“Yeah, right.” Troy had heard so many denials all his life. He remembered his mother’s lies to his father, remembered the first time he’d seen her driving by with another man and realized that she wasn’t telling the truth about her whereabouts.
Angelica herself had left him to sleep with another man.
It crushed him that Angelica was seeing Buck. He’d half expected something like this to happen, but not so soon. He’d never thought she would cheat on him even before the wedding.
In fact, he’d even thought she had feelings for him. He felt his shoulders slump, as if the bones that held up his body had turned to jelly. Women were treacherous and his own meter of awareness was obviously broken.
Fool that he was.
“Listen,” she said now, stepping in front of him as he tried to leave the room. A high flush had risen to her cheeks, and her eyes sparked fire. “I don’t appreciate what you’re accusing me of. I have no feelings for Buck. I barely know the man.”
He leaned against the wall as exhaustion set in. “You were all set to date him. The only obstacle was his drinking. Well, he’s sober today, so go for him.”
“I. Don’t. Want. Him. I never did. And anyway, I’m getting married to you.”
“Yeah, well, we both know how real that marriage is,” he said bitterly. “It’s a sham, for your convenience and Xavier’s. You said you never dated, but obviously that wasn’t true.”
“You’re not listening.”
“I don’t listen to lies.”
She shook her head, staring at him, her brown eyes gone almost black. “You’re insulting my integrity and I don’t appreciate that. I’m committed to you until we decide different. Which it looks like you’re doing right now.”
“It’s not me who made the decision to seek comfort elsewhere.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Tell me, when you act all scared about being touched, is that fake? Or are you just repulsed by me?”
“Is it... Oh man.” Her hands went to her hips. “You are making me so mad, Troy Hinton. Just because your parents had their problems—and yeah, I know about that, I heard it from your sister—it doesn’t mean you get free rein to accuse me of whatever other women have done to you.”
“I’m not...” He paused. Maybe he was. He didn’t know. “Look, I’m too tired to think. Can we just put this whole conversation on hold for now?”
“What, so you can build up even more of a case against me? No way.” She was small but she was determined and she obviously wasn’t budging. “I’m not letting you do this, Troy. I’m not letting you fall in hate with me.”
“Why not? Wouldn’t it be easier for you?”
She heaved out a sigh and looked up at the ceiling. “No, it wouldn’t be easier and it wouldn’t be right. Stop judging me!”
“I wasn’t—”
“Yes, you were,” she pressed on, stepping in closer. “To think I’m dating Buck in all my spare time—which if you haven’t noticed, is nonexistent—is totally insulting. As well as ridiculous. So can it and apologize before I whack you one.”
That unexpected image made him smile. “You’re scaring me, Angelica.”
“Mom will do it, too. What do you mean, Mom’s dating Buck ? And how’s Bull?”
They both froze. In the doorway stood Xavier, in sweats and a T-shirt, his hair sticking up in all directions. He swayed a little and grabbed on to the door frame.
Angelica knelt before him, steadying him with a hand on his shoulder. “Honey! I didn’t know you were up from your rest.”
“I heard you guys fighting. Is Bull okay?” He looked plaintively up at Troy.
Hard as it was to kneel on one leg with his casted leg stuck awkwardly out beside him, he got himself down to Xavier’s level. “Bull is sleeping. The drugs we gave him during the surgery made him tired. But he’s looking pretty good for an old guy.”
Xavier wasn’t to be placated with that. “Is he gonna die?”
Troy’s heart clenched in his chest. This was a kid too familiar with death. “I can’t promise you that he won’t, because he’s an old dog. The accident was hard on him, and surgery is, too. But I did my best, and we’re going to take good care of him. Okay?”
“Can I see him?”
Troy glanced at Angelica. “How about we bring him inside in a couple of hours, once he’s gotten some rest? Okay?”
Angelica and Xavier nodded, both looking serious, and Troy’s chest clenched painfully. He cared for both of them way too much. He wanted to protect them, wanted to answer Xavier’s questions, wanted to help him heal.
Wanted to trust Angelica.
Now that he’d come down from his angry high, now that he was looking at the sunshine on her black hair as she leaned forward to hug her son, he thought he must have been crazy to accuse her.
But at the same time, there was that nagging doubt.
“You better get some rest, Troy.” Angelica’s tone was guarded. “And we’ll do the same, right, Zavey? We’ll have a quiet day. Because tomorrow, we get to go meet your teacher and see your classroom. Just a couple of weeks until school starts.”
Troy nudged Xavier with his crutch. “That’s a big deal, buddy. You’re going to have a blast.”
Concern darkened Angelica’s eyes and she was biting her lip. He knew she wanted Xavier to go to school, wanted him to have as normal a life as possible for as long as possible.
He headed toward the stairs but turned back to look at Angelica. She was ushering Xavier toward the door, but he was dawdling over a handheld video game. Angelica stopped, looking half patient and half exasperated, and then she squeezed her eyes shut. He saw her lips moving.
He felt like an utter cad. She was dealing with the worst thing a mother could face, the possible death of her child, and doing it beautifully, focusing on Xavier and his needs. Given his health issues, educating him at home would have been easier, but Xavier was a social kid and needed friends, so she’d called umpteen social workers and school administrators and the school nurse to figure out a way he could attend as much as possible and make up his work when he had to be out. She was super stressed out, and how had he supported her?
By calling her out for cheating, when she’d just been trying to help him. At least he thought so.
He scrubbed a hand over his face and headed up the stairs. Reopening their discussion would likely just result in more misunderstanding. He had to get a little rest.
And then he’d get up and be a better man. With God’s help.
Chapter Eight
As soon as the school secretary buzzed them in, Angelica marched into Xavier’s new elementary school—her own alma mater—holding Xavier by one hand.
Immediately memories assailed her, brought on by the smell of strong cleaning chemicals and the sight of cheerful, bright alphabet letters hanging from the ceiling. She could almost feel the long patchwork skirt brushing her first-grade legs and taste the peanut-butter-and-sprouts sandwiches that had marked her as just a little different from the other kids.
Behind her, Gramps was breathing hard, and she paused to hold the office door open for him. Gramps had driven them there because he knew how important this was. They all wanted to see Xavier have a real childhood, and a big part of that was a regular school.
The other reason Gramps had driven her was that Troy had taken the truck to drive himself and Bull into town today for a consultation with another vet. He wasn’t supposed to drive with his cast, but he’d insisted that they keep this appointment for Xavier, that he could manage driving with his left foot.
She knew the real reason he didn’t want her to drive him: he was still a little mad at her. Well, fine. She was mad at him, too. Things hadn’t been the same since he had accused her of dating Buck on the sly, an idea that would be laughable except he so obviously took it se
riously.
It made her feel hopeless about their relationship. If he was that quick to suspect her morals when she’d called Buck in to help him, how would he react to finding out about her assault?
And underneath her anger, a dark thread of shame twisted through her gut. She had gone out drinking. She’d even flirted. If she hadn’t, if she’d stayed safely at home by herself, she wouldn’t have been assaulted.
But she couldn’t think about that now; she had to gear up to fight yet another battle for Xavier. Had to get the right teacher and the best classroom situation for him. “Hello, I’m here to see Dr. Kapp,” she said to the plump, middle-aged secretary who was working the desk in the front office.
“Okay, and this must be Xavier,” the woman said, smiling down at him. “Welcome to your new school! Dr. Kapp will be right out.”
Xavier’s grin was so wide it made his eyes crinkle and his cheeks go round as red apples.
Meanwhile, Angelica took deep breaths, trying not to be nervous. Dr. Kapp had always been strict, and she must be ancient now, probably even more set in her ways. How would she respond to Angelica, who’d been notorious in the town for having parents who bummed around in their ancient Volkswagen minivan, spent too much time in bars and sold weed?
While Gramps and Xavier looked at a low showcase of children’s art, Angelica tried to forget about Troy and prepare for the battle ahead.
Please, Lord, help me remember. I’m not that mixed-up little hippie girl anymore. I’m Your child and You’re here with me.
“Well, Angelica Camden! It’s been a long time.” Dr. Kapp’s tone was dry. “So you have a son now.”
Was that accusation in her voice? Angelica couldn’t be sure, but she felt it. “Hello,” she said, extending her hand to the woman whose close-cropped hair and dark slacks and jacket still made her look like an army general. God’s child. God’s child. “It has been a long time.”
“I know you’re here to talk about your son, but I think we have all the necessary information.” Dr. Kapp’s eyebrows went up, suggesting Angelica was wasting her time. “Was there something else before you meet Xavier’s teacher and see the classroom?”
Angelica glanced back at Gramps for support, but he’d sat down heavily in one of the chairs in the waiting section of the office. Xavier had come over to press against her leg in an uncharacteristic display of neediness. So he was scared, too.
Angelica swallowed. “I’d like to talk to you about Xavier’s placement in first grade.” She’d rehearsed these words, but her voice still wobbled like the little girl she’d been. She drew in a deep breath. “I understand one of the first-grade teachers is a man, and I’d like for him to be in that class.”
Dr. Kapp nodded. “A lot of parents want to choose their child’s teacher, but we don’t do things that way. I’ve placed Xavier in Ms. Hayashi’s classroom. I think you’ll like her.”
“Go see if Gramps wants to play tic-tac-toe,” Angelica said to Xavier, who was staring up at Dr. Kapp with a sort of awe.
Once he’d gotten out of earshot, she spoke quickly. “I’m a single mother, and that’s why I’d like for him to have a male influence.”
Dr. Kapp nodded. “That’s understandable, but from what you said on the phone, Xavier may have some special needs. That’s why we’ve placed him in Ms. Hayashi’s class. She’s dual-certified in special education, and I think she’s the best choice for Xavier.”
So Dr. Kapp wasn’t just being autocratic. Angelica bit her lip. “Yes, the doctors said his chemo might have caused some cognitive delays, so a teacher who gets that makes a difference, for sure. I just...don’t have many men in his life, and I think that’s important for him.”
Dr. Kapp nodded toward Gramps and Xavier, heads bent over Gramps’s cell phone. “Looks like he has one good male influence, at least.”
“Yes, and I’m so thankful. But—”
“Tell you what,” Dr. Kapp interrupted. “Why don’t I take you down to see Ms. Hayashi? She’s here now, setting up her classroom. I’m sure she’ll be glad to talk to you about Xavier, and then if you’re still feeling dissatisfied, we can talk. I know it’s a special situation, but I just have a hunch that Ms. Hayashi is going to be the right placement for Xavier.”
* * *
Troy parked the truck in the elementary school parking lot. Man, it felt good to be in the driver’s seat again, but the doctor had been right about how he shouldn’t drive. He could tell he was overdoing it. He used his crutches to make his way to the school’s front door.
As he waited to be buzzed in, feelings from his past flooded him. The fun of going to school, the escape from the tension in his family, the relief of making new friends who didn’t know anything about his big fancy home. He started to walk into the office when he saw Angelica, her grandfather and Xavier following—could that be Kapp the cop, still running this place?—around a corner in the brightly painted hallway ahead, and he followed them. “Hey, sorry to be late.”
“He’s gonna be my dad!” Xavier said proudly to the school principal.
Troy’s heart constricted at the boy’s trusting comment. What had he, Troy, done to deserve that affection and trust? Nothing, but there it was, and it got to him. Made him want to earn it by being a really good dad to Xavier.
“Some say he always was the boy’s dad,” Gramps muttered, frowning at Troy.
Troy’s fist clenched. Homer Camden was even older than Dr. Kapp, but someday he was going to get Troy put in jail for assault on a senior citizen.
“Gramps!” Angelica hissed, nodding sideways at Xavier, who fortunately had darted over to the wall to examine a fire alarm.
As the principal walked over to explain the fire alarm and caution Xavier never to pull it unless there was a fire, Camden glared at Troy. “Just saying what I’ve heard around town,” he said in a lower voice.
Troy glared back. What an idiot. “If you want to talk to me about something, we’ll talk later where the boy won’t hear.”
“Let’s do that.” He muttered, “Sorry” to Angelica as he walked over to study the fire alarm with Xavier and the principal.
“How’s Bull?” Angelica asked. “Is he going to be okay?”
“Yeah, did you bring him with you?” Back at Angelica’s side, Xavier wrapped his arms around his mom’s legs and looked worriedly up at Troy.
Troy hesitated. “He’s...he’s not doing that well. He might need another operation. He’s staying at the office in town for now.”
“Oh no!” Xavier’s eyes filled with tears. “He’s gonna have to get his leg cut off and it’s my fault!”
Immediately Troy squatted down, barely stabilizing himself on one crutch, his bad leg awkwardly out in front. “If Bull’s leg has to be amputated, we’ll do everything we can to help him do okay with it. Most dogs are just fine with three legs. There’s even a special name for three-legged dogs.”
“What is it?”
“Tripod,” he said, tapping his palm with three fingers of his other hand. “See? One, two, three.”
“I have to talk to Ms. Hayashi,” Angelica said. “Do you think—”
Troy got it. “Hey, buddy,” he said to Xavier as he shoved himself painfully to his feet. “What do you think about seeing the gym and the lunchroom first? Let Mom talk to your new teacher, and then we’ll come back and look around the classroom. Okay?”
“Sure!” Xavier reached up and gripped Troy’s hand where it rested on the handle of his crutch.
Troy looked at Homer Camden, red-faced and frowning, and for a split second, he got the image of a man who didn’t know what to do with his feelings, who was jealous of a new man in Xavier’s and Angelica’s life, and who wanted only the best for them. He sighed. “Want to come along?”
Thank you, Angelica mouthed to him before disappearing into the classroom
.
“Guess I can,” Homer Camden groused. “If you can’t handle the boy alone.”
It was going to be a long half hour. But he’d do it for Angelica. He’d do almost anything for her, if she’d let him, even though he wasn’t at all sure that was wise.
“Where’s the lunchroom?” Xavier asked as the three of them headed down the hall.
“Straight down thataway,” Camden said, pointing, before Troy could answer.
“Wait a minute,” Troy said, “did you go to this school, too?”
Camden nodded. “I was a member of the first graduating class. Back then, it was the new K-eight building, and I was here for seventh and eighth grade.”
“That’s cool, Gramps!” Xavier grabbed the older man’s hand and swung his arms between the two of them, practically pulling Troy off his crutches.
“Back in those days,” Camden said, “a lot of farm kids only finished eighth grade, so it truly was a graduation.”
“What about you?” Troy had never thought about the old man’s schooling, or lack thereof.
“Oh, I finished high school,” Gramps said, a note of pride in his voice. “I was always good at math and science. English, not so much.”
“Me, too,” Troy said as they entered the school lunchroom, where a summer of cleaning couldn’t quite erase the smell of sour milk and peanut butter. “That’s why vet school had more appeal than, say, lawyering.”
“But don’t get too friendly,” Gramps said as Xavier ran around looking at the colorful posters and sitting in various chairs. “I want to know why you’re taking such an interest in Angelica and her son. Is there something you want to tell me?”
“Well, you know about our engagement.” He felt duplicitous still, talking about something that might not happen. But it might. He was willing to marry Angelica and be a father to Xavier; he’d meant it when he’d offered, and he would stick with it.
“Is that because you’re Xavier’s dad?” Camden asked bluntly.
Troy stopped, turned and faced the other man. “No. I don’t know who Xavier’s father is. I’d like to, but so far, Angelica hasn’t been willing to tell me.”
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