by Shey Stahl
He eyes my choice of attire, the jean shorts and tank top. Bringing his lips close to my ear, he murmurs, “You look nice.”
I shiver at his breath on my skin. “Yeah, well I thought about wearing the ‘Get off my dick’ shirt but Raven stole it from me.”
Damn it, the smile’s fading. Shit. Say something funny. Make it come back!
I stare at him, waiting for what he might say next and then maybe I can reply with something witty.
Only his eyes darken with the night and he studies me for a reaction. When I don’t say anything, his smile fades as if he’s seen something he didn’t want to, or heard something he didn’t want to hear. He looks away, his jaw tight as he exhales and raises his beer to his lips.
Fuck, say something else so he doesn’t leave. “You’re really lucky to have a family like this.”
He nods, though I can sense apprehension in his face. He’s sad by what I just said. “This was always the place to hang out when I was younger. Seemed like the whole town was here most of the time.” He glances up at the driveway where Rawley and Sophie are arguing. “We don’t always get along, but we always have each other’s backs.” And then his eyes, those fucking eyes I can’t resist, drift my way and I openly sigh… openly fucking sigh. “You feeling better?”
My brow pinches together. “Huh?”
“I mean after yesterday.” His brow pinches. “You seemed upset when you got off the phone.” Our eyes lock and he knows I’m hiding something from him. “Whatever it was affected you all day.”
My posture stiffens, my eyes dropping from his because I can’t hold them as the lie slips past my lips. “Sorry about that. It won’t happen again.”
He shrugs. “I’m not mad. I’m just hoping you’re doing better.”
We’re close now, closer than before and the loud music causes me to glance away, the lingering light around us obliterated by the rapidly falling night. The music catches my attention, and I look around. Purple and pink paint the sky as the sun sets and I take in a deep breath, inhaling the smells of heated coals and barbeque sauce.
Mia and Red’s Uncle Hendrix are dancing, everyone’s clapping for them. Red leans into my shoulder. “My parents used to belong to the Eagles. They’d go out dancing with Hendrix and his wife, Sherrie.” He points her out by lifting his beer and leaning into my side. I can smell him now, the faint smell of his beer on his breath, his warmth and the sounds of his steady breathing. “That’s my aunt.”
Our eyes drift together again, and he smiles. For the first time, he smiles, at me.
“What?” he asks when I don’t look away.
“You’re smiling.”
“It’s natural.”
“I’ve just… never seen you do it. At least not directed at me.”
He’s about to reply, his mouth opening when an older woman touches his forearm. “Red, honey, dance with me?”
He winks at her. “Sorry, Linda, I’m really not much of a dancer to this.” He gestures to the line dancing.
She shrugs and then settles on her husband, Colt. I laugh. “Wow, you seem to attract all ages.”
Red doesn’t answer because he can’t; he’s being asked by Sam to dance now.
Chuckling, his feet shift and he casually lifts his beer to his lips. I think maybe he does this on purpose because it not only draws my attention to his lips, but Sam’s as well. “Sorry, Sam, but I don’t dance.”
Sam’s cheeks flush and she blinks rapidly, taking offense to Red’s refusal. “Someday you’re going to regret saying no to me all the time.”
Red snorts, leaning into me and I nearly hyperventilate, my heart trying to jump out of my chest and fist bump his. “That’s a chance I’m willing to take. You’re seventeen, honey, find someone else.”
Ah, yes, there’s the Red I know.
Once Sam’s out of earshot, I glance at Red again.
“You’re a popular guy around here. You really should dance with one of these girls.”
Red snorts. “Nah, I like sitting here.”
Oh shit, really?
He bumps into my shoulder. “Thanks a lot. I could have used your help there.”
“Oh no, you’re not dragging me into your teenage drama.”
“What teenage drama?” Raven asks, wrapping her arms around our shoulders and worming herself between the two of us.
I’m about to say Red’s when he clears his throat. “No one,” he grumbles and looks to Nova at his feet. “Are you having a good time, darlin’?”
She’s crawling around on the ground like a dog. “Ollie asked me to be his girlfriend.”
“And why are you crawling around on the ground then?”
“I’m his servant.”
Raven and I burst out laughing.
Red steps sideways, grabs Nova by the waist and hauls her to her feet. “The fuck you are,” Red snaps. “Get up. Where’s that little shit Ollie?” And then he takes off in the other direction.
He crooks a finger at the rebel child after his daughter. “Ollie, get over here.”
Ollie’s eyes widen and he shakes his head. I think Ollie knows what’s good for him and takes off running.
Raven shakes her head, handing me yet another beer when she notices mine is empty. “I feel bad for little Ollie.”
A new song comes on Nova seems to love. “Daddy, dance with me!”
Red smiles. “Whatever you want, darlin’.”
I love that he doesn’t deny her a dance.
Red carries Nova over to the makeshift dance floor on the deck, hoisting her up on his shoulders so he can spin her around to the music. Watching Red with his daughter, his attention on her 100 percent is something. Being a good dad has nothing to do with just being present in the child’s life. It has to do with the dad’s passion to show her she means the world to him.
It’s obvious from the moment you see Red and Nova together that Red certainly knows how to do that.
Almost everyone is dancing now, the twinkle lights basking the deck in an illuminated glow. I want so badly to be a part of this, a big family, one who loves unconditionally and doesn’t love for evil, or to make you do or be what you’re not. I don’t know the feeling. I only know love that’s forced or made to believe you should love if and because.
My gaze dances around and then lands on Red as he looks at me, his eyes sparking and then I drop mine to his mouth as he sets Nova on her feet. Holy shit. Red is smiling at me.
As if the scene is playing out perfectly, one that leaves us alone again, Nova runs off the other direction, into Colt’s arms.
I stand there, completely awed that one of his gorgeous smiles is finally directed toward me. The smile should be framed. It’s easy, contagious, and comes so easily now I’m confused why he doesn’t do it more often. Maybe it’s times like these. When he’s surrounded by the people he loves and a few beers in him that he finally lets go of his worries and enjoys himself.
I’ve seen him smirk, but it’s nothing like this.
My stomach twists at the sight.
With cheeks still flushed, Red approaches me, his smile ready to bring me to my knees. “Did you miss me?” he asks, finishing off the beer in his hand.
As I stand this close again, amped and nervous, I remain rooted in place. “Maybe. Did you miss me?”
Smooth, Lenny.
“Maybe.” He gives me a fucking head nod. Why am I turned on by a goddamn head nod?
“You better be careful, Red,” I say, bumping into his shoulder as we stand together, twinkling lights illuminating his smile to my attention. “You’re being so nice to me, I just might start liking you.”
Red answers as he lifts a new beer to his lips. “Well we wouldn’t want that now, would we?” He winks. Oh God, there’s something worse than the head nod. A wink, and he knows exactly how to deliver it and lean in at the same time. He’s a fucking pro at seduction.
“No, I guess not. Quick. Do something to piss me off so the feeling passes.”
; Red reaches over and tugs at my hair. Not just any tug, I can literally feel his knuckles turn white and wraps around the tiny sensitive hairs around the base of my neck, and he pulls, gently.
My teeth sink into my lower lip drawing his eyes there. His lips part, a tender sound passing by his wet lips. “I said piss me off not turn me on.”
He smiles, again, and cocks his head back, tilting it to the side just a little. Bringing his beer to his lips, Red pauses, keeping the bottle at bay. His beer bumps to mine, the glass pinging through the night. “In that case… need another beer?”
Snorting, I nod. What the fuck was I thinking?
I watch him at the table, digging into the cooler for two longnecks and Nova runs up to him, wiping the chocolate off her face. She throws her arms around his neck when he kneels to her level, his face between her hands as they talk.
Watching them, I know these feelings I have for him suddenly aren’t just for him; they’re for her too.
It scares me because I can’t hurt either of them and me being close to them is dangerous. I only cause harm.
I need to go. He’s distracted right now. I need to leave.
With a sigh, I give the party one last look and turn to leave.
Turning to do so, I run right into Raven in the driveway. “Holy shit.” I startle, grabbing onto her shoulders and then see Tyler walking around the other side of the house. They must have been talking, or other things.
“So…” Raven begins before taking a large gulp of her beer, raising an eyebrow. “Are you into Red?”
“What? No,” I reply immediately in mock offense. “Why would you ask that?”
Because she can see right through your lying ass.
“Because I was watching you two standing there smiling at each other like a couple of teenagers. I haven’t seen my brother even look in another woman’s direction, let alone smile at one since Nevaeh died. Oh, and he’s staring at your ass.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“He’s staring at your ass.”
A thrill shoots through me. “He’s looking at his daughter.”
She looks past me, to him I suspect. “Nope, he’s been staring at your ass all night.”
I want to say something to her but then we see Sophie and Rawley standing in the driveway near his truck, appearing to be still fighting from over an hour ago. “How can you act like this?” she asks him, brushing tears away. “I gave you another fucking chance and you’re still getting your dick sucked by that little whore.”
Rawley shifts his feet, his head hanging as he stares at the ground. “Why do you care?”
Sophie shoves his shoulder. “Why do I care? How can you even ask me that?”
“No really, I’m curious.” His eyes find hers at about the time Raven groans beside me and we duck down behind a car to listen. “You fucked around on me first,” Rawley points out. “I was ready to fucking marry you and that’s how you repay me. Think about how I feel.”
Sophie snorts. “So that’s it, you can justify this because I made one mistake?”
“Yep. Brutal ain’t it, sweetheart?”
Jesus, now I know being an asshole runs in their family. Sophie raises her hand as if she’s about to hit him across the face, and he smiles condescendingly at her. “You fucking hit me again and be ready for what comes next.”
“Screw you!” she shouts, walking away from him.
Raven breathes in deeply when they’re gone, standing up. “They’ll be back together before morning.”
I fidget with my keys. “Shit, this is like a soap opera.”
“I know.” She sighs. “I loved this shit when we were younger. You should see my diary. I wrote down all these fights.”
I laugh, wishing I’d always had a friend like her. “Is it weird I kinda want to read it?”
“Nope.” She smiles, too. “I even named it. It’s called The Young and the Stupid. I’m gonna pitch it to Lifetime someday.”
“You know, I bet they’ll pick it up someday.”
“That’s what I’m saying.”
There’s a moment of silence between us, and I shrug. “I’m just gonna head out.”
Raven frowns. “I get it. You’re not comfortable with us yet, but I hope someday you’re gonna see that even though we’re a bunch of assholes, we’re a good family with an open-door policy. You’re always welcome here.”
She’s right. They are a good family, which is exactly why I need to leave. I shouldn’t drag them into my shit storm.
Inside my Bronco, I stare up at the sky, a canopy of luminous stars materializing in the darkness. It’s a perfect imaginary significance of the moment here. One where there’s dullness met by shimmering stars.
Morning comes way too fast. Everyone at the shop is dragging their feet and Red seems to be focused on a truck that was towed in first thing, barely looking up when I come in ten minutes to eight. I pride myself that I didn’t get to bed until two this morning, because of Tyler and Raven, but still made it to work on time.
Can’t say the same for Rawley.
Watching Red out of the corner of my eye, chewing on his thumb as he talks on the phone and jots down notes, I think to myself how nice it was to see him relaxed last night. He’s so tense at the shop, as if the world’s on his shoulders, and I guess in many ways, it is.
A blush creeps over my face when he grips his phone and sets it down on his toolbox and I’m reminded of when he pulled my hair.
Twisting, he walks toward me, a clipboard in hand, his focus on it and then he looks up and sees me standing next to the bench. “Oh, hey.” And then he nods over his shoulder. “This one was towed in. Customer said it died while they were on the freeway so they towed it here. I took a look at it this morning.”
I take the clipboard from Red to look over his notes.
He immediately grabs it back. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you it’s not nice to grab other people’s things?”
I snort. “Says the guy who pulled my hair last night.”
Oh my God, I’m an idiot. I look up at the ceiling, wondering why I can’t act normal around him and he laughs. “Don’t go playing the victim with me now, Lenny. We both know you loved it.”
My response is to roll my eyes. Because I can’t breathe, or talk.
“There was an oil leak and it damaged the bearings,” he then says. “They’re in a hurry to get back on the road so we need to see what we can do for them.”
“So you’re getting an engine somewhere then?”
Red nods, leaning back against the bench. “Yeah. It’ll be here by two at the latest. She’s a single mom who just lost her husband. They’re on their way up to Seattle so I wanted to get them back on the road tomorrow if I can. Got a refreshed engine from Portland.”
“Do you need some help with it?” I ask, hoping he says yes. I love engine replacements. Everyone usually hates them but there’s just something about removing an old engine and putting a new one in that gives me a sense of pride I can’t get anywhere else. Maybe because most think I can’t do it, or wouldn’t want to. Or maybe it has a more metaphorical outlook on my own life.
I’m more inclined to think metaphorically. “I’ll help you get it done if you want.”
He winks at me, smirking and then tilts his head as his eyes travel south. “Well, it’s always nice to have two people to run the hoist and guide the new engine in.”
Oh, my fuck… he’s hinting at something sexual with me!
“It can get a little tricky getting them in with ease,” I say.
“So you’ll help me out?” He looks at me intently, his head cocked to one side, waiting for my answer. It makes me nervous. Really nervous, so I tear my eyes from his and stare at the carburetor.
A night with him… alone… in the shop?
Fuck yeah. Okay, shit. Calm yourself down a notch. Don’t seem too eager or he’ll think you’re crazy.
“Sure, I mean, if you think you could use the help.” I shrug before surveying the
shop at who’s within ear shot of this conversation. No one. Everyone’s too tired to pay any attention to me.
“You sure? I’m not keeping you from anything?”
Only from dreaming of you.
“Nope.” My gaze falls to his hands folded over his chest. The black ink on his arms catches my attention and the detailed patterns. I want hours to inspect the meaning behind each one. He doesn’t seem to be the type of guy who would tattoo just anything on himself.
“Okay, so we’ll get started when the engine gets here,” Red says, intruding on my thoughts of his hands sliding up my thighs as he sets me on the fender.
“Uh, yeah… yes. Sounds great,” I sputter, looking doe-eyed and praying he can’t read my thoughts.
He’s just about to leave when he stops and then gets closer, his shoulder touching mine sending my heart racing. “Where’d you go last night?”
“What?”
“You snuck out early… why?”
Last night, the look in his eyes when I told him I was starting to like him. The way he smiled when he was dancing with Nova. All of it played on repeat in my mind.
“Tired?” Yep, I say it in the form of a fucking question.
Shaking his head, I can tell he doesn’t believe me. Thankfully, his mom calls his name and he brushes past me without another word. My heartbeat evens out and then I think, how the hell am I going to make it the rest of the night with him, alone for the first time?
THE ENGINE ARRIVES around two thirty and Red calls me over to help. He lets me tear down the new one as he finishes another job he’s working on. I drain the oil and coolant out, remove the belts and power steering pump, air conditioning compressor, radiator… and then take a quick break.
When I look up, the shop’s empty and Red’s at his toolbox making notes. He looks over at me. “I’ll help you out in a minute.”
I shrug, wiping my hands on a shop towel. “I got it. No rush.”
Leaning over the fender, I take out the heater hose, fuel line and air box as Red leans into the fender of the truck. “I’m curious… what made you want to work on cars?”