by S S Bazinet
The feeling intensified when he sat down to meditate. He thought about how Rolphe had used the same chair when Rolphe said his long litany of prayers each day. Arel smiled as he relaxed into the soothing vibes Rolphe had left behind. As he began to meditate, a thought about William slipped in. He sent out another telepathic message, this one to William. “I believe in you, Will, even if I haven’t acted that way in the past. But please remember there’s no shame in asking for help. From everything I’ve learned from Michael, being able to do so is actually a strength.”
He had to pause after his message to Will. Col was doing that very thing. He was asking for help. Was it wrong not to investigate Col’s situation? Was there really something wrong? He decided it wasn’t necessary. Rolphe was there for Col. What more did Col need?
* * * * *
William knew it was morning, but he didn’t feel he had the energy to face another day. He wanted to sleep for a very long time. If he did, maybe he could forget his astral trip ever happened. Finally, he made himself open his eyes. A sliver of sunlight was peeking through the blinds. He stretched out his stiff muscles and took stock of his condition. At least he felt better physically. When he checked the time, he realized he’d been asleep for at least ten hours. He’d needed every minute after what he’d put himself through.
He’d still be asleep if it hadn’t been for an annoying nightmare. Col had the starring role in the dream, but he’d looked very different than he had when he attacked William. This version of Col sat on the ground in the middle of his small piece of park. Instead of being Mr. Tough Guy, he was rocking back and forth and cursing loudly. It was a very weird nightmare.
William got up and went to the window. He was about to open the blinds a little more when he had another flash of the nightmare. He heard Col’s curses again, but he also heard Col’s plaintive cries. “William, please, you have to help me! Dammit, brother, you’re my only chance. You failed me once, remember? Are you going to fail me again? Don’t you give a damn about what I suffered?”
The urgent timbre of Col’s voice and the way he begged for help had a profound effect. Memories stirred, or were they memories? William paused and rubbed his forehead. They felt very different from any normal recollections he’d had. He tried not to give into the way they were making him feel. He didn’t need more misery in his life. He tried to shift his mindset, but a helpless feeling took over.
He stumbled over to a chair and sat down heavily. He gripped the chair arms again, just like he had after his astral travel experience. But this time he wasn’t caught up in a sense of failure. He was overcome with sadness. The feeling was drenched in a deep sense of sorrow and regret.
The sadness seemed to revolve around a person that he’d once loved deeply. The next thought seemed impossible, but William knew it was true. He’d once called Col his brother. He’d loved Col, not hated him.
He couldn’t ignore the outrageous thought. Somehow it had embedded itself in his psyche like Col’s deadly knife had been embedded in his heart. He tried to brace himself for what was coming next. Something was snaking its way up his spine. Was it fear? He snatched a bit of air. No, it was worse than fear. With fear, you had a chance to fight back. This was more like a death knell, ringing out, announcing his doom.
When the feeling exploded into a visual scene, his body shrunk back, as if it could avoid what William was seeing, and more importantly, hearing. A terrible sound took hold and sapped his ability to move.
With what little strength he had left, he reached for his phone and was able to make a call. When Arel picked up, William could barely speak. “Come to the condo . . . now.” They were the only words he could manage as the phone slipped from his hand.
* * * * *
Arel thought he was doing a decent job of believing in William. He kept replaying visions of William striding forward, entering a room with a totally self-assured, bold attitude. The visions were based on their university days when William was a perfect example of a self-contained, unshakable human being.
Arel’s ideas came crashing down when he got a call from William. His would-be brother didn’t sound bold or fearless. William sounded as if he was barely able to breathe.
Arel drove to the condo, hoping to keep his panic from surfacing. He repeatedly tuned into William’s mindset, like a medic checking a person’s life signs. Each time, the feedback was so dismal he had to bring his attention back to driving. If he let himself feel as distraught as William, he wouldn’t be able to remain the calm, impersonal person he needed to be.
Luckily, traffic was light and he was able to get to the condo in record time. After he parked and let himself into the unit, he paused long enough to take a breath. That’s when he realized how shallow his breathing had been. The day before, William accused Arel of doing something so horrible that William was damned. What was Arel facing this time? Had William discovered another incriminating blunder Arel had made? Was he responsible for William’s current plight?
The thought hit so hard he had to brace a hand against the wall. As he did, all of his mistakes surfaced. They filled his mind like soldiers of blame and guilt, waiting to deliver their blows. But in the midst of that emotional upheaval, he had a second thought. If he let his deficiencies win, his self-respect could be swept away, perhaps forever this time.
“Arel! Arel, is that you?”
It was William’s desperate voice, calling to him. It helped him to go forward. He couldn’t care about measuring up in that moment. Even if he failed again, he had to do everything he could to be the friend William needed. Holding fast to that commitment, he hurried to the back bedroom.
When he saw William and their eyes met, he knew everything had changed from the day before. The anger William had displayed was gone. So was any warmth in the room. A cold air of gloom and devastation surrounded the chair where William sat. Arel approached quietly, trying not to add to William’s obvious grief. “Talk to me. Tell me what happened, Will?”
“I couldn’t save him,” William gasped.
Arel grabbed a footstool, put it in front of William and sat down. “Who couldn’t you save?”
William lowered his gaze as if he couldn’t bear to look at Arel. “He was just a little boy.”
“Please, Will, who is the person you’re talking about?”
William put his hands over his ears. “I keep hearing his screams. I can’t stop what they’re doing to him.”
Arel’s first thought was that William was witnessing something from a past life. He knew how powerful such a recall could be. Many times, when he’d had those kinds of flashbacks, he couldn’t separate what was in the past from his present reality. “William, whatever you’re witnessing, it’s not real.”
William’s eyes grew more distant. “What am I going to do? I don’t know how to save him.”
Arel grabbed William’s arms. If he was going to help, he had to break the spell that had hold of William. “Look at me, William! Look at me! It’s not real! You have to let it go!”
William slowly lifted his gaze. “Let it go? How can I do that when I hear him screaming over and over? Can’t you understand? The horror keeps playing out in my mind, and I know what’s happening to him is my fault!”
“How is it your fault?”
William’s voice grew quiet again. “It just is.”
Arel thought about Peggy. It sounded like William was having a similar episode. He tightened his grip on William’s arms. “You have to let go of whatever you think you’re experiencing.”
William’s eyes were distant, filled with dread. “I can’t. I can’t stop what I’m seeing and hearing. Maybe that’s my punishment, to go on replaying this hell forever.”
Arel frowned. He had to pull William back from wherever his mind was stuck, and he had to do it quickly. Once Peggy gave herself fully to her nightmare, it was very difficult to intervene.
“William, tell me why you think you should be punished.”
William’s body b
egan to shake. “I should have killed him before they captured him, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t kill my little brother.”
“Kill your brother? William, do you hear yourself? Do you hear what you’re saying?”
William stiffened and glared back. “If I’d killed him before they got hold of him, he wouldn’t have been tortured!”
Arel let out a snort of disbelief. “That’s crazy. That’s like saying if you killed all the foxes in your father’s woods, your father wouldn’t have been able to hunt them down.”
William blinked and sat back. When he finally spoke, his voice was calmer. “That does sound crazy.”
“Because it is. Whoever you thought you were responsible for, I’m sure you tried to defend him.”
William grimaced. “But I couldn’t. There were too many. We were both captured.”
“And you blamed yourself for his suffering?”
“Yes.”
“But William, you weren’t the one who hurt him.”
“No. How could I hurt my brother?”
Arel suddenly knew who that brother was. “Now that brother calls himself Col. Am I right?”
“Yes.”
“Well, there you go. Col’s influencing your thoughts, like he did with Peggy.”
William took a couple of breaths and gave his surroundings a hasty glance. “This all started with a nightmare about Col. Then, when I woke up—” He paused and stared at Arel. “Oh hell, maybe you’re right.”
“William, I think he was also behind whatever happened on that astral trip you took.”
“Maybe.” William pushed himself out of his chair and stumbled over to the window to look out.
“Will, I’m beginning to think we’re missing the point.”
“What do you mean?”
“Think about what’s been happening. You, me, Peggy, we’re all victims of how we see ourselves. Col just knows how to use our issues to torment us.”
“All I know is after I was in the astral realm, I felt like my world collapsed. I even told Annabel I wanted a divorce. I couldn’t saddle her with the person I thought myself to be.”
Arel got up and walked over to the window too. “I don’t know why you feel like that about yourself.”
“The feelings keep piling up faster than I can deal with them.”
“Then maybe we can figure out this mess together. You’ve been trying to go it alone, like you always have. But between us, we’ve had a lot of life experience. We can help each other.”
William laughed. “My first thought is to tell you to forget it.”
Arel smiled too. “I recognize that kind of response. I think it all started when we were children. We felt threatened all the time. We learned not to trust anyone.”
“I trusted myself. Now that’s not an option.”
“You’re going through a rough time, but it’ll pass.”
“I don’t know if I can live with myself after what’s happened recently.”
“Want to change places? My entire life has been driven by fear. I guess that’s why I’ve screwed up so many times.”
William turned and stared back. “But at least you’ve hung in there. When I saw myself as a weak link, I was so shattered by that concept I was ready to throw in the towel.”
“There’s your answer, Will. For you, weakness means you can’t save your little brother. It means you can’t stop people like your father from destroying the world you love. But none of us can control what others do. And being a victim of the ruthless isn’t going to help the world to be a better place. That’s one thing I’ve learned the hard way.”
Forty-Seven
COL STARED OUT of his bubble of confinement and waited to be obliterated. It wasn’t right. After all he’d gone through and sacrificed, in the end, he was going to be swallowed up by something he couldn’t even define.
He’d sent out calls for help, but did any of the so-called “good” people care to take notice? He briefly got William’s attention and was making some progress with getting William’s sympathy, but Arel came charging in. In the end, the only thing either of them cared about was making sure Col was shut out.
If he ever got another chance, which looked doubtful at this point, he’d show people like William and Arel what happened when they ignored a dark master like himself. No matter how long it took, someday he’d destroy them both.
The sound of laughter cut into his vengeful mood. He swiveled around, startled by the silence being broken so unexpectedly. Rolphe’s eyes were open. “Finally!” he gasped.
He jumped up and had to control himself. He wanted, no he needed to go over to Rolphe and cuss him out again. But in his present situation, he decided to try a more tactful approach.
Rolphe chuckled, clearly reading Col’s thoughts. “Try anything you want. Nothing can touch the happiness I feel.”
“You have no right to be happy at my expense!”
“My feelings have nothing to do with you.”
“You’d be singing a different tune if our positions were reversed.”
Rolphe remained unruffled. “Look, Col, I have something I need to talk to you about before—”
“Before what?”
“Oh, don’t worry.”
“Don’t worry? Look around, Rolphe. This little slice of heaven or whatever the hell you call this place, is disappearing.”
“Of course it is. It wasn’t designed to last forever, just long enough for—”
Col got as close as he could to Rolphe. “For what?” he demanded.
Rolphe roared out his answer in a booming joy-filled voice. “For something wonderful to take its place!”
Col staggered back, fighting Rolphe’s announcement and the mirthful vibrations that filled the space. They bounced off the barrier and sent happy tremors through Col’s etheric body. He approached Rolphe again and did some shouting of his own. “Define what you mean by wonderful!”
Rolphe’s green eyes glazed over, and he sighed contentedly. “While I’ve been meditating, I’ve been exploring some options. Since this containment area is only suitable for short term use, I needed to decide on something for the long haul, something that will require a minimum of fuss. And guess what, inspiration was my reward. The answer is both simple and absolutely exquisite.”
Col’s black eyes filled with impatience. “So what did you come up with? Spit it out.”
“White light! But I’m not talking about ordinary white light. While ordinary white light is made of all of the colors of the rainbow, the light I’m talking about contains so many more colors, heavenly colors that are a painter’s dream—”
“White light? That’s your solution?” Col screamed. “Like I told that smiley angel, light is the last thing I want!”
Rolphe smiled. “Of course, that’s why you’ll be sleeping.”
“Sleeping? What do you mean?”
“I have it all worked out. You’ll go to sleep. Then, say in a million or so Earth years, I’ll wake you up. But until that moment, you’ll be happily dozing in spirit land. You won’t have your dark powers, but you’ll be able to dream about things. Quite a perfect plan I’d say.”
Col backed up. “No! I refuse to let you do that to me!”
“But if you’re sleeping, you won’t know what’s going on.”
Col stared back, speechless. Rolphe had obviously undergone some sort of transformation. During that transformation, his cell mate had lost his mind. He’d become a soul that was more of a pure spirit, with no attachments or need for definitions that tethered it to the physical. It was a terrifying thought.
Col stalled for time. “Listen, you nut job, if I’m going to sleep for an eternity, I have to prepare. Do you understand?”
Rolphe shrugged. “No, I don’t understand.”
“Fine, if you aren’t concerned about me, what about William? I thought you wanted to help him.”
“Oh, I checked on William before my chat with you. He’s getting the help he needs from Arel. Isn
’t that perfect? Clearly, I’m not needed. So, Col, there’s nothing to stop us from taking that next step. However, I’ll give you a moment to make peace with yourself.”
Col had to think fast. If he only had a moment or two left, he had to do something, anything to avoid the million-year nap Rolphe proposed. Shutting his eyes tight, probing his inner darkness, he frantically searched for some shred of information that might help. Suddenly out of some recent file in his memory banks, a name popped up. As soon as it did, he used every scrap of power he had left to send out an urgent, telepathic message. “Myra, your boyfriend, Rolphe, is in terrible danger! Call Arel and get Rolphe the help he needs!”
Rolphe, who’d closed his eyes and relaxed into a blissful state, reacted immediately. “What do you think you’re doing?”
Col smiled back with the sweetest grimace he could muster. “I’m saving both our asses.”
* * * * *
It was a beautiful day in Paris with mostly sunny skies and mild temperatures, but Myra was content to stay in her apartment. She had a cold and wasn’t feeling very well. Stretched out on her sofa, she’d decided to read a book a friend had suggested. Happily, Dantela’s warm, little cat body was stretched out next to her. Before Rolphe left for London to see William and Arel, he asked Myra to watch his furry friend. Myra was grateful for the company. However, she wondered about the book she was reading. It was a love story, and it was making her sad. The idea of romance reminded her of her recent breakup with Rolphe. But what could she say. She’d been the one to sever their relationship.
Myra put her book aside and ran a hand over Dantela. “I love Rolphe, Dantela, but he doesn’t have enough time for me. He gets so caught up in his painting and increased meditation practice he forgets to call for days. I need more than that.”