Boy Girl Games

by Stella Wilkinson

  Somehow she had to come out of the shadows. Find a way to build herself up.

  “Hi, gorgeous! I missed you,” a voice said behind her.

  Beth turned and smiled at the one boy who actually did make her feel pretty confident.

  “Hi, Toby.”

  Chapter Twelve

  TOBY SLUNG AN ARM AROUND her shoulders and drew her into the group. A group she was now starting to recognise and know some of the other players names.

  “Hi, Beth,” said Greg.

  From their relaxed positions on the grass two boys called Joey and Spencer gave her a wave.

  “How’s it going?” asked Joey.

  “Hey, good to see you,” Matt smiled at her.

  “Hi, Beth, love those short shorts,” Kelly greeted.

  “Me too. I have some like that in yellow, I really must dig them out,” Emma said nodding.

  “Hi, Beth.” Marianne gave her an embarrassed half smile.

  Toby gave her arm a rub before releasing her, and bent to open a bag of footballs.

  Beth blinked a few times. What was going on? Why was everyone suddenly being nice to her? Had Toby said something to them about her? Had he told them she got anxious?

  Her eyes switched to Kelly. Had she said something, maybe told Marianne to be nicer?

  “Toby,” she hissed, pulling him away from the others. “Why is everyone being weird? Did you say something? Did anyone say something?”

  Toby looked genuinely confused. “What are you on about? Who’s being weird?”

  “Everybody, being all fake nice.” Beth waved an arm at the group.

  “I don’t get it, what was fake? Do you mean your team-mates saying hello when you arrived? Isn’t that kind of normal behaviour?” He shook his head at her as though she were crackers, gave her a pat on the arm and went back to sorting through the footballs.

  Beth hung back, watching the group for some signs of a conspiracy, but they had gone back to their regular conversations.

  At that moment Bryn arrived and the hellos started again.

  “Hi, Bryn,” “Alright, mate?” “Yo, Big B, did you catch the snooker last night?”

  Bryn cheerfully returned their greetings as if it were all perfectly normal. And Beth suddenly realised that it was. They weren’t being weird; she was the weird one to think it! She was a part of the team and they had welcomed her as such.

  She felt giddy at the idea, but giddy in a really good way. It was scary, but scary nice.

  After that everything just seemed to go right for her. She scored goal after goal, kicked the ball high and low as instructed, passed it quickly when tackled, and even managed to get the ball off Joey, who looked really offended until she realised he was teasing her. It was so novel for her that she didn’t know how to take it.

  When they all sat on the grass to listen to Toby give them a lecture, Beth zoned out and thought about how good she was feeling.

  She looked over at Matt. He was sitting next to Marianne, their fingers almost touching on the grass. Beth’s heart sank a little but she stubbornly looked away. She had to put him out of her mind, but even though she had started playing football to be with him she now realised she didn’t want to give it up even if he was with Marianne. Football was good for her. She was out and about, making friends, doing things – her therapist would have been really proud of her. She had to keep on with it regardless.

  As they jogged around the field at the end of practice, Beth found that even that had become easier; instead of puffing like a steam engine she managed the first lap almost without trying, only getting out of breath when she attempted the second, and ended up in a heap on the grass as usual, but with a smile on her face.

  Then instead of leaving quickly in a panic, she hung around chatting with the others, sipping her water and discussing some of the more complex rules of the sport. There were jokes about girls not understanding the “off-side” rule, and she laughed along as part of the group.

  She decided to go soon after that, not wanting to stay long enough to risk it being ruined.

  “Hey, Beth?” Toby ran after her.

  “Yes?” She waited for him.

  “Feel free to say no, I won’t mind, but would you like to go for lunch with me in Oakworth on Sunday?”

  Beth thought for a moment. The local village was pretty safe; it was close to school if their lunch turned out to be awkward, she wouldn’t have to keep her emotions under control as there wasn’t likely to be any social pressure, and Toby was fun to be around.

  “Sure,” she smiled.

  “What, really?” Toby looked surprised. “Great, I’ll meet you in the Entrance Hall at twelve?”

  Beth was still smiling as she walked up the stairs to North Tower. Beth Jenkins was finally going on a date with an actual boy!

  Chapter Thirteen

  “THAT’S JUST SO UNLIKELY, you and Toby Falcon!” Wendy said unflatteringly, but with a teasing tone to her voice. “The football captain and the bookworm, it sounds like a really lame movie.”

  Beth shrugged as she carefully cut out another picture of a pair of black boots for Wendy, who was sticking them into her journal.

  “So what will you do if he tries to kiss you?”

  “I don’t know... let him?” Beth winked at Wendy.

  “Ooh, you tart, I thought you were in love with Matt?”

  Beth sighed. “Yeah, I think I am – I’m not sure anymore. Doesn’t it have to be mutual to be love?”

  “Of course not!” Wendy scoffed. “Though that’s obviously preferable. I think it’s healthy that you’re not obsessing over him. Even though I think going on a date with Toby Falcon is hardly the best cure. I mean, isn’t he just going to break your heart as well?”

  “Gee, thanks, Wendy, that makes me feel great.” Beth said it with a smile, but inside her heart sank; what Wendy was saying was quite true, and Beth could see herself getting hurt. Not because Toby would break her heart, but because she liked him as a friend and the new confidence she was building as a member of his team.

  “Aw, Beth, just have fun, you deserve more fun in life. And I think going out with Toby is a great idea, I wouldn’t mind getting my hands on those pecs myself. Make the most of it and make out with the hot footballer.”

  They both laughed, but Beth seriously doubted she would actually do any such thing.

  “I’ve never actually kissed a boy before,” Beth said, keeping her eyes focussed on the scissors.

  “You’re kidding? No, actually I’m not surprised. You really need to get out there, girl, get a little bit of experience, then you can be really good at it when you eventually kiss Matt.”

  “So will I be really bad at it without any practice?” Beth looked worried.

  “Probably.” Wendy faked a drool face.

  “How many boys have you kissed?” Beth asked.

  “Loads – well, at least three anyway. Actually, add another one for this Christmas,” Wendy got a strange far away look in her eyes, and then shook it off quickly. “Anyway, you don’t need a real boy to practice. Just try this.” Wendy picked up her pillow and gave it a smooch, then chucked it at Beth.

  “Ugh, how about not?” Beth threw it back at Wendy’s head.

  “Okay, try your hand. Here, you put your thumb and first finger together so it’s like a mouth shape. I’m Toby, and why, there’s a wench! Come on and kiss me, Beth.” Wendy mimed her hand talking through the gap in her fingers.

  Beth giggled and made a mouth with her own fingers. “Or maybe: Kiss me and you will see how important I am. Though I think it highly unlikely Toby will have read either Shakespeare or Sylvia Plath!”

  “No, he’s more likely to say, Alright, sexy, fancy a snog?” Wendy lifted her other hand up to talk to the first hand. “And you’ll say, Oh, go away you beastly boy, I never kiss on the first date!” she mimicked Beth’s voice.

  Beth slapped Wendy’s hands down. “Are you supposed to kiss on a first date?” she asked.

  “
Well, this isn’t Jane Austen, darling, much as you might want it to be. So yeah, I'd say kissing is pretty much de rigueur on a first date in this day and age. Give it a try.”

  “Um, how about no? I’m not going to kiss Toby anyway.”

  “Poor Toby, does he know you wish he was someone else?”

  Beth squirmed awkwardly. “I don’t wish he was someone else, I like him. Well, okay, yes, I do wish Matt had asked me out, but I guess he doesn’t like me that way after all.”

  “Hey, why don’t you tell him that Toby asked you out and you need someone to practice your kissing with?” Wendy wiggled her eyebrows.

  Beth threw the pillow at Wendy again, and then they changed the subject.

  Later that night as she lay in bed, Beth tried to imagine what kissing Matt would be like, and then she tried to imagine what kissing Toby might be like. She tried kissing her hand, but she didn’t think it went very well. What if she was a terrible kisser? How would she know? Maybe Wendy was on to something; maybe she could practice on Toby so that if and when she ever kissed Matt she wouldn’t mess it up. She groaned into her pillow – that was so never going to happen! There was no chance of ever kissing either of them, and that was that...

  Chapter Fourteen

  ON SUNDAY MORNING BETH had to forcibly restrain Wendy from giving her a make over. Wendy wanted Beth to wear a skirt, but she had stuck to her guns and she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. She’d broken the mould a little though; instead of her usual navy blues she had put on a pale pink top to add a little femininity. It was her one conformity, other than that she was still in her usual trainers and wasn’t wearing any make-up, simply because she never did, and she didn’t want Toby to think she had gotten all glammed up for him. Somehow that would seem like leading him on. But she couldn’t deny having butterflies in her stomach just the same.

  She waited for him in the school Entrance Hall, carefully avoiding the eyes of anyone passing by, and gave a huge sigh of relief when Toby arrived, having secretly wondered if he would be a no-show.

  “Hi.” Toby gave her a peck on the cheek, which made Beth blush. She wasn’t used to displays of affection like that from a boy. She didn’t know whether she was supposed to kiss him back or not, so she didn’t.

  They walked side by side in to the village, and Beth was relieved that he didn’t try to hold her hand.

  They were just ambling down the High Street, when Bryn and Emma walked out of a shop and waved to them.

  Beth felt panic wash over her – how did she act in such an awkward social situation? Surely Toby hadn't invited the couple to join them, had he? Going out on a date for the first time was hard enough without having to “hang out” with other people too.

  “Did you know they’d be here?” Beth whispered in alarm.

  Toby looked confused, then caught side of Bryn and Emma and groaned. “Of course not, just calm down. I’ll handle it.”

  He put an arm around her shoulders to steady her, and held her until her breathing slowed. “Okay, now do you trust me?” He tipped her chin so she was looking him straight in the eye.

  Beth nodded and continued counting inside her head.

  Toby walked them slowly over to Bryn and Emma.

  Emma’s eyes went wide at the sight of them. “Hi, Toby, and Beth. I didn’t know you guys were an item?”

  Beth tensed as she heard the fishing-for-information tone to the other girl’s voice.

  Toby shrugged but kept a tight arm around Beth.

  “Hi, guys, what are you up to?” Toby simply ignored Emma’s question, a clever tactic that Beth would never have been able to do.

  “We’re going for Sunday lunch.” Bryn gave a hungry pat of his stomach. “Roast dinner at the pub.”

  “No we’re not!” Emma said forcefully. “We’re going to the café for scones.”

  “Oh.” Bryn looked so disappointed that Toby and Beth laughed.

  “Right, have fun either way, we’d better go, see you both on Wednesday.” Toby gave them a nod and Beth gave them a tight smile and then they hurried away.

  “Did you do that on purpose?” Beth asked.

  “Do what?”

  “Not tell them where we were going.”

  Toby nodded, looking pleased with himself. “Yeah, otherwise they might have wanted to join us. I figured if they were intending to go to the pub then we could have ditched it and gone to the Oakworth hotel instead, but I doubt they will be; they’ll end up doing what Emma wants.” He led her into the pub and found a quiet table near the back.

  They both ordered only a main course, and the conversation flowed easily. Toby asked if she wanted a pudding but Beth shook her head.

  It was only when they left that she suddenly felt awkward again. They began to walk back to the school very slowly, at first just discussing the food, and then talking about football. Toby was so enthusiastic that Beth didn’t need to do much more than listen. But then Toby went quiet and took her hand and Beth felt her breath quicken with nerves. Should she let him? What did it mean? Should she pull away? Would that be rude?

  “Toby?” she asked after a few steps of their walking hand in hand.

  “Yes, Beth?” She could hear his smile, as though he had been expecting questions.

  “I had a nice time today, but we don’t hang out together in school, you have your friends and I have mine, so maybe we shouldn’t, um, hold hands or anything coupley because...” Her voice trailed off because she couldn’t think of a way to say that she would get upset when he went back to treating her like they barely knew each other.

  Toby stopped walking and turned her to face him. “Do you want to keep things separate? I don’t see why we should.”

  “Um, okay, but...” Beth’s eyes darted as she felt like a beetle under a magnifying glass.

  “Look,” Toby said firmly, “I make things better, don’t I? I mean, you are less anxious when I’m there to smooth things over, aren’t you? Like today, when you looked like you wanted to run, but you made it through with me by your side?”

  Beth smiled, calming down slightly. “Your ego is the size of Godzilla, but yeah, I suppose you make it easier.”

  “So, why can’t I do that for you in school too? Why can’t we hang together more and then I can get your back when you need it, or just hold your hand when you feel like hiding?”

  “Really? You would do that for me? Why?” Beth wasn’t sure she wanted what he was suggesting but was really touched by the offer.

  Toby slapped his forehead, “Because I like you; I keep telling you that. Why is it so surprising to you? You’re pretty and you play football! What more could a guy possibly want?”

  “Uh, a nice personality?” Beth quirked her eyebrows at him.

  “Ah, pfff, we don’t care about that.” He caught her look and softened his tone. “Besides, you do have a nice personality.”

  Toby began to lower his head towards hers and Beth realised he was about to kiss her.

  In those few seconds before he did, a myriad of thoughts went through her brain. Her first instinct was to either pull away or to make a run for it. Then she thought of her failed attempt to practice kissing and how bad she might be at it. Then she thought she should practice some more before kissing Toby. Then she thought she could practice by kissing Toby. Then she thought that she didn’t want her first kiss to be with Toby but with Matt, and that she would never get another opportunity for that very first first kiss, but she could be waiting years for it to happen with Matt or even wait forever. And Toby was offering her so much more than a kiss, he was offering her social integration at school as well as being there to help her through it; but she hadn't decided if that was something she wanted as yet.

  But in those last milliseconds before his lips touched hers, she heard Toby’s words repeated in her mind, “You’re pretty ... you do have a nice personality.” No one had ever said such nice things to her before. So she let him kiss her.

  Chapter Fifteen

  THEY KISSED F
OR ONLY a few seconds, but Beth thought it went extremely well for her first-ever kiss.

  She felt suitably buzzed by the sensation, though not exactly weak at the knees as expected, and it wasn’t too wet or gross. And Toby was smiling at her, so she couldn’t have been too awful at it either.

  They walked through the school gates still holding hands. At the main door he looked like he was going to kiss her again, but she shook her head.

  “Don’t – someone might see us,” she muttered, pulling her hand out of his.

  “Okay, shall I meet you here for football on Wednesday?”

  “No, don’t be silly, I’ll just meet you on the field as normal.”

  “Alright. You’re not going to be awkward about this, are you? I mean, we’re fine?”

  “You mean am I going to panic and hide from you? No, I don’t think so.” She felt fairly confident she really was fine with it.

  “Cool. See you around then.” Toby moved to kiss her again, then checked himself and shook her hand in a comedic manner before starting to walk down the hall towards West Tower.

  “Toby?”

  “Yes?”

  “You’re a good friend.”

  “Boyfriend,” he corrected, before waving and turning the corner.

  Beth stood there feeling slightly elated. Was it that simple? Did she have a boyfriend now? Just like a regular teenager!

  She sailed up to North Tower on a high, and it wasn’t until she was in bed that night that she wondered if she should have accepted his new status in her life so glibly. Where would that leave her and Matt?

  Beth thumped her pillow a few times. She simply had to push Matt out of her head. There was clearly something between him and Marianne, and if she was brutally honest with herself he had never actually indicated the desire for anything beyond friendship with Beth.