“Thank you, Vera.” Out of respect, Caden also deferred to Jamie. “Jamie?”
“Of course. Bring him in.” Jamie sat down on the couch.
Caden went to the car and leaned over Evan’s open window.
“They’ll see you, but, Evan, don’t expect this to be easy. No matter what they say to you, I expect you to remain respectful. Got it?”
“Yes. I know.” Evan stepped from the car. “I know this is my fault, Dad. I can handle it. I owe them an apology.” Evan followed him inside the cottage. He brushed his hair out of his eyes and stood before Vera, who had settled back onto the couch again.
Caden’s chest constricted as he watched the boy he’d raised stand up and act like a man.
“Sit down, Evan. Please,” Vera said.
Evan sat in a rocking chair beside the couch. He drew in a deep breath before turning his attention to Caden.
“Dad, can you please give us a minute?”
Caden was taken by surprise. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. Please?”
The confidence in Evan’s voice was another surprise. He had no idea what his son might say, but he left him to make amends and hoped for the best. He’d handled himself well with the chief, and Caden had a feeling he’d do just fine with Vera and Jamie, too. He walked out of the cottage and over to the grassy area behind Bella’s cottage. He couldn’t stay away. He heard dishes clanking inside, and as he neared her deck, Bella glanced out the window and their eyes met. Caden’s chest constricted as she came outside.
“Hi. How’s Evan?” She hooked her finger in the waist of his shorts.
“He’s okay. He’s with Jamie and Vera.” Jesus, he loved her. He loved her generous heart, her thoughtfulness, the way she claimed him with one small finger in his waistband. She went up on her toes, and he met her halfway for a tender kiss. He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. “Bella…” He heard the devastation in his own voice.
Her smile faded. “Caden? What is it?”
Don’t do it. Don’t say a word.
“Caden. You’re worrying me.” She searched his eyes.
“Bella, I think I need to take some time and focus on Evan.” Stop. Fucking stop before you screw this up. He hadn’t realized he had come to this resolution so definitively until the words left his lips.
“Of course. I assumed that’s why you hadn’t called.” She sighed. “You scared me. You looked so…” She searched his eyes. “Oh God. Caden?”
“Babe.” He reached for her hand, and she pulled it away. “Look at what’s happened, Bella. Vera could have been hurt. Evan could have gotten into real trouble. If I were more focused on him, this might never have happened.”
“Wh-what are you saying?” Her lower lip trembled.
“Bella, you know what I’m saying. I need to focus on Evan and make sure he gets straightened out.” The pain in her eyes sliced through every fiber of his being.
“I don’t understand.” She lowered her voice, and a tear slid down her cheek.
He wiped the tear with the pad of his thumb and gritted his teeth against the sadness that snaked around his heart and squeezed so tight he could barely breathe. “I’m sorry, Bella,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry, but I’m obviously not very good at being a father and a boyfriend. I’ve failed Evan. I think we need to take a break.”
“I don’t need a break, Caden. You need a break. I want to be there for you and for Evan.” She crossed her arms and turned away. “I thought you were all about commitment.”
“I am. I always said that Evan was my top priority. I never hid that from you.” He touched her shoulder, and she pulled gently from his reach. “I’m sorry, Bella, but I think Evan needs me around right now.”
She turned to face him again with damp eyes. “So this is what you do? The going gets tough and you…end things?” Her shoulders rounded forward.
“That’s not a fair statement. The going gets tough and I…Hell, Bella, I think I’m doing the right thing for Evan. We’re adults; he’s a kid. He needs guidance and attention. I didn’t say I wanted to end things. I said take a break.” He didn’t even know what he meant. He wanted to be with her every second of every day. But he needed to be there for Evan and make sure he got back on the right path without feeling cast aside, and how the hell could he do that if his heart was drawing him out the door?
“I want you, Bella. I just—” He’d kept his eyes off of Evan for too long, and look what almost happened. He needed to remain strong. For Evan.
“Please don’t say any more.” She turned away again, and when she spoke, it was with the same compassionate tone that had reeled him in when he’d first gotten to know her.
“I understand, Caden. I really do. But please, just go. It’s too hard.”
He stood behind her, desperately wanting to wrap his arms around her and press his cheek to hers. He wanted to tell her everything would be okay, but how could he, when he first needed to make sure his son was okay?
He lifted his hands to touch her shoulders—to comfort himself as much as to comfort her—then he lowered them to his sides without ever touching her, feeling impotent and sad.
So fucking sad.
Chapter Twenty-Two
BELLA HAD BEEN lying on her bed staring up at the ceiling for hours, vacillating between thinking that Caden was doing the admirable and right thing and thinking about how the right thing felt like hell. Then guilt swallowed her whole for the latter thought. She’d pretended to be asleep when Jenna and Amy came over and peered into the bedroom. She’d ignored Jamie when he called through the bedroom window, and she’d ignored Pepper’s barking when she heard Leanna returning to her cottage and calling across the road to Amy, explaining that she’d forgotten something.
She tried to doze off. A laughable thought. She had a meeting with the school board in a few hours, and she wanted to be rested, but she couldn’t have slept if her life depended on it. She didn’t want to think or feel. She wanted to pretend today never happened.
Damn it.
She didn’t want to be this person, either. A woman who pined over a man who was only doing what was right for his child. A woman who pined over a man at all. She’d had a plan this summer, damn it. Her decisions were supposed to be made based on what she wanted, separate from any man or relationship.
What the eff?
Why did I cave?
When did that happen, exactly?
She caught sight of the bookmark Caden had given her and she groaned aloud. How was she supposed to just push aside her feelings for Caden—and Evan?
Eff this.
She tore off her clothes and wrapped herself in a towel, stomped to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Middle Sister wine, slipped her feet into a pair of flip-flops, and left her cottage.
A break! An effing break.
It was well after midnight and the lights in all the cottages were off. She went to Jenna’s bedroom window, put her mouth up to the screen and shielded it with her hands.
“Jenna,” she whispered loudly. “Jenna, get your ass up.”
She heard Jenna grumble in her sleep. “Jenna Ward, I need you.”
“Bella?”
Bella heard feet shuffling across the hardwood floor. Jenna’s face pressed against the screen.
“Are you okay?” Jenna asked in a sleepy voice.
“No. Chunky-dunking. Now.” She left no room for negotiation. “Hurry.”
Jenna’s face disappeared into the darkness. “We came by earlier,” Jenna said as she shuffled around the room. “You were zonked.”
“I was wallowing,” Bella said through the screen.
Jenna’s front door creaked open. She tiptoed across the grass in her towel and matching flip-flops. Her hair was pulled up on top of her head and secured with a plastic clip.
“Are you still upset over Vera and Evan?” Jenna looped her arms into Bella’s and wiggled her toes. “Like my nail polish? Amy’s are red. Mine are blue. We’ll paint yours tomorrow.
You got stuck with white.”
“Nope. I’m not getting stuck with anything I don’t want.”
They walked across the quad and between Tony and Leanna’s cottage, then crossed the gravel road to Amy’s cottage.
“It’s just nail polish. What were you wallowing over?” Jenna asked as they went around Amy’s cottage to her bedroom window. “Jamie said Evan apologized and explained everything to them. Apparently, he shed a few tears, too. Poor kid. Being a teenager is so hard.”
“Ames,” Bella called through the screen. “Amy! Get your skinny ass up.”
“What?” Amy pressed her nose to the screen and shielded her eyes, peering down at them. “Chunky-dunking? Oh goody! Hold on!”
They made their way down the gravel road, taking swigs of wine and passing the bottle from one to the next.
“Bella wasn’t sleeping when we went over; she was wallowing,” Jenna explained as she fumbled with the lock on the pool gate. The heavy metal chain clanked against the metal pole.
“Shh. Do you want to wake Theresa?” Bella grabbed the chain and held it still while Jenna inserted the key into the lock. “I’m wallowing because Caden said he needed an effing break.”
Amy and Jenna gasped in unison.
“Tell me about it.” Bella closed the gate behind them. “We’ll talk after we’re in the water. I need to clear my head.” She and Amy walked to the far end of the pool by the stairs while Jenna dropped her towel on a table by the gate and hurried from one end of the pool to the other, nude, with her mammoth, bright white breasts swaying from side to side.
“Jenna!” Bella whispered. “Jesus, woman.”
“Why does she always leave her towel up there?” Amy asked.
“God only knows. It’s probably an OCD thing.” Bella watched Jenna tiptoe onto the first step and lift her feet in quick succession, sucking in air between her teeth.
“Chilly. Chilly. Chilly chipples.” Jenna laughed.
Bella set the bottle of wine on the table and draped her towel over a chair, then walked down the steps, passing Jenna, and went shoulder deep into the cool water. “God, I needed this. Just get under, Jen. I swear your boobs are like headlights. Get in before you wake Theresa and we all get in trouble.”
“Okay, okay.” Jenna spoke in a harsh whisper, as was their practice when they chunky-dunked. She went down one more step; then she went back up to the top step again with her fingers daintily spread out to her sides. “Cold. Cold. Cold.”
Amy put her towel on the chair and crossed her arms over her small breasts. “Come on, Jenna. We’ll go in together.” She took Jenna’s hand and they both sucked in air as they descended the steps and finally sank up to their chins in the water.
“Brr.” Amy crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t remember it being this cold.”
“It always is,” Jenna said.
“It’s not that cold, wussy girls.” Bella dove under the water and swam like a dolphin to the far end of the pool. Jenna and Amy sidestroked across the pool.
“Bella, spill the beans. What the heck happened? I thought you and Caden were fine. More than fine.” Amy held on to the side of the pool and reached for Jenna’s hand, then pulled her over. They were in the deep end, and in the dark, the water beneath them looked pitch-black.
Bella kicked her feet to stay afloat and to stay warm. Her body was so cold her limbs were shaking, though she’d never admit it after giving them a hard time.
“He said he needed to focus on Evan. That if he had been, this mess wouldn’t have happened.” Bella swallowed past the lump that lodged in her throat. “And I told him that I didn’t want a break, that I’d be there for him and Evan no matter what.”
“Of course you would.” Amy’s teeth chattered.
“Does he blame you somehow?” Jenna asked.
“No.” Bella huffed a breath. “I guess Mr. Commitment doesn’t keep commitments to women.” She dove under the water to keep from crying and swam the length of the pool to the shallow end.
Jenna and Amy moved along the edge of the pool, hanging on to the concrete edge all the way to the four-feet-deep area, where Jenna could stand.
“That doesn’t make any sense. He’s all about commitment,” Jenna said.
“Don’t kill me, Bell,” Amy began, “but this does kind of mean he’s really committed, at least to Evan.”
“I know that. But it sucks, right? I just don’t understand why he needs a break from us to do it.”
“Yes, but break? Or break up?” Now Jenna’s teeth chattered, too.
“Break.”
“Then you’re not really broken up.” Amy swam closer to Bella. “He’ll be back. Just watch.”
“Then does that make me pathetic if I want him to come back? Desperately?” Bella held her breath, fearing a Yes.
“No,” Jenna said. “It means you love him.”
“I do, but you know what? Maybe Leanna was right about fate.” Bella cleared her throat to gain control of her emotions as she tried to spin the situation to her liking. “Maybe this happened so I can make my decision about where I live without the influence of our relationship.” And in that second, she made a decision.
“Yes, I’m sure that’s what it is,” Amy said.
Bella wished she had as much faith in that scenario as she claimed.
A light clicked on in Theresa’s house.
“Shh,” they said in unison.
“Bella, come over to the edge.” Jenna grabbed her arm and dragged her into the darkest corner of the pool. “Shh.”
They clung to one another in the cold, dark corner of the pool until the light went back out.
“We’d better get out,” Amy whispered.
They scrambled out of the pool, and Jenna’s white ass wiggled all the way up to the far end of the pool, while Bella and Amy were wrapped in towels and ready to go in seconds.
Bella snagged the wine and headed for the gate. “Jen, if a car drove in, they’d see you in all your glory, running from one end of the deck to the other.”
“Hush up,” Jenna said as she wrapped her towel around her and reached for the gate. “I always leave my stuff there.”
A flashlight shone in on them. Theresa stood at the entrance with a stern look in her eyes. She wore a pair of men’s pajamas beneath a maroon robe, tied around her middle, and on her feet were indoor-outdoor slippers.
“Are you effing kidding me?” Bella mumbled as she slid the bottle of wine beneath her towel.
“Ladies.” Theresa stared at Bella.
“Hey, Theresa.” Bella feigned a smile. “We were just…closing the umbrellas. We thought it was supposed to be windy tonight.” Water dripped from the ends of her hair onto her shoulder. She reached up and touched the drip. “And my shower pressure is just awful tonight, so I used the shower.”
“Yeah. We all did.” Jenna took a step behind Bella.
“Is that right?” Theresa pulled the gate open, allowing them to pass through. She shined the flashlight on Jenna’s wet footprints, which led from one end of the pool to the other. “Because I’d hate to think you were breaking the rules and swimming. That’s dangerous in the dark, and we can’t have such risks being taken in the community.”
“Oh no. Of course not.” Amy swatted the air.
“Good.” Theresa closed and locked the gate. “Because I know how enticing it can be to swim after dark.”
Jenna sidled up to Theresa and whispered, “Do you want to go skinny-dipping?”
“Jenna!” Bella pulled her away from Theresa. “She’s kidding.” She dragged Jenna up the hill toward Bella’s cottage, feeling the heat of Theresa’s stare following them up the road.
“I think she knows we were swimming,” Amy whispered. She clung to Bella’s towel.
“Gee, ya think?” Bella glared at Jenna.
“And the toilet, too. Of course she knows it was us.” Jenna’s eyes widened.
Amy gasped. “Maybe she likes this whole game as much as we do.”
This was exactly what Bella needed. A distraction. Or many. She was either going to collapse into a pit of sorrow or sidetrack herself with her girlfriends. She tightened her grip on Jenna’s arm and reached for Amy’s hand. If only they could remain glued to her side until the pain subsided.
Or she died.
Whichever came first.
Chapter Twenty-Three
THE NEXT FEW days were a blur of merely making it from one minute to the next, each moving slower than the last. Caden did everything he could to try to ignore the emptiness that threatened to suck him under at any moment. He went for morning runs after staying up at night, fighting the urge to call Bella to try to win her back. Every time he drove by Seaside, it took all of his willpower not to pull into the development, bang on her door, and forget trying to give Evan his full attention. Each day after his shift, he spent time with Evan, and while he tried to enjoy their time together and he knew he was doing the right thing for his son, without Bella, he felt like a piece of him was missing.
“Dad. Dad!”
Evan’s frustrated voice pulled Caden from his thoughts. Evan stood on the front porch with one hand on the doorknob. His eyes were clear, and although his tone was frustrated, the old familiar ease that had once surrounded Evan with every breath had returned almost completely, confirming to Caden that he’d done the right thing. At least where Evan was concerned.
“Are you ready to leave? Should I lock the door?” Evan asked.
Today was Friday, and they were going to Boston for the day. “Sure, buddy. I’m ready.” Except he was anything but ready. He’d invited Bella on the trip, and he’d been looking forward to showing her around his old stomping grounds and introducing her to his friends and to his parents.
“I can’t wait to get there,” Evan said as he climbed into the car. He no longer had his phone, since it was turned in to the police as evidence. He was chattier without it, and while Caden usually enjoyed their talks, he was too sidetracked to hold much of a conversation. He tried to push aside his thoughts of Bella, but their sharp edges refused to be ignored.
Seaside Dreams (Love in Bloom: Seaside Summers, Book One) Page 25