by S S Bazinet
When Elise’s phone rang, she gave Annabel a hopeful look. “That’s Arel’s ringtone. Maybe he can tell us what’s going on.”
Annabel shook her head and started to walk away. “I know what’s going on, and it’s time for me to face facts. I’m on my own.”
Elise forgot about answering her phone and hurried after Annabel, and grabbed her arm. “Annabel, stop!”
At first, Annabel resisted and stared down at the rug, but Elise tipped up her chin. “Annabel, look at me. You are not on your own. I’ve had my heart broken more times than I care to remember. So I know what I’m talking about. You’re going to get through this, and I’m going to be there to help you.”
* * * * *
Arel drove home in a daze after William ordered him to leave. He’d never imagined that someone like William could suddenly give up on himself. He grappled for an explanation, but his mind was spinning. He couldn’t get a grip on anything, especially the fact that William seemed to think Arel was the one who started the problem. Before Arel could deal with that one, more chaos had ensued.
William didn’t only give up on himself, he gave up on his marriage. When Arel heard William’s conversation with Annabel, his first thought was to somehow stop the insanity from going any further. But how? By the end of the call, the lovely ex-angel, Annabel, was part of the tragedy.
In an effort to help in some way, Arel called Elise, but it took a couple of times for her to finally answer. Elise only confirmed Arel’s fears. Annabel was devastated.
When he parked the car in his garage, he didn’t have any answers. He did have a lifeline. He stilled his mind and called for assistance. “Michael, please help all of us to deal with this mess.”
Michael’s response was immediate. His words rang out loud and clear in Arel’s mind. “Try to stay calm, Arel, and use what you’ve learned about handling an emotional crisis. Trust that the people involved are stronger than you think. And most of all, believe in yourself.”
As Michael’s words died away, Arel had to resist his urge to rush into the house and try to fix the situation. He had to force himself to stay in control and believe in what Michael advised. He almost let out a bitter laugh. How many times had he tried to help and had it backfire? According to William, it was the source of William’s downfall.
He took a deep breath and sat back in the car seat. Michael had said he needed to believe in himself. It was an often repeated message. The angel had been preaching it ever since he’d showed up in Arel’s life. To be fair, Michael didn’t exactly preach it. He had frequently encouraged Arel to take a chance on himself.
It wasn’t an easy task. After a lifetime of being told he had no value, Arel resented the angel’s suggestion at first. It seemed too far a stretch to believe such a turnaround was possible. And yet, that very morning, Arel had told Elise he needed to accept who he was. He’d always love her, but he couldn’t make their relationship more important than his intrinsic worth. The words came from a place inside he didn’t know was there.
Sitting in the car, thinking about what he’d done, he was amazed at how far he’d come. Unfortunately, as soon as he tried to give himself some breathing room, he thought of William again. William, the person who almost felt like another part of himself, had accused Arel of damning him. It was a blow that could destroy everything Arel had achieved. Or he could ignore William’s opinion like he’d ignored Elise’s.
He would always love his brother, but he couldn’t let William’s anger undermine who he was. What good would that do either of them? Instead, he vowed to use his strength to take things slowly. Maybe he’d even be able to behave more like Michael.
Forty-Three
ANNABEL DIDN’T KNOW why, but she was overcome with a sudden burst of happiness when Arel walked in from the garage. She ran over to where he stood, but just as quickly stopped in her tracks, scolding herself. She couldn’t be happy. William was divorcing her. She wrung her hands thinking about it.
Arel gathered her up in his arms. As he held her protectively, he spoke very softly. “I know. I know.”
Elise came over too. “Arel, what’s going on with William? Has he had some kind of breakdown?”
Annabel pulled back with the same question in mind. After first blaming herself for being too dependent, she’d had time to reconsider William’s actions. Why did he change so quickly and so drastically? “When I last saw William, he seemed fine. What happened? Please, I need some answers.”
Arel hesitated and looked at Elise. “Would you mind if I talk to Annabel privately?”
Elise gave him an understanding nod. “I’ll take Freddie out for a walk. I’ll take my phone along in case you need me.”
Arel nodded. “Thank you for being so understanding with everything.”
“I agree, Elise,” Annabel said. “I couldn’t ask for a better friend.”
“I’m happy to be here for you,” Elise said with a smile. But when she looked up at Arel, her face turned anxious. “But please, Arel, tell me nothing else will go wrong while I’m out with Freddie.”
“Believe me, I want that too,” Arel said.
Elise grabbed Freddie’s leash. “I guess I can’t ask for more than that.”
After Elise and Freddie were on their way, Annabel turned to Arel. “First of all, is William okay? I mean I know he’s not okay after our conversation, but—”
Arel waved her towards the living room. “Let’s sit down, and I’ll tell you everything I know.”
Annabel crossed her arms in a tight hug. “Just tell me one thing. Is William in any danger?”
“I hope not.”
“What’s that mean?” Annabel asked more forcefully. She was suddenly afraid for William.
Arel faced her with clear, golden eyes and addressed her in a firm, assertive tone. “It means I don’t know.”
For Annabel, seeing Arel not giving in to panic was a new experience. Somehow, it made her feel like she had to do the same thing. She dropped her arms and stood up a little straighter. “I see. Let’s talk.”
Arel walked into the living room and sat down on the sofa. He waited for Annabel to follow. Once she was seated in a recliner, he gave her his full attention. “William has shut me out. It happened after we made plans to do a little astral traveling. We wanted to discover why Col hates us so much.”
“How could you find out that kind of information?”
“I’ve heard there’s a place of sorts that keeps records of our lifetimes and those records can be accessed.”
Annabel smiled knowingly. “Yes, all experience is recorded.”
“But in this case, things didn’t go as planned. William got upset with me when he was in an astral state, and before I could respond, he was gone.”
“Why was he upset with you?”
“He seems to think I’m always telling him what to do. I see it differently, but that’s not what’s important.”
“It’s important to me. Tell me what you mean.”
“According to Michael, we’re all connected. When I think of William, I sense Michael’s right. I call William my brother, but sometimes I feel we share an even closer bond. I don’t know how that’s possible, but maybe it’s the reason I always feel I should help him if I think he’s in trouble.”
“And now? Are you going to help him?”
“I was at first, but when he pushed me away, I started to think that maybe he was right. Maybe I have to trust both William and myself. We’re each capable of standing on our own. Of course if he asks for help, I’ll be there for him.”
Annabel not only listened to what Arel was saying, she recognized his wisdom. “You tried to tell me that some time ago, but I wouldn’t listen to you. I guess I simply put off the inevitable.”
Arel stood up and came over. “I’ll do anything in my power to help you get through this, Annabel. But you have to want my help.”
“I might take you up on your offer.”
Arel’s eyes flashed brighter. “I have a
n idea. I know Elise’s route when she’s walking Freddie. Why don’t we get some air too and meet her along the way.”
Annabel paused. “Do you really think it’s okay?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m worried about William and what will become of him. Maybe I should call him back.”
“Do whatever you want, but I’ve spent years trying to help people and unless they’re ready, I only make things worse.”
Annabel got to her feet and let her gaze come in line with Arel’s. Something had shifted in the man who stood in front of her. After a lifetime of insecurity, Arel was beginning to embody more of his true nature. “You’re right. I think I need some air. Let’s go find Elise.”
They put on their coats and started for the front door when it opened and Michael walked in. Annabel connected with his kind eyes and immediately felt sick. “Michael,” she cried out in a panic. “Why didn’t I listen to you? Giving up my wings was the biggest mistake I could ever make!”
Arel glanced over at her and then at Michael. “I think I better go on that walk by myself, Annabel.”
Annabel nodded. “Yes, I need to talk to Michael.”
* * * * *
Annabel sat in the kitchen watching Michael make her a cup of tea. She was miserable after the announcement she’d made to him. She’d flat out told him she’d made a mistake in giving up her wings to have a relationship with William. After she said it, she regretted letting herself blurt out something like that so impulsively. “Michael, I’m sorry for the way I’m acting. But without my angelic view of life, I feel like I’m always floundering.
Michael brought the kettle over from the stove and poured some boiling water over the tea bag in Annabel’s cup. “Please, go on.”
“At first, when I fell in love with William, I was happy. I lived in a bubble of bliss enjoying the idea of being with him. But after I took off my wings, everything changed. My body changed.” Annabel paused and put a hand on her chest. “Poor thing immediately knew something was wrong.”
Michael put the kettle back on the stove and sat down. “Is that what you think, that there’s something wrong with being human?”
“I didn’t when I was like you. I thought some souls simply wanted other kinds of experiences.” Annabel blushed. “But now, sitting here and thinking William doesn’t want to be with me, it does feel all wrong.”
Michael smiled. “Can we back up a bit? How did you feel before William’s call?”
Annabel’s flush deepened. “You’re right. My feelings about being human started long before his call. Ever since I gave up my wings, I haven’t felt able to cope with life on my own. Elise helped to get me started in the right direction when I stayed with her. But after I went back to London, I got lost again. I think even my idea of having a family was an attempt not to face what I got myself into.”
* * * * *
For Arel, Michael’s timing, his return home, had been perfect. Arel stepped out the door breathing a little easier. Annabel obviously needed more wisdom than he had to give, and Michael was as wise as they came.
The situation freed Arel up to concentrate on Elise. Once he was out of the house, he walked down the driveway, then started running along the sidewalk. It probably wouldn’t be too difficult to catch up with his beautiful wife. When walking Freddie, a person didn’t proceed too quickly, not with Freddie inspecting every bush and tree on the route.
The fresh air helped to invigorate his body and clear his mind. Two things came to the forefront. He wanted to be there for Elise, but he had to remain true to himself at the same time. After running for a few blocks, he rounded a corner and saw her. He called out to get her attention. “Elise!”
Before Elise could react, Freddie whipped around and sprang into action. He tugged on his leash with all his strength, trying to get to Arel. Arel smiled. In spite of the fact that Freddie still tried to chew Arel’s slippers now and then, the pup was a wonderful addition to their little family.
When Freddie refused to listen to Elise, she gave in and started running too. She didn’t look too happy. Arel glanced at her shoes and knew why she was upset. Elise had been distracted when she was leaving the house, and she’d worn the wrong footwear. As she tried to run as fast as she could, her grey, suede flats were threatening to fly off her feet. Elise’s frown deepened as she neared Arel.
Arel ran a little faster, still smiling. He appreciated Elise’s open display of emotion. She wasn’t a bully like Claire, but she believed in airing her thoughts and feelings if needed. For Arel, it was a good thing. He’d learned to be more capable in voicing his feelings too. Before Elise came into his life, he’d never been able to do that with a woman.
He admired Elise’s attitude, especially when she took her marriage vows. When she said, “I do,” she meant it. She accepted him “for better or worse.” Until recently. Her faith in him seemed to be waning after he told her about his background.
Arel quickly closed the distance between them, and Freddie greeted him with excitement. Elise seemed distracted and eagerly reached out for his shoulder.
“Rock in my shoe,” she huffed out as she balanced on one leg and shook out the offending gravel.
Arel felt slightly chastised. “Sorry about that.”
Elise put her shoe back on, let go of his shoulder and gave him a thoughtful look. “Sweetie, it’s not your fault.”
Arel stared back. She was right, and yet he’d always felt responsible when something went wrong. “I wish William felt that way. He says I’ve wrecked his life.”
* * * * *
In spite of the rock in her shoe, Elise was secretly delighted to have Arel come looking for her. So much had happened since he’d returned from London. Now, walking next to him with little Freddie sniffing his way through the neighborhood, things felt almost normal.
However, when Arel mentioned William, Elise could hear the hurt in his voice. Before she commented, she knew she had to be careful. Arel and William had a brotherly connection Elise respected. She didn’t want to come between them, but she did want to be there for Arel. She laced her arm in his and gave it a little tug. “Do you want to talk about what’s going on with William?”
Arel remained quiet. They walked another half a block before he looked down at her. His eyes were wary as if he wasn’t sure about what to confide. “I didn’t want to say too much to Annabel, but William is in a very bad place right now. Plus, he seems to think I’m responsible in some way.”
“Did he explain why he thinks the way he does?”
“Not really, but I know he believes I’m too controlling, and he’s suffering because of it.”
“That’s strange. William appears to be someone who’s very aware of himself. He’s not the victim type.”
Arel hesitated. “In most cases it’s true, but we’ve both taken advantage of one another.”
“But you’ve also helped one another too, right?”
Arel’s gaze hardened. “Do you think a person can help too much?”
Elise laughed. “Of course, consider all the people who believe they know better and try to take charge of someone’s life.”
“In my case, I don’t know what I did.”
“What difference does that make? It’s in the past. You have to deal with the way things are now.”
“How do I do that?”
Elise stopped and gave Arel her full attention. “Do you remember when we first met and how bitter I was? I’d made so many poor choices, and I didn’t want to make another one.”
Arel backed up a step as if he needed to distance himself from the thought. “What does that have to do with what we’re discussing?”
“When you mentioned the past, you made me think about those early days we had together. I acted like my past was what counted, but my attitude didn’t work. I was miserable. That’s when Michael and Carey advised me to let go of what I’d gone through. They assured me I could find happiness again, but I had to move on.”
> “You’re not suggesting I abandon William, are you?”
“No, of course not. But maybe you can believe he’s capable of coming through the situation he’s in.”
Arel hesitated. “I’ve started to believe in myself, and I want to believe in William, but—”
Elise gave him a reassuring smile. “Just keep telling yourself that he’s an incredibly strong person who can weather this storm.”
Forty-Four
WILLIAM’S FLASH OF anger was quickly spent. After he told Annabel he wanted a divorce, and he’d kicked Arel out of the condo, there was nothing between him and the truth. He’d failed with the woman he loved. He’d failed with Arel, and worst of all he’d failed himself.
He’d always thought his strength of character was the one small thing he could hold on to. It had taken quite a beating as he tried to deal with angelic blood. It had been heavily assaulted recently by Col’s attack. But nothing prepared him for his most recent discovery. He’d been a part of a soul group, and he’d been the one who’d first fallen into darkness. It was because of him that the rest fell into darkness too.
“I was the weak link.”
Saying the words out loud made his breath stop. But they didn’t stop his mind from churning. It was worse than being physically sick. All his high-minded ideas about himself were now being thrown back in his face in a repeating cycle of doom. How could he live with himself knowing what a fraud he was?
He sat for a long time, not knowing how to go forward. Finally, when he tried to stand up, he was so light-headed he found it impossible to keep his balance. He slumped back down in his chair and laid his head back. Caught up in confusion and gloom, he closed his eyes and let his feelings slip out. “If only I could understand more about what happened. How did I fail so miserably?”
He wasn’t prepared for the immediate shift that took hold. Once again, he was propelled out of his body and into an astral state. Before he was able to adapt to his wispy form, he felt himself being pulled towards a swirling column of bright light. He made an attempt to resist being swept up, but it was feeble and useless. As he spun round and round, the feeling mimicked the physical dizziness he’d had earlier. The spinning slowed as rapidly as it started. When everything came to a standstill, he was gasping for air. It made him realize he wasn’t wispy anymore. He didn’t feel as dense as he usually felt in his physical body, but he definitely felt somewhat solid. He took another breath, enjoying the calm that settled over him with each inhalation.