It was amazing, Nikki thought. She’d never been a big believer in the hard-sell herself but it sounded like Mistress Hellenix was. Though apparently she hadn’t tried to sell anything—she’d just told people they had to buy and for some reason, they had listened. Were people really that easily led by a strong personality?
Remembering the alien dominatrix’s approach to life, Nikki thought that maybe they were. Or maybe it was just because most people didn’t run into someone quite as forceful as her evil twin very often.
Whatever the case, it appeared that Hellenix had done right by her job and she couldn’t help feeling grateful.
Oh, I should have told her that the guards of the Sacred Seven were after her! Nikki thought belatedly. She and Dark had barely gotten out of the banquet on Yonnie Six in time, slipping away when a friend of Hellenix’s had alerted them that the guards were there and searching for her. It had been a really close call and she had somehow forgotten all about it.
That wasn’t how it went, though, whispered a little voice in her head. You didn’t slip away—the man with the silver eyes, he faced down the guards for you! He made them leave you alone by shooting lightning bolts out of his hands.
What? Nikki shook her head, trying to clear the crazy thoughts. What was going on with her? Had her brain been scrambled somehow by the trip she and Dark had taken through the worm hole to get home?
It seemed a likely explanation. How else to explain all the crazy talk in her head? The half-formed memories that seemed almost like dreams of another life? A big man with blond hair and silver eyes who could shoot lightning from his fingertips—it sounded like she was having Thor fantasies or something! Crazy.
Forget about it, she told herself as she thanked her boss and went back to her desk to return the call of the couple who wanted the house on Bayshore. Just forget about it and everything will be okay.
Right?
After a workday that was much more pleasant than usual, Nikki headed back home early. Her boss had told her to take as much time as she wanted, since she had already made such a lucrative sale that day and Missy—who seemed to be a little afraid of her now—promised the paperwork would be all ready and on her desk by tomorrow. With nothing more to do, it seemed like a good idea to take an early day.
When she pulled into the familiar driveway, Nikki wondered what she would find inside and how the boys were doing. Their various busses dropped them off around three o’clock and three thirty respectively and she couldn’t wait to see them again. Ungrateful or not, she had missed her kids and she was going to give all of them a big hug whether they wanted it or not, she decided.
The house, when she opened the door, was not in its usual state of chaos. Gone were the dirty dishes and sticky cups on the coffee table, as well as the jumble of video game equipment and controllers that James and Jacob always left there. Instead, everything was put neatly away and the coffee table showed signs of having been wiped down—also, it looked like someone had actually vacuumed the family room!
Feeling shocked, Nikki went into the kitchen. There were no dirty dishes in the sink! And the ones in the dishwasher had been recently washed. They were dry and gleaming. Also, someone had stocked the fridge with fresh groceries—even her favorite type of coffee creamer, which she usually never treated herself to because it was expensive—was there.
The rest of the house was in similar condition, Nikki found, as she wandered through it. There were no piles of dirty clothes or towels in the bedrooms or bathrooms—everything was neatly folded and put away. Also, the huge pile of Legos which had been in the corner of the twins’ room for almost as long as she could remember had been tidied up and all the little plastic bricks had been placed neatly in a tub.
Even her own bedroom was sparkling clean. The sheets were fresh and the bed was made and none of Gary’s dirty socks were on the floor. It was amazing!
Going to the computer hutch in the corner, Nikki sat down to check something else out. She was going to look at her backlogged email when she saw a piece of lined paper with her ex’s small, neat handwriting on it. She picked it up.
Dear Nikki, it began. As Nikki went on reading, her eyes went wide.
“A whole other bank account?” she murmured to herself. “Gary, you asshole!”
The paper was a note of confession and on it were the details of a secret bank account her ex had been keeping behind her back. The assets that were listed were enough to pay off her mortgage on the house and still have some left to live comfortably, even if she didn’t make another big sale for ages.
“I can’t believe he was holding this much back!” Nikki muttered to herself.
She knew from what Mistress Hellenix had told her that Gary must have been squirreling money away, but she’d never expected a sum like this. No wonder he’d believed he could retire to Aruba! There was plenty here to do that—especially if he cleaned out their joint account as well, which he’d apparently been about to do.
No wonder there never seemed to be enough money for necessary purchases, she thought, staring at the figures again. Gary had been cheating her in their mutual finances for years. Remembering all the times she’d had to scrimp and save to get the boys what they needed and how there was never anything left over for her, even though she worked like a dog, made her mad. Gary had been a cheater in more than one way—he was a lousy husband, a thief, and an absent dad. He was a jerk.
Suddenly, she felt a little less bad about the fact that her ex had been taken to Yonnie Six to live the rest of his life in toe-sucking bondage. It was beginning to seem like he deserved it.
Checking the bank online, she saw that the considerable assets mentioned in the confession letter had been added to the joint account which was now only in her name. There were also various stocks and bonds that her ex had apparently invested in—they had also been signed over to her. She was practically a rich woman!
So why did she feel so sad?
It’s because I found out he was cheating on me with Rene, Nikki told herself uneasily. That was a sobering thought. She’d thought that she and her cousin were close—it really hurt to know that she’d been sneaking around with Gary behind Nikki’s back. That must be the reason she felt so sad—so at a loss—despite all the good news she was getting.
Right?
Nikki decided to take her mind off the problem by making a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies. Luckily she had all the ingredients she needed in her well-stocked kitchen and by the time the twins’ bus came, a little after three, the first batch was just coming out of the oven and filling her nice clean house with a heavenly aroma.
She heard the front door open and the soft murmur of voices.
“What’s that smell?” muttered James.
“Dunno. Do you think she made Dad cook again?” Jacob replied.
“I don’t think so—his cooking is awful. Even ours is better. And Jude’s isn’t too bad. Whatever it is, smells good.”
Nikki could scarcely believe her ears. Her boys who never wanted anything to do with the kitchen had been cooking? Surely this was more of Mistress Hellenix’s doing.
“Smells like cookies.” James’s voice was wistful. “Like Mom used to make.”
“Do you think she’ll ever come back?” Jacob asked. “I really miss her.”
Their quiet conversation nearly broke Nikki’s heart. She felt a great swell of love as she went out to see them. Their backs were to her and instead of leaving their book bags and jackets in a heap on the floor, they were hanging them neatly on the pegs on the wall, which she had been asking them to do for ages.
“Hello, boys,” she said, smiling.
They turned to face her, their eyes wide.
“Oh, um, hello,” James said and both of them bobbed their heads nervously in a kind of bow.
“We have homework but we can do chores first if you want us to,” Jacob said quickly. “Would that be okay?”
“How about some hot chocolate chip cookies before
we hit the homework?” Nikki asked, grinning at them.
The twins exchanged a glance full of uncertainty and hope.
“Chocolate chip cookies?” James asked carefully. “But…I thought you didn’t cook?”
“Yeah—you told us you weren’t going to wait on us and we better cook for ourselves if we wanted to eat,” Jacob chimed in.
“Well, maybe I changed my mind.” Nikki couldn’t keep up the charade any longer—she wanted to hug them too badly. “Come here, you two!” she exclaimed and pulled them both close.
“Mom?” Jacob looked up at her uncertainly. “Is it you?”
“Or are you still the lady who only looks like Mom?” James finished for him.
“It’s me—it’s really me. I’m back,” Nikki told them.
Both boys gave a whoop of joy.
“It’s Mom! She’s back!”
“She’s really, really back!”
They hugged her back enthusiastically, both of them throwing their arms around her and squeezing until she was breathless with laughter.
“I can’t breathe, boys!” she exclaimed, smiling and kissing their cheeks. “But I’m so glad to see you both again.”
“Boy, are we glad to see you too!” Jacob exclaimed. “That other lady who looked like you but wasn’t was really strict!”
“She told us to call her Mistress Hellenix and she made us cook and clean and do our homework and go to bed early every night!” James chimed in.
“And she made Dad fix every single thing broken in the house—all the little things you were always asking him to do and he wouldn’t do them—remember?” Jacob said.
“And she made him sleep on the floor, too,” James added. “And said that was what he deserved for being a bad husband to you! Only she called it a ‘mate’—being a bad mate to you.”
Nikki frowned. “Well, I’m sorry you two had to see that. I promise that wasn’t my intention at all.” She thought about breaking the news that Gary was gone for good, but decided that she would wait for a better time—also, she wanted Jude to be home too so they could all talk it out together.
Just then she heard another bus outside and after a moment, her oldest, Jude came in. His eyes went wide when he saw the twins still hugging her and he came over to her slowly.
“Mom?” he asked in a slow, careful voice. “Is…is that you?”
“Yes, Jude.” Nikki smiled at him. “It’s me, sweetheart. I’m back.”
“Then I have something to say to you.” Jude spoke rapidly, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I’m really sorry I stole those pills from Grandma,” he said. “I did it because my friend, Jerry, asked me to. But I’ll never do it again and I’m not hanging out with Jerry or those other guys anymore. I know I treated you wrong and I was ungrateful and that was really, really wrong of me.”
The whole speech came out in a rush, as though he’d been waiting to say it for days and he looked at her with hope in his eyes.
Nikki’s heart went out to her older son. He’d seemed so distant this past year or so. This might be the first time in months he’d looked her in the eyes and spoken directly to her about something that mattered. And it was certainly the first time in ages she could remember him apologizing for bad actions instead of grunting sullenly and storming off to shut himself in his room.
“Come here.” She held out her arms and Jude, who hadn’t voluntarily hugged her since he’d turned twelve and had gotten “too big for hugs,” came to her willingly and threw his arms around her waist.
“I love you, Mom,” he murmured in a husky little whisper. “I’m sorry I was such a shit.”
“Language, Jude,” Nikki admonished him gently. “Did Mistress Hellenix tell you to say all that to me?”
“Well, yes…” He nodded, his head bobbing nervously. “But I mean it, too. I’m really, really sorry for taking you for granted, Mom. We all are, right guys?”
“Yeah, Mom—really sorry!” Jacob exclaimed.
“You’re not going to leave again, are you?” James asked fearfully. “Please don’t let the mean lady come back! Please, Mom—we’ll be good from now on—we swear it!”
The other boys echoed his words until Nikki almost wanted to cry at their concern.
“It’s all right boys—I’m back and I’m here to stay,” she assured them. “And I didn’t leave because you were bad—although I have to admit, the three of you were testing my patience pretty badly for a while there.”
“Why did you leave us then?” Jacob asked as she herded them into the kitchen for milk and cookies.
“I didn’t do it on purpose,” Nikki told them. “I was just…whisked away. I ended up in Mistress Hellenix’s house and she ended up here.”
“But how did it happen?”
“Why did she come here?”
“What was it like there?”
That’s all you need to know,” she said loudly, talking over their questions. “For now, let’s all have some milk and cookies and try to relax.”
And for once, the three of them sat down and ate without fighting or complaining and every one of them told her thank you afterwards. It was a scene of pure domestic bliss, Nikki thought, as she treated herself to a fresh baked cookie too. All her boys were safe and home with her and no-good, cheating Gary was out of the picture for good.
So why did she still feel that sense of loss inside?
It was a question she couldn’t answer, no matter how hard she tried. It just felt like something—or someone—was missing. And she didn’t know where to find him or even where to begin looking.
He’s gone and I don’t even know who he was, she thought sadly.
All she knew was that every time her heart beat, it didn’t feel whole. It seemed like someone had carved it in two and she was trying to get by with only half a heart.
Which sounded stupid, of course but it was how Nikki felt and no matter what she told herself, she couldn’t seem to feel any differently.
Chapter Twenty-six
“Why am I still here?” Malik looked up at the darkening sky, filled with the shimmer of familiar stars, and shook his head. It had been a week since the Knower had been destroyed beyond hope of fixing and the general panic caused by the failure in communications systems had gradually abated.
At first the people of Uriel Two had been outraged—thinking there had been some kind of terrorist attack. Luckily, Malik had been able to slip out of the building housing the Knower’s core processor—which was very much smaller at this time—before anyone noticed him and before it blew.
No one had been killed or injured in the “terrorist attack” and though the little security footage that had been recovered showed a man fleeing the scene, all of the images were blurred beyond recognition. So no one knew the identity of the “terrorist.”
Or the fact that said terrorist had come from ten cycles in the future and from an entirely different timeline, Malik thought grimly, looking up at the stars. He had wandered around for a time, unnoticed in the chaos and then gradually found his way back to his family land, where his mother and brothers lived.
He had wanted to go and speak to them—to try and explain to his family what had happened. Finally, tonight, he had gotten up the nerve. But something he’d seen through the lighted dining room window as he approached his family’s domicile stopped him.
What he saw was…himself.
It was Malik—Malik from ten cycles and a lifetime of experience ago, he realized as he watched the younger version of himself laugh and eat and talk with his mother and his brothers. This Malik’s face was smoother and it wasn’t just because he was younger. This version of himself had never fought for his life in the Blood Circuit, had never allowed himself to be sold to a ruthless Yonnite Mistress, had never submitted sexually in a way that would have been unthinkable to his younger self.
And this version of Malik had never fallen in love and bonded Nicole to him.
But that wasn’t to say he hadn’t bonded. As M
alik watched, a new person came into the dining area. With a shock, he recognized his old love—Havlah. She was talking and carrying a platter of food to the table and when she turned in profile, Malik saw the rounded curve of her abdomen. She was pregnant!
The younger version of himself looked up at her with care and tenderness. Turning his head, he pressed a reverent kiss to her gravid belly. Havlah laughed and ruffled his hair and his mother looked on, smiling.
Malik was stunned. So in this version of the past—a past in which the Knower had been destroyed—he had been able to bond with Havlah after all. Not only that, they were expecting a child! Things were completely and utterly different. He had changed more than he knew when he pressed the time change device to the Knower’s core processor and blew it sky-high.
Seeing the happy faces of his past self and past family around the dining table, he knew he couldn’t interfere. If he broke in on their dinner with his tale of a disaster averted, a future filled with sacrifice and pain, what could they possibly say? He would only make them uncomfortable and unhappy—he didn’t want that. He would leave them alone, he decided, and go someplace quiet to think.
He had tromped through the darkness until somehow he found himself in the Sacred Grove that bordered his family’s property. The breeze was blowing through the green and purple leaves and the light from Uriel Two’s twin moons, Salis and Renus, gilded everything with silver. The grove had a special smell—the scent of growing things that are sacred to the Goddess.
Maybe a good place to ask questions, Malik thought.
Taking off his boots, as was the custom before entering the Sacred Grove, he stepped into the trees.
“Why am I still here?” he asked again, aloud. He knew the priestesses would be long gone—asleep in their dormitory on the other side of the sacred space. But the silence of the grove was a listening one—the soft rustling of the leaves almost sounded like someone murmuring that she heard his question.
“I shouldn’t be here,” Malik continued. “I should have faded away by now. My job is done and there’s no place for me here. My younger self is happy—I don’t want to disturb him or the rest of my family. They wouldn’t understand what I’ve been through and I don’t want to try and make them understand. I don’t want to put the burden of the things I’ve lived through on them—it wouldn’t be fair.”
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