Remember Dreams

by Ginny Sterling

“So, what’s in the bag, friend?” she stressed easily. Things seemed so much easier between them if they kept any emotion or attraction at bay. They could just hang out together and it could be ‘safe’ between them.

  “I bought my friend a present.”

  “You did?” Marigold stammered, looking at him in surprise. The genuine look of joy on his face was nearly her undoing. He was so darn adorable that it made her heart ache for a moment before she tamped that feeling down.

  “I did,” Ben nodded. “It’s not every day that someone takes off on their first adventure halfway across the world, and you should have something to remember it by, right? Open the bag, Marigold.”

  “You can call me, Mari – if you want. Marigold seems so long with three syllables. It’s awfully old fashioned, too.”

  “I like Marigold. It suits you,” he said quietly, clearing his throat and looking away. She picked up the bag and peered inside to see a small box. Pulling it out, she lifted the top off and grinned. An Alaska coffee mug was inside, dotted with pictures of the different elements of the area.

  “I love it. Thank you,” she said happily, thinking fondly of her clay mug he’d sent from Afghanistan. It was a sweet, friendly, present that was easy to accept.

  “Shall we head out, my lady?” Ben asked, rising to his feet. “Paladin seems a little antsy and could use the exercise.”

  “Of course.”

  “Besides, I’d like to wear him out so he snoozes later. I have a treat planned for us this evening.”

  “What’s that?”

  “They are doing a play in the park tonight. I saw the post on a bulletin board when I was getting our coffee. I thought it might be nice to watch under the stars.”

  “Ben, it was practically daylight all night. I slept with my window open to let in the fresh air and realized about midnight that it wasn’t getting really dark out. It’s strange that it gets dim, but not dark.”

  “Yeah, I noticed it, too.”

  “What play are they doing tonight?” Marigold asked, darting back as Paladin circled her. “Is he okay?”

  “He’s just protective and sniffing you.”

  “He’s awfully big.”

  “A big ol’ softy,” Ben said, kneeling down and petting the dog, before glancing up at Marigold. She saw the unfettered love in Ben’s eyes for the animal. She felt a moments pang of envy, seeing his smile.

  “Are you scared of dogs?”

  “Cautiously optimistic?” she hedged and then nodded.

  “I would never let Paladin hurt anyone, least of all you.”

  “That’s comforting.”

  “C’mon. Let’s let him get used to you a bit, and I promise you’ll warm up to him.” They walked two blocks down to the ocean front and marveled at the view. It had been Ben’s idea to have coffee nearby, so they could see the water.

  He kicked off his shoes and rolled up his pants, stepping into the sand. Marigold quickly followed suit, laughing as freezing cold spray splashed up a little high on her legs, getting the hem of her dress wet. Her legs instantly cramped at the cold temperatures and she looked around to see that no one else was really in the water. Backing out, she watched as Ben stood ankle deep in the surf, picking up a stick and throwing it past Paladin.

  She swallowed hard, admiring him.

  He made a beautiful picture in her mind against a breathtaking backdrop. She quickly got out her phone, snapping a photo of him. Strong tan calves were easily seen underneath his rolled slacks. His button up shirt was crisp against his tan and looked out of place in the water.

  Straight-laced yet playful.

  Paladin came pouncing over, proudly displaying the stick and splashing happily as he jumped in circles, before playing tug-of-war with Ben. His laughter touched her and she felt herself edging precariously over the cliff of affection.

  It was obvious that they weren’t really clicking any other way except as friends… but he was the most beautiful and vivacious friend that she’d ever had the pleasure of having in her life!

  “You aren’t sneaking photos of me, are you?”

  Marigold yelped, quickly tucking her phone behind her back as she flushed guiltily. “Maybe?” she hesitated, only to see him walk towards her.

  OMYGOSHOMYGOSH, she thought, feeling her breath hitch in her lungs as her heart pounded in her chest. He’s so handsome, she thought painfully, smiling up at him as he drew closer.

  “Let’s get one of us, too,” Ben said easily, reaching for the phone behind her. Marigold froze as he leaned in and then he stopped, as if Ben realized what he was doing as well. His arm was touching hers, behind her back, and they were almost in an embrace.

  “Ben?” she whispered, painfully aware of him.

  “Sorry.”

  He quickly stepped back and turned, throwing the stick with all his might down the length of the beach. It wasn’t a fun, gentle toss. It was a forceful throw meant to release frustration or tension.

  “We could still take a photo together,” she said placatingly, “you were just a little close and I wasn’t expecting it.”

  “It’s okay,” Ben said, taking the stick from Paladin and throwing it again. He turned to look at her and she saw a tightness to his face that hadn’t been there before. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I would never want to ruin our friendship.”

  “And you didn’t,” she quickly informed him, smiling politely. “Let’s just take one together, that’s planned and easy, okay?” He nodded and slowly approached her, standing back from her. Marigold held up the phone and extended her arm, frowned, and took a step backwards towards him in order to squeeze them both into the small picture frame.

  The sand gave way under her foot and Ben caught her, steading her against him. His hand was hot against her stomach through the fabric of her dress and he felt like a wall against her back. She looked up at his face, frozen, and saw him reach forward. An audible click sounded and she realized he’d touched the screen to take the photo.

  “Let’s take one more, to be on the safe side,” he said quietly.

  She turned to look at the camera, but instead of focusing on the screen, she stared at his eyes, reflecting at her. Oh yes, she was going to miss this man when they parted.

  Paladin took that moment to run forward, darting between them and then shaking the cold water from his fur onto them both. Marigold let out a squeal of protest, running for the dry land and away from the dog, as Ben’s laughter carried in the wind.

  Ben watched Marigold disappear up the stairs to change clothes and clean up. They both were covered in sand, salt, and he knew he smelled like wet dog right now. As he turned, John Griffin was walking inside from the large deck that overlooked the grassy expanse outside of the cabin.

  “I’m glad you were able to come this trip,” John said casually, glancing up and smiling. “She seems really nice.”

  “Marigold?”

  “Yeah.”

  “She’s a sweet woman.”

  “I’m glad. You deserve someone nice in your life,” John uttered quietly, watching him. “We all do and everyone should have someone to comfort us at times.”

  Ben stared at him, feeling his defenses fly up into place. He’d been teased, harassed and taunted by other students when Erica died, calling him a murderer for causing the car accident. He’d slid. There had been nothing deliberate other than he was driving too fast in a car that had way too much power for him.

  “What do you mean?” Ben said tightly.

  “Just that. I’m glad you could come and relax with all of us.”

  “I figured you didn’t want me here when I didn’t get an email. Tobin had to tell me about this outing, this reunion of friends. Was I not one of our troop?”

  “Of course, you were!” John said, the surprise evident in his voice. “At ease, Watson. If you didn’t get an email, there has to be a reason. You could ask, instead of assuming that you weren’t included. I’m glad you are here.”

  “I got the f
eeling you weren’t too fond of me being assigned to the team when I arrived.”

  “Then that makes me a bad commanding officer, because I gave you the wrong impression right away and set a precedent I never intended to give. I was relieved you were assigned to my team – heck – I asked for you to be reassigned to me. They were going to give you to McCormick’s group and I got a little pissy about it, if you want to know the truth,” John admitted, rinsing out the glass and setting it in the sink.

  “You did?” Ben asked, stunned.

  John came around the corner of the breakfast bar and smiled at him, crossing his arms over his chest and sighing heavily. It was as if he was unloading a burden, passing the torch to Ben.

  “I’d already made up my mind that I was leaving the military and coming to meet Lily to give a possible future with her a chance. I didn’t want to abandon my guys without having someone strong enough to lead them. I wanted that leader to be you. Can you imagine how torn I felt, knowing that I had to choose between the woman I was developing feelings for - or the band of brothers that I knew were my family?”

  Ben swallowed hard, unable to speak, as John’s words hit home.

  “I never tried to ignore you, Ben. You are a born leader, knowing right from wrong. I was always having to come down hard on the other guys cause they were more intent on goofing off all the time. It nearly killed me when Ethan lost his leg on my watch. I felt like I failed him, failed you all, but I realized that all I could do was teach, mentor, love, and trust you to someday make the decisions on your own… but I never had to teach you. You were always the leader it took me years to grow into,” John said quietly, smiling at him.

  “No, I’m not,” Ben whispered, looking away.

  John pulled him into his arms, hugging him.

  “Yes, you are – you just need to realize that leaders make mistakes, too. We are all human and need each other to get through the tough times that scar us the deepest,” John said gruffly, clearing his throat.

  Ben swallowed hard, feeling tears burn at his eyes as he remembered that day. The explosion of the landmine that took Ethan’s leg had thrown him backwards. Nodding in silent understanding, they looked at each other and gave an uncomfortable, awkward chuckle before John spoke again. His words were so soft that Ben had to strain to hear them.

  “I still hear Ethan’s screams at night and wake up sweating from the nightmares. Lily will hold me until I fall back asleep again,” John admitted, looking at Ben. “I never realized how much I need her to make me feel whole and secure from something that really shook me. She’s my rock.”

  “You’re lucky.”

  “You are, too… but you smell like wet dog and Marigold doesn’t need to find us sobbing, hugging, and cuddling like a bunch of schoolgirls.”

  “Neither does Lily,” Ben said quietly, a soft smile touching his lips. John rolled his eyes and grinned widely.

  “Lily confiscated my ‘man card’ long ago and I willingly gave it to her. I’d do anything for that woman; in fact, I got distracted from my current mission.”

  “What’s that?”

  “She wants some ice cream and peanut butter,” John said with a grin and made a face. “Hormones, I guess.”

  “It could be worse.”

  “Yeah, I could be alone and never have met her. That would be a travesty in my book,” John said pointedly, staring at Ben.

  Ben looked at his former commanding officer and turned to run up the stairs, intent on getting ready for the program in the park this evening. John’s words rolled through his head, making him think hard about his future.

  Chapter 9

  Marigold looked around happily, seeing dozens and dozens of families sitting on blankets in the grass as the stage was being set up. Ben walked beside her with a quilt from the cabin. He picked a spot towards the center of the stage, a little way back, and spread it out.

  Taking off her shoes, she set them on the blanket before sitting down. Marigold spread her dress easily around her and tucked her feet underneath. She was surprised to see Ben do the same, kicking off his sneakers and revealing his bright yellow socks she’d sent him.

  “Oh! You wore them!”

  “I mentioned that they were my favorite, didn’t I?”

  “No, you just said that you would wear them under your boots. I figured you were embarrassed or they were a stupid gift.”

  “Naw, they are really soft and honestly my favorite pair.”

  “I’m glad.”

  Ben nodded, looking around and sitting quietly. It was as if he was looking anywhere but at her. This went on for several minutes before a man in costume stepped forward with a horn. He gave a soft blast and shouted, without the benefit of a microphone.

  “Hear ye! Hear ye! Welcome to our presentation of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. We’ll be starting our show shortly.”

  “Would you like something to snack on during the show?” Ben asked, sitting cross legged beside her on the blanket. Marigold just shook her head negatively.

  “I’m good. Thank you,” she said easily and then hesitated. “I’m sorry you aren’t able to stay the entire week. This has been really nice to be able to hang out with someone I consider a dear friend.”

  “Me, too,” he said quietly. “This has been really nice and I’ve enjoyed meeting you – for real, this time.”

  Marigold saw he was smiling shyly and looking down at their hands that were near each other on the blanket. Marigold lay her hand atop of his, treasuring the warmth of his skin.

  Ben never said a thing; instead, he turned his hand over and laced his fingers with hers. She glanced up at him to see his dark eyes watching hers. A blast of music interrupted the moment, indicating that the play was starting. Ben nodded and they both turned to watch the performance.

  It was a lovely and simplistic performance, utilizing few props, and concentrating on expressing their emotions through their acting. The lead actors were wonderful, and Marigold found herself getting misty-eyed as they got towards the end.

  The sky was dim overhead and the cloudy sky made the temperatures begin to dip slightly. Before she realized it, the play was over and people were filing out around them.

  Ben got to his feet, holding out his hand to her. Marigold put her hand in his and got up, shaking out her dress and wishing her foot hadn’t fallen asleep. Ben silently folded the quilt, draping it over his arm as they walked out of the park towards the sidewalk.

  They had a little bit of a walk back to the cabin along a main road and she was glad that they weren’t taking another uber around town. She wanted to stretch her time with him as much as possible, since he was going to be flying out tomorrow.

  As they walked, Marigold slipped her hand into Ben’s without a word. He just glanced down in surprise. Marigold smiled and shook her head.

  “Don’t say a thing,” she prompted, sighing happily and leaning her head on his shoulder. “This has been a perfect vacation and I’m glad I got to spend it with you.”

  Slapping her alarm, Marigold groaned in sheer exhaustion. It was barely three in the morning and she was not leaving Alaska without trying to see the northern lights. She’d overheard from someone prior to the play starting that sometimes you could see the lights really early in the morning when it was darkest outside.

  Throwing her robe on, she padded downstairs and tip-toed to the sliding door that led to the massive deck that was lined with chairs for viewing. Her eyebrows shot upwards as she saw that the door was unlocked. Sliding it open, she was stunned to see Ben standing outside, leaning on the railing and staring up at the sky.

  “Are you trying to see the lights, too?” he asked softly, looking over his shoulder and smiling at her.

  “Did you hear the woman at the play?”

  “No. I googled it and saw there was a chance that the lights would show up. This being my last night and the fact I couldn’t sleep, I thought I would check it out. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

  “Not at all. Brrr!
It’s a little chilly out, isn’t it?”

  “A little,” he agreed and waved her out. “C’mon over.”

  Marigold padded over towards him and was stunned when he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. He was warm and she willingly practically curled against his side .

  Glancing up at the sky, she could see faint ribbons of green against the murky darkness that was stained with sunlight. It was as if the world was trying to go to sleep but the sun was fighting it.

  “You couldn’t sleep?”

  “No.”

  “What time is your flight?”

  “At eight,” Ben said quietly, “I think that added to my insomnia. What about you?”

  “I set an alarm,” she admitted, smiling up at him. Ben pulled her closer to him, setting his chin on top of her head.

  “You are the best thing that’s happened to me, my friend,” he whispered in the silence. Marigold felt his arms tighten perceptibly before he released her.

  “I’m so glad we are friends,” she uttered, hugging him fiercely and trying not to pay attention to how firm his muscles felt underneath his clothing. Gosh, he was so strong, so warm, so handsome… and so off limits except as a friend.

  “I want you to be safe on your travels home,” she said politely. “Maybe we can do this again in the future. Travel somewhere and enjoy the sights again… as friends.”

  “I’d really like that.”

  “Ben?” Marigold asked softly, feeling her face flush with embarrassment but knowing that if she didn’t ask or say what was on her mind, he would be gone and she would have missed the chance. “You can kiss me if you want to.”

  “I can’t,” he breathed, staring into her eyes regretfully. Marigold thought she would be sick as she realized she misread the signs from him. They were just friends and would always be.

  “Good,” she said in a falsetto voice, trying to keep the hurt out of it. “I wouldn’t want things to be weird between us and I really treasure our friendship.”

  “Me, too.”

  “I’ll miss you.”