I open the door to leave but he stops me.
"Can I call you?"
I want him to call me. Badly. But I can't say yes. Even if I don't know where I stand with Ehsan right now, I can't really screw up whatever chance there still is. Can I? And what about Leyli's crush?
My heart sinks.
"I think it's better if you don't," I say.
My throat feels dry, as if telling a boy he can't call me will actually make me cry.
He doesn't say anything and I can't tell if he expected me to say yes or no. In the end, I mentally shrug it off and let myself out of the car. I hesitate before entering the building gates, but I don't turn around. I can't fall for a foreigner right now. Nothing good could come out of that.
The nagging feeling still hasn't left me and I want to talk to Leyli before I go to bed. But she's not answering her phone, or her texts. I know she’s annoyed but I wish she’d stop acting like a baby and let it go. It's not like her to hold a grudge. If Leyli gets mad, she blows up, lets it all out and moves on. She’s never ignored me before. Is she completely pissed at me? Why? Because I left with Garnier?
Maybe Ehsan knows something. I should call him. Or text him. But I have no idea what’s going on between us, and I don’t want him to think I’m clingy. I go from being annoyed with him to feeling hurt and rejected. I'm not even sure if he’s still my boyfriend. I'm in the dark about everything. EVERYTHING. It seems like just yesterday I was sure about my place in the world. Now I'm fighting against the current and I'm losing my mind.
Literally.
I'm not going crazy. That’d be too normal. Mental breakdowns are a dime a dozen after all. No, instead it's like my awareness is being replaced by something else. How else can I explain the strange memories and errant thoughts?
When my phone rings, I pick it up right away without even looking at the number on the display.
"Hello?"
"Nakissa?"
I don't recognize the voice on the other end. It’s a girl, but not Leyli. There is a lot of noise in the background. "Who is this?"
"It's Roxana. Ehsan said you would play with us tonight. Where are you?" Her pitch is a little off.
"I'm home. I wasn't feeling well. Wait. He said I would play?"
"You weren't feeling well?" she screams. It catches me completely by surprise. She’d seemed calm just moments before.
"Do you think Farâsoo is just a little shit band with no responsibility? Didn't you think there was a reason you were invited to this party?"
"But you weren't the one who invited me. And no one told me…"
"It doesn't matter," she screamed.
I don't know if I want to yell back at her or cry. Every part of my body is trembling. I’m going to throw up.
"Roxana, I didn't even know I was supposed to be playing." I try to remain calm, but my voice is a little too high and whiny. I hate whiny girls.
"You should have known. You're not logging on to the forums. You haven't accepted my online invitations. It's like you're not taking any of this seriously."
"What online invitations?"
"We had a special guest here to watch you tonight. A very special guest. Do you understand how upset he was when you didn't show? You cost us something tonight. When Ramtin from Fetid Crimson is interested in your band, you don't fool around."
"No one told me anything."
"Well you should ask then. We can't just hold your hand through everything." I hold my phone away from my ear to deal with the screaming. I’ve never had someone lose it on me so completely. "Listen well, Nakissa. You’re good enough that I’ll give you one last chance. You better not screw up again. Now, I have to go get drunk or something to forget about the problems you've caused me."
She hangs up, but I can't move. My rational mind tells me she’s wrong to treat me like this. It tells me I should ditch her and the band and find people who’ll treat me better. But another part of me is shaking like a leaf. That part is broken. I’m disgusted with myself for letting someone down. I feel guilty for not having done the right thing for the band. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I want to be good enough. Good enough for Roxana. Good enough for Ehsan. I’m not even good enough for Leyli anymore.
I collapse on my bed in tears. I’m not made for this difficult life. Maybe Maman and Bijan's idea to move to Texas isn't a bad one. A new life might be what I need.
I fall asleep thinking of Leyli, and Garnier, of Ramtin and Roxana. I don't sleep well that night.
My hotel room was dark. I flicked the main light over and over but it wouldn't turn on. I adjusted my vision but couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Still, my senses were on alert. I closed the distance to the side table lamp and clicked it on.
It worked. It had only been the main light that had burnt out. I let out my held breath and made mental note to talk to the staff about this when I next passed by the front desk. I turned down the rich gold and red brocade covers but didn't climb in. I was wired. Strange feeling since I hadn’t been near an essencialist since I last saw Aude. My essence should start waning soon. But there was nothing I could do about it. Even if I went back home, Aude was still missing. Ramtin could be involved but I needed to find out quickly. I couldn’t keep dragging this one out.
I needed a next step. A plan. Maybe I could find that animal-like entity that had been following me. It wasn't much of a clue but it was something. I couldn't put all of my hopes on Nakissa, as I much as I wanted to. And as I'd figured out tonight, approaching Ramtin without a plan or an idea of what he was involved in was not only careless, but also useless.
I put on my shoes, grabbed my leather jacket and gave myself a quick look in the mirror before leaving my room again. The dark circles under my eyes attested to the fact that this land had taken its toll on me. A toll I could see on the faces of many of its people.
On my way out, I told the man about my broken light, and exited out on to the street before he had a chance to respond. I walked south. I didn't take a taxi. I needed to observe my surroundings. Look for clues. My nerves buzzed in the quiet of night. My muscles were tight, ready for action. It was either some supernatural sixth sense or wishful thinking, but I knew something important would happen tonight.
The air had a natural chill to it. The sound of my footsteps echoed and returned to me slightly louder, more complicated. But it was all me. The moon could barely be seen in the sky, but I knew it was there watching my progress, a small man in such a large city.
One could disappear in a city that size. Who would know? And, of course, people disappeared all the time in Tehran. Yet, here I was, on my own, wandering aimlessly, hoping I would find what? A clue about Ramtin? No, it wasn't what I was looking for. What I really wanted to find tonight was the supernatural.
I eyed the entrance to a metro station. There was something about dark underground places that attracted supernatural creatures. Unfortunately the subway was closed until 5:30 in the morning, so I’d have to continue walking. I made a mental note to check out the metro if I was still looking for a lead by morning. But I didn’t think I’d have any problem encountering supernatural creatures in Tehran.
I didn't know if older lands were more filled with these creatures or whether they, being more accustomed to humanity, were simply more likely to show themselves to people other than their own kind. Whichever it was, it had been my experience that the more history was seeped into a land, the more diversity of life it carried. When I had last visited Persia, Nagissa had told me about the Jinn. She had told me of a creature named Pareen. A creature she referred to as a fairy, but I came to realize was a Jinni, like genies of old tales and the hoofed-foot mischief maker of folklore. Pareen had a strong interest in the affairs of humans.
I felt it, then. I was being followed. I turned quickly and saw a stone creature amble towards me. This time it wasn’t trying to hide. Not until a motorcycle roared in the distance and the creature was spooked off. I walked towards where I last saw it. Slowl
y, trying not to frighten it. But the motorcycle was louder and louder. Until it stopped. Next to me.
"What are you up to?" the rider asked.
I was about to tell him to mind his own business, but took a good look at him first. His unshaved beard, well, the little of it he had managed to grow at his age, casual clothes, and white and black scarf pegged him as a member of the morality police. I tensed with apprehension as he approached. I’d heard stories about these guys and though I wasn't frightened, I just didn't want trouble. Anyway, I was wearing a brand new designer dress shirt that I really didn't want to get dirty.
The boy eyed me warily and I remained expressionless. It would be more convenient if I didn't have to beat him up.
"What is going on here?" He spoke Persian in a rough village accent that made me cringe.
"Nothing is going on, sir. I simply couldn't sleep so I am taking a walk."
"Are you coming home from a party?"
"No, I’m wandering. I like Tehran, it is a nice city to visit and I wanted to experience it at night. Is what I’m doing illegal?"
"Where are you visiting from?"
"Canada."
"Show me your passport."
"My passport is being held by my hotel, of course."
I couldn't tell if my answers satisfied the young man.
As if nervous about something, he looked around to make sure no one was watching. He spoke to me in a barely decipherable English. "Amreeka is a great land for opportunity, but they are very, very bad people, yes?"
"Everywhere has its share of good and bad people."
"Yes, but here we do something about the bad people. I work hard to guide my fellow citizen to be moral. In Amreeka no one guides the people. It is very sad." The man took a handful of sunflower seeds out of his pocket and popped one into his mouth. He spat out the shell before continuing to talk. "I wish to go to Amreeka one day. You stay safe and have a nice night, my friend."
He hopped on his motorcycle, gave me one last searching look and sped off.
That didn't exactly go as I’d expected. Hopefully the paranormal encounters I wished for tonight would also be easier than expected.
I couldn't feel the presence anymore, however, so I continued walking. I went along for several street blocks before I felt it again. When I turned, I saw it. Again, he didn’t hide. He wanted me to see him. He wasn't exactly a dog. More like a small stone griffin, the likes of which one would find in the ruins of Persepolis. I knelt down and gently stuck my palm out, inviting him towards me. I was trying to attract him like a timid dog. He lowered his head and pawed closer. Once he got close enough that I could touch him, he shifted into a beautiful greyhound. Someone had created a Gargoyle out of a dog. The dog nodded his head southward a few times and I understood it wanted me to follow it. I chuckled to myself. No doubt tonight would be interesting.
For the next few hours, the dog led me through the city. He knew exactly where he wanted me to go and I followed. After a long walk, we entered Jinn territory in south Tehran. The deeper in I went, the more the very air around me was filled with desolation. This wasn't a place for humans. Even creatures like me felt too human, here. The dog shifted back into its griffin form just before we rounded a corner. The sun started to rise, illuminating the street with golden hues. There, only one home's garden wall remained completely intact. It suited the neighborhood, with its unkempt look, mostly made out of stone. Some salvaged wood boards had been put up in spots where the stones had crumbled. The iron gate was rusty and padlocked with a chain. More old salvaged wood boards were tied to the gate, preventing anyone from seeing what was beyond the wall, though overgrown trees and vegetation crept out.
A sound that was a mixture between a bark and some sort of lion-like growl resounded through my head and I realized the creature was using its mind voice. And I could hear it.
Footsteps resonated from the other side of the door along with the sound of scraping metal. The wood boards were spread apart a few inches and aged hands reached through to unlock the padlock. The hands pulled the door inwards.
What I saw then defied logic.
Beyond the old, abandoned-looking gates was a majestic garden. A tiled path lined by large trees covered in buds led towards a rectangular pool with a sparkling fountain. An elderly woman covered from head to toe closed the gate behind me and motioned for me to follow. I looked for the griffin-dog, but he had run off chasing after a small rabbit. Birds flew from tree to tree chirping in the early morning light. I followed the woman, who led me towards the pool which was lined in mosaics of blues and yellow. Early spring flowers in yellow and magenta formed clusters in newly sprouting gardens.
I spun in a circle and gaped at what I saw. There was no way this place was this big from the outside, but I knew of no manipulation of essence that could do this sort of magic. The woman clucked her tongue and I returned my attention to her. She led me towards the main building. It reminded me of the Golestan Palace – a former royal complex here in the city – but it was fresher, somehow. In its prime.
Though vine covered the brick walls giving it a wild look, the structure itself shone as if it had never seen hardship or dirt. A few more buildings graced the compound. They were all ornate combinations of brick and mosaic, curves and straight lines, arches, and large glass windows that shone in the still rising sun. Scattered around the gardens, shaded by trees, were benches, filled with people. Some were covered like the silent woman who led me, while others hardly wore anything in the cold air.
The old woman motioned for me to stop and disappeared inside one of the smaller buildings. Before I could figure out what I was waiting for, I saw it. It started small, low to the ground. A sort of smokeless fire, I knew what I was looking at was pure essence. It burned in a blue and purple flame with edges of gold, growing bigger and bigger until it was as big as I was and looked ready to engulf me. But it shifted and I saw her. Vaguely at first. Blurry through the flame but she became more and more solid.
Her stance was one of someone who was in charge. She was obviously the mistress of this compound. Her shiny dark auburn hair was piled in large loops on her top of her head. Her unnatural bluish violet eyes glowed with that same smokeless fire, contrasting with the dark kohl that lined them. Her skin was incredibly pale but not white. Instead it glowed a soft golden color. She smelled of jasmine and lilac mixed with cinnamon and cardamom.
She tilted her head downward and I followed her gaze. For a moment, her feet appeared like animal hooves, but I blinked several times and they became perfectly human, covered in jeweled golden slippers. She had wanted me to know she was Jinn. An odd thing for a mischievous creature said to like to play tricks. But maybe they behaved better with other supernatural creatures.
"Welcome to my home." Her Persian was as formal as mine. Her teeth shone white when she flashed me a smile.
She unhinged me. I couldn't concentrate on anything except her. I was mesmerized by her gaze, enchanted by her voice, speechless from her scent. She laughed like wind chimes tickled by the breeze.
Her form shimmered around the edge and she shifted. She looked the same, but also different. Her beauty was human. It no longer captivated me.
"Sometimes I forget how human your types are," she said.
"So you are Jinn? Why did you bring me here?" I asked her.
"Well, I didn't actually bring you here, Deleer makes his own decisions."
'Deleer, come here boy.'
The small griffin bounded around the corner and came to a stop by his mistress's feet. I wanted a pet griffin.
"Deleer is my eyes in the world when I cannot leave my home, but it was his initiative that brought you here. And yet, it had to be your initiative as well. Why did you seek me?"
"Seek you?" I didn't feel entirely well. I was confused beyond reason and my head was cloudy. The air in this garden was too fragrant. It defied reason.
"For Deleer to show himself to you, you had to be thinking of me."
I
tried to remember what I had thought of before I first saw Deleer. I had thought of Nagissa. I had thought of the Jinn. I had thought of one Jinni in particular.
"Pareen.”
"Yes, but I'm afraid I don't have the pleasure of knowing you. Or how you know me." She grimaced. Despite how she carried herself and the confidence she exerted, Pareen was uncomfortable with our meeting. Names hold power, especially for her kind. Though this was her common name, not the secret one that could be used to bring her to her knees, for Nagissa to tell me Pareen’s name had been a big deal.
So I explained to her who I was. I explained about Nagissa and Ramtin. She stopped me when I mentioned him.
"I don't like what he’s doing. Actually, I’m very worried about his dealings."
Finally! Someone had answers. "Well, that makes two of us. Except you have the advantage of knowing more it seems. What is he up to?"
She sighed. Her form shimmered slightly but she became solid again. "My people have been following him for several years now. He’s amassing power. Enough power to put an end to us."
"An end to who? Everyone? The Jinn?"
"The Jinn, mostly, but not only us. Anyone with power. Political power, natural power, wealth. He is targeting them all."
"Targeting them? Why?"
"How much do you know about Ramtin?"
I started pacing along the pool, watching the sun's reflection. "I know he is in a rock band."
She nodded. "He always reinvents himself in ways that give him access to important people."
"I also know he had something to do with a native prophecy coming true."
"A native prophecy?"
"A prophecy about the seventh generation after the first contact of these people with the European settlers. It is a prophecy about destruction of the land. A lot of it has happened already; the earthquakes for example."
"The earthquakes were part of a prophecy? What else?"
Deliverance Page 8