"I'm back, sweetheart. You've been busy here without me I see," he says, leering at me and smiling through his cracked lips, he leans to the side in an attempt to see into the back seat where Annie sleeps and I move as casually as possible to block his view. "It's rude to ignore people, gorgeous," he says in a slimy attempt at being flirtatious.
It takes everything in my being to be nice, especially when he’s close enough that I smell his pungent mixture of beer, body odor, and stale cigarette smoke. My stomach lurches as I try to remain calm and just as I get backed up almost to my car door; he raises his hand, which makes me flinch. But to my surprise, he simply places a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “You’ll come around,” he promises in a tone that makes me want to run screaming back into the hotel room.
"I have to go. I…. I'm late for an appointment," I stumble towards a reasonable excuse to leave, grabbing my door handle behind me quickly. I have to get out of here. Every second that passes is a moment too long to exist in his gaze, the way he studies my face is as if he's trying to sketch it in his brain.
"Well, you come see me when you get home sexy," he teases, licking his cracked lips and smiling, they part to reveal a few yellow stained teeth.
I quickly get in my car and back out, watching to be sure he doesn't try to get in. God, Amy and I need to find another place; fast. No judge would allow me to keep Annie if they knew I had been living here. All of a sudden, I'm more nervous than I was before. Good thing I have a little bit of a drive to the pizza place, I need to gather my thoughts and calm myself down.
Lane
I’m sitting at my parent’s dining room table with the both of them and Landon, and it's hard for me to look any one of them in the face. I was going to be married before I had children and now I'm a father. My grandpa is going to flip his shit.
"Lane, what happened? Why were you so careless?" Mom asks, the disappointment written all over her crumpled face.
"I wasn't thinking clearly."
"Please tell me she wasn't a student at the time," Dad asks with fear in his voice, mirroring Mom's crumpled expression.
"She wasn't. But she had been. And before you ask, nothing happened while she was a student. I can promise you that."
"I don't know what to say Lane. You know better. We taught you better," my mom scolds me and I’m ashamed. I feel like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
"Is this her? The one who had you distracted last night before you saw her?" Landon questions and I nod my head.
"Fuck" he says, as he shakes his head in disbelief and sits back in his chair.
"Well, go see her and please think before you speak. She’s young and scared. We’ll figure it out together," my dad says.
"I'm sorry. I know I've let you down," I reply with a hope that my voice is fully expressing the guilt I'm feeling inside.
"It’ll all work out. By the way, I wasn't joking about that twenty grand...." he reminds me with a heavy-handed pat on the back.
"I know. I'll get you the money." I can't help but ask them, I have to know... "What was it like? The delivery? Did Annie cry right away?"
"Mallory barely made it out of the car before she had Annie. There was a little scare with the umbilical cord being wrapped around her neck, but Mallory did great. Just one push and Annie was born," my mom says, smiling, reliving the moment.
I practically stop breathing as I watch Mom describe my daughter's birth with stars in her eyes. I didn't get to be there. I should have been there dammit; I'm still pissed about that. I say my farewells and turn around to walk out the door so that I can meet Mallory at the pizza place, trying to keep an open mind along the way.
I beat Mallory here so I go ahead and grab a booth in a quiet corner. Instead of grabbing my usual order straight away like I always do, I have the server bring me a drink and leave me to my thoughts until Mallory gets here.
I hear the bell on the door and look up to see her struggling to get the bulky car seat through the door. She starts trying to squeeze through sideways so I hurry to take the car seat from her. She looks up and smiles brightly with flushed cheeks and a heavy breath. My heart nearly stops beating. She’s still so beautiful. I clear my throat, unable to stop staring at her she breaks the gaze by clearing her throat and saying, "Thanks, I'm still getting the hang of this."
I return her smile, "No worries. This is a big adjustment, thanks for coming," I say as I point her in the direction of our table and we sit down. I place Annie beside me in the booth and just stare at her for a moment. Looking at her in this well-lit restaurant, I realize she looks a lot like Mallory too. She has my hair color and my skin coloring. But she has her mom's nose and cheeks. "What color are her eyes?" I ask. I haven't really seen her eyes yet.
"A light brown. They look like little hazelnuts. They have golden flecks so even though they're dark they shine. They're beautiful." She beams proudly at how beautiful our baby girl is.
I don't say anything for a moment because I know my voice would be laced with the emotion I’m holding back. How could she let me miss my daughter's birth? I would already know these things if I’d been given the chance to be a part of Mallory’s pregnancy. But I'm taking the advice my parents gave and I’m thinking before I speak. After we order our food, I decide to just lay it all out on the table while we have a few minutes of silence.
"Mallory, what do you want? I mean, how can we make this work?"
"I don't know, Lane. I know I don't want any arguing or threats. I don't want to constantly live in fear that I'll lose her. I love her, Lane, and I'm doing everything I can for her," she’s choking up as she responds with tears in her fearful eyes. I know she's struggling to keep it together as she bites her bottom lip and looks all around this place as if she’s studying it, but I know she just wants to avoid meeting my eyes.
"I'm sorry about the way I acted last night. I was out of line. I'm not going to fight you for her; I know you love her. I can tell."
Her shoulder drop and she smiles with relief at my words. "Thank you! I've thought it all out; we can split responsibilities. I know Friday nights are out for you, so I changed my work schedule. I’ll work on Thursdays and Saturdays; you can keep her on those nights and Sundays too. I’ll keep her the rest of the time." I can tell Mallory has given a lot of thought to this and I appreciate it, but it still isn’t good enough.
"You aren't working at a strip club," I tell her as seriously as I can because I mean it.
"Yes, I am. The money is good and the hours are perfect," she says just as firmly. I can already tell this isn’t going to be an easy battle.
"Then work at an all night diner. You don't need to show your tits," I say through my teeth. I don't know what bothers me more, that she's working there to support my daughter, or that she’s allowing other men to see her nearly naked body.
"Lane, we aren't dating. We have a kid together, but that's it. I'll listen to you where Annie is concerned, but you and I will never be anything more than her parents,” she states matter of factly. Ah, yes, I do remember her saying she wasn’t looking for a relationship right before I laid her down in my bed.
But what the fuck? As much as I want to agree with her, it still stings to hear the words come out of her mouth. "Why do you think we’ll never be more? I mean, I agree, but I’m interested to hear your reasoning."
I watch as her face drops and the hurt and sadness creep in, aging her beyond her years. It was like she had beat whatever it is that’s hurting her down and now it’s resurfacing. My heart hurts watching her struggle. I whisper softly, "Tell me, Mallory?"
"Alright, I know I agreed to be used and kicked out afterward, but something in me changed when you showed compassion during our time together. How you made sure I wasn't hurting, How you took your time inside me." she stops talking and looks away as her cheeks burn pink, which gives me the opportunity to adjust my now rock-hard dick. I remember the way it felt to be inside her, too. It was unreal, I’ve never felt so close to
someone in my entire life and I’m sure I won’t feel that way ever again.
She continues, "After it was over, I knew I had to hold up my end of the bargain. I was prepared to, but I wanted to hold you for a little bit longer. I was still in pain and when I was in your arms that pain didn't matter because the way I felt when you ran your fingers down my back made it disappear, if only for a moment. But I agreed to be used, so I knew I shouldn't have expected anything. Still, it hurt to feel like I was being thrown out with the trash."
God hearing her speak the truth is killing me. I'm about to start talking when she throws her hand up to stop me.
"Let me get this all out first," she says. I nod and go back to listening with a furrowed brow and a pit in my stomach. "I left that night feeling ashamed of myself. So when I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified. I wanted to tell you but I couldn't bear being thrown out like a piece of garbage again. I wanted her Lane; even from the very beginning, I wanted her. Even though I knew it would be hard, I wanted her. And one day when she asked about her dad I didn't want to say he threw you out like a piece of garbage, too. I'm happy you want to be a part of her life. But it's just hers. Not mine, I can’t..."
When she stops talking, I can't bring myself to look at her. I'm such a dick. How could I ever treat a woman like that? I look over to my daughter, holding back tears. I've screwed up possibly the best thing that ever happened to me. Not Mallory, it’s all me.
"Mallory?"
"Yeah?"
"I need you to know something. I'm so sorry I hurt you that way. And I did want you to stay. I wanted to wake up with you the next day more than anything, but we were at different places in our lives. I wanted you to enjoy college and being a typical college student. I'm so sorry. That’s not an excuse, the last thing I thought was that you were trash. I was honored you chose me. Hell, I'm still honored."
"Thank you for that. And I'm ok. It was a tough lesson. But now I know what to look for when I'm ready to settle down and get married. I know whoever ‘he’ is, should never hurt me the way you did. So trust me. I'm not asking for anything more than friendship and equal partnership in raising our daughter."
Fuck. I came here so angry, but now knowing she and I will never be together hurts. At least now I understand why she didn't find me; I made her feel like she couldn’t. She's so strong for bringing our daughter into this world even though she thought she'd be doing it alone. Every bit of anger I felt towards her is now directed inward and the thought of another man being inside of her or seeing what's mine is torture, but I can't stop her. I brought this all on myself.
"I can be an equal partner, but I would like to take care of our daughter's financial needs. Clothing, day care, food...everything."
"Well, you're in luck. Her food bill is rather inexpensive," she says with a smile and a quick gesture towards her bigger than before breasts. I can see that she’s harboring no hatred toward me; her eyes are kind. She has every reason in the world to despise me, and yet here we are. There’s only good in her heart, always has been, and I think that makes me feel worse.
"Well, her mom has to eat healthy as well. I’ll take care of that too," I say.
"I can afford food Lane."
"I don't care. I'm taking care of it."
"How about half? At least I can justify that Annie is getting half the benefits of healthy eating."
"Ok. Half," I agree and we both smile at each other for a moment. I hear a little cry coming from my daughter and I look over to see her stretching herself awake. Mallory was right she has beautiful eyes. I make quick work of her seatbelt as our food arrives. I nestle Annie into my arms, it feels so good being her father. I smile thinking how just two days ago the thought of being a father scared me to death. But seeing my daughter, I'm not scared; I'm in love.
We start eating our meal and talk has stalled for the time being. I just don't know what to say or how to make it right, but somehow I have to. Somehow, I’ll make this mess better.
Mallory
This is going much better than I thought it would. I'm happy he changed his mind about fighting for Annie. As I'm watching him though, I see a world of hurt in his eyes. And I'm not talking about the black eye he’s sporting. I feel bad for punching him...almost.... I smile to myself. He deserved that black eye.
I break the silence because I do want a friendship with him, "You look like shit you know. Are you ok?"
He runs his hand over his face which now has a five o'clock shadow, "I'm good."
"How's your cousin?" I ask. Lane was uncontrollable last night, which has me concerned for that poor guy’s well being.
"We could be twins," he says pointing at his eye, "but he's good," he says smiling and there’s no doubt in my mind that all those big, muscular men are used to getting into random fights. It's really not fair that his entire family is that damn good-looking.
"Do you want me to drop Annie off tonight?" I ask, and immediately I see his jaw tighten.
"Mallory, please don't be a stripper," he pleads with me. I know he means well, but it doesn't matter. Although Lane will be lifting a lot of financial burden off of my shoulders, I still need the extra money so that Amy and I can get a better place soon.
I ignore his statement and instead keep rolling, "What time should I drop her off?"
"Whatever time works for you. I'm going shopping now to get the things she'll need. It shouldn't take me more than a couple of hours. So whenever is fine."
"Thank you. We should get going. She's going to want to nurse soon and I need a nap. I didn't sleep much last night."
"Ok. Give me your phone so I can put my number in," he says standing up from the table.
"I still don't have a phone," I reply.
He shakes his head but says nothing as he places Annie in her seat and carries her to my car. I watch him as he shakes his head again, but I'm not going to ask. Some things are better left unsaid.
Chapter
14
Lane
I just got home from shopping for Annie. I called my sister Lacey to help and she was more excited than I thought she'd be. I have a feeling my apartment will feel a lot more feminine here in about ten minutes. I gave her my credit card to buy the bedding and decor and I split off to do the practical stuff. Diapers, wipes, and bottles now hang in bags on my arms. Although I don't know what kind of any of those things she uses, I bought three of everything. When it’s all said and done, Lacey and I have both of our cars loaded down. I knew we would need help so I also called Landon and picked him up on the way home. Everyone else is busy or working today or they would be here, I have no doubt in my mind.
"Alright, let's get the crib and changing table set up," my sister says, taking charge. Landon and I follow behind her obediently and start looking over the manual. We know better than to talk back to the women in our family.
I have a one-bedroom apartment so Annie will have to sleep in my room. Thank goodness, it's spacious. Who knew that babies required so much crap?
"Are you nervous?" Landon asks.
"Definitely. I have no clue what I'm doing, I think Google will become my new best friend." I chuckle.
"You're lucky," he says with an odd tone to his voice. If I didn’t know Landon, I would think there’s a hint of jealousy hidden in there somewhere.
"Do you want kids?" I question. This isn't a conversation that we’ve ever had before, but I can tell something’s up.
"Not yet. I'm ready to find someone and settle down, though. Tell me, were they right? Dad and the guys? Was it different with her? Obviously knocking her up the first time was definitely the truth. But is it really different?"
"They were absolutely right. I can't explain it, but I've obsessed about being inside her again and again ever since the first time. It's like she controls my every thought."
Landon lowers his head and I can't help but think maybe he's found his one person. I don't think he's ready to talk about her though and I won't push him. That's something he ne
eds to figure out on his own.
Lacey made us leave so she could get the final decorations up. Landon decided to go home so I drove him and picked up dinner on my way back. When I walked into my home, it's obvious my manhood took a big hit while I was gone, courtesy of my sister.
"What the fuck, Lacey?" I ask, looking around my bedroom. There are pink, fluffy bunny rabbits everywhere. She didn't just get bedding--I have pink bunny curtains too.
"It's adorable, Lane. Annie will be in fluffy bunny heaven," she says with a scowl, noticing my obvious dislike of the situation.
"And I'm in bunny hell," I say with a heavy sigh. It is awfully cute. Damn it! Motherfucker...
"Can I stay and meet her?" Lacey asks, bouncing around like a kid at Christmas. I want to say no, but I’ve never been able to where Lacey is concerned.
"Sure. But you can't stay long."
"I won't. I'm so excited, I'm an aunt!" she squeals, clapping her hands. I'm thankful I have her support at least.
Mallory
I can't believe I'm back in Lane's apartment, I never thought I’d be here again. My palms are sweating as I try to push the memories of the last time I was here to the back of my mind. I take Annie out of her car seat, swaddling her in one of her many soft, new and inevitably pink blankets. I plant a little kiss on her sweet cheek. I'm not lugging that thing up four flights of stairs. It's hard enough to get in and out of the car.
When I get to the door, I knock and it’s not long before it quickly swings open. Immediately, I'm sick to my stomach. The beautiful girl who answered the door is smiling brightly like she has some claim over Lane or my daughter. I'm tempted to turn and leave but she yells over her shoulder and I hear Lane’s footsteps getting closer to the doorway I’m standing in.
Lane (Made From Stone Book 1) Page 11