by Shey Stahl
“I took a bath yesterday.” She huffs, flopping back on the couch.
“And you need one today too.” I fan my nose. “You kinda stink.”
She lifts her armpits to smell them, smiling. “I guess you’re right.”
Once I have her in the bath, it’s not more than two minutes into it, and she’s soaked me.
“Why can’t you keep the water in the tub?” I ask, trying not to get angry with a five-year-old. It’s just water, but she does this every time she takes one.
“I don’t know.” She takes the cup she has in the water and goes to dump it on me.
“Don’t you dare!” I jerk back away from the tub. Not because I don’t want to get wet but because I don’t want the bathroom to flood again. Damn kid has done that twice already.
When I stand up, my hands on my hips, Nova stares at me. “Daddy, why do you have a tinkle and I have a potty?”
I nearly laugh, but I don’t.
“Can a boy have a potty and a girl have a tinkle?”
“I think it’s time you start taking showers instead of baths,” I tell her, reaching for the faucet.
She freaks out and jumps up, bubbles flying everywhere. “No! I don’t want to take a shower.” She points to the showerhead bursting into tears. “It’s gonna make noise, and I don’t like it.”
“Too bad.” Reaching down, I pull the drain and hit the knob to the shower. “Kids going into kindergarten take showers.”
Nova thinks anyone in kindergarten is something special. If I ever need her to do anything, I just lie and say kindergarteners do it. Bad parenting probably, but I don’t care. I’m doing this shit on my own and sometimes we have to lie as parents.
“I don’t understand why you make me do things I don’t like to do. It’s not fair.” Her tears slow once the spray hits her tummy and then she giggles and dances around in it.
“A lot of things in life aren’t fair.” Shaking my head, I step back and close the shower curtain. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
Just as I’m reaching for the towels in the closet to mop up the water, I hear a crash in the bathroom.
Rushing back into the bathroom, I drop the towels on the floor and nearly laugh at the scene before me. Nova’s sitting in the tub, the spray hitting the top of her head, shower curtain on the floor and she’s vigorously scrubbing her hands.
She looks up at me when she notices me standing there. “I fell.”
“Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?”
She stares blankly at me, then her hands. “I fell in the shower….” I go to say something to her, and she holds her hands up, silencing me. “And when I tried to catch myself, my hand went in the toilet.”
Pursing my lips, I try not to laugh. Nova has a fear of toilets and more importantly, toilet water. Potty training was a real bitch.
Kneeling down, I kick the wet towels out of the way and pick the shower curtain up. “I’m sorry, darlin’. But at least you’re not hurt.”
Nova looks me dead in the eyes, her soapy wet hands cupping my cheeks. “I fell in the shower, and my hand went in the toilet, Daddy! The toilet!”
I can’t help it any longer and break out in laughter as I turn the shower off. “I know, and I’m sorry but let’s get you dried off and ready for bed.”
She’s certainly okay with that and hops out of the tub reaching for a clean towel on the counter. “I told you taking a shower was a bad idea.”
Just as she’s leaving the bathroom, she gives the offensive toilet one last look and shivers.
I’m getting her dressed when she asks, “Can I sleep with you tonight? The toilet will give me nightmares.
“No, you can sleep in your own room tonight.” I nod to her room. “Go pick out a book and I’ll be in shortly.”
After I change into a new shirt and shorts, I go back into Nova’s room across the hall, and she’s in bed with the blankets pulled up and book in hand. “I picked this one.”
Looking at the book, I smile. She picked If I Could Keep You Little.
“Do you remember this book?”
She looks at the cover curiously, then up at me. “No, why?”
“Mommy used to read it to you every night.”
As I settle in to read to her, she reaches toward her nightstand and grabs the photograph of her, Nevaeh, and me. It’s the one where Nova’s sleeping on my chest, and my head is in Nevaeh’s lap. She’s looking lovingly down at the two of us with her hands in my hair. “Do I look like Mommy?”
A knot forms in my chest, squeezing my heart. “What do you think?”
She stares down at the picture again. “We have the same curly hair and blue eyes.”
I pull her closer, kissing her temple. “You’re exactly like her, darlin’.”
“Can you tell me about how you met?”
That hurts even more. I still remember the moment I locked eyes with her at the Dave Matthews Band concert at the Gorge. She was swaying to the beats of “Jimi Thing” and she smiled. Cheesy as it is, that’s all it took for me to make my way over to her. I think back to that concert, and I can’t say that I fell in love with Nevaeh that night, but I certainly knew she was something special. It was that night Nova was conceived. About a month later, Nevaeh had walked into the shop crying and telling me she understood if I wanted nothing to do with her, but that she was pregnant. Of course, I owned up to my responsibilities, and we made it work. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.
“Mommy would like Lenny,” Nova says, smiling.
I know exactly what Nova’s hinting at. “I’m sure she would.” Bending forward, I kiss her forehead and then move off the bed to stand. “Time for bed.”
“But I really want to sleep with you.”
I pat her head. “No, you need to sleep in your own bed tonight. We’ll have a sleepover on Tuesday night since I don’t work on Wednesday.”
“What’s Wednesday?”
“Fourth of July.”
She raises her hand above her head and then pulls it back down in a fist. “Yes! Finally a day off.”
“Good night, I love you.”
Just as I’m at the door, she pipes up with, “One more thing….”
I pause. “Yes?”
“Can I sleep naked?”
“What? Why? And you just wanted to sleep in my bed. No way.”
“I want to feel the sheets on my butt.”
I can’t even look at her without wanting to laugh. “No. Put clothes on.”
She folds her arms defiantly over her chest. “Why?”
“Because I said so.”
As I close her door, I don’t want to think about Nova ever sleeping naked again so I think about what she said, about Lenny. She’s right. Nevaeh would have liked Lenny.
Just a few days of living at Tyler’s apartment, it’s clear he and Raven are some kind of sex demons. I’m literally amazed the girl can walk normally during the day. Seriously, don’t they realize I can’t un-hear that shit? Maybe someone should have a talk with them about using their damn inside voices.
Not to mention how they haven’t been caught by anyone but me.
As I lay here, trying to ignore yet another round of earsplitting escapades courtesy of the deviant sex duo, I’m staring out the window as the sun peeks up over the trees. I know eventually, I’m gonna need to get my own place rather than sleeping on Tyler’s couch. It’s crazy comfortable, but I want something of my own besides a Bronco.
My whole life I’ve lived in someone else’s house or slept in someone else’s bed. For the first time in my life, I want something that’s mine.
When I was little, I used to imagine myself digging out a map, pointing to a small town on the coast and living there. I imagined I’d show up with nothing and start fresh where no one knew me, or my past.
I guess in some ways, I’ve kinda done that.
Tyler opens his door and sneaks into the bathroom with Raven.
Sighing, I think about that picture of Nevaeh and the loo
k on Red’s face. Sitting up, I bring my hands to my face and run my palms over my cheeks. What the fuck am I going to do? I’m infatuated with a man that’s completely off limits in so many ways.
Flopping back against the leather couch, my feet knock my purse off the coffee table and my papers go flying. With the help of Tyler and his lawyer friend, Karl, I was able to get an attorney in Oklahoma who was willing to take my case pro bono. I filed for divorce on Thursday morning because Karl was nice enough to come in early and meet with me before work last week. I don’t want anything getting in the way of this job and that includes getting there late and being asked why. There is no way I want anyone else knowing about Ben. It’s bad enough that Tyler knows what a dumbass I am.
Along with filing the divorce papers, Tyler pushed me to immediately file a restraining order against Ben. He was supposedly served with both Tuesday morning, and I’m really fucking curious as to what will happen next. I’m hoping he’ll do the right thing and let me go. Hope is the key word here.
I wait twenty minutes for them to get out of the shower, only they don’t, and I know I’m going to be late if I don’t shower soon. I can’t listen to those slapping sounds anymore. You know, I mean, you fucking know when people are having sex in a shower. It’s not something you can hide very well. No way do I want to go in there after they have.
And then I remember there’s a shower in the shop. I could potentially sneak down there before the guys arrive and shower. I’ll smell like oranges from the soap down there, but at least I’ll be clean.
Gathering my bag up and a towel, I head down to the shop, flipping on lights as I go. I shower quickly, kinda like I did at the truck stop in fear someone would walk in. Yeah, well, just as I’m drying off, wrapping the towel around my back, Red opens the goddamn door.
Damn it. Fuck. Shit…. And he’s staring.
Red, meet my very naked self. Enjoy the view.
He eyes me, from my toes all the way up my wet, very naked body to my eyes. A smile twists his lips as he leans into the door frame, but he keeps it at bay and crosses his arms over his chest. “Well, good morning to me.”
I let my eyes drift to his crotch just to see if he’s really turned on by this. And looking closely, his pants seem a little tighter in that general region.
Rolling my eyes, mostly at myself, I wrap the towel around my front, ignoring the heavy beat of my heart and my burning face. “What are you doing in here?”
“I work here.” He snorts, like I should know. “Why are you taking a shower down here? Is the shower not working upstairs?”
“No, it is.” I’m pretty sure my cheeks resemble his name. Reaching for my bag in a rush, I slip on my flip flops. “Tyler’s taking too long.”
His brow furrows as I step past him and into the shop. Thankfully, it’s just him here and not all the guys. “Must have someone in there with him,” Red notes, watching my every move.
Shit. Fuck. He can’t find out. The last thing I need is for Tyler and Raven not to trust me.
I panic and begin to hurry out of the shop and leave him standing at his toolbox, more than likely watching me walk away in only a towel.
When I’m going up the stairs, Raven’s opening the door, fully dressed now with cherry red lips. “Oh, hey.” She smiles.
“Careful, your brother is down there.”
Her eyes widen, hands on the rails to stop her. “Shit.” She backtracks back up two steps. “Now I’m gonna have to sneak out.” She then motions me away. “Go distract him.”
I glare. “He already saw me naked. Let’s not get carried away.”
Raven bursts out laughing as we walk through the door to the apartment. I don’t think it’s funny at all.
Apparently, Raven’s done this before because she climbs out the window in the bedroom and jumps off the roof like a spider monkey. Girl’s got skills for sure. Hopefully, she’s good at lying too when Red catches her.
I inhale a deep breath once I’m back upstairs and dressed. What a fucking way to start the day, but damn, he did take a long lingering glance at my lady bits, didn’t he?
Internal fist bump happening right now.
“ARE YOU A lesbian?” Daniel asks that afternoon. The kid is really weird, and I do mean super weird like I’m sure he’s been in too many crashes at the track. Random shit spews from his mouth constantly.
I have half a mind to deck the little shit. “No… why?”
“Just wondering what my chances are.”
Um. Never.
Red walks up behind him and shoves him forward, smiling. “Don’t you have oil to change?”
Daniel looks over at me and smiles. “Yeah, hers.”
I turn to walk away but look over my shoulder to Daniel. “I don’t know, Daniel, from what I hear you don’t even know what to do with a dipstick.”
Red lets out a loud laugh and shoves Daniel again. “Stop messing around. Get back to work.” As he passes by, Red hands me a repair order without saying anything when suddenly my phone rings.
I jump because I nearly forgot I had a cell phone since nobody calls me. Scrambling through my bag on the bench, I reach inside and pull out my cell phone.
“Ms. Reeves?”
“Yes, that’s me.”
“This is Karl Karson…. Tyler’s friend who helped you out with the divorce proceedings and restraining order.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief but then my heart starts pounding as I know why he’s calling. Ben got the papers yesterday. Wanting some privacy, I quickly walk around the corner and into the parts room and shut the door behind me.
“The attorney in Oklahoma that is helping us with the divorce called me this morning and let me know that Ben was served with the papers and this morning they were taped to the attorney’s door with the word ‘Never’ written across them.”
Sounds exactly like something Ben would do. Letting out another deep breath, I shake my head. What a fucker. “I knew he was going to be a dick about this. Now what do I do?”
“It’s not all that uncommon in cases where one of the spouses doesn’t want the divorce,” he assures me. “The next step is to wait out the mandatory twenty days the court allows for Ben to respond. If he doesn’t respond within those twenty days, then we file for a Motion for Default. This will allow you to be granted the divorce even without his consent. Now with this filing, you may be required to attend the proceedings but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. He’s abusive, right?”
“He hit me, yes,” I whisper.
“Just that one time?”
“That was the first time he struck, yes. But he’s thrown things at me and forced me to do things I didn’t want to… to him.” That wasn’t even the half of what Ben has done, but it’s all I’m willing to tell him about right now.
Karl clears his throat. “Okay….”
I can hear the scrape of his pen against a notepad when I ask, “Could Ben stall the proceedings if he gets an attorney himself?”
“Yes, the usual time for divorce proceedings that are uncontested in Oklahoma are ten to ninety days depending on assets and custody. Since you don’t have any kids and you’re not asking for any splitting of assets or spousal support, this should go rather quickly, but could be strung out for months if he choose to file papers contesting.”
I lean against the wall, my adrenaline spiking. “Crap. Okay, thanks.”
“Everything will be fine, Ms. Reeves. I’m here if you have any questions.”
What the fuck was I thinking when I came here? Did I really think he would just let me go?
Blood rushes to my cheeks, my stomach twisting as my mind goes over what Ben might do next.
Taking in deep breaths, I need fresh air. My hands tremble as I rush past Red standing at his toolbox. “Are you okay?” he asks as I walk by.
I shake my head no and keep walking outside, tears that refuse to listen fall over my cheeks.
I’m not out there but five minutes, sitting in the gravel with
my back against the metal siding when Tyler approaches, his head bent forward and hands in his pockets. Of course he would come looking for me. “What’s up?”
I spit out my thumbnail I chewed off. “Ben refuses to sign the divorce papers.”
Tyler kneels down to my level, his eyes intent on mine. “That motherfucker…” he curses, and then shakes his head, sitting back against the building.
“I’m not surprised. At all. I just can’t believe I thought this was going to go smoothly. I mean, if he finds me here… there’s no telling what he’ll do. He’s crazy, Tyler. Batshit fucking crazy. I didn’t stay with him because I was afraid he would beat the crap out of me. He only hit me once. I stayed because he was mentally unstable. The hitting me was just the last straw. Jesus Christ, why is it that I attract all the assholes? Ones that only want to hurt me.”
Tyler moves to sit beside me and bumps his knee to mine. “There are still some good guys out there.”
Gravel crunches in front of us and I lean forward to see Raven walking up to us. She puts her hands on her hips and stares down at me brushing tears away. “Did my asshole brother yell at you again?”
“No.” I laugh, smiling now.
Her eyes stay on mine, never shifting to Tyler. They play this game well. “Well, be at our house at two tomorrow for our Walker family fourth-of-July party.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’s family and it should stay family.”
Tyler rolls his eyes and stands up, then reaches for my hand. “It’s hardly family. Even Daniel goes to the damn thing and he’s barely an employee.”
There’s nothing I want more than to hang out with the Walker family. And Red… shit… but maybe this isn’t the right time for me. Maybe I just need to lay off everything until all this blows over with Ben.
Raven can sense my refusal coming and kicks my foot once I’m standing. “There’s no option. It’s mandatory. Mom said so.”
I stall for what seems like an entire minute before saying, “Fine. What can I bring?”
Raven seems satisfied and turns away from us, never once looking at Tyler. “Nothing. Just your hot little self.”