Dawn met her straightforward gaze and tipped her head in a greeting. “Thank you. I like it too.” She stepped toward her.
Carl and Sammy backed away as if the Red Sea were parting.
Dawn linked her arm through Mary’s and turned them both into the kitchen.
Sammy and Carl banged shoulders as they came together in the living room and stopped, unsure of whether to follow or not.
Beth scooted by their bumblings, only to stop and lean against the doorframe of the kitchen to watch.
Dawn stood in the center of the room, her nose up in the air. “It smells wonderful in here.”
Thanks to the transformation out in the front yard, she looked lovely, as usual. Soft, loose curls framed her face, and she wore a thin green turtleneck. The material pillowed delicately under her chin and picked up the color of her eyes. The conservative plaid skirt could’ve come from her mother’s own closet, except she would’ve never worn it that short. A flutter went through Beth’s stomach as she followed the long line of Dawn’s shapely legs all the way down to her heels.
“What can I do to help?” Dawn placed her hands on her hips as if to say she wouldn’t take no as an answer. The action looked like the most natural thing in the world, but it also pulled the turtleneck tighter over her skirt at the waist, revealing the slight swelling underneath.
Both Beth’s and her mother’s gazes drifted to Dawn’s midriff.
“Nothing, of course. You’re our guest. And…” Mary did a double take. “Oh my goodness! Are you…?”
“Yes,” Dawn whispered and put her forefinger up to her mouth. “Don’t tell anyone. The studio hasn’t released the news to the press yet.”
“I won’t tell a soul.” She sighed. “So is that why you need our Beth out there?”
“Of course. What else did you think?”
“I don’t know.” Beth’s mother visibly relaxed, and for the first time since Dawn entered the house, her fingers dropped off the cross around her neck. “I don’t know what I thought.” She smiled first at their guest and then at Beth. “Sweetheart, do your job and get Dawn into the living room and into a comfy chair. Those heels can’t be comfortable in your condition.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Walker.”
“Oh, none of that. You must call me Mary.” Her mother led Dawn by her elbow to the door and then handed her off to Beth.
Dawn met Beth’s gaze and, when no one else was looking, winked at her.
“Dinner will be right up.” Mary’s update drifted in from the kitchen.
And it was. As if by magic, the dining room table was suddenly laden with food. A golden-brown pot roast surrounded by root vegetables and roasted new potatoes, a green bean casserole, and an entire loaf of soft white bread sat piled onto the center of the table.
Carl pulled out the chair for Dawn and then looked longingly at the empty chair next to her.
“Pop, I always sit on this side.” Sammy plopped down and scooted his chair a little closer to Dawn.
Carl blushed but took his usual seat at the head of the table.
Beth sat directly across from Dawn and watched her brother and father make fools of themselves as they competed for Dawn’s attention all the way through dessert.
Dawn directed the conversation between them like a champion tennis match: bouncing between Sammy’s football career, what colleges he hoped to play for, Carl’s managerial job at the lumberyard, and his obsession with fishing.
Beth marveled at yet another one of her talents. Every question she asked made the current topic sound like the most interesting conversation on earth, and by the time Carl had sipped the last of his instant coffee, he had loosened his tie and was all smiles. Beth had never seen him so sociable and relaxed. At the end of the evening, he clasped both of Dawn’s arms, the closest he would ever get to a hug with any of them.
“You don’t have to rely just on Beth, you know. You’ve all the Walkers here at your disposal if you need us.”
“Carl, I can’t tell you how much that means to me.” Dawn shot Mary a look over Carl’s shoulder. She placed her hands together palm to palm and gave a little bow. “And Jimmy will also be thrilled to hear that. When he calls next, it’ll be the first thing I tell him.”
“Maybe when James…Jimmy…is in town, you can bring him for a visit. Another dinner, perhaps.”
“Absolutely.” She turned to Sammy. “Get ready, you. He would love to toss around the pig skin.”
“Really? You’re kidding.” Sammy’s eyes went wide with the possibility.
“Not even a little bit. He still says that if he weren’t an actor, he would play for the National Football League.”
“That’s where I’m going to end up. That would be a blast!”
“If you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotten used to going to bed early. Can I ask your daughter to take me home?”
“Are you sure you can’t stay a little longer?” Carl asked. “Mary can easily make more coffee.”
“Let her go, Carl. She needs her sleep.” Mary nodded knowingly, and Dawn returned the nod.
“Okay.” Carl’s face fell. “If you must.”
“Thank you so much for everything. Dinner was fantastic and the company, well, I felt so welcomed by you all. Really, tonight was such a treat.” She reached out her hand toward Beth, who hesitated for a moment and then swung her own out to grab Dawn’s. Her fingers felt cool and soft, and they squeezed Beth’s before she pulled her out the door into the front yard.
Carl and Sammy, followed by Mary, all piled out after them and were still waving good-bye as Beth pulled out of the driveway.
As soon as they were out of sight, Dawn kicked off her heels and sighed deeply. “Your mother’s right. I’m going to have to find new shoes and soon.”
“Oh my God, Dawn. You were fantastic. You know, I didn’t want to tell you this. But my father was on the verge of making me quit. Not letting me come out to your house anymore. And now I think he would drive me over himself before he would let that happen.”
“Yes, that went very well, didn’t it?” The tired look was back, but Dawn still glowed from the success of her performance.
“You knew?” And then, before Dawn could answer, she added, “Of course you knew. But why didn’t you say anything?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I love to act. And it’s been a while since I’ve been able to do it. And if you really want to know the truth, I enjoyed having you watch me.”
She was thinking of me tonight? Beth’s heart soared, and she glanced at Dawn, who was looking down at her hands, clasped in a knot on her lap. She was so small and vulnerable against the big, black seat of the truck that Beth’s heart went out to her. All she wanted to do was to wrap her arms around her and take care of her. Then her heart slammed back into her chest with a sudden thought. Was this even the real Dawn? Was she still acting? Was she always acting?
The silence grew heavy inside the truck. “You know, I never had a real family growing up.” Dawn’s voice was soft, and Beth could barely hear it over the rumble of the engine. “When I was eight, my father left my mother or she kicked him out. I never knew what story to believe. The details always changed with how low the whiskey was in the bottle. It doesn’t matter, though. The overall facts were the same. All I can remember before he left was lots of shouting, doors slamming, and my mother crying. So much crying.”
“Oh, Dawn—”
“No, don’t. I didn’t tell you to make you feel sorry for me. I just wanted you to know that, yeah, I was acting back there. I wanted your parents and brother to like me. But I also wanted to see what it was like to be part of a real family, maybe just for a night.” She sighed deeply. “You see, I’m not sure what kind of family I’m bringing this baby into, and God, you have to know, it’s killing me.”
“You and Jimmy will make great parents.” As soon as she said it, though, Beth wasn’t so sure. Jimmy seemed completely wrapped up with himself and filming his movie in Italy. She had been at the house during
one phone conversation that week, and from only the side of it she could hear, he hadn’t asked once how Dawn was feeling.
“Oh yeah, Jimmy will hit all his marks with the press and the photo ops. He’ll take the baby to the park and to Disneyland, and for the public, you’re right, he’ll be an amazing father. But what I’m worried about is can you bring a child up in a house without love? It didn’t work so well for me.”
Beth’s hands nearly slipped off the steering wheel, and she had to fight the truck for a minute before regaining control. “You don’t…” When she finally spoke, her voice cracked. “You don’t love Jimmy?”
Dawn turned in her seat. Her back now to the door, she was facing Beth. “No. I don’t. I wasn’t exactly honest with you on our first walk in the forest. Ours is a marriage of convenience. For both of us. Believe me, he doesn’t love me either. That’s really why I came up here.”
She didn’t love her husband! Something in Beth broke. Heat flooded her body and excitement, fear, hope—everything that had been building in her the last twenty-four hours—whooshed through her all at once. Possibilities opened up in front of her as if the dark road ahead of her was suddenly flooded with light. If Dawn didn’t love her husband, maybe…just maybe… “Dawn, about yesterday—”
“Let’s not talk about that either.”
The truck swerved as the wheel jumped in Beth’s hand. Tears sprang to her eyes. Dawn didn’t want to talk about it, because she didn’t like her in that way.
“No. That’s not what I mean,” Dawn said as if she had heard Beth’s thoughts. “It’s not like that. I’ve always liked both men and women.”
Beth swallowed hard, pulled the truck off onto the side of the road, and turned her back to the driver’s door. They were facing each other, fewer than two feet apart, but it was so dark outside of town, she could barely see Dawn. Her heart started pounding. This wasn’t the way she had planned to bring up this subject, but here they were.
“What’s it like, then?”
Dawn reached out and tugged Beth’s hand off the seat. She intertwined their fingers one by one and then held on tight. “I don’t know. But don’t you see? The second we talk about it, we define whatever this is.” She squeezed her hand. “And then, sadly, it defines us. Let’s just see what happens. It’s so much easier that way.”
Beth wasn’t at all sure what Dawn’s little speech meant. But it did seem to suggest the kiss wasn’t a mistake, which had been at the heart of all her fears. She wasn’t going to push it. “Okay…” Her voice was tentative.
“Good,” Dawn said softly as if everything were settled. She placed Beth’s hand lightly on her belly.
Even with the wool of the skirt between them, the gesture was so intimate that Beth froze before she let her hand relax. Once she did, the soft swelling under the skirt melded to her palm, and Beth drank in the sudden tenderness that seemed to fill the cab of the truck and bind them together.
“I can’t believe there’s a baby in there,” Beth said finally.
“Most of the time, neither can I.”
They both looked down at her stomach until Dawn dropped her hand over Beth’s.
“I don’t know if I can do this by myself.” Her voice cracked.
Beth scooted across the seat and, without thinking, gathered Dawn in her arms. “You don’t have to. I’m here. I’ll always be here for you.”
Dawn let her head rest on Beth’s shoulder until her breathing steadied. Finally, she leaned her whole weight against Beth, seemingly drawing strength from their embrace.
Beth breathed out a soft, contented sigh as she wrapped her arms tighter.
Was this really happening? Would she suddenly wake up back in her bed at home, with this wonderful dream fading away?
As if she had uttered it out loud, Dawn lifted her head and faced her. Their heads were so close, only a thin line of darkness separated them, and then without words, her lips found Dawn’s, crushing into them with passion and desire.
And even though she hadn’t stepped a foot outside of Steelhead, she had run away with the circus. And Dawn, for better or probably worse, was dealing her cards.
April bounded into May, and wildflowers popped up everywhere as spring beat back the dense fog of winter. Fern House took on a golden glow as it warmed with the sunlight of the season and the homey touches that they had applied here and there. Once Beth had discovered that Dawn loved tulips, she had filled the rooms with bouquets in all different colors. In a surprising display of domesticity, Dawn had sent Beth into town for yarn and crochet needles, and now the daybed in the writing room sported a handmade bedspread. Beth suggested that she hook a baby blanket, but Dawn adamantly refused, saying that it was bad luck before the baby was born and with her history, she’d be plain stupid to look for trouble.
Their afternoons were pretty much written in stone. After lunch, they took their customary walk in the woods so Dawn could say hello to her favorite tree—a young redwood at the edge of a grove with a knot at its very center. Nothing special about it, except that it was still small enough that Dawn could almost encircle it with her arms. Every day, she would bury her face in its trunk and whisper secrets into the dark red bark.
“What’re you telling it?” Beth had finally asked on one walk. She was so used to being the sole focus of Dawn’s days that she actually was jealous of the tree.
“Nothing.”
“You know, I’m standing right here. I can see your lips moving. Are you making wishes?”
“No, seriously, it’s nothing. No words, just moving my lips. I just wanted to see how long it would take you to ask.”
“Really?”
“Yep.” Dawn laughed and then bit her bottom lip near the edge of her mouth.
Beth had seen the gesture in her movies plenty of times when she was being coy with her love interests. But here in the wild, it seemed so natural and playful, Beth immediately felt a whoosh of desire travel down her body.
“So. How long did it take me?” The deepness of her voice surprised her.
“Twenty-two walks.”
“And that means what?” She took a step toward Dawn, unable to keep away.
“Only good things.” Dawn patted the tree as if it were listening. “That you respect me enough to give me privacy, but you like me enough to want to be part of my world.”
Like. That wouldn’t be the word she would use, but as usual Dawn had hit the nail of analysis right on its head.
“Oh, so you’re playing games with me?” Beth took a little hop in her direction.
“Always.” Dawn stepped up to meet her in the middle of the path. She grabbed Beth’s face with both hands and drew her close until her lips were within an inch of Beth’s.
She was so close. Her breath curled over Beth’s lips; her ocean-breeze scent encircled her. Her eyes were dark and smoldering.
“And the sooner you realize it, the better.” Her lips brushed against Beth’s as she spoke.
Beth shivered and longed to take her into her arms and press their mouths and bodies fully together. But Dawn, as usual, was making up the rules to this game, and all Beth could do was stand there, her heart pounding in her chest, waiting for the next move.
“I love all this. Tell me you’re having as much fun as I am.”
Beth nodded.
“Tell me,” Dawn said again.
“Please…” was all Beth could say.
Dawn slowly slid her hands up Beth’s arms until they gripped her shoulders. She tugged her toward her, and their lips met.
Now that Dawn had made the first move, Beth leaned into the kiss, completely surrendering to her own passion. Wrapping her arms around Dawn’s waist, she explored the softness of her mouth with a boldness that would’ve been unthinkable a few weeks ago. A swipe of her tongue over Dawn’s lips and they parted. Beth slid her tongue inside. She tasted sweet and of something much headier—adventure, excitement, and a future that, up until this point, Beth thought could never exist.
/> Beth kissed her hungrily, and her hips slightly rocked into the body so pliant in her arms. The small bump where the baby grew was hard, but everything else was flowing and supple. Her chest brushed against Dawn’s, softness against softness. In response, her breasts tightened under her shirt as her nipples constricted with desire. She could stay like this forever, body to body with her. She moaned; she couldn’t help herself.
Her heart raced. What was Dawn feeling? This was so much more than the chaste kisses and comfortable hugs they had shared since the talk in the truck. Those had been great, but now the game, or whatever it was, had turned serious…for her at least. The passion felt so right on her end, but no matter how Dawn said she felt about James, she had married him and he was a man. Maybe all this was Dawn finding a way not to have to go through the pregnancy alone.
Dawn answered, sliding her hands down Beth’s back to gently cup her behind. She squeezed ever so slightly, and the action pulled Beth’s hips and groin up into the warmth between her legs.
The shift of their bodies sent a sharp current streaming through Beth. She trembled almost uncontrollably as all sensation flooded down below her belly. Her lips dropped off Dawn’s as she struggled to come to grips with how everything down there was suddenly swelling and pushing outward. Her breathing came ragged and fast.
“Oh, God,” she said, her head buried in Dawn’s neck.
Dawn held her tight and whispered in her ear, “I take that as a yes. You’re having as much fun as I am.”
“Yes.”
A rustle up the path made Beth jump. She pulled out of Dawn’s arms in a flash, afraid that they might have been discovered but also driven back by the intensity of her own emotions.
“It’s just a ground squirrel, silly. Look.” Dawn pointed to the brownish-gray creature darting across the needles.
Still lost in the crazy cascade of emotions, Beth only saw a streaking blur. When she reached out to Dawn, she was gone, already up the path, waving her arm at four smaller squirrels on their hind legs.
“Oh, babies! Have you ever seen anything so cute?” Dawn dropped her hand to her round stomach.
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