Seeking Redemption

by Kylie Hillman

  I don’t remember him, but I’m certain that I’m incredibly lucky to have such a man for support.

  CHAPTER TWO

  “So she didn’t argue with you this morning? She accepted your story?” A woman’s voice poses the questions as I’m walking down the ornate stair case. The delicious scent of cinnamon French toast fills the air as I descend, making my stomach rumble.

  After taking my time showering and dressing, it became apparent that I needed to venture outside of the bedroom. Jax obviously wasn’t coming back for me. Mustering every ounce of courage I could find, I’d pulled open the heavy bedroom door and peered into the luxuriously appointed hallway. The expensive furnishings and abnormally long length of the hallway lead me to decide that either Jax or I come from old family money. I don’t know how I know but it’s not possible for a neurosurgeon and his unemployed fiancée to live in such a palatial home without possessing serious money to begin with.

  “We had one tense moment when she mentioned being a teacher but apart from that, it all went to plan.” Jax answers, sounding smug and filled with glee. Nothing at all like the understanding and patient man I met this morning. I remind myself that he wasn’t totally understanding or patient, his reaction to my comment about being a teacher was quite scary and over-the-top if I’m honest.

  “Oh Jax.” The woman laughs, great peals of laughter that set the hair on the back of my neck on end. “Your techniques are working. Her new memories will be irreversible within the month...” She trails off when I accidentally stumble down the last step, my heels clicking loudly against the marble floor as I struggle not to topple over.

  “Amber?” Jax appears through a doorway, an apron around his waist and an egg flip in his hand. “Are you okay, baby?”

  An older looking woman follows us into the kitchen as Jax grips my elbow and leads me towards a breakfast bar. Picking me up by the waist, he places me onto one of the tall stools before heading around the other side of the bench and continuing to flip the toast he’s cooking.

  Pulling my eyes from his strong forearms as they flex while he works, I turn to face the newcomer. She’s an attractive older lady with blonde hair and the slightly pinched look about her features that people who’ve just embarked upon fillers and Botox get about them. I’d put her in her mid-forties.

  “Good morning, Amber. How are you today, sweetheart?” Her words are caring but their delivery seems condescending.

  I take an instant dislike to her. “Who are you?”

  “Now baby, surely you remember Nurse Belinda?” Jax interjects. Spinning on my stool to look at him, I shrug. Placing a delicate china plate filled with French toast in front of me, he kisses my cheek. “Belinda has been looking after you while I’m at work ever since you were discharged. We’re very lucky to have her. Lucky that she accepted our offer to leave the hospital and look after you full time for me.”

  Jax bestows a brilliant, megawatt smile on Belinda and she visibly preens under his attention.

  “It was a very generous offer, Jax.” She purrs.

  Honestly? I might not remember the man or my feelings for him, but he’s my fiancé not hers. Her behaviour gets my back up. Unsure how to react, I take a bite of the French toast. A moan escapes me as the cinnamon bursts over my taste buds.

  Wow, he can cook.

  “You like that, baby?” He asks, running a finger down my cheek as he gazes in my eyes. A haze of lust overcomes me at his touch, my nipples pebbling noticeably through the sheer top I’m wearing over a silky camisole. Belinda’s sardonic snorting breaks through my mindless response and I make myself move away from Jax.

  Swallowing, I nod. “It’s yummy.”

  Peering up at Jax when he doesn’t answer me, I notice the silent conversation he’s having with Belinda over my head. He doesn’t look happy with her, wrath colouring his demeanour as he appears to chastise her for laughing at me. Intrigued, I chance a look at Belinda. I’m left in shock at what I see.

  Fear is written all over her face—her eyes wide and beseeching, her face pale under her makeup, her mouth opening and closing as she silently pleads for forgiveness. She’s scared of Jax.

  “Amber.” Jax is gruff as he demands my attention.

  Swivelling my head back to him, I’m thrown further when I take in his blank countenance. Not a sign of his anger can be seen, he’s expressionless. My misgivings from earlier in our bedroom return with vengeance. Maybe my suspicions are founded after all?

  “Amber.” He clicks his fingers in front of my face, pulling me from my dark worries.

  “Jax.” I answer him after a long second.

  “Eat up, baby. You need a full stomach before I administer your meds. I have time for a memory session before I’m needed at the hospital but only if you hurry.”

  Hesitant to call him out on what I just witnessed, equally reticent to question the meds and memory session, I smile at him as if I’m blasé to what just happened and dig into my now cooled toast.

  CHAPTER THREE

  “Okay, baby.” Jax blows on the crook of my elbow to dry the antiseptic wipe he’s just spread over my veins. “Take a deep breath. This will only be a slight pinch.”

  Screwing my eyes shut as he injects the clear fluid into my vein, I immediately feel woozy and light headed. Turning my head from where I’m lying on the velvet settee in his office, I search for his handsome face as the room spins.

  I should’ve asked more questions instead of blindly following them into the office once I’d finished my breakfast. In a dark recess of my mind, the thought that I’m not the meek, easy-to-please girl that I seem to be around Jax pops free.

  “I’m gonna be sick...” I try to tell him but the words are mumbled, tripping over themselves in their rush to leave me. As quick as it comes, the nausea leaves and I’m left with a feeling of indescribable ecstasy. My body feels as if it’s glowing, my cheeks heating as a smile breaks free of its own accord.

  It’s impossible to describe how awesome I feel. I’m positive that I could climb Mount Everest, leap tall buildings in one bound, and run a marathon all at the same time. And then some.

  “Amber?” Jax sounds as if he’s underwater. “Baby, ride the wave for me.”

  Clasping my hand in his big warm one, he grins at me. His eyes appear comically large in his head and his hair takes on a life of its own. It looks like it’s waving from the top of his head.

  “Wave...” I giggle as I watch his hair moving. When the waving of his hair becomes impossibly faster, dizziness grips me. My eyes begin to roll back in my head and that makes the grin slip from Jax’s face. He slaps me on the cheek. Hard. It stings and pulls me back to the present.

  “Stay with me. We can’t afford to lose this progress.” Jax doesn’t sound as nice anymore. The compassion that normally tinges his tone has been replaced with a callous disregard for my drugged state.

  “Tell me your name?” His terse question makes me frown. Jax knows my name. The relentless need that I feel to please him hits me. I answer in a rush, eager to stop the scowl that’s beginning to cross his face from taking shape.

  “Amber Marie St George.”

  Pulling my hand into his lap, he runs his thumb over my inner wrist. His tender touch increases my already erratic pulse and the cloud of desire that overpowers me every time he touches me takes over again.

  “Good girl.” He rubs the thin skin on my wrist again. I clamp my thighs together in response.

  “How does this make you feel, Amber Marie St George?”

  “Horny.” I snicker at my honesty, the snicker becoming a full blown belly rumbling laugh when Jax joins in.

  “That means it’s working, baby.”

  The moment is lost when his voice becomes harsh and demanding as he throws questions at me, pausing only long enough for me to answer.

  “How old are you?”

  “Thirty.”

  “Where do you live?”

  “Here.”

  “Who do you live with?
”

  “You.”

  “How long have we been together?”

  “Since I finished high school.”

  “Where do you work?”

  “At the Montgomery State School.”

  “WRONG!” Jax bellows at me, throwing my hand away from him. I shrink back into the settee, quaking in fear. “Belinda. Come here.”

  Nurse Belinda moves out of the shadows where she’s been sitting quietly since we entered the office. As she comes toward me, a memory breaks free.

  A big, strong looking man with sandy brown hair and kind eyes is reaching for me, jokingly pleading with me to come with him but I’m refusing. Laughing as I tell him I’m too busy for that now and that I’ll see him after work, I turn my back and walk away from him. When he heads off in the opposite direction, I spin on my heel and run after him, jumping on his back and wrapping my arms around his neck. Planting a kiss on his cheek, I whisper in his ear...

  “I love you Xander.” The words tumble from my mouth, causing Belinda to freeze and Jax to turn red with rage.

  “What did you say?” He’s apoplectic, a vein pulsing in his forehead as he reaches for me.

  Grabbing me by the front of my shirt, he leans into me. My head lolls as the drug in my system impedes my ability to control my extremities. “Mention him again and I’ll double the dose. I’m taking it easy on you. If I wanted, I could make you a vegetable and rebuild you from there. Do not test me, Amber.” Throwing me back into the seat, he stalks over to his desk and grabs another syringe.

  “Hold her.”

  Belinda snatches my arm, holding it straight. It’s futile to fight her grip but I try. Jax curses me, pushing me onto my back and straddling my waist as she wrestles me for control of my arm. I scream and struggle, but it doesn’t help. I feel the tell-tale prick of the needle as he propels the insidious drug into my unwilling body once again.

  When the new dose meets the remnants already flowing through my bloodstream, the light headedness and nausea engulfs me. My eyesight dims, black spots dominating as my eyelids flutter open and shut.

  “Get the electro wand, Belinda. Maybe another shock treatment will fix her. It worked yesterday, she was the best she’s ever been this morning.” Jax’s words spin around my head, scaring me to death. I want to protest. I want to defend myself, but despite my best efforts, I can’t beat back the impending darkness that’s stealing my consciousness.

  AMNESIA

  Currently available for FREE on Wattpad and to my newsletter subscribers.

  BRAWL

  Sneak peek of my MMA standalone, coming May 2016.

  Ready, set...FIGHT!

  Brace yourself; then strap in for the ride of your life. Let me introduce you to the most head-strong, cantankerous, and socially unacceptable couple in the history of the universe. You'll love to hate them, that is, until you realize that you're now barracking for them to get their act together.

  When a broken heart challenges a black heart, fists will fly...

  ***

  Gabriella Mitchell is a fighter.

  She fights to keep her family together after her parent's divorce. She fights to keep her siblings safe and in school. She fights because it's the only thing keeping her sane.

  Stumbling across an underground MMA fight ring in Sydney, her blood roars as she watches the ruthless Hayden "Hooligan" Harvie wipe the floor of the octagon with his latest opponent.

  Gabriella decides she wants to fight professionally; to support her siblings with her fists...and she wants Hooligan to teach her.

  Hooligan doesn't think girls should fight. Especially young, pretty ones he'd love to have warming his bed for a night or two...if only he could silence his conscience long enough.

  Every couple needs to fight for their love at some stage, however with two stubborn hearts at stake, a happy ending for these two will require an all-out BRAWL!

  PROLOGUE

  Hatred.

  It’s the strongest of emotions—stronger than even love in my opinion. To have hatred for someone means that you once must have loved them. To now hate them, well, that means that they’ve hurt you to an extent that forgiveness is impossible...and we all know that being hurt by someone you love is the biggest betrayal of them all.

  I’m filled with hatred. It pulses through me; visceral and visible for everyone to see. It’s branded on my soul, polluting any happiness that might sneak up on me, forcing me to shut out anyone who dares to pry back my protective armor.

  He’s as fucked-up as I am. Angry at the world, a snarling, savage beast, who wreaks destruction with his fists and annihilates with his nasty tongue. I should run a mile like the rest of them, yet I can’t. What’s left of his humanity calls to mine, desperately seeking someone who understands; someone who can withstand the carnage he creates.

  He says he doesn’t want me. Then why can’t he keep his hands off me?

  I refuse to let anyone get close to me ever again. So why can’t I make myself walk away?

  BRAWL, an MMA Standalone, coming May 2016

  AVAILABLE FOR PREORDER/PURCHASE NOW

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  After three books, I’m running the risk of repeating myself :)

  Firstly, I have to acknowledge my awesome husband and kids, who’ve put up with my crazy schedule and my “occasional” mood swings, when I’ve felt like the pressure of delivering this book on time was trying to drown me. Releasing three books in six months was crazy ambitious, and without your support, I wouldn’t have managed it. Throw in a couple of Crohn’s flares, numerous trips to Sydney to see specialists, and a few hospitalizations, and we had the recipe for a disaster. Instead, I’ve released a story I’m 100% proud of—on time and with my sanity still intact. What’s left of it anyway! I love you guys more than I can say.

  My Aunty Jo: I could fill this entire section with my love and appreciation for you. From attending my first author event with me (and dealing with my threatening meltdowns since socially awkward is my middle name), to line editing this book in the tiny window that I left you, and just generally propping me up when the walls began to close in, you gave me strength when the doubts were winning. Most of all, I thank you for being a kick-ass Mum figure. Love you <3

  My brilliant betas—Philena Heaney-Allen, Megan Alexis Drane, Heather Hildenbrand, Philomena Callan, and Michele Gantz: I say this after each book, but it still holds true. Without your input, my stories wouldn’t be as good as they are. Thank you all for your time and effort xx

  And lastly, to every single person—reader, blogger, and fellow author—who’s taken the time to read my stories; send me messages of support; comment about how my words affected them; leave a review; and share my links and teasers, I offer you a huge “thank you”! Without all of you, I wouldn’t have surpassed my dream of having just one person read and appreciate my stories. Every time I check Facebook, Amazon, and Goodreads, I’m stunned at the positive comments that greet me. It honestly makes my day every time.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Kylie Hillman is an Australian author.

  Wife to a Harley-riding, boating and fishing, four-wheel driving, underground mining quintessential Aussie bloke.

  Mum to two crazy, adorable, and original kids.

  Crohn's Disease sufferer and awareness campaigner.

  She’s also an avid tea drinker, a connoisseur of 80s/90s rock music, and is known for lacing everything she says with sarcasm and inappropriate innuendo.

  Formerly working in finance, she was forced to reevaluate her plans for her life when severe Crohn's Disease brought her corporate career to a screeching halt. Restarting her childhood hobbies of writing and reading to alleviate the monotony of being sick and housebound, she found her calling and is enjoying life to the max. A typical day is now spent in the “real” world where she hangs out with her awesome family and “book” world where she gets to chill with her fictional characters.

  Kylie writes the books she wants to read. A lover of strong men w
ho aren't perfect and aren't afraid to admit it, straight-talking women who embrace their vulnerabilities, and real life gritty stories, she hopes these themes shine through her writing. An avid reader of all genres, Kylie hopes to release books that keep the reader on the edge of their seat—be it with suspense, romance, or laughter.

  CONNECT WITH KYLIE

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  OTHER TITLES BY KYLIE

  Seizing Control (Black Shamrocks MC #1)

  OUT NOW

  Making Choices (Black Shamrocks MC #2)

  OUT NOW

  Brawl (MMA Standalone)

  Coming early May, 2016

  Tempting Fate (Black Shamrocks MC #4)

  Coming July, 2016

  Finding Nirvana (Black Shamrocks MC #5)

  Coming September, 2016