I ached to go back in. But I needed a plan. I needed help.
So we went home.
I had just finished updating my family on the night’s events when I heard a knock at my hotel door. There was no peephole, but I could feel the essence of a Jinni before I’d even reached the door knob. What did Pareen want now? Maybe she had answers about Ramtin’s plan. Maybe she had ideas on how to stop him.
I opened the door and froze. The creature in front of me was part beast and part human. He had animal hooves and a donkey’s tail. His teeth and ears were large and his face was pockmarked. His eyes glowed red. Though my first instinct was to fear the creature, it was quickly apparent that he wanted no harm. In fact, he was terrified of me. He cowered at the door as if fighting the invisible force that kept him there.
I looked up and down the hallway. It was empty. I kneeled in front of him. “Why are you here?” I used a calm but stern voice. I didn’t know how to handle a creature such as he was, but it seemed I shouldn’t let him know I was frightened. In fact my curiosity much outranked any fear I felt.
“She...” He gritted his teeth together. “She… Strong…. She’s strong.”
“Who is strong?”
“She wants me to die… for you.”
“Who wants you to die?”
He pulled a dagger from his belt and pointed it at me. I stepped back. This creature wasn’t as harmless as I thought.
“She compelled me. Said… I had to die to give you essence of a Jinni. Ra… Ramtin has done this.”
“He’s done what?”
“He’s sacrificed Jinn for their essence. Nagissa used to do it too… a lot of good it did her.”
“So you are here to kill yourself to help me?”
His eyes were filled with fear, hatred and disdain. “I hate you. I hate your kind. And I hate humans. I would never help you.” He threw himself at my feet. “But I don’t have a choice.”
He waved his knife in the air. “I don’t have a choice.”
He stuck it in his chest and though red blood poured first, quickly essence flowed from his wound… It hovered in the air around me and I stepped away but it followed me. Pushed me up against the wall. I had nowhere to go. I tried to close myself off to it. To protect my essence. But I didn’t have time. It was on me. The smokeless fire burned as it forced itself through my mouth, ears and nose. I thought my head would explode. I fell to my knees and started retching. Over and over again. As if my body needed to get rid of everything inside of me to make room for this new power… this new life. I tried to stand up, but fell right back down. My vision went black.
I unglued my eyes but the room was still moving. No, it wasn’t moving, I was.
“Good, you’re awake. You can get yourself into your bed on your own,” a voice said.
“Where am I?” My throat was raw. My stomach was still weak.
“In your hotel room. About four feet away from where you passed out in your own vomit. Actually, if you can manage it, I’d recommend taking a shower.”
I rolled over to my side and watched the concierge walk towards the door. “I better not be the one who has to clean that mess,” he muttered to himself in Persian before disappearing.
My legs felt too weak to stand up. I crawled to the bathroom and ran the bath. I shivered in the corner waiting for the water to fill the bath. What had happened to me? That Jinni harmed me somehow. I wasn’t even certain he’d really died, or if this was some trick. Whatever it was, it wasn’t harmless.
I peeled the clothing from my body slowly, afraid a sudden movement would turn my stomach over again and I crawled into the warm water.
It calmed me. I began to breathe slower. He’d said someone had sent him to me. Who could it be? Ramtin? Or was it someone else? Could it really be intended to be for my good? I tried to feel within me, see if I felt stronger or more powerful, but all I felt was off. Sick. As if my essence was a sickly brown instead of a bright blue.
I began to shiver uncontrollably again and my stomach flipped like I was on a boat in a bad storm. I stared at the horizon, which in this case was simply the place where the marble floor met the beige wall. I had to find Pareen. If she wasn’t responsible she would know who was.
I lay back on my bed and inspect the ceiling. I remember things from long ago. These things don’t always make sense since I don’t remember the entire context. I remember a time of enchantment and magic. The land of legend was already beginning to fade away when I first came to life, but I remember it, still. I remember the creatures of smokeless fire. The creatures we got to know as Jinn when the Arabs arrived. They had always been around. Both the good and the bad. But the ones that came with the invasion were different. More aware of humans.
They used the name Jinn. And the balance of power shifted. Some of them allied themselves with the invaders. Evil Jinn that fed off death and blood. It was a dark time.
It wasn’t long after those days that I’d met Pareen. She was a queen. Maybe she still is. I swing my legs off the side of the bed and jump to my feet. I cross my room to rest against the glass window. Maybe she’s out there and I bet she has answers. But how do I find her? I search Nagissa’s memories and realize she would be in South Tehran.
Her kind often prefer villages where people are more superstitious but Pareen would want a larger kingdom to reign over.
I might actually know where she is, but I’m not familiar with the area so I’m not sure. I can’t waste time now that I finally have a plan.
I tell Maman that I’m off to go hang out with the band. She mutters to herself but doesn’t stop me.
When I walk out of the building, I notice Ehsan’s car. I slow down and look around. I don’t feel like facing him, but I can’t find anywhere else to go. And he’s spotted me. He rolls down his window.
“Come in. I’ll drive you to where you’re going. I’d like to talk to you.”
My heart stops. Ehsan wants to talk to me. I don’t want to talk to him, mind you. But it feels strangely gratifying to think he’s still thinking about me. He remembers I exist. It’s hard to believe he’s here after the way it ended between us. He doesn’t seem real. Like a ghost, or some imaginary friend suddenly in front of me in the flesh. That wasn’t supposed to happen. He was supposed to stay dead to me.
“I don’t think we have anything to talk about.” As I say it, I’m surprised at how much I mean it. Ehsan is nothing. He had been something before, he’d seemed like everything at the time, but time moves on and my time with him wasn’t long enough to be worth much.
But I could use a ride so I get in his car.
“I wanted to apologize.”
“You have nothing to apologize about,” I say. Not anymore. I’ve moved on so far away from the girl who would be concerned about his apology.
“I feel I owe you an apology. Or at least an explanation.”
“Seriously, there’s nothing to worry about.”
“It’s just my parents want me to –“
“I need to go to Javadiyeh neighborhood. Can you drive me there or no?”
“Texas? What are you doing there? It’s not a place for someone like you. Are you slumming it or something? Is that a good idea?”
I’m distracted by the neighborhood’s nickname. It reminds me that Maman had mentioned moving to North America. The thought isn’t as unappealing as it used to be. I could be with Garnier. Or at least on the same continent as him.
“Nakissa?”
“I have someone I need to meet.”
“Is it your new boyfriend?”
“No, it’s not. Are you going to take me there?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know what is going on with you. I hope it isn’t because of me. I can’t be a part of these things. You should go back home.”
“Right.” I push my shoulder against the car door to open it and slam it shut once I’m out. “Have a nice life.”
He speeds off. Good riddance. I don’t need him anyway.
&nb
sp; My head is a fog and my chest hurts with emotion. It doesn’t matter that Ehsan and I weren’t together long, or that I like Garnier now, break ups hurt. I walk to the nearest metro station trying, unsuccessfully, to distract myself by scoping out the nice boutique’s window displays all along Mirdamad Boulevard.
Mirdamad station is one of my favorites. It isn’t tight and dark like so many other subway stations. Illuminated walls and columns reflect on shiny marble floors. It’s open and modern. Just like I am.
I sit on one of the little clusters of red seats, and wait for the whoosh sound of the train. I rarely use the metro, since I usually use Maman’s car or have my friends drive me. I usually don’t wander around Tehran alone. I hope I’m not making a big mistake.
I tug my black head scarf up a little and tighten it. Not everyone in South Tehran is conservative, but I’ll blend in better this way. Anyway, Jinn are attracted by long hair. I’d rather not get their attention until I need to.
When the train finally comes, I choose one of the women-only wagons in the back. I don’t mind having to sit beside a boy. As a matter of fact, I normally like it, but I have more chances to blend in if I don’t have to worry about men staring at me. I find an empty seat away from too many prying eyes and slump down.
Nagissa’s memories don’t tell me where to get off the metro, so I get out at a random station that seems about in line with where I’m headed. Maybe I should have come up with a more concrete plan. I wish I could just text Pareen asking her for directions. Do Jinn text? I bet they do.
At least Gargoyles text. I can reach Garnier if I’m in trouble. I step out of the metro station and begin to make my way west. It hits me all of a sudden how vulnerable I am. I’m not a powerful Gargoyle anymore. Just a girl, like I’ve been this entire lifetime, but I’d never had a chance to really understand my mortality until now. A wrong move is all it could take.
And I’m being followed.
“I can’t take you further,” the taxi driver said.
“But I’m not even near.”
“This is the start of Jinn territory. I don’t want to have anything to do with them. You can find another taxi. Some are desperate enough… but I’ve heard the stories. Out.”
I paid the driver and resigned myself to walking through the almost deserted streets. I couldn’t even be too upset with the driver for his superstitious nature, he was correct. This was Jinn territory. It’s why I was here.
Only two blocks after I left the taxi, I felt as if I was being followed. I smiled. It seemed my guard dog/griffin Deleer was around. I slowed my pace and searched the shadows for him, but I couldn’t find him. Was he still shy with me?
After several blocks of looking for him, a sudden wave of nausea doubled me over. I knew the feeling too well. It was corruption – tainted essence – and a lot of it. When I got back to my feet, I saw them. Jinn. About twenty of them crowded together. Most of them were weak, and ugly. They looked like deformed humans. Like the animals we’d seen in Montreal before the earthquakes. All but one. One stood tall at the back of the crowd. He looked human but too beautiful. Most of the energy radiated from him. He was the one making me sick.
He was drawn to me just as I was repulsed by him and I understood it then. It was the tainted essence in me. I felt the murky essence within me purifying itself. But I was still a little sick and this called out to them. They hadn’t immediately meant me harm. But they now recognized I wasn’t one of them.
I needed to run, but they surrounded me. I wanted to shift, but the taint in me made me too sick. I didn’t want to just stand there and die either. I remembered the way my body had attracted that dying Jinni’s essence. Could I do that on my own? I felt for the locket I still kept in my pocket. The Jinni who had given it to me had said something about being able to control essence. I pulled it out and held it tightly in front of me. As if it was some sort of talisman.
I focused on the creatures in front of me, but felt nothing. I took a deep breath and really concentrated, but the only difference was the knot in my stomach getting tighter. Whether it was from the nausea or fear, I couldn’t tell. I pulled deep within myself but I just became sicker and sicker. I emptied my stomach right before the first one got to me. It reached me mentally first. The locket slipped out of my hand. That's what saved me. When it tried to pull at my essence, I was trying to grab hold of the locket. My mind connected with the creature’s somehow and I got a hold on it mentally. Through its essence. I had somewhere to tug back. I pulled hard. And he unraveled entirely inside me. His physical form melted and bubbled on the asphalt.
I had an opening to run and I took it. I ran and I ran. And though they kept chasing me, they never got closer either.
Until I reached a dead end.
Then another creature reached for me the way the first had. I knew how to grab its essence now. And I did. Again and again. But the creatures kept coming faster and faster and I couldn’t react fast enough. I tugged and pulled where I could. I tried to shield myself mentally, and physically, but they kept coming and lashed out at me with fingernails and claws and teeth. I could hardly stand up. My vision blurred and doubled. I tugged and pulled their essence into me whenever I could reach them, but the effort and their taint made me violently ill each time. I fell to my knees and curled up into a ball ready to die.
South Tehran is worse than I remember it. The earthquakes have destroyed the area and people have barely begun to rebuild. There is more to it, too. Something otherworldly. A scrawny cat limps between two buildings and stops to stare at me. With his one eye. I shudder. The cat is off. In fact the whole neighborhood is off.
A faint sound of metal scraping on pavement causes me to look at my feet. A piece of jewelry lies there. I’m shocked. It shouldn’t be there. Last I’d seen it, Garnier had it and I didn’t want to touch it. Then I’d recognized it as something I’d owned, and recognized it contained power, but not the rest. With only Nakissa’s awareness, I hadn’t seen it for what it was. Something that belongs to me like the harp does. More than the harp does. This locket isn’t mine, it’s me.
I bend to retrieve it and the moment I tighten my clasp against it, I feel it. Strong. It flows into me. Clear and cool. It tingles. Who could have done this? Who could have preserved my essence like this? Why is it here for me to find?
I take a deep breath and smile. It’s not my old power. I’m still very much human. I’m still unfortunately mortal. But I’m not defenseless anymore. I have the power of your average human witch, but knowledge-wise, I’m far superior. The things I can do with this essence. I’m giddy. Giddy and light headed. Maybe I don’t need to find the Jinn. This pendant is all I need. I instinctively cast my essence ahead of me before turning back to return home. I stop in my steps. I’m floored by what I feel. Corruption. Fear. Pain.
Clear blue essence seeping out into the Earth. More of it turning murky.
Can I ignore the pain and go? It’s not my fight, I should preserve myself. I’m so mortal and what I feel is beyond me. Beyond my new power. But what if I can help? I grit my teeth together and run towards the pain. Even though I know I’m going to regret this.
I run for several blocks and finally round the corner into a dead end. I feel him immediately. He’s so weak but with my essence cast out the way it is, I can’t help but recognize him. I can’t regret coming here. No matter what happens, I’m here for a reason. Garnier can’t die. I cast out wider and further. I need to find safe haven. A mosque, a church, a synagogue, a temple. I feel nothing like that. The earthquakes have destroyed the local mosques. There is no protection here.
I do feel something else. Someone else. Ramtin is on his way and Garnier has no time. I have to find another way. I can only think of one trick. It’s a sort of parlor trick. The one that inspired my escape into humanity. I cast most of my essence outside of myself. Only this time I keep a small wound up ball of it tight inside. I concentrate it all in one area, making a projection of myself. I pull at Garnier’s es
sence too. But it feels wrong and I momentarily lose focus. My stomach heaves. This isn’t time to get sick. Curse my human stomach.
I pull back some of my essence and use it to heal myself. Then to cleanse Garnier. But he’s still under attack and soon the Jinn will see me and come after me. Each hit he takes loosens my hold. Pushes me back. But I can’t give up. Everything I have been through has led to this moment. I remember seeing Garnier for the first time. His blue eyes had captivated me. So human and otherworldly at the same time.
There had been so much humor in his eyes. I had momentarily thawed. But it hadn’t been enough. Now it is all I can hold on to. The essence-blue of his eyes. The smokeless fire that burns within him. He isn’t stronger than the other Gargoyles. In fact, he’s weaker. More human. How can someone live so long and retain that vulnerability?
I need to know him. Not because he’s different than me. I know all about being vulnerable, now. But because he is precious. In so many ways.
It comes out of me, not from my core where our essence is tied, but from my chest. The place that aches when one suffers love. More white than blue. More human than soul. And it cleanses him. Purifies him so that I can manipulate his essence.
Oh, Garnier, please forgive me. I think this will work. But please forgive me if it doesn’t.
I grab his essence and anchor it to mine. I throw it back out of me, this time casting Garnier with me. When I look up, the creatures have begun advancing on me. But they pause. Distracted. They look between me and the spot two blocks away. The place I had felt a homeless man sleeping on the curve.
I pause, just realizing the fate I sent this man to. Hopelessness seizes me. I could, I should, call it back. But I don’t. I don’t want to live. I’m so tired and it’s not worth fighting, but I need something. I need to save Garnier.
Deliverance Page 15