“I have a few things to help Kylee with. Tomorrow at church?”
“It’s a date. Kind of.”
Malcolm hung up, more conflicted than ever. She was excited, had a sense of direction for the first time in years. How could he possibly ask her to give that up?
Kylee’s door was closed, the thud of bass shuddering the walls, a clear sign she wasn’t ready to talk yet. He bypassed her room for his own and changed into workout gear, then grabbed his wraps and gloves and headed straight to the back garden.
He forced himself through a sensible warm-up, the routine too ingrained for him to think about doing otherwise, then unleashed his frustrations on the vinyl surface of the bag. When he’d been in the ring, he’d always fought smart, not angry, but his opponent today didn’t hit back. When his energy was finally spent and his muscles had turned to jelly, he grabbed the swaying bag and leaned his forehead against it while he caught his breath.
Boxing out his feelings was usually enough to clear his mind, but not today. He still had no idea what he was going to do.
When he looked up, he realized he had an audience. Not Serena but Kylee, perched on the back step with her hoodie wrapped protectively around her. Slowly he pulled off his gloves and walked over, lowering himself to the step beside her. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Her eyes were swollen and red rimmed, her expression miserable. “I’m sorry I slammed the door on you.”
He nodded in acknowledgment of her apology, but he really had nothing else to say. He braced his forearms on his knees and stared out over the back garden.
“I wish Mum and Dad were here,” she said in a small voice.
“I wish they were too.”
Kylee remained quiet for a long stretch, then cleared her throat. Her voice sounded thick with unshed tears when she spoke. “I know what you gave up for me, coming back to Scotland. That’s why I’m going to Glasgow.”
“What?” Malcolm frowned at her, sure he had heard wrong.
“You lost your job and your girlfriend to come back to a place you hate. And now that you’re actually happy, you’re going to have to leave again. That doesn’t seem fair.”
They were the very words he’d hoped to hear, but they sounded wrong to his ears. The resignation in her voice, the sadness—she was doing what she thought was the right thing. She was miserable about it, but she didn’t want his unhappiness on her conscience. And yet she was the one who had lost both her parents. She was the one struggling after her dreams in the wake of her grief.
“I think you should go to Berklee,” he said, aware that his own voice held far more resignation than enthusiasm.
“What?” She blinked at him. “But—”
“It’s your dream, Kylee. And you’ve lost enough. I don’t want you to lose this, too.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“‘Thank you’ would be a start.” He gave her a wry smile and hugged her to his side with one arm. “I love you, you know.”
“I love you too, Uncle Mal.” She paused. “Can you let go of me now? You’re all sweaty.”
Malcolm laughed and released her. “Sorry.”
“What about work and Serena and all that?” Her expression turned wary again, as if the reminder might change his mind.
“Why don’t you let me worry about that?”
“Okay. Wow, I can’t believe it! I have to ring Lane!” Kylee jumped up from the steps and dashed into the house, her mobile in her hand before the door even shut behind her. He heard the faint sound of her excited voice trail from inside.
It was the right thing to do. He’d known it the minute he’d spoken the words aloud. It just didn’t bring him any closer to a decision on what to do about Serena. He needed to talk to her soon.
But he would wait until after he picked up the ring next Saturday. It felt like an act of faith that everything would be all right. Once he explained the situation and she realized how committed he was to her, they could figure out a way forward together.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
SERENA WAS BEING ANNOYINGLY PERKY, and she knew it. She couldn’t help it. It felt as if everything was unfolding with ease, and the upcoming gallery grand opening breathed new excitement into her day. Maybe more excitement than she deserved, considering how her developing relationship with Malcolm made her breathless with anticipation. She was finally where she needed to be.
She woke up early to make puff pastry for breakfast before church, then hustled the children into their Sunday best. Given Max’s inclination for finding “just one more thing” to do before they walked out the door, Malcolm, Kylee, and Muriel almost always beat them there. That was fine since they saved her a seat and she didn’t have to answer the questions about her love life posed by some of the ladies of the congregation.
True to form, the trio had already claimed their seats in a front pew when she slipped through the door. Muriel raised an amused eyebrow as Serena tiptoed down the row and plopped into the empty space between her and Malcolm just seconds before the service started.
He squeezed her hand in greeting. “Cutting it a little close, don’t you think?”
“We had a stuffed-giraffe emergency,” she whispered. “Max won’t go anywhere without it.”
“Oh yeah? Where did you finally find it?”
“The fridge.”
Malcolm muffled his chuckle with his fist, which made her grin. Max hadn’t offered any explanation other than the fact he’d forgotten where he’d put the soft toy. This in contrast to Em, who used to do head counts of her dolls like a schoolteacher supervising a field trip.
When the minister took the pulpit, Serena focused her attention forward, enjoying the fact that Malcolm didn’t release her hand, even if it meant her attention wasn’t entirely on the sermon. It was almost laughable what a heartsick teenager she became in his presence, but she wasn’t going to apologize for it. After a decade of walking on eggshells with Edward, followed by years of thinking she was destined to be alone, she deserved to enjoy being around a man who made her feel this way, someone who let her be who she really was.
The minute the service ended, Muriel kissed her on the cheek and slipped out, ostensibly to get home to start Sunday roast dinner. Serena went to retrieve Max from the crèche and Em from Sunday school, then returned to the vestibule, where they usually met Malcolm and Kylee.
Malcolm was nowhere to be seen, but she spotted Kylee’s blonde head in the crowd and led her children to where she was speaking with two older couples.
“. . . can’t believe it’s actually happening. It’s been my dream to study music in America for years, but now it’s really coming true!”
Serena frowned, sure she’d misheard. Hadn’t Kylee said she’d already committed to attending the University of Glasgow? But the girl was still talking.
“We’re not really sure when we’re going to leave. A lot has to do with Uncle Malcolm’s job and how fast he can find a new one. But isn’t it great? Maybe I’ll actually learn to surf! Do they even surf on the East Coast?”
Serena felt the blood drain from her face. Malcolm and Kylee were moving to America? Surely what she was hearing couldn’t be true.
“Are you ready to go?” Malcolm’s quiet voice beside her jump-started her heart again, but she knew she must have looked stricken when she turned to him.
“You’re going to America?”
The sick, guilty look on his face told her all she needed to know. “Serena—”
“When were you going to tell me?” The ground rocked beneath her feet. Maybe it was the impact of all her hopes crumbling around her.
“Serena, maybe we should talk about this outside.”
“Mum, what’s wrong?” Em looked up at her with concern and a touch of fear.
“Nothing’s wrong, cupcake. Some adult stuff to be discussed. Why don’t we get you two into the car?”
Serena guided them from the church on autopilot, too numb with shock to comprehend anything but the fact Malcolm w
as following. She buckled Max into his car seat with trembling hands, leaving Em to fend for herself. Then she shut the car doors and stepped away to confront Malcolm. “Is it true? Are you leaving Scotland?”
There was that look of misery on his face again. “It’s true. The decision was just made. Kylee was admitted from the wait list at Berklee. I had promised her if she got in, I would move with her.”
The explanation only made her feel worse. “You knew this was a possibility, and you never said anything? Not even when I started on about permanently relocating to Skye?”
“No. There was almost no chance she would get in, and the fact that this . . . miracle . . . happened . . . I can’t deny her this. I didn’t even know Glenn was going to pull some strings for her.”
“I don’t understand.” Dread slowly crept in behind the shock.
He looked as if he had been caught. “Glenn asked a producer friend at Berklee to put in a good word for her.”
“You used me?” The words spilled out before she could consider them, driven by hurt.
“No.” He grabbed her by the shoulders and bent his head down, forcing her to look at him. “I did not use you. I didn’t even know about this. Serena, you have to believe me. I don’t want to leave you. I love you.”
Those three words broke through her daze, but rather than bringing the thrill of joy she had imagined they would, she felt only a wash of sadness. “Somehow I never thought I’d be standing in a car park when you told me that.”
He dropped his hands, looking as helpless as she felt. “Can’t we talk about this? Somewhere else, somewhere less public? There’s more I have to say that I don’t want an audience for.”
“Yes. We can talk. Just not right now.” Without waiting for his response, she walked back to her car and climbed into the driver’s seat. The door shut behind her with a hollow thud, sealing Malcolm out.
“Are you okay, Mum?” Em asked in a small voice. “You’re crying.”
Was she? She lifted her hand and dashed away the tears that had fallen without her knowledge. The words I’m fine died on her lips before they could emerge. She wasn’t fine, not remotely. “I don’t know, cupcake. Right now I’m feeling really hurt.”
“Are you and Malcolm breaking up?”
Serena curled her hands around the steering wheel, squeezing hard while she wrestled her voice under control. “I don’t know that either, love. But I do know that Auntie Muriel is expecting us for lunch. And I, for one, could do with a giant slice of pot roast.” And a time machine so she could go back and warn herself not to fall so thoroughly for Malcolm.
Except she knew she wouldn’t have taken the advice.
She spent the drive to Muriel’s concentrating on forcing the breath in and out of her lungs, on the tears that needed to remain walled behind her eyes for Max’s and Em’s sakes. But all the time, questions rolled through her mind. Why hadn’t Malcolm told her? Why hadn’t she been the first one he called when Kylee received the offer? Had she even figured at all into his decision to pack up and follow his niece to America?
All questions he might have answered for her had she stuck around. But she couldn’t look at him without seeing the man who held her happiness in his hands, without hating how quickly and thoughtlessly she’d handed over the power to hurt her again. To hurt them.
She parked in Muriel’s drive and let the children go inside without her while she remained in the car, head tilted back against the seat. The front door opened, and Muriel stepped out on the stoop, her expression concerned; then she retreated inside. Serena understood why when she saw Malcolm’s car pull up behind her in the rearview mirror. He was alone.
Serena climbed from the driver’s seat and waited, wrapping her arms around herself while he walked toward her slowly, like one would approach a skittish animal. When she didn’t back away, he put his arms around her and pulled her against his chest. After a moment she wrapped her arms around his waist, hating both the ache in her heart and the realization that she had never felt this safe with anyone else.
“Can we talk, please? I have a lot to explain.”
“Let’s take a walk,” Serena said. “I don’t want Em and Max to overhear.”
Malcolm tentatively took Serena’s hand. She drew a deep breath as they walked down the drive toward a path that cut across the open meadow beyond. “Okay. Explain. I’m listening.”
Malcolm told her about the plan that he and Nicola had made to send Kylee to university in America when he had still been living there, how he had promised Kylee that the plan wouldn’t change just because he had moved back to Scotland. When she hadn’t been accepted to Berklee, he’d assumed the issue was closed.
“You have to understand, Serena, it never once occurred to me this was a possibility. She didn’t even tell me Davy and Glenn were going to help. That’s why I never said anything. And I would have discussed it with you, but I wanted to wait—”
“Wait for what?”
He seemed to be gathering courage when he took both her hands and turned her to him. “For your ring to be finished. I meant what I said. I love you. I was planning to ask you to marry me.”
For the second time that day, she felt the solid ground beneath her feet shift. “Marry you?” And then she realized what he’d said. Was planning. Past tense. “But now you’ve come to your senses, is that it?”
“No, Serena, no.” He swore softly beneath his breath. “That’s not what I meant at all. This is why I didn’t want to do it this way.” He straightened his shoulders and looked into her eyes. “Serena, I want to marry you. Will you have me?”
Serena stared at him. Twenty seconds ago she’d thought he was letting her down easy, and now he was proposing? She couldn’t process the change.
“Serena, say something, please.”
“I’m sorry, I just—” She gathered herself. “Malcolm, I’ve thought about this so much, I would have thought there would be no question in my mind if you asked me that.”
“But there is.” Hurt hung thick in his voice.
“You’re not just asking me to marry you. You’re asking me to move halfway around the world. To take my children away from their family, from everything they’ve ever known.”
“Do you love me?”
She couldn’t lie. “I do. I do love you.”
“But it’s not enough.”
She flinched. “You have to understand what we’ve been through. For the first time in longer than I can remember, we have a true home. Em loves her school. She’s finally making real friends; she’s learning to speak Gaelic. And it’s clear to me that Muriel needs someone nearby as she gets older. I love you. I really do. But how do I tell them all we’re picking up and moving to America?”
He wiped a hand over his face, looking gutted. “There’s nothing I can do to change your mind?”
“Could I change yours and convince you to stay here?”
The stricken look on his face said it all. “I can’t go back on my promise to Kylee. And I can’t let her move by herself. It’s not what Nicola wanted for her. I could never live with myself if I put her well-being at risk for my own happiness.”
The worst part was, she couldn’t even blame him. She blinked back tears, but they blurred her vision and choked her throat anyway. “Is this it, then?” she whispered.
“I don’t know.” He sounded as lost and broken as she felt. Bewildered at how they’d come to this point. She didn’t understand herself. Her world had been turned upside down, and this time there wasn’t anyone to blame. It just . . . was. As inexplicable and irreversible as the fact that Edward wasn’t around to be a father to her children. At last she had found a man she loved, the one she wanted to spend her life with, but she couldn’t marry him.
They walked back the way they’d come, hand in hand, though there might as well have been an ocean separating them already. When they were at Muriel’s house again, Malcolm took Serena’s face in his hands and kissed her so tenderly that she wanted to chan
ge her mind, say she’d do anything if he didn’t leave her here like this. But she didn’t. Instead, she just choked out, “I wish it didn’t have to end this way.”
“Must it?” he asked, his expression pleading.
She bit down on her trembling lip. “For Max’s and Em’s sakes, it’s better that it’s a clean break.” But that was a lie. It was for her sake. She couldn’t stand to see him and know there was no future for them. If she had any hope of getting out of this whole, she needed to face facts. She needed to move on.
“Be well, Serena,” he whispered. “Do what makes you happy. I know you’re capable of anything you put your mind to.”
He pressed one last kiss to her forehead, then climbed into his car. She waited until it was no longer visible down the road before she climbed the steps to Muriel’s house.
Her aunt was there in an instant. “Serena?”
“Are Em and Max in the back garden?” she asked hoarsely.
Muriel nodded. Once she knew they were alone, Serena collapsed in her aunt’s arms and cried like a heartbroken child.
Serena tried to pull herself together, but even if her gravelly voice and swollen eyes didn’t give her away, her children knew her too well not to see that there was something dreadfully wrong. Max climbed into her lap and placed a little hand on each of her cheeks. “Why are you sad, Mummy?”
Serena blinked back a fresh round of tears and forced a smile. “Sometimes even mums have a bad day, monkey.”
“Then I’ll kiss it better,” he declared and delivered a wet smack to her lips.
“That is so much better, Maxie. Thank you.” She gave her son a tight squeeze, breathing in his still-baby smell, and she didn’t let him go until he wiggled out of her grasp to go play. Em just watched her with mournful eyes. She had to know what this morning’s argument meant, why her mum was trying not to cry in Aunt Muriel’s lounge. Serena didn’t know whether to be grateful that Em didn’t ask questions or guilty that her daughter had to worry about her fragility.
She managed to make it through lunch and the rest of the afternoon, baking cookies and playing games with Em and Max at home, all the while praying she would be able to hold in her emotions until she had the house to herself.
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