“I can’t believe that I’m laying here on deck, looking at the stars and laughing with a man that I couldn’t stand a few weeks ago,” thought Alex. “I didn’t think he knew how to laugh. In fact, I was sure he had the market cornered on angst.” Her first impression of him left her with images of him on the trading floor buying and selling shares of angst to the rest of the unhappy, guilt ridden populous. “It’s amazing,” she thought, there’s actually a charming side to him that I never saw before,” as she chuckled to herself quite pleased with her discovery – leaving Rob in the dark about her unexpected turn of character. “Maybe this job’s going to turn out better than I expected she reasoned… at least we’re becoming friends.”
Even though Alex found Rob quite attractive, she saw them as total opposites, and at first blush had decided that there was no need to worry in the least about a compromising sexual attraction complicating the job. That was before something had started to awaken in her. It had been a while since Alex had been attracted to a man – any man. She had seldom dated in high school, or for that matter since she had been in the islands. Only on her exploits abroad had she allowed herself to indulge in casual affairs, since they were geographically impossible and thus rated in the safe category as far as involvement went.
Courtship in fact, was something totally alien to Alex. After all, she had fallen in love with Michael working side-by-side with him on a daily basis. He had never courted her. They had simply moved in together. She had admired his talents as a shipwright and a sailor, and his steadfastness, even though it was that very trait that had kept them apart and had kept the door to true communication closed. Over the years she had sadly grown to accept it as the norm for a relationship since she had nothing more to compare it to.
Alex had not known her mother, so she had never witnessed the immense love and affection her mother and father had held for one another, even though her father had talked about it often when he was feeling low. In fact, loosing Alex’s mother had so devastated her father, that if it hadn’t been for the child that her mother, Millie, had so willingly given her life to bring into this world, he would have surely joined her in the afterworld without a moment’s hesitation. But, he had this precious little girl to raise whom he named Alexandra following his wife’s wishes, and called her Alex following his own. Patiently her dear father, Daniel, had waited until Alex had graduated from school and he knew that she could make it on her own before he decided to leave this world in order to spend eternity with his beloved wife. So, aside from the stories that her father had generously shared with her over the years of the love between them, Alex was still in search of the meaning of true love – not to mention the ways and means to find it, or even to recognize it.
In broadening his horizons on the subject of sailing, Rob was actually beginning to appreciate and respect Alex and her position as Captain of his ship, not to mention the fact that their newly budding friendship was starting to mend their prior frustrations and desire to cause bodily harm to one another. Of course, life was far from perfect on the Island Fever and both Rob and Alex knew that the worst was not yet over. But, Raymond was quite grateful for the truce and the blissful calm that had recently fallen over the Island Fever’s inhabitants.
“I love listening to Alex talk about the stars and about tales of ancient mariners,” thought Rob while laying under the constellation, Orion, the great hunter of the Universe.
Rob had gone hunting for his Grail and although he was still unaware of it, he was on the trail and closing in on his prey now that he’d finally started to shed himself of his preconceived notions of duty. Rob listened attentively to Alex’s voice – a voice which possessed humor and intelligence. Rob liked their evenings together on the boat – he liked that they had become friends instead of enemies. He liked that Alex was so easy and uncomplicated. He liked that she was such a good sailor and that she had come to work with him – even though he still had not totally overcome his ego. These were things, of course, that he would never share with her he thought, since doing so might give her the upper hand – she would know his secret – Rob had grown to admire her.
For the first time since Rob could remember, he felt happy. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it but he assumed that he was beginning to get the hang of living in the islands, and he was finally noticing what his new life had to offer – even the stars seemed to be more plentiful than he’d ever remembered them in the States. Looking at the endless sky, Rob was actually beginning to think he could hear voices up there. Finally, it seemed he was tuning in and turning up the volume.
Although a Spirit Guide can’t tell their charge how to live their life, what decisions to make, and what paths to choose – we can however inspire them to listen a little closer, look a little further, and to feel a little deeper. We can direct their attention to a glorious sunset or a blossoming flower. We can make them hear the call of new life from a young family of starlings, or see the magnificence of an endless horizon. If only I could tell Rob how precious his human experience actually is and how short in the bigger scheme of things – how easy it is to only see the good in life if you really try to savor the fragrant, sensuous, delicious, tactile, and even carnal pleasures that can only be experienced in their human incarnation. One of the more positive attributes of being a Spirit Guide is that on occasion, we are allowed to enjoy our charge’s pleasures vicariously. And I know you’re not going to believe me when I say this, but the one thing that I miss the most about the human experience is the cuisine of the Caribbean – the luscious fruits of the more tropical islands such as sour-sop, golden apple, sugar cane, and passion fruit turned into sweat, sweat nectar; and callalou soup and akie rice, not to mention succulent spiny lobsters and fresh conch stew. Life on Earth need not be solely about pain and suffering, although pain and suffering are also unique to living in the flesh and can provide a wealth of unwanted lessons to the Earthly inhabitant.
“Maybe I’m imagining things,” thought Rob, “But everything suddenly seems so clear. My thoughts seem more defined as if there’s someone inside my head talking to me. Was that my laugh? Or was that someone else? It’s been so long I can’t even recognize my own laughter any more,” realized Rob, saddened by the thought.
Rob was sad that the last twenty or so odd years of his life had passed with his happiness compromised by life. But at the same time he felt ungrateful – ungrateful that he questioned the life that had been quite good to him. He had flourished in his career – in his finances, but there was a part of him that felt as if it had been stifled. Not only had that part been unimportant to his daily routine – it had withered and gone into hiding. But something had sparked its revival since he’d been on the island – something he had not yet recognized. Something that was just waiting for him to discover – something, or, indeed someone.
1*CELESTIAL NAVIGATION – Although used by ancient mariners, celestial navigation is an amazingly advanced means of sailing navigation which uses an instrument called a sextant2** to align celestial bodies in order to ascertain one’s position by taking sights of the sun, moon, planets, and stars. Also, known as an advanced means of soul navigation which uses an instrument called the ‘higher self’ to access heavenly guidance in order to ascertain one’s position. Of course, all of this notwithstanding the effect of Variation and Deviation3*** which must be factored into any given course which one attempts to plot, both literally and figuratively.
2**SEXTANT – An instrument used to measure the altitude between the plane of the horizon and a heavenly body. This angular elevation of the star, sun, or planet from which a sighting is being taken, along with the exact time, gives one their latitude.
3***VARIATION – A compass error, for which the correction should be factored in when taking a course heading. It is caused by the fact that the magnetic lines of force at many points on the earth’s surface are not toward the true north pole; where as DEVIATION – Is a magnetic compass ‘error due to magnetic influences
on a boat, such as metal objects in close proximity to the compass. As with life, any given course must take variation and deviation into consideration when calculating where on the planet one might end up.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Approval
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are
tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Let’s not forget Sydney, Rob’s fiancée, who was still sitting back in Chicago sulking since Rob had not quite yet figured out how to deal with appeasing her for his latest irrevocable transgression. He knew he could never convince her to move to the islands, but maybe he could figure out a way to live a double life once he had things running smoothly down here. Maybe he would be able to work it like other guys he knew. Like his clients who had businesses in several cities who commuted back and forth between the two and had people to run them in their absence. Maybe his blunder hadn’t been so terrible after all. Maybe he thought, there really was a way to salvage all of this yet. Who wouldn’t love to have a home in the city where one could enjoy its culture and restaurants, yet in turn, have a little island getaway unto which one could also get lost whenever the pace of the city got to be too much. But then what would happen when, or if, Joey returned. Would he allow him to keep the boat in charter?
“Maybe all this happened for a reason,” Rob told himself attempting to be convincing. “Maybe I was supposed to take a break from the treadmill and learn how to enjoy life before it’s too late. Most people would kill for this opportunity to live in Paradise so early in their lives. Usually, they wait until they’re too old to enjoy it. Look at this place. It could be heaven once I get everything on track. Most of my friends would give up just about everything they have like I did, for a chance to get away from the madness and enjoy life,” reasoned Rob. “Then why am I so worried about whether Sydney will approve? After all, she loves me right? She wants to spend the rest of her life with me for better or worse… for richer or for poorer. Why shouldn’t she be ecstatic about the fact that I’ve just made an investment in our future… maybe not exactly the one she thought it would be, but I’ll get to that. She’s going to love it once she gets down here,” Rob tried to convince himself. But deep down Rob knew that Sydney would never in a million years approve of the poorer part of that equation.
It seemed that all Rob’s life, he had been searching for approval from others. Now he was looking especially hard for it at that moment from Sydney. But, what Rob didn’t realize was that all he had ever truly needed was simply, approval from himself. Having been close as a child to his mother who had also lived her life in search of approval from others, he had grown to believe that maybe this was his true mission in life – making sure that everyone in his life gave him their stamp of approval.
Thanks to that and his pseudo Catholic upbringing which had instilled an indomitable sense of guilt for ones actions that would in any way suggest selfish behavior, Rob’s mind was running in overdrive trying to make himself believe that he had indeed made the right decision to buy the Island Fever. His only defense being that it truly wasn’t a conscious decision on his part anyway, only a drunken blunder which had propelled him into this temporary detour, or alternate life path. Or, had it been an unconscious need to escape his life? He had actually almost deluded himself into believing that Sydney would eventually approve of his new lifestyle and welcome it with open arms. After all, wouldn’t her friends be impressed to learn that they were well-off enough to afford a yacht in the Caribbean? But in truth, Sydney was buying none of it. Her agenda if we remember correctly was quite different – marriage in six months, a big new house in the right part of town, a two BMW family, 2.5 kids, forget the dog, a partnership for Rob with daddy, oh, and don’t forget a lifetime membership at the right country club. Somehow, his investment in a stupid boat didn’t exactly fit into her plans.
Sydney begged, pleaded, and threatened Rob, attempting to make him come back to Chicago and get his job back. Even better, she would make certain daddy would give him one if he’d only give up this ridiculous idea of running a charter boat and just come home. Daddy was even willing to buy them a house until Rob could afford to pay him back from his new job. After all, it was a service oriented business, and in Sydney’s book – the lowest type of work – serving cocktails to drunken tourists and wiping up their recycled breakfast. How demeaning it would be if, God forbid, her friends got wind of this. After all, what was a silly five hundred thou anyway. Why daddy could make that in a day. In her mind, the only smart thing for Rob to do, was to cut his losses and run – just write it all off as a bad investment.
As stubborn as he was, Rob did realize that this was one investment he hadn’t been quite so intuitive about. But, he refused to give in and accept ‘charity’ from her father, as he saw it. He’d worked too damn hard for that money to just walk away and write it off. He was convinced that this was his doing and he had to find a way out of this mess on his own. His pride was at stake, and even though he was hard pressed to admit it, so was his sanity. Although, Rob also knew, that had he stayed lost in the rat race back home, he would have surely succumb to urban overload. After all, he reasoned, his happiness was just as important as making money, although he knew this was a theory Sydney would never appreciate. Rob was determined to make this work and found the courage to tell Sydney that if she really loved him, she would stand by his decision to do so. Three months was all he would need to get the charter business up and running, and then he could return to Chicago with his head held high that he’d made a success of it and be back just in time for their wedding in November. So, after days of begging, two hundred roses, a dozen telegrams and nine hundred thirty-six dollars and twelve cents, to be exact, in phone calls, she finally relented and agreed to give him the three months.
So, life went on in the islands, and finally, Rob got his first real week charter, which infused ten thousand dollars into Rob’s new charter account. But before Rob could earn his ten thousand he had to once again deal with the issue of approval, since Althea had not signed his charter license. Day charters had been easy to book and carry illegally since it was unnecessary to clear his passengers out through immigration. But term charters1* were another story if they were to leave the island. Five weeks had passed and Rob was still waiting for his license to be issued. Even Fritz, his crazy South African charter agent had tried over and over again to plead, convince, and even bribe Althea into rushing it through. But alas, nothing was going to make her move any faster than she chose to, even if she had accepted the five hundred dollar bribe which Fritz had generously advanced out of Rob’s charter money.
The thought of having to pass up an easy ten thousand dollars frustrated Rob to no end. Especially, since it was now late in the season and the last three weeks of day charters had been spotty at best – running only every other day with at times, only half a boat load of greenies. The cost of equipping and setting up the boat for charter, aside from the cost of insurance had run into the tens of thousands on Joey’s marine supply account. One thing was for certain, the island had the system wired, or at least Althea’s family did, and Rob had fallen for every last bit of it right down to the additional three thousand dollar policy to insure Rob from lost business due to inclement weather. But of course, Rob had missed the fine print which excluded all of hurricane season, not to mention any form of precipitation which left only high winds from November 20th until July 1st, during which time the steady Tradewinds blew through the West Indies on an average of ten to twenty knots, rarely, if ever exceeding the norm. But then Rob was new at this and had thought – better safe than sorry.
So, Rob stepped into Althea’s office that morning with a bag of kinips,2** which Rob had been told was her favorite fruit – another small bribe. To Rob’s dismay, there were five much larger bags full of the small green fruit laying on Althea’s desk awaiting her favor. Unfortunately, Rob did not yet understand the age old tradition of good o
le island payola– one measly sack of kinips, and five hundred dollars under the table, was not the going price of a charter license these days. Althea was not there but a folder marked, “Charter Licenses to be Processed,” lay open on her desk. Rob looked around the ten by twelve foot room which had two windows and two doors to determine the likelihood of getting caught. Casually, he thumbed through the file of at least a dozen other applications four of which were stamped “Denied,” three “Approved” and several “Approval Pending.” His was the last application in the folder, in the stack marked “PENDING INVESTIGATION.” What kind of investigation could she be referring to thought Rob concerned now that he knew little or nothing about Joey’s comings and goings. Especially goings since he had no idea where he had disappeared to or what he was up to. Suddenly, a door slammed behind him sending Rob nearly through the window he jumped so far, broadcasting his guilt bigger than Althea herself.
“Mista Marner!” Althea scolded slamming the door, “You mus learn pacense he’ar in de islanz. It be a place wer’d noting happin’ fas’.”
Rob smiled guiltily handing her his meager offering. “Please, I realize how busy you must be here processing these applications, but I really need to take this charter, I mean your brother and your family have cost me a fortune and I…”
“Mista Marner, like I sa’ befo’. You will git you licez when I sa’ so an na befo. Now I be happi to pull it fromm de file so you caan tek it to anoder islan’.”
“No, no, I mean no problem I’ll be happy to wait I… I’ll just ah eat less you know… maybe I can get an advance on my credit cards or something. I… I’ll work it out somehow,” said Rob backing out of the little office. “Have a good day,” he said as he quickly retreated with his tail between his legs, quietly closing the door behind him.
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