Twenty seconds into the performance, Abby’s voice came breathy and sweat dotted her forehead. The twins threw their hands over their ears and rolled in the grass like they were on fire. Abby kept singing.
Margaret yelled from the back door, shaking her finger, “Abigail Miller! You know better!”
“Yeah…I do,” she grumbled. Abby’s shoulders slumped and sat in the chair that Margaret pointed to. How very sad. Abby only wanted a normal life, to have fun with her sisters, sing, and dance, but she couldn’t.
Margaret appeared a little while later with ice cream sandwiches; Emma and Olivia turned into a sticky mess and they went inside for showers.
Abby moved the umbrella to hide the sun and stubbed her toe on the base. “Damn it!” Her hands flew over her mouth and looked around for an audience. Arching her head back to the Heavens, Abby whispered, “Sorry!”
Adorable.
Sitting back down on the lawn chair, she mouthed lyrics again, playing Candy Crush Saga on her laptop until one song played. A slow melody. With the first chord, Abby’s posture tensed. She closed the laptop, pushed it away, and hugged her knees. The tears streamed fast and mercilessly as she welcomed her sorrow.
Listening to the words, it was about a young couple that decided not to have their child. Is that what Abby thought of Anne? That she wasn’t loved? That she wasn’t wanted? Nothing could be further from the truth. I was overwhelmed with a longing to leave this tree, fly down to her, scoop her up, push her tears away, and hold her. Hold her and take it all away. But I didn’t. I watched her tears dry.
When I came back home, my siblings were watching a movie. Assembling sandwiches, I was starved and shaky after being out most of the day, just having cereal this morning.
“How was Abby?” Hannah asked, pausing the movie.
“Fine. Well, she twisted her ankle, but she’s okay now,” I stated. There wasn’t a response. Glancing up, the three of them smiled at me. I swallowed my bite of turkey on rye. “What?”
Calista’s eyes twinkled. “You volunteer to watch her all the time.”
“I’m helping out, making it up to you. It wasn’t fair that I made you three pull all the shifts.”
Hannah and Calista laughed.
“What?” I demanded.
Caleb stood, using his hand to hide a grin. “Brother, we can sense what you’re feeling. We see what’s going on.”
A streak of panic went through me, was I that transparent? I thought I had hid it pretty well. “There’s nothing going on.”
They laughed harder.
I leaned across the island. “What?”
“You’re a terrible liar!” Hannah flung herself back on the couch, giggling.
I sighed, conceding to the truth. “I’m confused. I have feelings for a human. For Abby. I’m…drawn to her. This is wrong. I’m her Guardian.”
They sobered, realizing my torment.
“Alexander, maybe we should reassign you. I can speak with the Archangels,” Hannah suggested.
“No!” I had said it with too much force and evened my voice. “I want to stay here. With you guys. With Abby.” The last part was a whisper, but they could hear it.
I couldn’t look them in the eye. I didn’t know if I should be ashamed for allowing human emotions to overwhelm me. I didn’t know what I was doing. Abby filled my thoughts, conscious and unconscious. When I wasn’t looking at her, I was looking forward to the next time I would see her. I felt somewhat out of control and I didn’t have anyone who could give me advice.
Caleb held up his hands. “Okay.”
Calista’s hand rested on my arm. “What is it, Brother?”
“I don’t know how to love a human this way. I don’t know how to control these feelings, they’re intense and overwhelming me.”
Caleb’s hand went to my shoulder and I met his eyes. “Alexander, it has been done before, you’ll learn. Brother, I ask that if you love her, you must be fair to her. You must choose before things go too far. Serve God or be with Abby. You can’t have both and you know the price of either choice.”
He was right. Very soon, I would have to make that choice. For the briefest of moments, I wished God had never given us the ability to change, to choose, to love.
This would be the hardest decision of my existence.
16
Abby
Xander and I stood under the blinking stars on a hill overlooking the city lights. His strong arms pulled me flush to his hard body. Gazing into each other’s eyes, we swayed to soft music with his cloudy scent drifting over us. Dipping his face closer to mine, his hazel eyes locked onto my mouth, almond sheets closed, and his lips parted. Shutting my eyes, I waited for our lips to meet.
A loud buzzing blared nearby. Sitting straight up, I pounded the alarm clock into silence, tempted to chuck it against the wall.
With a sigh, I headed into the shower.
Where were we, a date? I could imagine us there. It was a perfect spot for a kiss. Why was it the first time I dreamt of Xander outside of my nightmare, my alarm clock woke me? So unfair. As I dressed, the smell of butter and maple syrup drifted upstairs. At least I’d have comfort food as my consolation prize.
Rounding the banister, Margaret called over to me from the griddle. “Your parents said a cute boy was here yesterday.”
“Yes, but don’t get excited.” I sat at the island.
She threw a questioning look over her shoulder.
I reached for a plate. “I’ve bumped into him a few times. He hasn’t even asked for my phone number and he doesn’t like talking about himself. He barely gave me more than one-syllable answers.” Any happiness I had from last night’s dream dissolved.
Margaret was still glaring at me, and after a huff and a wave of the spatula, she snapped, “Don’t hold out on me! Tell me anyway.”
I sighed. “Oh, he is beautiful and perfect. Dark brown hair. Hazel eyes. Tan. Muscles. Hmm, did I say beautiful already?” I gave her a weak smile.
“Uh, oh. I think you’re falling for your first boy. What’s his name?” Turning, she tended to the pancakes.
“Alexander Wright. I call him Xander.”
I could have sworn her whole back tensed. The silver ring began twirling around her finger. “Oh, that’s a nice name.” Margaret’s voice sounded far away.
“Margaret, are you okay?” I stood to go to her.
She waved me off. “Yes, do me a favor and get your lazy-boned sister Emma out of bed already. I swear if I have to get up and make breakfast, the least she can do is drag herself down here and eat it.”
“Yeah, no problem.” I went back upstairs to the girls’ room. Maybe Margaret needed coffee.
Melanie picked up Beth and me to spend the morning at her parents’ pool. They had spent yesterday moving into their dorm suite and I spent the day trying not to be jealous with each picture they sent me.
Floating around the pool, they talked about the party I missed and I was happy to hear Xander wasn’t there either. Mel’s mouth was filled with Tyler and Tyler’s awesomeness for most of the day. Beth’s eyes must have hurt from all the eye rolls she sent my way when Mel wasn’t looking. I could imagine what Beth had to tolerate at the party.
Searching for the biggest chip amongst a bowl of crumbs, Mel wondered, “What’s going on with Xander? Did he get your digits?”
“Mel, I don’t think people say digits anymore, but no. He’s not into me.” I shrugged. Why would he be? I’d made less than a great impression, and it didn’t pass by me that my pill bottle was in the wrong pocket when I arrived home after the walk from Hell. Who knew what he thought of me?
Beth readjusted her float. “No. You are wrong on this one, buddy. On both accounts. We still say digits. And I saw how he was looking at you on the basketball court. He is all about Abby.” She made awful kissing noises while grabbing at an invisible person in front of her.
“Gross!” Laughing, I splashed Beth. “Whatever, I will be single forever. My special power is th
e one to repel guys with the scar on my chest and the physical inability to have fun. I will turn into that woman who wears head-to-toe denim and bedazzles every article of fabric they own, including ball caps and purses, and start a bedazzling club for other spinsters. That’ll be me, the denim-clad, bedazzled spinster.”
Mel shook her head so hard, her sunglasses slipped down. “You will find someone. You’re crazy to think you won’t.”
I knew I didn’t want “someone.” I only wanted Xander—the man of my dreams, who I was in love with.
After the pool, Melanie showed us her back to school outfit for tomorrow. It involved a much too tight mini skirt and an even tighter top. If she wanted to announce she and Tyler were together, skywriting would be more subtle.
Once home, I picked out my own outfit. I wouldn’t go as dramatic as Mel, but it couldn’t hurt to look cute. Margaret was quiet, wrapped up with Nora Roberts. Emma and Olivia took it upon themselves to sing to me: Xander and Abby kissing in a tree. Over and over. This didn’t help the sting of rejection. Mom was upstairs getting ready to get back to work and Dad left for his shift. Another quiet night in the Miller house. I decided to go to bed early after dinner, worn out from the sun today.
This morning, the alarm clock and I were on better terms. It beat Olivia, which I was thankful for, because I didn’t want another rendition of the Xander song. After my shower, I blew out my hair, straightened it, and applied a little more makeup than normal. I decided on a short teal dress with ruffled sleeves and white sandals. Turning in the mirror, I had my own stamp of cuteness approval.
A few steps from the landing, I had a whistle sent my way. “Don’t you clean up well,” Dad exclaimed. Normally, he went right to bed after an overnight shift, but he wanted to see us off today.
“Thank you.” After a bow, I stretched up and kissed his cheek. I opted for cold cereal this morning, already nervous for my first day back.
“Margaret’s dropping you off. Do you need anything? Lunch money?” He reached for his wallet.
I stopped his hand having learned last year that college food wasn’t any better than high school. “No, I packed a lunch. I can ask Mel if Margaret prefers.” I spooned in a mouthful of cereal.
“If Margaret prefers what?” She wandered in.
Dad clapped with the finesse of a cymbal and my cheek wore milk. “Speak of the devil! Good morning, Margaret.” My, he was chipper this morning even after working all night. This was where Olivia got it from.
Margaret wasn’t quite prepared for him yet either. “Good morning, David. I was helping Kate with the girls. Emma’s hair is impossible today. And Olivia? Good Lord, that child is like the Energizer Bunny.” She hadn’t made eye contact with me yet. It seemed like I had done something wrong.
I wiped my face clean. “I was saying I can bum a ride with Mel this morning.”
“Nonsense, I’ll take you. I’m up, aren’t I?” She reached for the coffee pot.
“I’m going to brush my teeth, and then I’ll be ready to go, Margaret.”
Yawning, she said, “Okay, baby girl. Let me get my coffee.”
If it weren’t for the boys of Dan + Shay crooning “19 You + Me” through the radio, the ride to school would have been silent. “Margaret, are you mad at me?”
Her head snapped to my direction. “Why in the world would I ever be mad at you?”
Was I going crazy? I dreamed of a glowing gorgeous guy, who happened to be a real person, minus the glow. Last night I dreamed about Xander for the first time outside of my nightmare. I had a nightmare of a near-rape. Xander had the uncanny ability to find me at random moments of distress. And there was Margaret’s reaction yesterday.
“I don’t know. You seemed quiet.”
She shrugged. “No, I’m fine. That’s all it is, I’m quiet.” We pulled up to the school. “Now, you have a great first day and improve your mind!” Margaret gave me a hug and I was off.
There was a vast contrast from the air conditioner in the car to the dry heat hitting me when I opened the door. Groaning, I forced myself against sprinting back into the car. I waved to Margaret and went to my locker. While unloading my bag, my phone buzzed. Mel.
Before I could utter a greeting, she went right into it. “Oh. My. Gosh. Rachel’s dorm room is two down from mine and she just gave me the nastiest look.” It had begun—the drama of Mel’s love life. It was too early in the day for this.
“What did you expect, Mel? Tyler broke up with her and he started dating you the next day.”
“It’s not my fault! I don’t deserve the dirty looks. She isn’t getting away with this.”
I shook my head and realized she couldn’t see it. “Mel, you have her guy, what more can you do to her?”
“He’s not hers, he’s mine,” she snapped as though I had transformed into her nemesis, Rachel. “All right, Ty just got here. Gotta go. See you at lunch?”
I sighed. “Yeah, lunch.” This was how it was going to be. Tyler Gibson had replaced me. I didn’t know what bothered me more—the fact I was replaced, or it was Tyler who took my spot. Definitely the latter.
“Hey, Abby.”
Oh crap, no. Turning, I stifled the urge to groan. “Hey, Jake.”
“We missed you at the last party.” He leaned against the locker next to mine.
Was I really going to continue this conversation with Jake? Yes, I was. He seemed different. Friendlier. And his eyes were the bright shade of jade I remembered, instead of dark green at the party. How odd. I had to remember, I did like Jake before he attacked my polka dot blouse. “Yeah, I opted to stay home, I—”
His focus went over my head. “Save that thought. Sorry, gotta go!” He darted off.
I turned to see Jake with a group of jocks hollering and doing some ritualistic dance that looked like it came from the caveman era. I resigned myself to a simple fact that I would never understand men. I finished up at my locker and rechecked my schedule. First class of the day was chemistry and I would see Beth.
The volumes of sweat I had going on necessitated an air conditioner. The cool air blew over me and the carpeted hallway smelled a bit musty. Finding my classroom, the professor’s desk was empty, but one desk wasn’t.
I stopped short, the door hit me in the back, and I stumbled in. Xander.
His eyes met mine and a gorgeous smile spread across his face. “I was wondering when I would see you.” Xander left his desk and glided over to me. He wore black Converse, dark jeans, and a black short sleeve polo that knew how to hug its owner. He looked too good. “How are you, Abby?”
Wait. What the hell? He knew we were going to school together? Why didn’t this come up earlier, during our walk perhaps? Oh yeah, Mr. Closed Book One-Word Answer. I gathered the knee touch on the basketball court was the result of him requiring extra room for his insanely muscled legs.
“Good, I didn’t realize you were attending school here.” My tone was more biting than I had intended.
His smile faded. “I’m sorry. I should have told you.” His eyes softened and I stared into them like hypnosis glasses.
No, I wouldn’t waver to those incredible eyes. I tried to stay nonchalant to save my pride. Xander didn’t owe me anything. We were friends or…acquaintances. Yes, we were acquaintances. “It’s your news to tell whom you choose.” I put my bag on a seat in the front row, far away from him.
His brows pinched and looked to my bag. I guess that wasn’t the response he expected. Did all girls let him walk all over them? His mouth opened as if to say something and I waited for his explanation. But nothing came. Nothing. He didn’t even have the decency to make something up.
More students filled in the empty chairs. Beth took the seat by my bag and stopped as she realized I was standing next to Xander. Professor Lynch stalked in without looking up, sipped his coffee, and waited for the clock to acknowledge that summer break had ended.
Standing here with Xander was just awkward. One of us had to speak. “I guess I’ll catch up with
you after class,” I said.
He blinked and nodded. “Okay, Abby.” A small smile appeared.
And he did it again, butterflies. I was beginning to hate the effect he had on me when he said my name, looked at me, or shared the same air molecules.
The professor discussed the syllabus as though he would rather pour the hot coffee down his pants. I may have nodded off if not for his instructions that we would be partnering up with the person to our left for class and for labs, which would be Beth again. There was nothing wrong with Beth as a partner, but fate gave me a huge opportunity and I shoved it away. I was so stupid. I should have sat by him.
I looked back to see who would be Xander’s partner. My mouth gaped open. Danielle Quincy. Really? Of all the people… Obviously, she would go for Xander. Anyone in their right mind would go for Xander. Clearly, I was all up in my left mind.
Any chance I had with him was gone. Beth flashed me a look, she knew. My name should be, Abby “The Moron” Miller. I wilted in my seat.
During class, I stole glances over at Danielle and Xander. Apparently, she felt cold from her lack of clothing and needed to wear Xander as a blanket, which worked out, because then they could share a textbook and get cozy. He certainly found his Chatty Kathy; they talked the entire period. I guess if I had a pair of Double-D’s and shoved them in his face, he could have found it in himself to carry on a longer conversation with words inclusive of more than one syllable.
After class, I didn’t bother to wait for Xander. What was the point? Turn myself into the unwanted third wheel? No thanks. Hurrying as fast as I could tolerate, I went to my second class, literature. I did my best to focus on the lecture, but my mind kept reverting to the image of Danielle and Xander. My stomach churned.
It was lunchtime. I grabbed the lunch bag from my locker and went to find Mel and Beth. I needed to vent about Xander. I needed to hear someone call Danielle a tart and I could count on both of them for that.
A brief walk across campus and I was back in the safety of the air conditioner. Long lines of students filled the Union. The smell of herbs cooking, the scraping of chairs along the floor, and busy chatter filled the room. Mel, Beth, and I had a table in the middle of the room. I went straight to it. Mel was there all right with her new accessory, Tyler. The heavy groping and slurping of tongues made me rethink the lunch situation.
To Fall (The To Fall Trilogy Book 1) Page 10