by Shey Stahl
She huffs out a breath. “You’re doing this on purpose.” And then she steps back in the house.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Ben?” he asks when Nova’s out of earshot.
I swallow down my embarrassment, ignoring the churning in my gut. I breathe in a deep breath, my eyes on my feet because looking at Red in the eye is hard for me to do after everything that went down in the last week. I hurt him. “I didn’t tell you because when I first met you, I didn’t think it was any of your business. I wasn’t even going to tell Tyler, but I needed a job and I had to explain it to him. I made a huge mistake being with Ben, and it wasn’t something I wanted to advertise. Then I found out about Nevaeh and I didn’t want you involved more than ever. And then we….” I motion between us. “And then I was scared because I have feelings for you and I didn’t exactly go about it the right way. I wanted us to work. I just didn’t see how we could with Ben still in the mix.”
Nova pops out of the house, curls bouncing all over the place in a wild mess. “Let’s go!” And then she grabs my hand. “Come with us!”
Drawing in a deep breath, I know what this means. If I get in this car with them, this is the moment everything changes. It’s me saying I’m part of this. I’m committing to the both of them. It’s me opening up to Red in ways I’ve never let someone in before.
I’m ready to do that, for both Red and Nova.
I can’t walk away from them. I’m scared, sure, how could I not be?
I look back over my shoulder at Red as Nova pulls me to the car. “Do you mind if I come?”
He shrugs, reaching in his pocket for his keys. “No.”
I get why she didn’t tell me about Ben. I do. She had her reasons, and I understand them, especially given our backgrounds. I have no idea the reasons why she left her husband, and I’m not sure I want to know at this point because I’d probably kill the motherfucker given the chance.
My mind has been in overdrive ever since the sheriff came by the shop. I keep coming back to one thing. I’ve been at a standstill for two years, never moving forward, just stuck in the past. With Lenny, she makes me want to take a step. I know my feelings for her run deeper than I initially thought, and for that reason, maybe that’s why she’s sitting next to me. She took a big risk coming to my house, and I’m taking one by forgiving the fact that she was scared.
There’s still so much about her I don’t know, but the truth is, at this point, I’m willing to look past that. I don’t know what I feel exactly, but I know I have to find out. Besides, with the way my daughter looks at her, I don’t really have a choice.
As I make my way back to them, two beers and a root beer for Nova, they both smile at me.
“Have you ever been to a race?” I ask handing Lenny a beer. Nova’s seated directly in front of us with her mouth full of candy. I set her root beer in front of her and take a seat next to Lenny.
“Nope.” She pauses, taking a drink of her beer. “I mean, I’ve been to drag races and a few motorcycle races.”
I nod to Nova. “I bring Nova as much as I can, at least once a month.”
Lenny watches Nova for a moment as she stands up and points her finger at a race car that takes the checkered flag, and then flips him off. “She seems to love it.”
Lenny had just taken another drink of her beer and spits it out at my daughter’s crassness. “She does. She gets a little into it.”
Laughing, I scratch the back of my head as Nova turns around and crawls up on my lap. “Lenny, did you know Uncle Colt’s nephew works for a race team?”
“Stop calling that crazy bastard your uncle.” Nova gives me an exasperated look as if she’s offended. “But yes, his nephew Tommy works for that guy Jameson Riley.”
“Oh yeah, the NASCAR driver?” I laugh. I’m not surprised Lenny knows him. Everyone, especially women, seem to know who Jameson Riley is.
“Why doesn’t it surprise me that you know who he is? Seems like more women started becoming NASCAR fans when he started winning championships.”
Lenny turns to me and stares, almost studying me for a minute. “I suppose he’s a good-looking guy, but he’s not really my type.”
I can’t help the grin that takes root on my face. “Really?” I raise an eyebrow. “And what exactly is your type?”
“Well, you know. Tall, dark, good with his hands. Oh, and he needs to know the difference between Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie.”
The loud laughter that comes pouring out of me takes even me by surprise. I haven’t laughed like this in I don’t know how long, but the fact that she mentioned some of Nova’s favorite ponies, just reinforces the fact that I’m making the right choice. There is no way I can walk away from this girl.
“Well then Lennon….” I lean in, my lips close to her ear and I can’t help but notice the reaction she has to it, the quick intake of breath, the wide eyes, all indications she wants me this close. “I guess I just may have a chance with you after all.”
As the sun dips, the cooler night air slaps at my face. It’s the perfect excuse to justify touching her.
With Nova in front of us again, Lenny leans forward to make sure her jacket is zipped and that she’s warm enough. I’m not sure I can even explain how it makes me feel to see Lenny show concern for my daughter. To want to take care of her. This is something I didn’t know if I would be able to give Nova again. A positive woman in her life who can fill in the gaps I can’t. Someone to tie her hair up since I can’t seem to do it right or someone she can turn to when she needs a female perspective. Sure, we’ve been lucky. We have my mom and Raven, but it would be nice for Nova to have someone else she can count on to take care of her.
Once Lenny straightens back up, my gaze lowers to Lenny’s trembling lip as the wind picks up around the track. “You can move closer,” I whisper, my breath tempting the skin right below her ear. “I won’t bite with the kid around.”
“Who said I didn’t want you to bite?”
Those words go straight to my dick, and I’m thankful I’m sitting down.
“Well in that case,”—I put my arm around her so my hand is on her ass and move her flush against my side—“careful what you wish for.”
She trembles against me, and it brings me serious satisfaction to know that’s it’s not the chill in the air making her react. No. That’s all me.
She turns toward me, her knees bumping my thigh. I move to tuck a tuft of her hair behind her ear just so I can touch her again. “So which one is Daniel?”
“The one constantly hitting shit,” Rawley remarks, shaking his head as he comes to sit next to us. “I swear he doesn’t understand that you don’t have to hit everything on the track. It’s like he’s playing ping pong off the guardrails tonight.”
He takes Nova into his lap, tickling her sides and then smiles up at Lenny. “So spaghetti worked or did you…” He pauses and covers Nova’s ears with his hands. “Blow him in the parking lot?”
Blow him? What the hell is he talking about? And how does he know about the spaghetti?
I slap the back of his head pretty hard. “Don’t talk like that around my kid. And why are you talking to Lenny about spaghetti and blow jobs?”
“She needed a man’s advice.” Rawley’s hands drop from Nova’s ears as he glares at me. “And I’m pretty sure she hears worse from you.”
He’s probably right about that.
I stare at Rawley, waiting for more of an explanation. When he doesn’t answer, I smack the back of his head. Glaring, he rubs the spot I hit. “She came by the house looking. I gave her my idea.”
Lenny reaches forward and smacks his ear.
“What the fuck?” he yells, glaring at her.
“You weren’t supposed to say anything,” she seethes through clenched teeth.
Rawley pauses, his mouth opening and closing, and then he rolls his eyes. “Well you should have said that to begin with. Usually people start with, don’t say anything but….”
The two of
them argue for a minute but my mind instinctively goes to the mentioned blow job for a good five minutes. Mostly because Lenny’s beside me eating nachos and cheese is dripping off her lips. I’d love to see something else dripping off those lips.
They’re getting ready to start the main events for the night when Elle walks up with her two kids. Of all the people I wanted to see tonight, she’s not on that list.
I do the polite thing and introduce the two of them but honestly, it’s the last thing I wanted. “Elle, this is Lenny. Lenny this is Elle. She runs the daycare Nova goes to.”
Lenny lifts her hand in a wave. “Hey.”
Elle’s eyes dart to Nova, and then me, and back to Lenny. She falters a little and then makes a quick recovery, her gaze on mine. “Nice to meet you, Lenny. Wow, Red, I wasn’t aware you were dating anyone.”
Of course she’d say that.
Nova grins, whipping her head around to look at Lenny and me. “Are you dating?”
“No, darlin’.” My gaze moves to Lenny and in a strange way, I don’t like that I said no, but I’m not sure how to label us yet. “Lenny’s just a friend.” Nova seems disappointed by that and frowns. “Yeah, and she’s a girl so does that make her your girlfriend? Do friends kiss, too?”
I’m not entirely sure why, but at that moment, Rawley decides to do the smart thing by picking up Nova and throwing her over his shoulder. “Help me out, kiddo. There’s a girl over there I want to like me. Pretend you’re my kid for an hour so I can get her number.”
Nova high-fives him as they walk away. “I got your back, Uncle Rawley.”
“Those two are something else,” Lenny notes and then nods to Elle walking the other way with her kids. “And she seems nice.”
“I guess so. Nova is not a huge fan.”
“Well, it’s obvious she is a member of your fan club. You know, there’s nothing sexier than a man who’s attentive, whether it’s toward his daughter, or his girl.”
I snort. “She’s married.”
“Yeah well, married or not, a woman notices these things.”
“Must be why Rawley’s currently using said daughter to get a piece of ass.” I quirk an eyebrow at her. “But I’ve never… looked at it that way.”
“It’s not your looks that get you all the attention.”
“Excuse me?”
Her eyes widen before she throws me a relaxed grin. “Don’t get me wrong. You’re good-looking, but it’s the way you look at your daughter is what gets them. Anybody can be a dad, but a single dad who puts his daughter first, shows how good of a person he is. Not a lot of fathers look out for the interest of their children at all times. You do.” She glances at Nova in the distance with Rawley. “A daughter needs a dad to look up to. You’re the first man she’s going to see. You set the standard in where she learns how a woman is supposed to be treated. Not all dads know how to do that.”
There’s a moment between us as we stare at one another and fuck, do I want to kiss her for saying that. I’ve only ever had Nova’s interest in mind, which is why I hadn’t been with anyone since Nevaeh. Not only was the timing not right for me, but it wasn’t for her either. I figured, no, I actually assumed I wouldn’t be with anyone ever again and I was okay with that if Nova was.
I don’t know what to say, for once, and remain staring at her in silence as the engines of twenty-four cars line up on the track.
“Holy shit, it’s cold out here!” Lenny says, breaking the silence between us.
I smile, handing her my sweatshirt. “Wear this.”
“I can’t take that. It’s yours. You’ll be cold.”
“Well then, it will give me an excuse to make you sit on my lap later.”
Yep. I’m flirting. For the first time in two years I’m flirting.
And probably doing a horrible job of it by the way Nova eyes me when she returns with Rawley. Her face says, “Get some game, Dad.”
Rawley stands and hands her five bucks and pockets the number the girl gave him.
I gotta get this kid friends her own age.
It’s obvious Nova’s trying to play matchmaker with me too when she squeezes between Lenny and me and takes my right hand and Lenny’s left hand and puts them together.
I smile at Nova as does Lenny, and I keep holding her hand because I want to.
It’s the first time we’ve held hands. It’s the first time in two years a woman has held my hand. I wait for the panic and guilt to hit me. Wait for pain to hit my chest. After a pause, I exhale out the breath I’m holding. There’s nothing but contentment pulsing through me with her hand in mine.
Nova gets up and sits in front of us with Rawley again, smiling back at us.
Lenny’s eyes sweep over my lips, my chin, my chest, and then back to my face. “Sorry.”
I grin and kiss her forehead. “Relax.”
She shivers a little as I get close, and I can see raw vulnerability in her eyes. She’s afraid whatever we are starting is only going to end up hurting and that’s the last thing I want.
My gaze automatically drops to her chest and the view I now have down her shirt.
Sitting here next to her, the dirtier part of my imagination makes up all kinds of interesting plans for tonight. Especially after the blow job comment.
With the way she watches me, and Nova, there’s nowhere else I want to be but with these two, right now. I’m tired of this dance, tired of our doubt and confusion. It’s time to take that step forward.
“Jesus, she’s heavy when she’s sleeping,” Red grumbles, struggling to keep Nova in his arms. Her head’s flopped back, arms too as her curls fly around wildly in the wind. Despite her heaviness, he smiles down at her, completely enthralled in her innocence as she sleeps in his arms.
I love the dynamic between Red and Nova and the way he never seems to get annoyed with her incessant chatter. I find it endearing because I was always told I talked too much as a child.
Now I don’t talk because I’m afraid I’ll be told to stop. Nothing’s worse than being five years old and excited to tell someone about your day only for them to look at you and say, “You talk too much.”
And now that Nova’s asleep, nothing’s changed. He still adores her.
I know I’m staring at them, but I can’t stop myself.
His face is impassive, but I know his mind is working. It always is. “What?”
“Nothing,” I say, keeping step with them as we walk to the car.
When we’re at the car, Red opens the passenger door for me despite having to hold Nova with one arm. No one has ever done that for me before. The simple gesture makes my heart beat faster. My cheeks heat when his body leans into me for a second as I slide into the seat and he gets Nova in the back. Drawing in a deep breath, my heart slows, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips.
He climbs into the driver seat and there’s a quiet unease between us. “Thanks for coming with us. Nova really likes you.”
“I really like her too,” I say quietly.
He starts his car. The gentle rumbling and smell of a lean running 427 big block shakes my chest. I love everything about Red’s 1974 Nova SS. It’s perfect from the rust in some spots to the cracked leather seats and worn carpet. It’s a work in progress and a representation of his life in many ways.
Glittery stars paint the blackened sky lighting a path on the road as we’re pulling out of the parking lot of the track. Dust kicks up from the cars in front of us creating a cloud in front of his car. The paleness of the night floods the car outlining his face.
“I’m sorry about the things I said,” he says when we’re driving down his road. “I shouldn’t have acted that way last week. It wasn’t… me.” There’s an undisclosed honesty and vulnerability in his every word and I believe him. I know he has a temper, but he never meant to take his frustrations out on me. I’m not trying to make excuses for him. It’s a simple truth. It’s the purity in his soul.
Some people are dark. They’re just bad people and do
bad things. That’s not Red.
Red waits for me to speak, react to his words, and knowing he is waiting for it drives me back into the bubbling emotions sitting in my chest.
After ten minutes, finally, I have the courage. “Red—”
“Wait. Just let me get this out, okay?” He interrupts, touching my face with his left palm.
I nod, watching as his eyes shift back to the road. “Okay.”
“I was a total fuckin’ dick last week. And I’m truly sorry for that.” He sounds sad, and I know what he’s going to say next. The realization that it’s coming makes my throat tight.
I give him a nod when we pull up to the house and he parks beside my car, letting him know he can continue. He shuts off the engine and then looks over at me, twisting slightly. “When you first came into that shop, part of me knew exactly what you were looking for. I knew deep down you were looking for an escape. I was ready to be that for you. I wasn’t lying when I said I would be anything you wanted.” His voice softens as he shakes his head. “And you know, the more I think about it, I was actually upset that you came back after that first day.”
“Why?” I keep my voice low, afraid I might wake Nova in the backseat.
“Because I didn’t want you to be anything to me.”
“That doesn’t make any sense, Red.” But in reality, it does and I get where he’s coming from.
“Listen to what I said.” He pauses, my eyes drifting to his. “I told you that I would be anything you wanted. Not anything I wanted.”
Realization slowly feeds its way into my system. He’s right. I didn’t want Red to mean anything to me either. I wasn’t looking for someone to fill the gaps when I came to Lebanon. I was only looking for a job.
“I didn’t want you to be anything to me.”
“After one time, I meant something?” I know exactly how that could be; how even the simplest touch between the two of us gave me such a rush I knew there was more to us.
Red nods, his eyes on mine. I don’t reply, and he doesn’t wait for one.
He’s quiet for a moment, just staring at me, before he finally speaks. “Will you come inside?”