Yet there was a part of her that yearned to give her son the father he longed for, the man who would gently guide him through life. Timmy enjoyed Glen’s company so very much. Her son had never been happier than the last few weeks when she’d been dating the attorney.
The real question was if Jody had it in her to grab hold of happiness, however limited, at the expense of another. Having placed the question in that frame, she knew instantly that she had no choice.
“I thought I saw you,” Glen said, stepping into the small office. “What are you doing back here?”
Jody looked up from her desk and blinked, surprised to see him.
“What’s wrong?” Glen asked. He was a gentle, sensitive man, Jody realized, and she was going to miss him dreadfully. But not nearly as much as Timmy would.
“Sit down,” Jody said.
“Jody?” His eyes held hers as he sat.
She stared down at her hand and the beautiful diamond. Before she could find an excuse, she slipped the ring from her finger. “I should never have accepted this,” she whispered.
“Why not?”
She held the ring out to Glen, but he didn’t take it.
“We aren’t in love,” Jody said and her chest tightened with regret. “You’re a special man and you deserve a woman who will love and treasure you with all her heart.”
“You’re that woman,” Glen insisted.
“We both know that isn’t true. If there was anything special about me, it was the fact that I have a son. Timmy was the real attraction. He represents the family you’ve always wanted. The son you long to have. I made a mistake too,” she said, expelling her breath in a rush. “I hurried matters and all but proposed to you myself, long before either of us was ready for a committed relationship. I’m not exactly sure why I found it so urgent for us to marry so soon. Especially when I realized neither of us is anywhere near being ready.”
“Let’s not be hasty,” Glen said, sounding very much like the attorney he was. “We can reason this out. There isn’t anything that says we can’t have a long engagement, get to know each other better. You’re right, I am fond of Timmy, but don’t discount what I feel toward you.”
“There is a very good reason you shouldn’t marry me,” Jody whispered. “I’m deeply in love with another man.”
“Jody, please, we’ve talked about this before. You don’t need to worry about that. I’ll never try to take Jeff’s place in your life.”
“And you,” she continued undaunted, “are deeply in love with another woman.” It wasn’t until she said the words that she realized the depth of truth in them.
Glen didn’t argue with her, and for that she was grateful. “I’d never be unfaithful to you,” he assured her.
“But you’re willing to do so with yourself.”
Glen hesitated. “It’s over, Jody, and has been for months. There isn’t any hope of reviving the relationship. It’s dead.”
Jody smiled to herself and set the diamond ring on the desktop as she stood. “It may not be as dead as you think. I want you to wait here.”
“Where are you going?”
“To find someone. I shouldn’t be long.”
Jody left him and hurried out the door. She wasn’t entirely sure for which firm Maryann worked, but a quick inspection of the names on the outside of the doors on the floor helped. The receptionist directed her to Maryann’s office.
“Hello,” Jody said, letting herself inside. “I’m Jody Potter.” She waited to see if the other woman recognized the name. “I was the one who overheard you speaking in the ladies’ room a few minutes ago.”
Maryann paled when she recognized Jody’s name. “I had no idea you were there . . . we’d never met and . . .”
“Don’t worry, I believe you. I’m here because I have an important question to ask you. Are you in love with Glen Richardson?”
The other woman folded her arms and looked out the window. “I don’t mean to be rude, but this isn’t any of your business. I understand you and Glen are engaged and—”
“It is my business now, don’t you think?” Jody interrupted.
“I can imagine it was disconcerting for you to overhear my conversation with Shelly. It’s just that . . . actually, I think it’s best if I didn’t say anything more.” She drew in a steadying breath and then added graciously, “I want you to know that I wish you and Glen every happiness.”
“Glen is a wonderful man.”
“Yes, I know,” Maryann whispered.
“It complicates matters considerably knowing how deeply he loves you,” Jody said.
Maryann’s head snapped up, her eyes wide with surprise. “I’m sure that’s not true, not after the things that happened between us. I was such a fool. There’s no hope, not anymore.”
“Don’t be so sure of that,” Jody told her. “Glen’s free.”
“Free?”
“We’re no longer engaged. He’s waiting for you in my office now.”
Jody had worked with attorneys for a number of years, but she rarely saw one speechless.
“Why . . . why are you doing this?”
Jody didn’t feel particularly noble. “I’ve experienced that kind of love myself, and for a while was willing to take second best. Go to him, Maryann, and settle whatever it was that drove you two apart. But most of all, love him. He deserves to be happy and so do you.”
Tears shone bright in the attorney’s eyes. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Sure,” Jody said, shrugging. “Anytime.” She turned and walked out then, past the sounds of the Christmas party and into the cold, dark night the same way she had every evening since Jeff’s death.
Alone.
Michelle Madison was alone and frightened, and desperately trying to disguise her fear. Leah had spent a good deal of the afternoon with her and the young woman’s labor was progressing smoothly.
“How much longer?” Michelle asked, following an intense contraction. Her hands rested against her protruding stomach and she drew in a deep, calming breath.
“It shouldn’t be much longer now,” Leah assured her in gentle tones, although she was well aware it could be hours yet. She didn’t want to discourage the young mother-to-be.
Michelle had come in earlier in the first stages of labor, before Leah had arrived for work. Because there was no one Michelle wanted to contact, she was alone. By the time Leah arrived for her shift, the labor had intensified and, frightened, Michelle had clung to Leah’s hand, begging her to stay.
Since there weren’t any other patients on the floor, Leah was able to linger at the young woman’s bedside, guiding her step by step through the stages of labor and birth.
“I’m so pleased I’m having my baby with you,” Michelle offered just before the next pain overtook her. She closed her eyes and drew in deep, even breaths while Leah softly encouraged her to relax and accept the pain.
“I was in the birthing class that visited the labor room when you were here.”
Leah had thought the young woman looked vaguely familiar, but wasn’t sure where she’d seen her.
“I don’t expect you to remember me,” Michelle continued. “Lots of people were asking you questions that day. Jo Ann Rossini claimed anyone who was lucky enough to have their babies on your shift should consider themselves blessed.”
“As you might have guessed, Jo Ann’s a longtime friend,” Leah said, discounting the compliment. She wasn’t a miracle worker and although she was gentle with the mothers, they were the ones who did the work. It was called labor for a reason.
“You said you don’t have children yourself,” Michelle murmured, her eyes closed as the lingering pain gradually faded.
There’d been a time when the careless comment would have felt like a body blow to Leah, but not now. A child nestled beneath her heart, nurtured by her body, one conceived in love.
“Not yet,” Leah concurred. She carefully studied the fetal monitor, pleased that matters were progressing normally
for Michelle.
“You want children, though?”
“Very much,” Leah confirmed.
A smile, fragile and ever so slight, turned up the edges of Michelle’s mouth. Leah guessed the girl was barely twenty, if that, but she didn’t want to burden her with unnecessary questions.
Michelle massaged her belly and took in several calming breaths, bracing herself for the next pain. “I didn’t expect to love this baby. I imagine that sounds odd to someone like you.”
“Of course not,” Leah said, wanting to reassure her.
“Lonny didn’t want to have anything to do with me after he found out I was pregnant. I believed he loved me, and in his own way, I’m sure he did, but he wasn’t ready for the responsibility of a wife and family.”
“You don’t sound bitter.”
“I’m not. At first I was. Not until later did I realize Lonny was right. Getting married now would have been wrong for us both.”
“You’re very wise for your years.” Leah greatly admired Michelle for looking past her pain and finding her peace. Women much older would have difficulty recognizing such deep truths.
“For a while I seriously considered getting an abortion. I never thought I was that kind of person. That’s what my mother wanted and later when my dad found out, he did too.”
“But you didn’t.”
“I’m pleased now that I decided to go through with the pregnancy. It hasn’t been easy, especially toward the end when I looked like a blimp. My parents have had a difficult time dealing with me having this baby. They said they loved me, but if I wanted to do this, then I’d do it alone. That’s why no one is here.”
“You’re a strong woman, Michelle.”
“It was the right choice for me. What surprises me is how much I love this baby.”
“You’re going to be a good mother.”
“I want to be the very best.”
With this kind of attitude, Michelle had a chance, Leah decided. She stepped around to the end of the bed. “It’s time we check you again.” The last series of pains had gained in intensity and she suspected Michelle would soon be entering the third stage of labor.
Once the task was completed, Michelle relaxed. “Will you be in the delivery room with me?”
“I’m not sure,” Leah said. “Normally I’d stay but I have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon myself. Let’s play this by ear and see how matters go. You’re doing just great so I don’t think there’ll be any problem.”
“Good,” Michelle said faintly. “I want you to be there if you can. I need someone.”
To have Michelle so alone at this important moment tore at Leah’s heart. She longed to reassure her patient that she’d seen cases like hers often. “Your parents will come around soon enough,” Leah said, gently patting her hand. “They’re going to love this baby. They won’t be able to help themselves.”
“I think so too.”
“Do you have any names picked out?”
Michelle shook her sweat-dampened head. “No, I didn’t want to know if the baby was a girl or a boy. I thought I’d decide on a name later.”
Another two hours passed before Michelle was ready for the delivery room. Leah went in with her, along with the anesthesiologist, Dr. Leon, and the gynecologist, Dr. Beecher. Leah had worked with the anesthesiologist on numerous occasions.
Michelle was a model patient and when the moment came for her baby to be born, she gave a shout of joy. “A girl, a girl.” Leah weighed the squalling newborn, wrapped her in a warm blanket, and gently placed her in Michelle’s arms.
“A girl,” Michelle sobbed. “I’m so pleased I had a little girl. That was what I wanted, but I was so afraid to care.”
“She’s a beautiful baby,” Leah said.
“Thank you. Thank you for your help.”
After she carried the newborn into the nursery, Leah happened to glance up at the clock. She’d need to hurry if she was going to make it to Dr. Benoit’s in time for her appointment. “I have to rush now, but I’ll be by to see you in the morning,” she told Michelle when she returned.
“Please don’t forget,” Michelle said.
“I won’t,” Leah promised. She started to leave, but Michelle grabbed hold of her hand. “I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you.”
“I wasn’t the one who worked so hard,” Leah said, squeezing the young woman’s hand. “Give yourself some credit.”
Michelle beamed her a bright smile. “All right, I will.” She closed her eyes and yawned. “I feel like I could sleep for a week.”
“ ‘Bye for now.” On her way out the door Leah realized Michelle was already asleep.
Leah felt wonderful. Her workday had been full and rewarding. She hurried into the parking lot and started her car, driving past the nativity scene on the hospital side yard. A sense of expectancy filled her. The way she felt, she didn’t need Dr. Benoit to confirm what she already knew. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind what he would tell her.
The housekeeper had instructions to place a bottle of fine champagne on ice, and there were two thick steaks in the refrigerator. This evening she and Andrew would celebrate. She’d call her parents and if possible wait until the following evening to let Andrew’s mother know when they got together for Christmas Eve.
This would be the best Christmas ever, Leah was convinced of that.
Dr. Benoit was a kind older physician with a quick wit and a gentle heart. He’d been a comfort to her in those bleak years, reassuring and confident when Leah felt having a child was hopeless. It was only fitting that he be the one to tell her she was pregnant.
“Leah,” he said, coming into the cubicle. His smile was warm and tender. “It’s so good to see you again.”
“You were right,” she said, holding onto his hand with both of hers. “It’s happened. Andrew and I are pregnant.”
He said nothing, but then Leah gave him no opportunity.
“Kathy is thrilled for me.” Kathy was the nurse who’d collected the urine sample from her.
“Let’s sit down and talk,” he said, directing her to the chair. “Leah, you don’t know how deeply this pains me.”
“Pains you?” she asked. “I’m going to have a baby. How could such wonderful news pain you?”
The doctor’s eyes softened. He took her hand in his. “Leah, the test is negative.”
“There must be some mistake,” she said, leaping to her feet.
“I’d give anything to tell you otherwise.”
“But I’m late and experienced all the symptoms,” she argued. “It isn’t possible for me not to be pregnant.”
“The mind is very powerful. I don’t believe science has a clue of its potential. When a woman wants a child as fervently as you do, she’s sometimes able to convince her body she’s pregnant. That’s what I believe happened in your case.”
It wasn’t true. Leah refused to believe it, and yet she had no choice. Reaching for her purse, she walked toward the door.
“Are you all right?”
“Sure,” she said, but she wasn’t and she doubted that she ever would be again.
Eighteen
“You’re back early,” Helen Chandler commented when Jody walked into the house after leaving the office party. She took off her coat and hung it in the hall closet.
“Jody, whatever is the matter?” her mother pressed. “You look as if you’ve been crying.” Helen followed her into the kitchen, where Jody poured herself a cup of coffee. She wasn’t the least bit thirsty, but she needed something to hold onto while she steadied her nerves.
“Where’s Timmy?” she asked, surprised not to find her son in front of the television screen, battling it out with alien warlords.
“In his room,” Helen answered with a slight frown. “He’s wrapping his gift for you. He wouldn’t even show me what it is. Now tell me what’s wrong. I can’t remember seeing you like this in a good long while. You’re as pale as a ghost.”
“I broke off t
he engagement with Glen,” Jody whispered, not wanting Timmy to hear. Not yet. She’d tell her son as soon as she’d composed herself and could do so without emotion. Her heart wasn’t entangled with Glen’s and yet she ached for all the might-have-beens.
“But why?” her mother asked, sinking into the chair.
“I don’t love Glen.”
“Love,” her mother cried. “How could you not love someone like Glen? He’s perfect for you and Timmy. Why, that man walks on water. You couldn’t ask for a better husband.”
“I’m not going to argue with you, Mom. Everything you say is true, but it was more than not loving him. I know what it’s like to be deeply in love, but when it came right down to it, I realized I couldn’t accept second best.”
Her mother’s shoulders sagged with defeat. “You might have grown to feel that way about him. Jody, for the love of heaven, you’ve got to let go of the past.”
“There was one other minor complication with Glen,” she said, holding the coffee mug tightly. “He’s in love with someone else and I learned that she’s still in love with him too.”
Helen braced her elbows against the tabletop and hung her head. “And so you did the noble thing and stepped aside. Oh, Jody, what am I going to do with you?”
Jody laughed and impulsively squeezed her mother’s arm. “This entire experience has been a valuable lesson to me. In my heart, I know I did the right thing. I just didn’t expect it to hurt so much.”
“Life’s lessons aren’t cheap.”
Jody nodded. “Ever since Jeff disappeared, I’ve clung to the misty memories of our years together. The circumstances surrounding his death and all that followed caused me to build a cocoon around Timmy and me. I was so terribly frightened of being hurt again. Jeff was a good husband and I loved him more than I thought it was possible to love another human, but I’ve built up those years in my mind into a picture of paradise.”
Her mother’s head came up. “I’ve waited a good long while for you to realize this. It sounds like you’ve done some heavy-duty thinking these last few weeks.”
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