by Tiana Cole
The biggest adjust for Cassidy had been getting used to his lifestyle. Well, now she didn’t have to worry about being scrutinized at polo matches or anywhere else. She was Cassidy Johnson, take it or leave it.
In the weeks that followed, Cassidy hardly ventured out of the house except to see her doctor who would monitor the baby’s progress. Mom kept insisting that exercise was good for her and good for the baby. Dad found an old ski track exercise machine in the attic. He brought the monster down and set it up in her room.
“If you don’t go out, at least you can keep your heart in shape,” he had said, and Cassidy nearly burst into tears. Mom and dad cared about her so much. She didn’t know what she would do without them and their unwavering support. The heart that still hurt from Tristan’s betrayal would heal in time. Now her first priority was to be as healthy as she could for her baby. She added 30 minutes of skiing to her pre-natal care.
The ultrasound the doctor administered indicated that she was having a girl. For Cassidy, it was a bittersweet moment when she first held the 3D image of the growing baby inside her.
Her mom and dad were ecstatic to know the baby’s gender. Upon her mom’s prodding, dad lugged down from the attic an old trunk which contained some of Cassidy’s baby clothes. Together they had fun going through some of her baby stuff. It was like a trip down memory lane for the three of them.
Dad came home one day with shopping bags overflowing with baby dresses. He held up the tiny clothes one by one, so proud of the choices he'd made.
“Dad, you shouldn’t have!” Cassidy cried.
“Nonsense! No granddaughter of mine will look anything less than a princess.”
Cassidy didn’t have the heart to tell him that a monkey suit wasn’t exactly her idea of what a baby princess should be wearing. Mom had taken to knitting little booties and mittens. Cassidy marveled how her fingers worked the knitting needles so easily. She’d never learn that skill; she was sure of that.
Mom also had a passion for gardening, one which she put aside when she was diagnosed with cancer. From the time that Cassidy arrived, she had taken it up again, transforming the once neglected backyard with lush foliage and myriads of flowering shrubs. Cassidy found her there one morning, with a straw hat on her head and a pair of cutting shears in her hand.
“Those are beautiful,” she remarked as mom moved from one shrub to the next, inspecting the blooms carefully before cutting the stem off and gathering the flowers in a basket.
“Beautiful just like you…” mom replied.
“Don’t know about that… I feel like such a cow. And I eat like one too,” Cassidy disagreed.
“Don’t be silly. You've hardly gained weight and should be eating more. That baby is depending on you for nourishment, you know.”
Cassidy reached for the basket of flowers and pressed her nose against them.
“He sent me a bouquet just like this the day after we met.”
"Tristan, you mean? That was nice of him,” Mom remarked calmly.
Cassidy immediately regretted saying the words. Lately, he would creep into her mind uninvited and when she least expected it. She wasn’t having much success trying to forget him. She knew it was her burgeoning tummy that was the cause. She also felt ugly and ungainly, and she waddled like a duck. At thirty-nine weeks, the baby's arrival was becoming more and more of a reality every day. The thought of raising her alone frightened Cassidy. Tristan had given up calling and texting her months earlier.
“Have you changed your mind about letting him know?”
“No!”
“Alright,” mom answered softly, not wanting to rile her. “I just want you to know that dad and I will understand if you did.”
“Should I, Mom? I mean… after everything that I found out about him, should he even know about this?”
Her mother thought long and hard before answering, “Someday that baby will want to know. You can’t keep it a secret forever.”
“Yeah, I’ve thought about that, too. But knowing what he is makes me sick to my stomach.”
"You know, Cass… one thing I’ve learned about life is… things are not always what they seem. You may be wrong about him.”
Cassidy looked at her mom, aghast. She couldn’t believe she was defending Tristan.
“Mom, I saw videos of him coming to the agency.”
“Yeah, I know… I’m just saying… that’s all you saw.”
Mom was right, of course. Cassidy did make that conclusion. But what other possible explanation could there be?
“Besides, Mom… he is so fucking — sorry — rich. I wouldn’t know how to find my way around his world. I’d always feel like I didn't belong somehow.”
“You make money sound like such a nuisance,” Mom laughed. “He probably worked hard to get to where he is.”
“We are worlds apart. Maybe that’s the reason why I prefer to think he’s sick in some way. It makes it easier for me to accept things the way they turned out for me.”
Mom sighed and said, “Then you’re not being fair to yourself or to that man either.”
Later that night while laying in bed, Cassidy thought back to what her mother had said. It bothered her to now think that she may have acted hastily leaving New York, resigning her jobs and the life she had made for herself. She could have waited for Tristan to come back and confronted him about what she’d seen in the tapes. She could have given him a chance to explain, but the succession of events hardly gave her time to think clearly all those months ago.
To find out all in one day that you were pregnant and that your boyfriend had a secret life you didn’t know about, aside from him being filthy rich, was just too much for any girl to take. Her reaction to flee was instinct to protect herself from whatever else she would discover about him.
Remembering Tristan’s thoughtfulness and the way he humored her when she didn’t want to talk about his personal problems suddenly struck her. Looking back, she hardly made any effort to let him know things about herself, either. He accepted that part of her personality, hiding their relationship from the guys at the coffee shop, dropping her off three blocks away just so they would never find out. It annoyed him, but he gave her that because it was what she wanted.
He doesn’t even know I had another job at the agency. What kind of shitty, fucked-up luck for him to patronize the same agency I worked for?
Was she the indifferent one? She seemed to be. She never questioned him about the things he did, thinking it wasn’t her business to know. That was the tone of their relationship. Aside from the great sex, they never really talked about each other.
She thought back to the polo match. That would have been the perfect time to question him. Where did the money come from? How did he know those people? At the time, she thought they were clients of his photography. Now she knew that he was really one of them; a billionaire whose money got him horses, cars, women, and anything else he wanted.
Then she thought about all those weeks they spent together. How tender he had been. He really had respected her. He hadn’t pried. All those weeks that she had kept her secret of her escort agency employment. But, thinking about it now, being support staff didn’t make her one of the girls and she should have been honest with him.
Then she thought about those tapes. Him… Tristan… the father of her baby… making appointments with the glorified prostitutes. Wasn’t that a bigger secret, and a more harmful one, than the fact that she worked there?
“Oh, God, now I’m confused,” Cassidy muttered under her breath as she tried to find a comfortable position on the bed.
She felt a sudden urge to pee as the baby shifted inside her belly. Cassidy flailed like a fish in search of a foothold.
“Damn it, I just went less than an hour ago,” she complained as she finally found the balance she needed to lift her enormous body from off the bed.
She bore down hard on her feet to keep upright. As she grunted with effort, she felt the sudden gush of something war
m between her legs.
“Shit,” Cassidy muttered, thinking she had peed on herself.
The liquid felt warm and sticky. Cassidy froze as she held on tightly to the side of the bed. She was going to have a panic attack and wanted to run out of the room, but she was also frozen in place because she knew what had just happened.
“Mom! Dad!" she shouted at the top of her voice.
They were in her room within seconds, but to Cassidy’s panicked mind it seemed like ages . She stared at them, wide-eyed, and unable to move.
“I-I-I think my water just broke…”
Her father turned around, moving swiftly towards the door while muttering, “Where are my keys? Babe, have you seen the keys? My keys… where are my keys?”
He then turned back to stand beside her mother with an idiotic look on his face. Meanwhile, mom took a fresh pair of pants from her daughter’s cabinet with dad trailing behind her. He was obviously flustered and didn’t know how to make himself useful.
“Dad,” her mom said, gently but firmly holding his arms, “go back to our room. The keys to the car are on the bedside table… where they always are. Put a shirt on and change those pajamas. I’ll take care of Cassidy. We’ll wait for you downstairs. Hurry!”
Mom was the voice of reason as Cassidy felt the first pangs of labor hit her like a sledge hammer. Her sudden scream sent her dad scurrying away.
It didn’t take long before they were on their way to the hospital. Cassidy bit down on her lip as another spasm hit her. It wouldn’t help if she screamed in pain. With dad so agitated, they might just get into an accident. She was thankful it was nighttime and the traffic was light. Dad whizzed through yet another red light.
Thankfully the trip took all of fifteen minutes before dad came to a dramatic stop, hitting the brakes with gusto in front of the Emergency Entrance to Mercy Hospital. An intern wheeled a chair for her to sit on as mom and dad trailed behind her.
“She’s having a baby… she’s having a baby…” dad announced to every white-coated person he met along the way.
Mom was doing her best to pacify him as Cassidy let go of a groan that could wake the dead. Thankfully, the doctor came and led her to the examination room, leaving her mom and dad looking helplessly after her.
“This baby is in a rush to get out,” the doctor announced to a nurse, who helped Cassidy out of her street clothes and into a blue hospital gown.
They laid Cassidy gently on the obstetrics delivery bed with her thighs wide open and astride in the leg holders. She was panting and groaning, beads of sweat running down her face. Her whole body was heaving. The nurse coached her to blow air between her lips with each contraction.
Cassidy had never felt so much pain in all her life. Her vagina felt like it was going to be ripped apart as the pressure increased tremendously between her legs. With every wave of contraction, she focused her effort on synchronized breathing.
“C’mon, honey, help your baby… breathe, then push… she’s almost here…”
Cassidy felt faint with the intensity of the pain between her legs.
“Give me one long breath, and then push with all your might,” the nurse coaxed her.
Cassidy inhaled until her lungs felt ready to burst. Weak with pain, she gathered her remaining strength and pushed as hard as she could. The tight band between her legs was suddenly gone as the doctor pulled the baby out from under her. Cassidy heard the loud wail against the white haze that threatened to overwhelm her. She fought hard to remain conscious, aware as the doctor drew near and placed the newborn against her chest.
“You have a beautiful baby girl,” he announced.
Cassidy looked down and saw the fuzzy head. Tears of happiness welled in her eyes at the touch of the baby’s skin. She watched as the baby instinctively put a hand in her little mouth and sucked.
“Oh, my baby, my baby…” Cassidy crooned in disbelief.
At the sound of her voice, the little bundle squirmed and tilted her head up looking wrinkled and pruned. She frowned as if irritated by everything that had just happened, and then let out a small squawk, opened her eyes, and stared right into Cassidy’s eyes.
Her heart felt full. Nothing she had ever felt, even her feelings for Tristan, equaled the fullness of caring she felt as she looked into the child’s eyes. She held her close. She was flooded with joy.
“Dee,” she whispered softly. “Dee, you are my baby girl. I love you more than you will ever know.” Contentment flowed through her body. Tired contentment. Dee still looked up at her, her little eyes focused on Cassidy’s face. She tried to remember from all the books she had read what newborns actually saw and remembered something about scent; the baby and the mother recognizing each other's scent.
She bent over and drank in the sweet odor of her baby. “We’re a team, girl. I promise to make life good for you.”
Dee had the most luminous grey-green eyes Cassidy had ever seen. The only time she had seen another pair like those staring at her now was on that rainy night in New York, long ago when she first met Tristan. The night he walked into the coffee shop. Now he was a father and didn’t know the joy he was missing.
Cassidy knew in her heart that whatever mistakes she had made by being with Tristan, it was worth it for the child she held in her arms.
She vowed to herself and to Dee that she would make life good for them both.
Chapter Eleven
Cassidy stood on the sidewalk of New York City, looking up at the extraordinary buildings that pierced the sky. The sidewalks were congested with people frantic to reach their destination. The steady racket of voices hailing for a taxi and hawkers pressing their wares created an atmosphere of an urban jungle. The scent of fuel exhaust from buses going to numerous directions assailed her nostrils, competing with the smell of brewed coffee and hotdogs sold on city street corners.
Cassidy realized how much she’d missed all these things. There was a vibrant feel that resonated to the very core of her being as she reacquainted herself with the sights and sounds of the city immortalized in countless songs.
She was keeping her vow to Dee. Poverty would never be part of that child’s life. Cassidy knew that New York would supply the money that would keep Dee free from growing up in want. Surrounded by the love of Cassidy’s mom and dad with money coming in from whatever work Cassidy found here, her child would be safe.
Right away she found temporary accommodation at the local YMCA while she searched for a cheap apartment. At least it was near Grand Central Station, which made her commute much easier, but she had to spend sensibly. The money her father loaned her was not going to last very long. She was embarrassed to accept it, but she had no choice, and she knew her folks felt better knowing she had some cash on hand. She promised she’d pay them back as soon as she found a job.
Her parents obviously supported her long-term plan. Go to New York where she could make money, send money home for Dee, and eventually bring the girl to New York as well so they could live together. Now that she was a parent she realized how much her own cared for her. They supported her plan, and they had never been judgmental about the mistake she had made spending time with Tristan. Her mom and dad had accepted her with open hearts and minds.
Cassidy knew she would be the same way if Dee ever had a hard time or made a mistake. Love was the bottom line of caring. In her mind she recalled that first vision of Dee in the moments shortly after she was born; the look of trust in her grey-green eyes and her complete dependence on Cassidy.
Cassidy immediately started looking for work. She had a plan because she knew it took time to find a good job. First, she would swallow her pride and take any job, within reason, that brought money in. That was the first step: create a cash flow. The next step would be to find a reasonably priced and fairly safe place to live, like the apartment she’d had before. She knew it would take time.
The first step also involved contacting any jobs she saw posted. She found a nearby coffee shop and settled in w
ith her mobile phone looking for job listings. The sounds of the café reminded her of Ron’s Café and Patisserie. Behind the counter the baristas were laughing, making jokes with patrons and filling orders. She briefly thought about going back to Ron and asking for her old job back but couldn’t bring herself to do it. She knew her coworkers would torment her for having a baby with a man whose wealth she claimed to be oblivious to.
Suddenly she was filled with memories of Tristan. His hands on her body, and the way hot waves of passion flooded through hers. Then, just as suddenly, she felt the pain of his betrayal. All of those intimate moments and the way she had freely given herself replaced with the shame of his lies.
No, she couldn’t go back to Ron. She’d have to tell her whole story, her pregnancy, the betrayal, her flight home to Alabama. Her heart was too sensitive. Working every day in the place where she’d met Tristan would bring back too many memories.
It was time to start a new life, to move forward and overcome the mistakes she’d made. Now she was a mom with commitments beyond just herself. Mom. The word made her feel warm inside. That was just what she needed to start the job hunt.
Good employment was hard to come by, but she resolved to keep plowing through the job listings until she found something. She looked at the first listing on her phone and made the call.
After a few more calls, she hit the jackpot when an escort agency operator said that, yes, there was an opening, and they needed her to come in immediately. The woman seemed elated to hear that she had past experience in the business.
Escort service! Of course, that would be the one place that had an opening. An escort service had been at the root of her betrayal. She remembered her conversation with Kim, how pleasing was the basis of the girls feeling good about what they did. How had all of those girls pleased Tristan? What was it that she hadn’t provided? She ended up in that confused place remembering all of Tristan’s kindnesses and the way he had seemed to treasure her while, week after week, going to find “services” with other women.