Boy Girl Games

by Stella Wilkinson

  Beth and Matt automatically turned to the window to see what he was looking at, but there was nothing to see except the grey sky. Beth stifled a laugh. She shouldn’t make fun of someone else’s odd behaviour when she was no stranger to being abnormal herself.

  “Good point,” she quickly said, to compensate for an escaping giggle.

  “But then again, you don’t know who it was, he might have selected you anyway.” The boy returned his gaze to the ceiling, and Beth and Matt both followed his lead and looked up, then realised what they were doing and shared a silent grin.

  “Another good point,” Matt said.

  The boy continued to look upwards, “So you could ask yourself how it made you feel to have helped you?”

  “How would that work?” Beth asked.

  “It doesn’t.” The older girl spoke without opening her eyes at all.

  Beth clapped her hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing out loud. Matt too, failed to hide another chuckle.

  “Um, yeah, anyway, that’s me done. Who’s next?” Matt addressed the group, then inched his chair slightly out of the circle, before dragging Beth’s chair out with him.

  “You’re a bad influence!” Matt whispered with a wide smile when they were both moved slightly apart from the others.

  Beth’s stomach turned over in pleasure. No one had ever called her a bad influence and she rather liked it.

  “You’re the bad influence,” she returned. “Shouldn’t we encourage the younger ones to talk?”

  “Oh, who cares, we’ll do it in a minute. So what happened to you yesterday? I thought you wanted to go out to Oakworth?”

  Beth chewed on her lip, uncertain how to reply. “I did, it’s just that I sort of get nervous in a big group of people.”

  Matt furrowed his brow. “Then why did you...?” He broke off mid-question, and Beth wondered if he had just figured out that she only meant him rather than the whole group.

  She blew her cheeks in frustration when he didn’t continue. Instead he nodded in acceptance of her reply. “Yeah, so do I sometimes, it’s hard being the new kid. But when it comes to soccer I get so involved that I forget about it.”

  Beth cocked her head, thinking that over. Could she become so interested in something that it would make her forget all about being shy? She didn’t think so.

  “So, you had fun?” she asked tentatively, still wondering about him and Marianne.

  “Yes, loads, but it would have been even better if you had been there. You’re the only real friend I’ve got here so far.”

  “Oh.” Beth felt all warm inside again; did that mean he didn’t consider Marianne a friend? Maybe there was nothing between the two of them after all? And just because Marianne liked Matt it didn’t automatically mean that Matt had to like Marianne.

  Beth was about to say more when Miss Grant came back and they were forced to rejoin the discussion.

  “I’ll see you at practice on Wednesday then?” Matt said as the class ended.

  Beth smiled and said, “Wednesday it is.”

  Chapter Ten

  BETH FELT UPBEAT THROUGH Tuesday and Wednesday. She had odd moments of nerves, but just the thought of how soon she would see Matt again had kept her going, and she finally set out for practice with a light heart.

  She looked around for Matt but he wasn’t there yet; instead Toby came over to greet her as she arrived.

  “Hey, Beth, you look great.” He dropped his voice: “I’m so glad you came.”

  “Me too,” she said and smiled, looking over his shoulder for signs of Matt.

  Toby waved his hand in front of her eyes. “Hey, I’m over here. All this disinterest is bad for my ego, you know. Don’t worry, there’s no one around to spook you today.”

  “Oh, but...” She was about to reassure him that she hadn’t been thinking of that, but she didn’t want to give away the fact that she had been looking out for Matt, so she switched her focus to Toby and tried to look grateful for his thoughtfulness. It was very nice of him, after all, even if he had misinterpreted her distraction.

  All around them the others were arriving. Kelly and Emma arrived together; Kelly waved and shouted “Hello”, which could have been meant for either Beth or Toby, or both. Emma gave a raised hand in greeting, and then Marianne appeared on foot doing a sprightly jog. She came right up to them and kissed Toby on the cheek.

  “Hi, Toby,” she said, pointedly ignoring Beth.

  Beth ground her teeth, but then her heart lifted as she spotted Matt coming around side of the building. Marianne didn’t wait for him to reach them but instead closed the distance herself, meeting him halfway. When she got to him she didn’t kiss him on the cheek, but she offered her own up to him in a gesture that seemed to Beth to speak of a far more intimate relationship.

  Beth watched as Matt gave Marianne an awkward peck on the cheek. His eyes met Beth’s, and she turned quickly away.

  With her stomach in her shoes Beth focussed instead on Toby.

  “So what’s the plan today?”

  “A warm-up and then we’ll just do some passing to start, I think. Kicking the ball from one person to the next in a line and then in a circle. I need to work out who is going to play each position.”

  Beth nodded and then turned back to Matt as he finally stopped talking to Marianne and joined them.

  “Hi, trouble,” he said, alluding to them making each other laugh in class. But Beth no longer felt the warmth of having an in-joke together. Now that she’d seen him kiss Marianne, even if it was just on the cheek, she couldn’t help feeling hurt.

  So she gave him a very cool unemotional, “Hi,” in return and then felt bad when he looked surprised.

  As Beth did warm up-stretches with everyone, she could feel Matt looking over at her. She kept her eyes firmly on Toby as he demonstrated running on the spot with knees coming right up to touch his outstretched hands.

  Perhaps Matt was completely unaware of her feelings towards him. She had thought he felt something too, some kind of warmth between them that was a bit more than friendship, but maybe he genuinely didn’t? Maybe he just wanted her as a friend and nothing more. That would make sense. He had never really said he wanted more, not in the way Toby had; she had obviously misread the signs in her own desire for it to be more than it was.

  Beth sighed, feeling really depressed. She was such an idiot. She liked Matt, but Matt clearly now had something going on with Marianne.

  “Beth?”

  She looked up to find Toby giving her a concerned look. He trotted over to her side.

  “You okay?” He kept his voice low.

  She gave him a big smile of gratitude. He really was sweet to be so aware of her mood. She nodded and redoubled her effort to get her knees up. He squeezed her arm in a gesture of comfort and then went back to the middle of the circle.

  Beth really did feel comforted. Toby was so nice. She was really glad she was doing football, despite the Matt and Marianne situation. She wasn’t a nobody here, she was a part of the team. How flattering to have someone like Toby liking her. Things like that just didn’t happen to her. In a weird way, it wasn’t Matt that was changing her life, it was football.

  Her appreciation for football deepened when they started to kick the ball around. They were spread out in ever-widening circles, and the further away from the others she was the easier she found it. It was bizarre but when it was just her and the ball she felt completely in control.

  Beth’s heart began to feel light, and she felt like laughing from the sheer pleasure of the blue sky and the green grass and kicking a ball around with her peers.

  “Okay,” Toby shouted, “start kicking across the middle now, and the people at the side points rush for the centre to try to stop it. So Beth, you kick to Marianne; then Kelly and Greg, see if you can get to the middle before it passes. Then pass the ball one person down and we’ll do it again.”

  Beth nodded and as Matt kicked the ball along to her she got behind it and
gave it a really powerful kick.

  It was far too fast for Kelly or Greg to get anywhere near it. Marianne gave a squeal and then caught the ball as it reached her at chest height.

  “You’re supposed to kick it along the grass, you dumb twit!” Marianne shouted at Beth.

  Beth had been feeling pretty pleased with her kick but now she shrank back and looked at Toby to see if she had messed up.

  “Don’t be ridiculous, Marianne.” It was Matt who was at Beth’s side in an instant. “It was a great kick,” he reassured her.

  While Beth was glad that Matt had rushed to her defence, she also earned herself a look of absolute loathing from Marianne that chilled her inside. She didn’t want more enemies, she had only wanted this to be fun. Why did other people always have to ruin things? This was exactly why it was better just to be alone.

  “She was aiming at my face!” Marianne threw the ball aggressively at Beth, who cowered even though it didn’t make the distance to her and fell to the ground before rolling gently to a stop in the middle of the circle.

  “No, she wasn’t.” Toby picked up the ball and walked over and put an arm around Beth. “Don’t be a drama queen,” he told Marianne. “Hey, don’t panic,” he pulled Beth into his chest as he saw in her eyes how close she was to doing just that.

  Toby held Beth firmly, with her head turned into his side, and ran his hand up and down her back. “Just breathe,” he whispered. With his free hand Toby threw the ball to Matt. “Can you give us a minute, just get them going again across the circle?”

  Matt looked at Beth and Toby and opened his mouth as if to disagree. Beth gave him a shaky smile and a nod to show she wanted him to. Matt frowned for a moment and then shrugged.

  “Okay,” he called across the pitch, “let’s try that again.”

  Toby led Beth away to the other end of the pitch.

  “I’m alright, Toby, really I am. I shouldn’t have kicked it so hard.”

  “Yes, you should! That’s the game. Marianne knows it, she was just being catty. Yet another reason why girls shouldn’t be on the team. We’ll have handbags at dawn before we play a single match at this rate.”

  Beth could tell in his voice that he was just kidding and she gave him a light punch in the arm. Then she realised that his joking had made her forget to have a panic attack and that the moment had passed.

  She gave him a hug of gratitude and Toby dropped a kiss on her lips.

  Chapter Eleven

  “OH. HEY!” SHE BACKED quickly away from him.

  “Sorry.” Toby smiled, totally unrepentant. “Bad moment to take advantage – I just couldn’t resist.”

  Beth couldn’t help looking past him to see if Matt was watching, then her face burned when she saw that he was.

  “No, it’s fine. But we’re just friends, okay?”

  Toby sighed in frustration. “Really? Do we have to be? I like you, Beth. Will you at least think about going on a date with me? Just one single date?”

  Beth narrowed her eyes. “Is that the only reason you’re being nice to me? So I’ll go out with you?”

  “Of course not.” Toby looked genuinely taken aback and Beth instantly felt bad for jumping to that conclusion.

  “Sorry.” She hung her head.

  Toby pulled her back to his chest for a very “friend”-type hug. “I have to consider the good of the team as well.” His voice was teasing again and she relaxed.

  She did like Toby very much, but, well, he just wasn’t Matt.

  But Matt didn’t like her that way, not the way Toby did. She watched over Toby’s shoulder as Matt played with the others, already having forgotten her. Marianne was dribbling the ball around him in circles and he was laughing.

  Beth took a deep breath, counted to five, and hardened her heart against her Matt feelings.

  After that she managed to continue with the practice session. At the end of the hour they did two laps of the pitch. Matt jogged up next to her.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “Fine.” She didn’t look at him.

  “Right.” He didn’t say anything for a minute. “I’m sure Marianne didn’t mean to upset you.”

  Beth pressed her lips together to stop herself from disagreeing, and didn’t answer.

  He tried again. “You and Toby are getting on well.” It was phrased more like a statement than a question, but Beth sensed the question there too.

  She smiled over at Toby, who was shouting at everyone again to “keep your knees up”.

  “Yeah, he’s nice.”

  “Right,” he said again. “Yeah, he is.”

  Beth tried to think of a way to ask how he was getting on with Marianne without sounding like she was retaliating, but couldn’t.

  Silence fell between them. Beth in particular was trying not to show how out of breath she was as they started the second lap. She really had to work on her fitness levels, she thought. She breathed deeply to try not to puff, as she didn’t want Matt to think she was a total couch potato. But when she turned to look at him again he had dropped back and was talking to Greg.

  When they reached the start point again, everyone flopped onto the grass and Toby handed out water bottles from a cooler.

  Beth lay back on the grass and stared at the sky, listening to the tenor of Matt’s voice as he talked football with Greg.

  She felt frustrated. She had started this to spend more time with him, but they seemed to be moving further apart rather than closer together.

  “Did you see her face?” Marianne’s voice rang out in the air from the other side of her. “Oh boo hoo, I must hide behind these boys in case the nasty ball comes near me.” Marianne mimicked Beth.

  Beth felt like her body suddenly sank through the ground and into the earth below. She couldn’t cope with people being mean. She grabbed hold of the grass either side of her to steady herself even though she was lying down.

  One of the other girls said something that Beth couldn’t hear. She squeezed her eyes shut but it wasn’t enough to drown out Marianne’s response.

  “Oh please, she just wanted to have them all feel sorry for her. Make me look like the mean girl, when she was the one who aimed the ball at my face. She’s such a wimp.”

  Beth stopped breathing; she got nauseous and began to feel dizzy.

  “Breath, just breath,” she told herself. “One, two, three...” She counted to one hundred before getting unsteadily to her feet. She didn’t look over at the girls. She concentrated hard on putting her drink back in by the cooler. Her hands were shaking, and the word “wimp” just kept reverberating in her head.

  She started to walk away, when she heard steps behind her.

  “No, no,” she thought, “not Matt, I can’t speak to him like this, and not Toby, I can’t deal with him being funny or flirty right now.” She quickened her pace.

  “Beth? Wait up.” It was a girl’s voice. Beth panicked and thought about breaking into a run. But a hand on her shoulder stopped her before she could put the thought into action. “Stop, please, it’s me, Kelly.”

  “What do you want?” Her voice came out aggressive though she hadn’t meant it to.

  “I just wanted to apologise for Marianne. I don’t think she realised you could hear her.”

  Beth turned slightly away, ready to keep moving. “And that makes it okay to be horrible about people?”

  “No, it doesn’t. She’s really not a horrible person, she’s just jealous of you. Because she can’t have what she wants, but you can.”

  “Huh?” Beth paused in confusion, “It looks to me like she and Matt are together.”

  Kelly’s brow furrowed in return. “Not Matt, Toby. She’s been trying to get Toby to ask her out for years, but he clearly likes you. I think the fact that you are also good at football has really pushed her buttons.”

  “So, she’s not going out with Matt?” Beth felt lost in the conversation, and so focussed on the important bit.

  Kelly shrugged. “I don’t know, sh
e might be. Not being with Toby doesn’t mean she hasn’t had other boyfriends. Anyway, I just thought you should know that it isn’t really personal, she just gets a bit insecure sometimes.”

  Beth gave a half laugh of disbelief. “You’re kidding me?”

  “Not at all, I know she comes across like she’s all swagger and one of the guys, but she’s really soft below the surface.”

  “Way way below the surface,” Beth joked, but she did feel a bit better. Maybe everyone had moments of insecurity and doubt. Sometimes it felt like it was just her, and the rest of the world were fine.

  After Beth said goodbye to Kelly, she walked slowly back to her dorm thinking over what she was hoping to achieve.

  She wanted to be around Matt, but doing so might end up being torture; still she liked football and she wanted to go to practice regardless. On the other hand she didn’t like Marianne, despite what Kelly had said, and she felt she was putting herself unnecessarily into an anxiety-inducing situation. But then again, she also felt like she was improving her social skills just by doing it; and it was also good exercise for her body, so in a way she was benefiting both mentally and physically by going to practice. She also enjoyed the feeling of being part of something, rather than just a weird loner, and maybe even make some friends.

  Over the next couple of days she really pepped herself up again to talk to Matt. She talked it over several times with Wendy, and went to practice on Friday night ready to overcome her fears.

  Arriving at the football pitch on Friday, Beth felt nervous but determined. Nearly everyone was already there and she marched over to join the group as if she belonged.

  Only to stop dead when she saw Matt and Marianne.

  Marianne was standing right up against Matt, much closer than friends would stand. She was giggling as she said something and he was smiling back at her. As Beth watched, Marianne tossed her hair about and slid her talons around one of Matt’s biceps.

  Beth sighed. Kelly had gotten it wrong; Marianne may have wanted Toby in the past but now Matt had come along she was definitely interested. Her flirt mode was totally centred on Matt. Beth realised that Matt would never see her when she was always being totally eclipsed by the bubbly personality of Marianne. But it just wasn’t something she could compete with; she could never be that way. She wanted to be, but she just didn’t have the confidence to pull it off.