I wished I could take her far away. Fly her to the tropical island in my head and keep her safe forever. Love her forever in paradise, the two of us strolling along the sandy beach, her in a tiny bikini. After a long day of swimming and sunning, I would make love to her in a straw hut, relishing every moment with her.
My hands went to her head. To my love. To my Abby. “Forgive me.”
61
Cresil
Jake thought he was crazy, but multiple possessions would do that. I visited my old stomping grounds in Vegas and played more than card games there. I had a good time with a tourist: dark hair, petite, green eyes. Oh, those green eyes, how large and round they got when she screamed. She begged and pleaded for me to stop. Mmm. But she wasn’t quite what I wanted.
I craved dark brown eyes. I craved my Pink Polka Dots. Something set her apart from other humans. The angels didn’t just guard her; they were protective of her, all of them. Protecting her for him, their brother. My thoughts went to the night I almost had her. Almost, if it wasn’t for a damn dog.
I wondered if the rat pulled the trigger yet. I had to know and went back to test the waters. Stupid, yes, but I couldn’t get her out of my head. Maybe she dumped the rat by now.
Jake’s head was filled with wasteful, soured things like morals. I had to laugh—two drinks and this kid was mine.
Much to my delight, she showed up wearing a tight blue sweater and skintight jeans, wrapping around her tight body. Mmm, tight.
The rat wasn’t with her, but she wore his ring. I suspected my Pink Polka Dots was still pure. Tonight. Tonight I would have her. No rats to stop me this time.
I kissed her pouty, candy-flavored lips. Delicious. She bit me and then slapped me. I liked it rough, but something she did made me pause, bringing my mind to another girl. Another time. For me, that was thousands of years ago, but about twenty up top. She was a lot like my Dark Wavy Curls. Too much like her.
It wasn’t possible was it? I took care of it, didn’t I? Still…those eyes. They looked familiar. My Pink Polka Dots…she was the right age.
In the middle of taking a piss, the door blew open. Before I could turn, the red rat grabbed my vessel—a drunk kid I found heaving in the bushes. Admittedly impressed by her speed, she had me locked in a choke hold against the wall. She would cast me back, but I could have fun before I left.
“Foul demon! Why do you keep coming back?” she spat.
“We both know why, now don’t we? I’m going to have her, rat. I’m going to rip the innocence away from her.” And here was the test. “Like her mommy.”
Her eyes flashed and her hand cinched tighter. “I can’t wait to tear you to shreds,” she snarled.
I had her. This was the soul in my Dark Wavy Curls. Prince Astaroth was right. I had been too arrogant. She lived this whole time. “Tell her rat, I can’t wait to be inside her. He should go ahead and seal the deal, pop her cherry before I do.”
Her body shuddered and ripping fabric announced her wings as they filled up the tiny room; one broke through the drywall and the other cracked a mirror. Lips curled back over her teeth and I laughed as my blood boiled in her light. “Demon Cresil, with the Light of God, I cast you back to Hell!” Each word shredded me and her light delivered searing and unyielding pain. With the force of the Heavens, she returned me to Hell.
62
Abby
Last night, I was supposed to go to Mel’s for a sleepover, but Xander called to tell me that his hunting plans changed. Mel covered for us and Xander picked me up at her dorm. I woke with Xander’s strong arms around me.
Stretching, I looked into his beautiful eyes. “Hmm, good morning, handsome.”
He didn’t say anything, which was unusual for him. I had to go to the bathroom, bad. He would have to wait. I kissed his cheek before sliding out of bed. Stepping back into the bedroom, the bed was made and Xander was gone. This wasn’t like him; he waited for me, kissed me good morning, and held my hand. Did I do or say something? Something in my sleep?
My dresser drawer was empty. Huh. I found my overnight bag on the desk chair and nothing was unpacked—that was weird. After changing, I braided my hair and brushed my teeth.
Stepping down the hall, whispers came from the kitchen, and when I turned the corner, they stopped. My stomach twisted at the eerie silence and averted gazes. Holding a plate from the cupboard, I sat at the table. The room was absent of the normal clinking and scraping of silverware.
My heart beat faster. Something was really off here. “Excuse me a moment, I forgot something.”
I closed the bathroom door and splashed cool water on my face. My mind raced, what was going on? I couldn’t focus. Something was wrong with them. Did I say something last night that offended them? My breaths were coming too fast and my hands trembled under the water. I had to calm down, but I couldn’t. I needed a pill.
I opened the drawer by the sink. Empty. No pills. I blinked hard as if my eyes somehow blocked the image of my pill case. I remembered I didn’t unpack. In the bedroom, I opened my bag. My blood kit was inside, but not my pills. Purse. Check my purse. Emergency meds were always in there. No purse. I didn’t have my pills? Why wouldn’t I have my pills? I always had them.
Yesterday, I packed and Xander picked me up. We went to the movies…what did we see? I couldn’t remember. We went to our spot and danced. What songs did we dance to? Did he kiss me or take me flying? We played games with his siblings. What did we play and who won? There was nothing, like the details had been wiped clean. I stilled. Wiped clean. An unwanted pain crept in around my heart and tightened my chest.
Back inside the bathroom, I threw the drawers open and reached all the way to the back, unwilling to believe it. He couldn’t have. Chest pain gripped like a vise around my heart. Falling hard on the tile, I gasped for air. I tore cabinets open, ripped drawers out. Xander wouldn’t move my pills without telling me. This made no sense. Why would I have my blood kit and not my pills?
My chest was going to explode. I needed air. I spotted a drinking glass on the counter. With the little strength I had, I pulled myself up and grabbed it. Glass shattering was the last thing I remembered.
My body jolted awake to Xander’s lips on mine, his hot hand on my chest. Air came into my lungs and my heart relaxed. Xander lifted me and carried me to his bed. “Abby, what happened?”
The fact he could ask with such an innocent look bothered me. “You happened.” I pushed him and he didn’t even give me the courtesy of moving. “I put my pills in the same spot when I stay here and I didn’t last night. I didn’t unpack and I don’t have my pills. I can’t remember last night. It’s like looking at a blank page in my favorite book, knowing what it should say, but I can’t read it.” I asked petrified, “What did you do to me?”
He sucked in a breath. “Abby, I’m sorry.”
It took much longer than it should for his words to sink in. He actually did it. He messed with my head, took my memories, and forced me to remember something else. My stomach dropped and my chest hollowed. It was like he punched out my heart. “You had no right to do that to me!”
“Abby, please.” He approached me like a wild animal, with extreme caution.
Hot tears flooded out and my lips trembled. “No, Xander. Not this time. You don’t lie to someone you’re in love with. You don’t keep secrets from each other. But you do. You don’t trust me. You went inside my head and took something from me and you think it’s okay. It’s not! I’m not your human pet who you can do whatever you want with.”
He blanched. “Abby, I never thought of you like that.”
“What did you take from me?” No answer. I couldn’t believe he would betray me like this. I grabbed my bag and stormed out.
Caleb appeared at the front door, wild-eyed. “Abby, wait. Don’t leave like this. We’ll take you home.”
“Are you a part of whatever this is?”
No answer again, only the same pitiful stare.
I left out the
front door, walked down the steep drive, the steep mountain. While I stumbled, I looked for my phone. No phone. No purse. No pills. I kept going with my breaths hitched from crying. I wiped tears away on my sleeve. I didn’t know what I felt more. Betrayed. Hurt. Deceived. They knew I never wanted this. It scared me they had this much power over me.
This was stupid; I wouldn’t make it to my house. I wouldn’t make it down this mountain, down this hill. My mind raced with possibilities of where to go. There was a grocery store within two miles of the mountain base. If I made it, maybe I could call my parents. And tell them what? How would I explain that I was marooned at the Wrights’ house? I may be twenty, but telling my parents I had spent the night with Xander on more than one occasion was not exactly going to win me approval points. I’d call Mel or Beth.
Quickly, I tired. My legs felt wobbly and my heart couldn’t pump hard enough. I had to stop. My body reacted as though I had hiked miles, in reality, maybe a quarter of one. My sneakers slipped on the dusty slope and it took more energy than I realized to keep balance. With a racing heart, sweat dotted my forehead even though it was cool. I found a round boulder and sat while I looked in my bag one more time, every pocket one more time.
My breaths came ragged now. I zipped my bag shut, stared at it, threw it down, and put my head in my hands. I was trapped in this body, trapped by this stupid heart. I was so weak, sitting here, feeling sorry for myself. The anchor.
Hot arms wrapped around me and lips brushed my ear. “You can hate me, I deserve it. But please don’t do this. You’ll hurt yourself.”
I pushed him and spun, struggling for breath between words. “I can’t…even walk…down the hill. I’m…stuck here. I don’t…want to be here.”
“Abby, please.” His remorseful, pained gaze remained.
“You…didn’t have…my permission,” I choked out, grabbing my chest. Xander reached for me, and I backed away, shaking my head. “You didn’t…ask. You…violated my mind. I trusted…you!” Another pain ripped through and my knees slammed into the ground.
His eyes hardened. “I’m not going to stand by and watch you do this to yourself.” Helpless, I had no choice but let Xander heal me.
Cradled tight to his chest, his lips rested on my forehead while he walked back home. Flying would be faster, and I knew he walked to stretch this out and let me cool off.
He set me down on the bathroom counter. The room was cleaned of broken glass and strewn bottles. Xander tried to wipe my face with a wet towel, but I took it from him. He went to touch my hand and I crossed my arms. He was beside himself, without a clue what to do.
“How many times have you done this to me?” I demanded.
He shook his head. “Last night was the first.”
“I want my memories back.”
“No.” That was it. No discussion.
How could he invade my mind like this? I had to tell him everything. He persisted until I shared every thought. But when it was his turn, he closed up, shut down. Now he had resorted to wiping away whatever insight of him I had.
My voice broke. “Can you take me home now, please? I don’t want to be here with you anymore.”
He flinched and gave me a sad nod.
Xander tried to grab my bag, but I held it. I wouldn’t accept his help to get in the SUV. I hugged my arms close and didn’t look at him on the drive. As soon as we pulled up to my house, I flew out of the cab, and Xander appeared in front of me. “Wait, please. Abby.” He placed his hands on my shoulders.
I backed away and he winced. I said, “I need space from you. I need to think.”
“About what?” His eyes widened.
“About what? About what you did to me! I never thought…you knew…you broke my trust!”
“Abby...wa...wait!” he stammered. “What…what do you…what do you have to think about? Me? Please, I’m…I’m sorry.”
Tears burned my eyes. Shaking my head, I stepped around him. He choked out my name once more before I closed the door. I said hi to my parents and went to my room. The damn 4Runner was parked on the corner.
Margaret knocked. “You all right?”
“Fine.”
She threw me a sad smile. “Yeah, ’cause I sulk in my room when I’m fine.”
I swiped at my tears. It really sucked that I couldn’t just be angry and not cry. “Okay, I’m not fine, but I could use a good sulk.”
“Well, if you want to add ice cream to your misery, let me know. I’m always up for a chocolate fix.”
“Thanks, Margaret.”
She left and the SUV did, too. I found Mom balancing the checkbook and asked if I could borrow her car for the day.
Not knowing where else to go, I went to Mel and Beth’s dorm. They were getting ready to go out. I wasn’t ready to admit that I was in a fight with Xander, so I sat on their couch and flipped through the Ulta mailer.
“I have something for you.” Mel handed me my purse. Pills and phone inside.
I examined my purse as though it had magical qualities of disappearing. “How did you get this?”
“No clue. I had it on me last night. Weird, huh?”
What the hell happened last night? “Yeah. Weird,” I repeated dumbly.
Mel slipped in the new silver hoop earrings Greg bought her. “What are you doing today?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I don’t want to sit at home, though.”
Beth plopped down onto the couch with me. “We’re going to Jake’s. Come with us.”
“Yeah, sounds fine. I’ll follow you in my mom’s car.”
While Mel finished getting ready, I checked my phone. Margaret had called. I didn’t know if I was relieved or sad that Xander didn’t call. Relieved. I was relieved for the space.
Following the Lexus to Jake’s, Margaret called again. I answered, “Hey. Sorry, you’re on your own with the chocolate ice cream.”
“Baby girl, can you come back home?” She sounded frantic.
“I don’t want to, Margaret. I’m with Mel and Beth.”
She said, “Alexander is looking for you, I think you should come back home.”
“That’s why I left. Look, I want time to think.”
Margaret snapped, “Abigail Miller, I want you to come back home.” What did I do to earn the full name?
“Margaret, I love you, but it’s not gonna happen. Bye.” Oh, I had never spoken to her that way. It was possible I just earned my first whooping. I saw a wooden spatula in my future.
My phone buzzed with a text.
Xander: Abby, I love you. I’m so sorry.
So much for space. Everyone was at Jake’s; well, the humans were anyway. Mel bounced into Greg’s large arms, and he twirled her. She squealed that he was sweaty, but didn’t let go of him. Greg returned to his game with Jake.
How many Saturdays had I sat on this bench, watching everyone play basketball, hoping for a day I could play with them?
Beth and Mel joined in the game. I watched, sulking. More texts.
Xander: I was doing what I thought was best for you. Please, forgive me.
Xander: This is killing me. Please, talk to me.
Mel tapped me on the shoulder and pulled me back to reality. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Complete and utter lie. Both girls sat down with me.
Beth said, “You don’t seem like it. Are you and Xander okay?”
“No.” They recoiled with wide eyes and open mouths.
Mel asked, knowing she was stepping through a tearful landmine. “What did he do?”
“I don’t want to talk,” I mumbled. I didn’t want to lie. There were too many lies and secrets already, and I wasn’t innocent of that.
“I’m sure it will blow over. Was it bad?” Beth asked, cringing.
“He makes decisions for me without considering what I want. It’s out of love, I know, but he crossed a line. I want space from him. He messed up. He knows it.”
The boys called the girls back into the game a
nd I told them to go. More texts pinged through.
Xander: Abby, where are you?
Xander’s ringtone chimed, the Eli Young Band’s “Say Goodnight,” the first song he kissed me to. I let it go and he didn’t leave a voicemail.
Xander: Please, I just want to know you’re okay. I know you’re not at the dorm.
Mel took the cell out of her pocket. “He’s calling me. What do you want me to say?”
“Tell him I’m safe, but that’s it.”
She took the phone to the other side of the yard, and by her exaggerated arm gestures, she was arguing. Jake was talking too loud and I knew Xander would hear him.
Mel finished the call. “Damn, he’s persistent and really upset. It must have been bad. I didn’t tell him anything. Just that you’re okay.”
Xander: Abby, please.
Xander: I made a mistake. Please call me. Talk to me.
Thirty seconds later, Jake’s phone chimed. “Hey, Caleb. Yeah, I’m hanging out at my house. No, I’m not drinking. Yeah, she’s here.” Jake looked to me. “Sure! I could use help. Greg’s kicking my ass at basketball… Later.” He hung up the phone, smiling. “Caleb’s coming.”
“Mel,” I pleaded.
She winced. “You wanna go?”
“Yeah, I’m gonna go. If I see him, I’ll turn into a blubbery, incoherent mess.” Both girls gave me a hug before leaving.
I didn’t know where I was going. I needed space and Xander wouldn’t give it to me. It had only been an hour. I went to the one place I could think of—the mall. I walked from one store to another, not focusing on anything because everything I looked at made me think of Xander. My phone buzzed like the emergency alerts during a haboob.
Xander: Please. I’m trying to keep you safe.
Ringtone again. Missed call.
Xander: You’re not at Jake’s. Where are you? We need to talk.
Missed call.
By now, I reached the food court, the scent of cinnamon buns, pizza, and roasted chicken made me realize I hadn’t eaten today and my stomach protested.
I wound up in the pretzel line. I didn’t like pretzels and I had no idea why I was in line for one. I ordered the salted bread from a boy with blue hair, and on brief estimation, ten facial piercings. Finding a spot in the food court, I obsessed over Xander and picked the salt off the warm bread, letting it tingle on my tongue.
To Fall (The To Fall Trilogy Book 1) Page 39