by Maya Banks
A few seconds later, she heard him on the phone.
“She’s here, man. You can stand down. Yeah, I’ll keep an eye on her.”
She closed her eyes. What was Mac thinking? Feeling? She hadn’t wanted to hurt him, but he’d yanked the rug out from under her completely.
Ryder shuffled over and flopped down on the couch beside her. He popped the top of his beer and took a long swallow. He was silent for a long moment. She liked that. Gave her time to think. To breathe.
Finally he looked over at her. “Mac drop the bomb on you?”
Her eyes widened. “You knew?”
He shrugged. “Knew what? That he cared about you?”
She shook her head vigorously. “It goes deeper than that, Ryder. He said . . . he said he loves me.”
“Why should that bother you, darlin’? Everyone loves someone, and everyone wants to be loved.”
“He’s ruined everything,” she whispered.
Ryder sighed. “Kit darlin’, do you honestly think we could fuck you and not have any feelings for you? Do you think that little of us?”
“No! I mean, of course I don’t think little of you. Either of you.”
“Mac’s held a torch for you since high school. That’s a long time for a man to love a woman and not act on it.”
“But he left. You both left,” she said brokenly. “Everyone I’ve ever cared about left.”
“Ahh, Kit girl.”
He scooted over and put his big arms around her. He leaned back on the couch taking her with him. Her head rested on his chest, and he stroked through her hair with a comforting hand.
“Mac came back, Kit.”
She stiffened.
“He came back for you. Think about it, darlin’. He could have gone anywhere after the service. Good cops are in demand all over the country. But he came back here to this Podunk hole-in-the-wall town we all swore we’d get out of because you were here.”
Her heart sped up and did a peculiar thunking against the walls of her chest. She elbowed up until she faced Ryder.
“Why did you come back, Ryder?”
“Why did you never leave?” he asked softly.
She stared at him a long moment, fear circulating her head in a dizzy rotation.
“I was afraid.”
“Afraid of what, darlin’?”
“If I left—” She broke off and sucked in a deep breath. “If I left, you and Mac wouldn’t know where to find me. I was afraid I’d never see you again.”
“So you waited for us,” he said quietly.
She closed her eyes as the realization rolled over her. She’d never voiced her reasons aloud.
“Why did you come back?” she asked again.
“After my old man died, there was nothing to hate here any longer,” Ryder said simply. “Mac was coming back, you were here, and you’re the only two people I ever gave a damn about.”
“But Ryder . . . if me and Mac . . . where does that leave you?”
He smiled gently. “I’ll always be here for you, Kit. But I’ve known how Mac feels about you, and if you’re honest with yourself, you’d realize how you feel about him is not the same thing you feel for me.”
“I love you, Ryder. I do.”
“I know you do, darlin’. I love you too. You’re the only woman I’ve ever cared about beyond a casual fuck. If something ever happened to Mac, I’d step up in a minute to take care of you, and I’d never have a single regret. But Mac loves you in a way you and I don’t love each other. And I think you love him that way too.”
“Nobody ever understood me the way you did,” she whispered.
“I know you’re scared, Kit. I know you’re still hurting over your mother leaving you with your bastard stepfather. I know me and Mac hurt you when we took off, but we were kids, Kit. You can’t hold that against us. We all had our soul-searching to do, and it brought us back to you. That ought to mean something. Mac won’t leave you again, darlin’. You have to trust in that.”
“Why is it I can tell you I love you, but the mere thought of saying it to Mac scares me so badly?” she asked.
“Because I’m safe. You know I won’t hurt you. And you don’t feel the same way about me as you do Mac.”
His last statement made her suck in her breath as if he’d punched her in the stomach.
“I do love you,” she said stubbornly.
He chuckled. “I love you too, darlin’.”
“Where does this put you?” she asked in a miserable tone. “I’m not ready to let what we have go. Not after waiting for it for so long.”
“Sugar, no one said we had to end things. You, me and Mac, well we’ve always had a different relationship. We’re closer than any other three people on earth. You’re assuming too much. Just because Mac loves you doesn’t mean things have to be different between the three of us. It just means at the end of the day, he wants to be the man you go home to. In his bed. Every night.”
“What if he leaves?” she whispered. “What if one day he wakes up and decides he doesn’t want me anymore?”
Ryder’s hold tightened on her. “Life doesn’t offer any guarantees, darlin’. It wouldn’t be near as fun if it did. You have to decide if you trust him.”
“I do trust him.”
“Then what’s holding you back?” he asked. “You can’t run scared forever, Kit. At some point, you’ve got to take a chance. You just have to decide which risks are worth it.”
Kit turned in his arms and wrapped herself around him as tight as she could get. She melded her lips to his, absorbing his taste, his scent. He returned her kiss, hot, gentle, loving, and it was then she understood.
With Mac, the kisses scorched. There was an element of the wild and unpredictable, like two wild animals coming together. With Ryder, it was comfortable, safe and exquisite, like a fine piece of artwork. She loved them both so very much, but Mac held a piece of her heart no other man ever would.
“I’m not ready to let go of you, Ryder,” she whispered.
He kissed her again, letting his tongue linger over hers. “That’s good, darlin’, because I’m not ready to let go of you either.”
For the second time in as many days, she retreated in Ryder’s arms, but this time . . . this time was different. The beginnings of something new and beautiful lay just beyond her reach. If only she’d take it. Take a chance.
CHAPTER 12
Mac shoved the truck into park then gripped the steering wheel in both hands, his fingers curled as tight as they’d go. Kit was here at work. She’d insisted on Ryder taking her in. Mac was supposed to be working, but he’d called in for the first time since he’d become a cop. There was too much unresolved.
He closed his eyes and blew out his breath in a weary sigh. He couldn’t stand the thought of losing Kit. He’d tried so hard to be patient, to wait until the time was right, but now he realized there probably wasn’t ever going to be a right time.
He got out of his truck and headed for the bar entrance like he’d done so many other nights. Only now he didn’t look forward to seeing Kit. Didn’t know if he could stand the look on her face.
Ryder saw him across the room and stood up. They met halfway across the floor.
“How is she?” Mac asked quietly. His eyes found Kit even as he focused on Ryder.
“She’s okay I think. Look, I’m gonna split, leave y’all to it. Call me if you need anything.”
Ryder connected his fist to Mac’s then slipped past and out the door. Mac looked over at Kit again to see her staring at him. Her emerald gaze held steady. There was a mixture of emotion reflected in the orbs. A little fear, confusion and something else he couldn’t quite name.
He stared back at her until she was forced to turn her attention to a table she was tending. David motioned him over to the bar and plunked down a draft beer in front of him.
“You look like you could use a drink,” David said.
Mac lifted one corner of his lip. “Yeah, I could. Thanks.”
>
“Kit told me the son of a bitch called her this morning at your house. Any idea who it is yet?”
Mac shook his head. “Not a damn clue.”
“That’s too bad. Kit deserves better than that.”
“You got that right,” Mac muttered.
“She’ll come out all right. She’s a tough girl. Anyone who can get a tattoo of a dragon where she did has more balls than I do,” David said with a chuckle.
Mac nodded absently, his attention focused on Kit through the crowd. His pulse picked up a beat when she headed in his direction. Her eyes kept falling away as if she couldn’t meet his gaze.
She stopped beside him and gave her order to David. Then she turned to look at him. Her eyes were hooded, her actions hesitant.
“Mac, we need to talk,” she said in a soft whisper.
“Yeah, we do.”
“After work? Can we go somewhere alone? Just the two of us?”
He put a hand to her cheek. “Yeah, baby. Just you and me.”
She smiled a nervous smile and turned back to the bar to get her drink order.
Mac tried not to panic. Tried not to guess what was going through Kit’s mind. This might be his only chance to keep her. He couldn’t afford to fuck this up.
He nursed the same beer for most of the evening. Getting wasted was the last thing he needed. Not when he faced the most difficult obstacle of his life.
It was getting on in the evening when David held up the phone and motioned for Mac.
Mac raised a brow in question but took the phone. After a brief conversation with headquarters, he hung up and swore long and hard. Goddamn it. Of all nights. He thought hard for a moment, trying to come up with a solution.
He glanced up at David and waved him over.
“What time do you and Kit get off tonight?”
“I’m closing. Kit’s supposed to leave at eleven. Why do you ask?”
Mac swore again. “I’ve got to go in. There’s a big drug bust going on right on the county line. They need everyone.”
“I can run Kit home for you,” David offered. “If that’s what you needed.”
“What about the bar?” Mac asked.
David shrugged. “I can call Pete in to cover for me.”
“That’s okay. I can call Ryder right quick.”
“Suit yourself. The offer’s still open.”
David walked off to help a customer who had signaled, and Mac picked up the phone to call Ryder. He swore when he got no answer on Ryder’s cell.
He walked over to where David was pouring a round. “David, if your offer’s still open, I’d appreciate you running Kit over to my house. Make sure she locks all the doors if you don’t mind.”
David gave him a two-finger salute. “No problem.”
Mac turned around in search of Kit. When he saw her, he parted the crowd and made his way across the floor. She looked up in surprise when he touched her arm.
“I’ve got to go. Been called in.”
She nodded her understanding.
“But, Kit, we’ll talk, okay? David’s offered to drive you to my house after you get off. Will you go there and wait for me?”
Their eyes locked, and his voice was too close to pleading for his comfort, but he needed her to be there when he got home.
“I’ll wait,” she said softly.
He dropped his hand from her arm and turned away before he did something foolish like drag her into his arms and kiss the breath from her.
Kit watched him walk away when what she wanted to do was beg him to stay. He came back for you. Ryder’s words echoed in her heart.
Take a chance. Take a chance. It repeated like a litany in her mind. She didn’t want to lose Mac. Would do anything to prevent it. Even if it meant taking the biggest risk of her life.
She trudged back over to the bar and checked the clock. Two more hours.
“You okay?” David asked.
She smiled at her friend. “Yeah, thanks for giving me a ride. Mac said you were taking me home.”
David looked confused for a moment. “Home? He wanted me to take you to his place.”
Her cheeks flamed, and she felt a little silly. “Yeah, his place. Home.”
Or it would be if she could take the leap.
“As soon as Pete gets in, we’ll take off. Business is slow tonight. Rose can handle the remaining customers.”
“Thanks, David.”
She worked to keep on top of orders as she waited for Pete. If she could satisfy most of the orders, Rose would be left in good shape, and Kit could go home to wait for Mac.
An hour and a half later, David motioned to her from the bar, and she walked over to shed her apron.
“You ready?” he asked.
Oh yeah, she was ready. She nodded and followed him out back where his truck was parked. She slid into the passenger seat and waited as he cranked the engine and backed out of the small alley.
“I really appreciate this, David,” she said again. “It was totally unnecessary, but it made Mac feel better.”
David threw her a curious glance. “What’s between you and him anyway?”
Kit blinked in surprise. “I’m not sure that’s any of your business.”
David frowned but didn’t say anything further.
“Hey, you missed the turnoff,” Kit said, turning around in her seat to look back.
David remained silent and accelerated down the street.
“David, you missed the turn.”
He stared at her, anger rolling off him in waves. “I didn’t miss the turn, Kit. I’m not taking you to Mac’s.”
“Where the fuck are you taking me then?” she demanded.
“Somewhere I can make you realize they won’t love you like I will.”
Kit sucked in her breath and panic exploded like a Fourth of July fireworks display. Bile rose in her throat and she gagged to keep it back.
“Oh my God. It was you.”
“Yes, Kit, it was me,” David hissed. “You’re too fucking stupid to put two and two together.”
“I trusted you, you son of a bitch. You raped me!”
He glared at her. “I didn’t rape you, Kit. You wanted me just as bad as I wanted you.”
“Let me out of this truck!” she yelled. Her hand went to the handle. She was prepared to leap out at high speed if she had to.
David’s arm snaked across the truck seat and grabbed her arm. He yanked her to him, swerving wildly on the road as she kicked and fought. He howled in pain when she punched him in the ear. He slammed on the breaks and backhanded her viciously.
Tears swam in her vision. He slapped her again, and the world faded around her.
Mac sighed in relief when Ryder answered his cell phone.