this is going to end.”
“Who do you think you ar—” Rhonda starts.
“Nope! I suggest you direct anything you have to say to the police. I don’t want to hear it! I don’t care what your excuse is! I don’t care what you think you thought you were doing, I don’t care about you at all; all I care about is the fact that I came in here an eternity ago to get some fucking tampons and all I have done is deal with stupid-ass mother fuckers all night, with the exception of Mr. Joe and Liam. So now you can choose to remain silent or you can confess to these nice officers. Those are your choices.”
Halfway through my speech Rhonda finally decides to give in and stop trying to fight me off of her. She has nothing to say once I finished but just stares at me with wide eyes, probably still trying to figure out how I took her down. I look to my right and see all three police officers staring at us with their jaws to the floor.
“A little help here guys?”
Without a word, all three men snap out of their daze and rush to our side. Once I feel they are close enough, I release Rhonda and get back to my feet.
“Do you need anything else from me?” I ask the officer closest to me.
“I think just a name, phone number and address should do it,” the wide-eyed officer answers.
“Fine.”
I walk back to grab my basket and my purse. I quickly pull out a piece of paper and write my name and information on it then hand it to the officer.
“If you need anything else you know how to reach me,” I call out as I begin walking towards the cash registers.
When I reach the cash register, the wide-eyed cashier greets me with a forced smile, no doubt because she just witnessed my takedown of Rhonda. Normally, I would offer some small talk, pleasantries, and such, but I have no more to give tonight.
We stand in silence as she rings up the items in my basket, placing each one carefully into a plastic bag. My eyes fixate on the ceiling as I picture the security team either stunned in shock or laughing their asses off at what they saw me do. And I give ZERO fucks.
The cashier rings the last item and gives me my total. I pull one of Joe’s hundred dollar bills out of my pocket and hand it to her, then she quickly makes the change and tells me to have a great night. I thank her and beeline for the door. This time, no one is getting in my way. No one, and I mean no one is going to stop me from leaving!
I cross over the threshold of the large glass doors, the parts are lined up nicely to my right with scooters and claw game to my left. A few seconds later, I’m passing the second threshold and I breathe the sweet, sweet air of freedom. I pause briefly to take in this moment that I’ve waited so long for.
The air is cooler but still warm and the light breeze kisses my cheeks as I strolled casually to my car. I’m only a few feet away when I pull up my key fob and click the unlock button then hit the button for my trunk. The trunk door opens with ease as I approach. I carefully toss my bags in and slam the trunk door closed and head for the driver’s door.
My hand reaches for the handle and I’m sure my escape is eminent until I hear someone call my name.
“What new fresh hell is this?” I ask myself out loud.
I turn slowly to see who could possibly be dumb enough to mess with me right now, and I’m happy to see it’s Liam.
“Are you crazy?” he blurts.
I laugh. “Not the last time I checked.”
“Seriously? You could’ve been hurt.”
He is obviously trying to show that he is concerned for me. Normally I would find this cute, but it’s just irritating with my current mood.
“Liam, I appreciate your concern, but I had it under control.”
“You tackled her!”
“Yeah, I was there. I remember.”
“You tackled her!” he repeats.
“Yes I know—” I say, confused. I thought we covered this.
He laughs. “You freaking tackled her!”
Before I can ask if he’s okay, Liam rushes towards me. His lips connect with mine without warning, his arms wrap around me, and I melt into him.
His tongue passionately caresses my own, bringing me to the happiest place I’ve been all night. I could live here for an eternity in his arms. Unfortunately, he stops before we reach that point.
“What was that for?” I ask still trying to catch my breath.
He grins at me. “Well, I figured I should kiss you at least once before you leave in case you do something else stupid that could get you killed.”
“Oh, give me a break! I was never in any real danger.”
“Okay, maybe not deadly danger, but you seriously could’ve been hurt.”
“But I wasn’t,” I smirk
“I’m not going to win this argument am I?”
“Nope.”
“Then will you at least promise never to do anything that stupid again?”
“I can’t promise that.”
“Fine, then will you please not do anything else that stupid before next Saturday?”
“That I can promise you.”
“Thank you.” He pauses and glances back toward the store. “I have to go back inside. The police will need my statement for shoplifting.”
“Then you’d better get going.”
I watch as Liam runs back into the store, he stops to look back once as he crosses the threshold through the big glass sliding doors, then he disappears into the void.
It is now three forty-two in the morning and I am finally pulling into the parking lot of my apartment building. I am exhausted, tired, my feet hurt, my eyes hurt, and my cramps seem to know my bed is near because they have decided to make things extremely uncomfortable for me in that area. At least they waited until I was almost home.
I waste no time retrieving my bags from the trunk and head to my apartment where Bella will most certainly be waiting for me by the door.
I unlock the security door to the building and slowly walk up the stairs to the second floor. I’ve always liked living on the second floor as it gives me a sense of added security since I live alone, but tonight it feels like a curse. The thought of a Peeping Tom or a burglar would keep me up at night if I was on the first floor, and there is no elevator so I get a small workout every day. But tonight the stairs only remind me how tired I am, and feel more like torture than a quick workout.
Once I reach the top, I walk the short distance from the stairs to my apartment and breathe a sigh of relief as I push my key in the lock and turn it.
Bella, of course, doesn’t disappoint. Her excitement to greet me nearly knocks me over as I walk in the door. She jumps up and begins licking my face, her doggie kisses are exactly what I need. I toss my bags aside and fall to the floor, allowing her to snuggle me properly.
I swing the door closed with my leg and lay in my entryway with Bella and want to drift off into sleep right here. But I just had to get ice cream and pizza, didn’t I?
“Hey, Bella, be a good girl and put my groceries away will ya?” I say to her.
I watch as she drops her body to the ground in a huff and rests her head on the floor.
“Come on girl I know you can do it!”
Bella lifts her hear to stares at me and tilts her head to the right.
“Okay fine, I’ll do it myself.”
I make a mental note to myself to look up training dogs to put away groceries on YouTube tomorrow. Yawning, I slowly push myself up off the floor and grab the bag of frozen items. I manage to use what little strength I have left to open the freezer door and shove the pizza and ice cream inside.
“Well, Bella, what do you think? Should we head to bed and deal with the rest of the groceries tomorrow?” I say, slamming the freezer door closed.
She wiggles her stub tail and yarns.
“Yep, I completely agree.”
I flip off the kitchen light, then the lamp next to the couch I left on thinking I was only going to be gone for twenty minutes. Bella runs past me as we head to my bedroom, eager to cuddle as we fall into dreamland. It is our nightly routine.
Bella jumps on the bed, circles twice, and plops down in her spot, her stubby tail wagging as she waits for me to change into my pajamas. I flip my light off and use the light from my cell phone screen to light the path to my bed, the last thing I need tonight is to stub my toes on the corner of my bed.
I flip back the comforter and top sheet then crawl in. The coolness of the cloth washes over me, the soft pillow top swallows my aching body, and I know sleep is not far away. I turn my phone to silent knowing Sue will get my messages soon—she is one of those early to, rise, early to workout, early to blah, blah, blah people. But I do text her one more time so she isn’t worried when I don’t answer.
Ava: Ok so I’m just getting home, I’m still mad at you because, well, I did end up having a run-in with the police. But it’s not what you think. I tackled someone, long st
ory. Anyway, I’m gonna crash and I promise I will call you when I get up!
I add a kissing emoji before I hit send then set my phone on my nightstand. My bed is like laying on a cloud, and it feels so good. I roll to my side and pull Bella into my arms so I can rub her belly as I drift off, then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I roll onto my back and rub my hand over my face in disbelief.
“Motherfucking shit! I forgot the tampons!”
After realizing I failed in the only mission I actually had last night, I said fuck it and went to sleep. There was no way in hell I was going back to the place. EVER! Ok well, maybe not ever but for at least the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours. At this point, I was willing to deal with whatever mess I woke up to rather than risk another nightmare encounter.
Luckily, when I wake up around noon the period gods have smiled upon me. I flip my comforter over to the side and see that there is no bloody crime scene of a mess in my bed to deal with. I grab my phone and am pleasantly surprised that I am even able to make it to the bathroom with no flooding, if you know what I mean. I take a look at my phone and see several missed messages, one from Liam and six from Sue.
Liam: Goodnight beautiful. Text me when you get up.
Sue: OMG, I completely forgot to buy you some more, I am SOOOOO sorry, please forgive me!
Sue: I would hate me too, no one wants to deal with an angry vagina with no tampons.
Sue: You did WHAT! I need all the DETAILS!
Sue: EEEEKKK you met someone!
Sue: I want to hear all about it, let me know when get up. I’m visiting my grandma today. My parents moved her into the assisted living yesterday so I want to see how she is settling in. but when you call I WILL answer.
Sue: I’M WAITING!